need; have a care of your noodle, lad, in the devil's name. So ho, starboard, starboard." steward, produce, exhibit, for d'ye see this, and all the rest will as well go to the devil out of hand. A pox on that wind-broker Æolus, with his flusterblusters; sirrah, page, bring me here my drawer (for so he called his breviary), stay a little here, hawl friend, thusOdzoons, here's a deal of hail and thunder to no purpose. Hold fast above, I pray you. When have we All-Saints Day? I believe 't is the unholy holy day of all the devil's crew." "Be, be, be, bous, bous, bous," cried Panurge, "bous, bous, be, be, be, bous, bous, I am lost. I see neither heaven nor earth; of the four elements we have here only fire and water left, bou, bou, bou, bous, bous, bous. Would it were the pleasure of the worthy Divine Bounty, that I were at this present hour in the close at Seville, or at Innocent's the pastrycook, over against the painted wine vault "Alas," said Panurge, "Friar John at Chinon, though I were to strip to my damns himself here as black as butterdoublet, and bake the petti pasties myself. milk for the nonce. Oh what a good "Honest man, could not you throw me friend I lose in him. Alas, alas, this is ashore, you can do a world of good things, anothergats bout than last year's. We they say. I give you all Salmigondinois, are falling out of Scylla into Charybdis. and my large shore full of whelks, Oho! I drown, confiteor, one poor word cockles, and periwinkles, if by your in- or two by way of testament. Friar John, dustry I ever set foot on firm ground. my ghostly father, good Mr. Abstractor, Alas, alas, I drown. Hark 'ee, my my crony, my Achates, Xenomanes, my friends, since we cannot get safe into all. Alas, I drown; two words of testaport, let us come to an anchor into some ment here upon this ladder. Oh, if I was road, no matter whither. Drop all your anchors; let us be out of danger I beseech you. Here, honest tar, get you into the chains and heave the lead, an 't please you. Let us know how many fathom water we are in. Sound, friend, in the Lord Harry's name. Let us know whether a man might here drink easily without stooping. I am apt to believe one might." "Helm a lee, hoh," cried the pilot. Helm a lee, a hand or two at the helm, about ships with her, helm a lee, helm a lee,stand off from the leech of the sail, -Hoh, belay, here make fast below, hoh, helm a lee, lash sure the helm a lee, and let her drive." "Is it come to that," said Pantagruel, "our good Saviour then help us." "Let her lie under the sea," cried James Brahier, our chief mate, "let her drive. To prayers, to prayers, let all think on their souls, and fall to prayers; nor hope to 'scape but by a miracle." "Let us," said Panurge, "make some good pious kind of vow; alas, alas, alas, bou, bou, be be be bous, bous, bous, oho, oho, oho, oho, let us make a pilgrim; come, come, let every man club his penny towards it, come on." Here, here, on this side," said Friar John, "in the devil's name. Let her drive, for the Lord's sake unhang the rudder, hoh, let her drive, let her drive, and let us drink I say of the best and most cheering, d'ye hear, แ but on firm land, with somebody kicking me! Good Heaven, send me some dolphin to carry me safe on shore, like a pretty little Arion. I shall make shift to sound the harp if it be not unstrung." 66 "Come hither and help us, thou great weeping calf," said Friar John, or may thirty millions of devils leap on thee ;wilt thou come, sea calf? Fie, how ugly the howling whelp looks. What, always the same ditty?" "Shore shore!" cried Pantagruel. "Land to, my friends, I see land; pluck up a good spirit, boys, 't is within a kenning; so, we are not far from a port. I see the sky clearing up to the northwards. Look to the southeast!" "Courage, my hearts," said the pilot; "now she 'll bear the hullock of a sail; the sea is much smoother, some hands aloft, to the maintop,-put the helm a-weather,-steady, steady!" "That's well said," said Friar John, "now this is something like a tanzy. Methinks the storm is almost over. It was high time, faith; however, the Lord be thanked-our devils begin to scamper." "Shorten your sails," said the pilot; "fetch the sounding line, we must double that point of land, and mind the sands." We are clear off them, said the sailors. "Away she