THE VOLUPTUARY'S SOLILOQUY. I find myself in possession of an estate, which has devolved upon me without any pains of my own: I have youth and health to enjoy it, and I am determined so to do: pleasure is my object, and I must therefore so contrive as to make that object lasting and satisfactory: if I throw the means away, I can no longer compass the end; this is self-evident; I perceive therefore that I must not game; for though I like play, I do not like to lose that, which alone can purchase every pleasure I propose to enjoy; and I do not see that the chance of winning other people's money can compensate for the pain I must suffer if I lose my own: an addition to my fortune can only give superfluities; the loss of it may take away even necessaries; and in the mean time I have enough for every other gratification but the desperate one of deep play: it is resolved therefore that I will not be a gamester: there is not common sense in the thought, and therefore I renounce it. But if I give up gaming, I will take my swing of pleasure; that I am determined upon. I must therefore ask myself the question, what is pleasure? Is it high living and hard drinking? I have my own choice to make, therefore I must take some time to consider it. There is nothing very elegant in it I must confess; a glutton is but a sorry fellow, and a drunkard is a beast: besides I am not sure my constitution can stand against it; I shall get the gout, that would be the devil; I shall grow out of all shape; I shall have a red face full of blotches, a foul breath, and be loathsome to the women: I cannot bear to think of that, for I doat upon the women, and therefore adieu to the bottle and all its conco. mitants; I prefer the favours of the fair sex to the company of the soakers, and so there is an end to all drinking; I will be sober only because I love pleasure. 'But if I give up wine for women, I will repay myself for the sacrifice; I will have the finest girls that money can purchase-Money, did I say? What a sound has that! -Am I to buy beauty with money, and cannot I buy love too? for there is no pleasure even in beauty without love. I find myself gravelled by this unlucky question: mercenary love! That is nonsense; it is flat hypocrisy; it is disgusting. I should loath the fawning caresses of a dissembling harlot, whom I pay for false fondness: I find I am wrong again: I cannot fall in love with a harlot ; she must be a modest woman; and when that befals me, what then? Why then, if I am terribly in love indeed, and cannot be happy without her, there is no other choice left me; I think I must even marry her! Nay I am sure I must; for if pleasure leads that way, pleasure is my object, and marriage is my lot: I am determined therefore to marry, only because I love pleasure. Well! now that I have given up all other wo. men for a wife, I am resolved to take pleasure enough in the possession of her; I must be cautious therefore that nobody else takes the same pleasure too; for otherwise how have I bettered myself? I might as well have remained upon the common. I should be a fool indeed to pay such a price for a purchase, and let in my neighbours for a share; therefore I am determined to keep her to myself, for pleasure is my only object, and this I take it is a sort of pleasure, that does not consist in participation. The next question is, how I must contrive to keep her to myself.-Not by force; not by locking her up; there is no pleasure in that notion; com pulsion is out of the case; inclination therefore is the next thing; I must make it her own choice to be faithful it seems then to be incumbent upon me to make a wise choice, to look well before I fix upon a wife, and to use her well, when I have fixed; I will be very kind to her, because I will not destroy my own pleasure: and I will be very careful of the temptations I expose her to, for the same reason. She shall not lead the life of your fine town ladies; I have a charming place in the country; I will pass most of my time in the country; there she will be safe and I shall be happy. I love pleasure, and therefore I will have little to do with that curst intriguing town of London; I am determined to make my house in the country as pleasant as it is possible. But if I give up the gaieties of a town life, and the club, and the gaming-table, and the girls, for a wife and the country, I will have the sports of the country in perfection; I will keep the best pack of hounds in England, and hunt every day in the week. But hold a moment there! what will become of my wife all the while I am following the hounds? Will she follow nobody; will nobody follow her? A pretty figure I shall make, to be chacing a stag and come home with the horns. At least I shall not risque the experiment ; · I shall not like to leave her at home, and I cannot take her with me, for that would spoil my pleasure; and I hate a horse-dog woman; I will keep no whipperin in petticoats. I perceive therefore I must give up the hounds, for I am determined nothing shall stand in the way of my pleasure. Why then I must find out some amusements that my wife can partake in; we must ride about the park in fine weather; we must visit the grounds, and the gardens, and plan out improvements, and make plantations: it will be rare employment for the poor people-that is a thought that never struck me before; methinks there must be a great deal of pleasure in setting the poor to work-I shall like a farm for the same reason; and my wife will take pleasure in a dairy ; she shall have the most elegant dairy in England; and I will build a conservatory, and she shall have such plants and such flowers!1 have a notion I shall take pleasure in them myselfand then there is a thousand things to do within-doors; it is a fine old mansion, that is the truth of it: I will give it an entire repair; it wants new furniture; that will be very pleasant work for my wife: I perceive I could not afford to keep hounds and to do this into the bargain. But this will give me the most pleasure all to nothing, and then my wife will partake of it--and we will have music and booksI recollect that I have got an excellent librarythere is another pleasure I had never thought ofand then no doubt we shall have children, and they are very pleasant company, when they can talk and understand what is said to them; and now I begin to reflect, I find there is a vast many pleasures in the life I have chalked out, and what a fool should I be to throw away my money at the gamingtable, or my health at any table, or my affections upon harlots, or my time upon hounds and horses, or employ either money, health, affections, or time, in any other pleasures or pursuits, than these, which I now perceive will lead me to solid happiness in this life, and secure a good chance for what may befal me hereafter! NUMBER XXXVI. Pudore et liberalitate liberos Retinere satius esse credo, quam metu. -Better far To bind your children to you by the ties TERENT. COLMAN. GEMINUS and Gemellus were twin-sons of a country gentleman of fortune, whom I shall call Euphorion; when they were of age to begin their grammar learning, Euphorion found himself exceedingly puzzled to decide upon the best mode of education; he had read several treatises on the subject, which instead of clearing up his difficulties had increased them; he had consulted the opinions of his friends and neighbours, and he found those so equally divided, and so much to be said on both sides, that he could determine upon neither; unfortunately for Euphorion he had no partialities of his own, for the good gentleman had had little or no education himself: the clergyman of the parish preached up the moral advantages of private tuition, the lawyer, his near neighbour, dazzled his imagination with the connections and knowledge of the world to be gained in a public school. Euphorion perceiving himself in a strait between two roads, and not knowing which to prefer, cut the difficulty by taking both; so that Geminus was put under private tuition of the clergyman above mentioned, and Gemellus was taken up to town by the lawyer to be entered at Westminster school. |