Falstaff's story, it was worth the listening;" but still worthier of it was this, which he recounted to us under the title of

Such was the request addressed to his vis-à-vis in the Royal Mail by a small gentleman in a suit of black and a profuse perspiration; and such was the answer returned thereto by the person addressed, a highly nervous individual rejoicing apparently in about fifteen stone, certainly in a blue coat with gilt buttons, a sealskin cap, a red face, and nose to correspond.

66

Will you put down the window, Sir?" again demanded, after a few minutes, our friend of the sable garments, in a tone half angry, half speculative.—

Really, Sir," was the answer, "I am sorry, Sir-but must decline to do so." "Do you intend to open the window?" a third time exclaimed the pertinacious votary of freedom-in accents wherein scorn and wrath were blended, with a quivering lip and pallid cheek. The lusty man shrunk back in his place-An assault with violence seemed impending. But though a large-he was a brave man, and he said "No!"

*

Again there was a pause-a decidedly unpleasant and embarrassing silence. The little querist turned pale, and gave a deep sigh-At last, in a voice of thunder, he roared out. "Will you, Sir, or will you not put down that window?" and at the same moment his hand with nervous rapidity sought his coat pocket.

The red faced man trembled-he turned pale, and cast a supplicating glance at the other two inmates of the carriage, as who should say "Pray help me-I may be murdered-I really think the wretched imp must have a stiletto or loaded pistol in his pocket." The glance seemed satisfactory-for the great gentleman after a short pause mildly said-"I will not, Sir!"

In a second a large silk pocket handkerchief was suddenly jerked from its place of repose by the diminutive tormentor of his gigantic victim. With a face of ashy hue he held out the Indian kerchief with one hand-the other reclined gracefully on the region of his heart. Anger had passed away from his browslowly and deliberately he cast an unearthly look on his trembling victim, and said— "Then-Sir-you-must-take the consequences, (here he gave symptoms of spasmodic affection,) for-I am-going to be-sick!"

When the Royal Mail entered the town of S- it was observed by the loiterers round the King's Head yard, where it changed horses, that, though a chilly day-both windows were down. A tall fat man too was observed reclining in the extreme corner of the vehicle, with a handkerchief tied round his faceevidently suffering from cold. His opposite neighbour-a little man in black— had his head out of the window-and there was a smile on his countenance.

Sympathy for our fat friend, writhing and shivering in the corner of the mail, at the mercy of that little black imp with a smiling countenance, naturally enough suggested "FATNESS" as a topic of conversation; every body, as everybody does in these cases, giving his opinion upon the moral and physical tendencies of obesity; some regarding that condition as rather civic than courtly, and others speculating as to its effects upon the temper and disposition; this person holding a proper degree of it to be indispensable to a fine woman; and that asserting a plentiful supply to be essential to the weight of every person in authority. One contended that nobody could have good humour or generous wit without fat, and another, that genius and fat have from the very beginning of the world been divided. It was easy to gather, however, that fat, in the social code, was associated with a certain amount of respectability, and had always the invaluable property of redeeming its possessor from insignificance. We could observe too that those who had it were neither proud of it nor pleased with it, while those who had it not would give the world for a good slice of the blessing. We also noticed that every speaker in turn, apparently unconscious that his neighbour had just done the same thing, quoted the line-" Who drives fat oxen must himself be fat."

At this instant all heads were attracted to the

windows by a spectacle presented at the back of o
a carriage just then passing; behind it, in all the
pride and pomp of white silk hose, appeared a f
splendid pair of calves, accompanied by a livery-de
coat, cocked hat, and cane. A little boy had o
presumptuously mounted the step behind," and
the proprietor of the calves, instead of ordering
him off, thrust him brutally down by an applica-ovou
tion of his foot to the face of the unfortunate ur- gaia
chin. Boys are little men, especially in their
passions; and resentment of injury is a sharp and
subtle suggester. The youthful proselyte of ven-
geance, after an instant's consideration, darted
forwards, caught hold of the rail of the carriage,
ran behind it a few feet, and then thrust

a pin into one of the broad, round, shak-(
ing calves of the footman. With uplifted
leg he stood, while the carriage rapidly an
bore him away from his retreating tor-
mentor. He had a stick, but he could
not use it; he was in a free country, yet
he dared not stop the carriage. He was
hopelessly, ridiculously helpless. How
he envied all those of his fraternity who.
wore padded calves. A cork leg would
have been a real blessing!

"HERE'S A BIT OF FAT FOR YOU!"

cried a learned Professor of Obesity, at the same time tossing over to us an accurate account of the dimensions of one 1 homas Hardy Kirman, whose case Mr.

Pettigrew submitted to the Royal Society in 1833. This boy, before he was quite twelve years of age, measured five feet one, and weighed 19 lbs. He was 45 inches round the waist, 18 round the calf, and 19 across the shoulders. His obesity commenced at six years of age, at which time he fractured his thigh and was confined six weeks,

"Why didn't they let him out to hire," said Mr. Cavil, "to the Expositors of Mesmerism; he must have been made to stick pins into. Think of a human creature being turned into a pincushion! It fills all my flesh with a sense of glass splinters and Whitechapel blunts."