goes," quoth the pilot," and so doth the rest of our fleet: help came in good season." "By St. John," said Panurge, "this is "Don't fear Odskilderkins," said Panurge, spoke somewhat like: O the sweet word!" it seems then we are within two fingers There's the soul of music in it." "Cheer up," cried out Pantagruel; "cheer up, my boys: let's be ourselves again: do you see yonder, close by our ship, two barks, three sloops, five ships, eight pinks, four yawls, and six frigates making towards us, sent by the good people of the neighboring island to our relief. But who is this Ucalegon below, that cries and makes such a sad moan? Were it not that I hold the mast firmly with both my hands, and keep it straighter than two hundred tacklings-I'd-" "It is," said Friar John, "that poor devil Panurge, who is troubled with a calf's ague; he quakes for fear when his belly's full." "What cheer ho, fore and aft?" quoth Panurge. "Oh ho! All is well, the storm is over. I beseech ye, be so kind as to let me be the first that is set on shore, for I would by all means a little untruss a point. Shall I help you still? Here, let me see, I'll coil this rope; I have plenty of courage, and of fear as little as may be. Give it me yonder, honest tar. No, no, I have not a bit of fear. Indeed, that same decumane wave, that took us fore and aft, somewhat altered my pulse. Down with your sails, well said; how now, Friar John, you do nothing? Is it time for us to drink now? Who can tell but St. Martin's running footman may still be hatching us some further mischief? Shall I come and help you again? Pork and peas choke me, if I do not heartily repent, though too late, not having followed the doctrine of the good philosopher, who tells us, that to walk by the sea, and to navigate by the shore, are very safe and pleasant things; just as it is to go on foot when we hold our horse by the bridle ha! ha! ha! by G-all goes well. Shall I help you here too? Let me see, I'll do this as it should be, or the devil's in 't. "Let her sink or swim a God's name, all's one to Friar John, he doth nothing; his name is Friar John Do-little; for all he sees me here a sweating and puffing to help, with all my might, this honest tar, first of the name. Hark you, my dear soul, a word with you-but, pray, be not angry; how thick do you judge the planks of our ship to be ?" "Some two good inches and upwards," returned the pilot. breadth of damnation. Is this one of the nine comforts of matrimony? Ah! dear soul, you do well to measure the danger by the yard of fear. For my part, I have none on 't; my name is William Dreadnought. As for heart, I have more than enough on 't; I mean none of your sheep's heart; but of wolf's heart, the courage of a bravo, by the pavilion of Mars. I fear nothing but danger. "Good morrow, gentlemen," said Panurge, "good morrow to you all: you are in very good health, thanks to Heaven, and yourselves? You are all heartily welcome, and in good time. Let us go on shore.Here, Coxen, get the ladder over the gunnel, man the sides, man the pinnace, and get her by the ship's side.-Shall I yet lend you a hand here? I am stark mad for want of business, and would work like any two yokes of oxen.-Truly this is a fine place, and these look like a very good people- -Children, do you want me still in any thing? Do not spare the sweat of my body, for God-sake. Adam (that is man) was made to labor and work, as the birds were made to fly. Our Lord's will is that we get our bread with the sweat of our brows, not idling and doing nothing like this tatterdemalion of a monk here, this Friar Jack, who is fain to drink to hearten himself up, and dies for fear.— Rare weather.