Here our young acquaintance, Charles Hookeywalker, with delicate tenderness, pro

posed a relief to the feelings of the speaker by volunteering a sonnet. "Another sonnet!" cried Mr. Cavil, "worse and worse, I hate sonnets." But the subject in this especial instance was voted to contain a saving grace, for it was addressed to the Princess Royal, while yet she is

HEIRESS PRESUMPTIVE.

OROYAL CHERUB! first-born of the queen!
Sweet babe! bright creature! light of all
our eyes!

Young heavenly visitant! from the blueskies,
And from the Guelphs, descended! thou

hast been

As a new moon to Britai

-not a son; But half a loaf is better i... than none

And so we welcomed thee; but oh! I ween
(Not thee-I leave thy nurses to wean thee,
Towards the next our expectations lean
Upon Hope's anchor, wishing for a "He;"
Who shall sometime rule Britons and the se;
And till he rules our land and ocean green,
The princedom of its Wales his own will be.
That he may learn the trick of sovranty!

66

MRS. TODDLES.'

TO THE PROPRIETOR OF GEORGE CRUIKSHANK'S OMNIBUS.

SIR.-I write to complain of the conduct of some of your people, more specially of that impertinent fellow who is always holding his finger up at me (I suppose in derision); I wish I only knew his number. How dare he, Sir, make his impudent remarks about me or my bonnet! If I chuse to wear a large bonnet, I suppose it's no business of his, or anybody else's; the fact is, that that bonnet is quite a new one, I bought it just before this ridiculous fashion set in of wearing no bonnet at all-a fashion, let me tell you, that I am determined never to follow; besides, I found that altering would only spoil it, and I was not a going to do that to please no one. Besides, you will allow that it was very hard after paying for a large full-sized bonnet, to throw, as it were, so much of it away to waste, and to make a small one of it; and then I beg to tell the govener," as those fellows call him, whoever he may be, that it is a very rude thing to stick one's picture up in the shop windows for every body to stare at, and make their rude remarks upon. I suppose I am not obliged to spoil all my dresses in order to follow this draggletail fashion; and as to my being too late "agen," as that vulgar creature says, why, I am quite sure that I have never been behind time more than ten minutes or a quarter of an hour at the outside. Besides, do not you invite ladies in particular to patronise your omnibus, and promise to acommodate them? Let me tell you, Sir, it's no accommodation to ladies, unless you can wait a few minutes for them. Now, when a gentleman is going out, he has nothing to do but to put his hat on; but consider, Sir, the number of things we have to look for when we are going out-bracelets, gloves, handkerchiefs, reticules, smelling-bottles, watch and chains, lockets, rings, parasols, and perhaps clogs-not to mention the difficulty of tying on one's bonnet sometimes to please one; and then again, there is the pinning of one's shawl or scarf, particularly if you've got a stupid bit of a girl to worry your life out, all of which you gentlemen know nothing about, and can't understand. And there are other reasons if I chose to mention them. I can tell you that my hairdresser was very near losing my custom for ever; and I dare say my milliner will learn the necessity of sending a dress cap home in time to try it on before one goes out another time.

In conclusion, Sir, I have only just to say, that all this hurry-skurry, and flying about after your omnibus, and being stuck up in the shop windows, has made me extremely ill; and I have only to add, that I have written to my friend, Colonel Walker, to acquaint him with the whole business, and if he advises me to enter an action for damage and libellous treatment, I shall certainly do so.-I am, Sir, your humble Servant, Neat Cottage, Smallwood's Rents, Little Chelsea, July 26th, 1841.

(although insulted,)

SARAH TODdles.

P. S. I am quite sure that this punctuality, as gentlemen are so particular about, will lead to serious mischief to the public; see what it has done in my case, in consequence of your omnibus not waiting for me. My dress cap (which my fool of a girl had done up in coloured paper that run) was entirely spoiled by the rain, so that I shall never be able to wear it; and two respectable tradespeople, you see, were nearly losing a good

customer.

P. P. S. I open this letter to say I have just discovered that I have lost a very nice cambric pocket-handkerchief, and a bracelet is gone that I would not have lost for any money; besides which I got my feet wet, through going without my clogs.

We readily give insertion to the above letter, and while we regret the lady's disappointments, beg to assure her that no impertinence was intended by anybody connected with the Omnibus. We shall be proud to number her among our passengers if she can contrive, at some future period, to be in time. We lament her indisposition; but of course a lady of her good sense will not fail immediately to consult Dr. Buchan, or the erudite Culpepper; if we might suggest, we should respectfully advise the lady to put her feet in hot water, and to take a glass of nice warm rum and water, with a bit of butter in it.