-I now find the answer of Anacharsis, the noble philosopher, very proper; being asked what ship he reckoned the safest, he replied, that which is in the harbor." "He made yet a better repartee," said Pantagruel, "when somebody inquiring which is greater, the number of the living, or that of the dead? He asked them, amongst which of the two they reckoned those that are at sea? Ingeniously implying, that they are continually in danger of death, dying live, and living die. Portius Cato also said, that there were but three things of which he would repent; that is, if ever he had trusted his wife with his secrets, if he had idled away a day, and if he had ever gone by sea, to a place which he could visit by land." "Friend Panurge," said Friar John, "I pray thee never be afraid of water; thy life for mine, thou art threatened with a contrary element." "Ay, ay, replied Panurge, but the devil's cooks doat some portcullises with fine steel or good iron, fastened the herses and cataracts, placed their sentries and doubled their patrol. Every one did watch and ward, and not one was exempted from carrying the basket. Some polished corselets, varnished backs and breasts, cleaned the headpieces, mailcoats, brigandins, salads, helmets, murrions, jacks, gushets, gorgets, hoguines, brassars and cuissars, corselets, haubergeons, shields, bucklers, targets, greves, gauntlets and spurs. times, and are apt to make horrid blunders | mortised barbacans, new pointed the as well as others, often putting to boil in water, what was designed to be roasted on the fire; like the head cooks of our kitchen, who often lard partridges, queests, and stockdoves, with intent to roast them, one would think, but it happens sometimes, that they e'en turn the partridges into the pot to be boiled with cabbages, the queests with leek pottage, and the stock-doves with turnips. But hark you me, good friends, I protest before this noble company, that as for the chapel which I vowed to Monsieur St. Nicholas, between Conde and Monsoreau, I honestly mean that it shall be a chapel of rosewater, which shall be where neither cow nor calf shall be fed; but between you and I, I intend to throw it to the bottom of the water." "Here is a rare rogue for ye," said Eusthenes; "here's a pure rogue, a rogue in grain, a rogue enough, a rogue and a half. He is resolved to make good the Italian proverb, Passato il pericolo, è gabato il Santo: દે The devil was sick, the devil a monk would be; The devil was well, the devil a monk was he. RABELAIS IMITATES DIOGENES. [From the Author's Prologue to Book III.] Others made ready bows, slings, crossbows, pellets, catapults, migraines or fireballs, firebrands, balists, scorpions, and other such warlike engines, repugnatory, and destructive to the Helepolides. They sharpened and prepared spears, staves, pikes, brown bills, halberts, long hooks, lances, zagages, quarterstaves, eelspears, partisans, troutstaves, clubs, battleaxes, maces, darts, dartlets, glaves, javelins, javelots, and truncheons. They set edges upon scimetars, cutlasses, badelairs, back-swords, tucks, rapiers, bayonets, arrow-heads, dags, daggers, mandousians, poniards, whinyards, knives, skenes, chipping knives, and raillons. Diogenes seeing them all so warm at work, and himself not employed by the magistrates in any business whatsoever, he did very seriously (for many days together, without speaking one word) consider, and contemplate the countenance of his fellow-citizens. WHEN Philip, King of Macedon, enterprised the siege and ruin of Corinth, the Corinthians having received certain in- Then on a sudden, as if he had been telligence by their spies, that he with a roused up and inspired by a martial spirit, numerous army in battle array was coming he girded his cloak, scarf-ways, about his against them, were all of them, not with- left arm, tucked up his sleeves to the out cause, most terribly afraid; and, elbow, trussed himself like a clown therefore, were not neglective of their gathering apples, and giving to one of his duty, in doing their best endeavors to old acquaintance his wallet, books, and put themselves in a fit posture to resist his opistographs, away went he out of town hostile approach, and defend their own towards a little hill or promontory of city. Some from the fields brought into Corinth called Craneum; and there on the fortified places their movables, cattle, the strand, a pretty level place, did he corn, wine, fruit, victuals and other neces- roll his jolly tub, which served him for an sary provisions. Others did fortify and house to shelter him from the injuries of rampire their walls, set up little fortresses, the weather: there, I say, in a great vebastions, squared ravelins, digged trenches, hemency of spirit, did he turn it, veer it, cleansed countermines, fenced themselves wheel it, whirl it, frisk it, jumble it, shuffle with gabions, contrived platforms, emp-it, hurdle it, tumble it, hurry it, jolt it, tied casemates, barricaded the false jostle it, overthrow it, evert it, invert it, brayes, erected the cavalliers, repaired the contrescarpes, plaistered the courtines, lengthened ravelins, stopped parapets, foul, for present use, to be afterwards blotted out. 1 Papers wrote on the back, as well as foreside, and subvert it, overturn it, beat it, thwack it, bump it, batter it, knock it, thrust it, push it, jerk it, shock it, shake it, toss it, throw it, overthrow it up-side down, topsyturvy, tread it, trample it, stamp it, tap it, ting it, ring it, tingle it, towl it, sound it, resound it, stop it, shut it, unbung it, close it, unstopple it. And then again in a mighty bustle he bandied it, slubbered it, hacked it, whittled it, wayed it, darted it, hurled it, staggered it, reeled it, swinged it, brangled it, tottered it, lifted it, heaved it, transformed it, transfigured it, transposed it, transplaced it, reared it, raised it, hoised it, washed it, dighted it, cleansed it, rinsed it, nailed it, settled it, fastened it, shackled it, fettered it, levelled it, blocked it, tugged it, tewed it, carried it, bedashed it, bewrayed it, parched it, mounted it, broached it, nicked it, notched it, bespattered it, decked it, adorned it, trimmed it, garnished it, gaged it, furnished it, bored it, pierced it, tapped it, rumbled it, slid it down the hill, and precipitated it from the very height of the Craneum; then from the foot to the top (like another Sisyphus with his stone) bore it up again, and every way so banged it and belabored it, that it was ten thousand to one he had not struck the bottom of it out. future, whereby France shall have its frontiers most magnifically enlarged, and the French assured of a long and well-grounded peace, that very little withholds me from the opinion of good Heraclitus, which affirmeth war to be the parent of all good things; and therefore do I believe that war is in Latin called bellum, not by antiphrasis, as some patchers of old rusty Latin would have us to think, because in war there is little beauty to be seen; but absolutely and simply; for that in war (bellum in Latin) appears all that is good and graceful, bon and bel in French, and that by the wars is purged out all manner of wickedness and deformity. For proof whereof the wise and pacific Solomon could no better represent the unspeakable perfection of the divine wisdom, than by comparing it to the due disposure and ranking of an army in battle array, well provided and ordered. Therefore by reason of my weakness and inability, being reputed by my compatriots unfit for the offensive part of warfare; and on the other side, being no way employed in matter of the defensive, although it had been but to carry bur dens, fill ditches, or break clods, each whereof had been to me indifferent, I held it not a little disgraceful to be only an idle spectator of so many valorous, eloquent, and warlike persons, who in the view and sight of all Europe act this notable interlude or tragicomedy, and not exert myself, and contribute thereto this nothing, my all; which remained for me to do. For, in my opinion, little honor is due to such as are mere lookers on, liberal of their eyes, and of their strength Which when one of his friends had seen, and asked him why he did so toil his body, perplex his spirit, and torment his tub? the philosopher's answer was, that not being employed in any other office by the Republic, he thought it expedient to thunder and storm it so tempestuously upon his tub, that amongst a people so fervently busy and earnest at work, he alone might not seem a loitering slug and lazy fellow. To the same pur-parsimonious; who conceal their crowns pose may I say to myself, Tho' I be rid from fear, I am not void of care. For perceiving no account to be made of me towards the discharge of a trust of any great concernment, and considering that through all the parts of this most noble kingdom of France, both on this and on the other side of the mountains, every one is most diligently exercised and busied; some in the fortifying of their own native country, for its defence; others, in the repulsing of their enemies. by an offensive war; and all this with a policy so excellent, and such admirable order, so manifestly profitable for the and hide their silver; scratching their head with one finger like grumbling puppies, gaping at the flies like tithe calves; clapping down their ears like Arcadian asses at the melody of musicians, who with their very countenances in the depth of silence express their consent to the prosopopeia. Having made this choice and election, it seemed to me that my exercise therein would be neither unprofitable nor troublesome to any, whilst I should thus set agoing my Diogenical Tub. not be wry-necked, for such people he mortally hated; this done, he gave it EPISTEMON'S DESCENT INTO HELL. round about some fifteen or sixteen [After Pantagruel discomfited the three hundred Giants and Loup Garou their Captain, he fails to find his favourite follower Epistemon, but after searching for him among the slain and wounded he is discovered with his head cut off as hereafter described. at all. THIS gigantal victory being ended, Pantagruel withdrew himself to the place of the Flaggons, and called for Panurge and the rest, who came unto him safe and sound, except Eusthenes (whom one of the Giants had scratched a little in the face, whilst he was about the cutting of his throat) and Epistemon, who appeared not Whereat Pantagruel was so aggrieved, that he would have killed himself. But Panurge said unto him, Nay, Sir, stay a while, and we will search for him among the dead, and find out the truth of all. Thus as they went seeking after him, they found him stark dead, with his head between his arms all bloody. Then Eusthenes cried out, Ah, cruel Death! hast thou taken from me the perfectest amongst men? At which words Pantagruel rose up with the greatest grief that ever any man did see, said to Panurge, Ha, my friend, the Prophecy of your two Glasses, and the Javelin Staff, was a great deal too deceitful. But Panurge answered, My dear Bullies all, weep not one drop more; for, he being yet all hot, I will make him as sound as ever he was. In saying this, he took the head, and held it warm that the wind might not enter into it. Eusthenes and Carpalim carried the body to the place where they had banqueted, not out of any hope that ever he would recover, but that Pantagruel might see it. Nevertheless, Panurge gave him very good comfort, saying, If I do not heal him, I will be content to lose my Head (which is a Fool's Wager) leave off therefore crying, and help me. Then cleansed he his neck very well with pure Whitewine, and, after that, took his head, and into it synapised some powder which he always carried about him in one of his Bags. Afterwards he anointed it with I know not what ointment, and set it on very just. Vein against vein, sinew against sinew, and spondyle against spondyle, that he might stitches with a needle, that it might not fall off again; then, on all sides, and every where, he put a little ointment on it, which he called Resuscitative. Suddenly Epistemon began to breathe, then open'd his eyes, yawn'd, and sneez'd. Whereupon Panurge said, Now certainly he is healed, and therefore gave him to drink a large full glass of strong Whitewine, with a sugar'd toast. In this fashion was Epistemon finely healed, only that he was somewhat hoarse for above three weeks together, and had a dry cough, of which he not could be rid, but by the force of continual drinking. And now he began to speak, and said that he had seen the Devil, had spoken with Lucifer familiarly, and had been ver merry in hell, and in the Elysian Fields; affirming very seriously before them all, that the Devils were boon companions, and merry fellows: but, in respect of the damned, he said he was very sorry that Panurge had so soon called him back into this world again; for, said he, I took wonderful delight to see them. How so, said Pantagruel? Because they do not use them there, said Epistemon, so badly as you think they do. Their estate and condition of living is but only changed after a very strange manner. For I saw Alexander the Great there mending old stockings, whereby he got but a very poor living. Xerxes was a Crier of Mustard. Romulus, a Salter and Patcher of Pattins. Numa, a Nail-smith. Themistocles, a Glass-maker. Epaminondas, a Maker of Lookingglasses. Brutus and Cassius, Surveyors of Land. Cicero, a Fire-kindler. Fabius, a Threader of Patenotres. Eneas, a Miller. Achilles, a scald-pated Maker of Hay. bundles. Agamemnon, a Lick-box. |