« السابقةمتابعة »
thought,' said the prisoner very cooly, 'that my face was a looking-glass.'
The crier who attends the corn-market of Bristol, in England, being lately sent for to perform his usual duties, begged to be excused, and being asked the reason, replied, that he could not cry to day, as his wife was dead !
Alphonso, king of Naples, sent a Moor, who had been his captive
a long time, to Barbary, with a considerable sum of money to buy horses and return by such a time. Now, there was about the king, a kind of buffoon or jester, who had a table-book or journal, wherein he was used to register any absurdity or impertinence, or merry passage that happened upon the court. That day the Moor was dispatched for Barbary, the jester waiting upon the king at supper, the king called for his journal, and asked what he had observed that day : thereupon he produced his table-book, and among other things he read, “how Alphonso, king of Naples, had sent Beltram, the Moor who had been a long time his prisoner, to Morocco (his own country) with so many thousands of crowns to buy horses. The king asked him why he inserted that ? 'Because,' said he, ‘I think he will never come back to be a prisoner again, and so you have lost both man and money. • But if he do corne, then your jest is marred,' quoth the king. No, sir; for if he return I will blot out your name, and put him in for a fool.'
Thornton, the manager of the Windsor Theatre, constantly had an eye to his interest. One evening during the performance of Richard the 1II. he gave
a tolerable proof of that being his leading principle, Representing the crook-back'd tyrant, he exclaimed Hence babbling dreams you threaten here in vain; Conscience avaunt! That man in the brown wig there, has got into the pit without paying ! Richard's himself again!
Mr. Burke, in his juvenile days, was extremely fond of private acting. A few of his companions proposed that he should play Richmond, in Richard the 3d ; and having given him the part at a very short notice, he arose betimes one morning, and walked down a lane adjoining his father's house, so intent on studying his part, that he did not perceive a filthy ditch before him, and had just utterred with heroic dignity, . Thus far have we got into the bowels of the land ;' when he found himself up to his middle in mire.
Some time after the conclusion of the late war, a young American was present in a British playhouse, where an interlude was performed in ridicule of his countrymen A number of American officers being introduced in tattered uniforms and barefoot, the question was put to them severally• What was your trade before you entered into the army! One answered a tailor, another a cobler, &c. The wit of the piece was to banter them for not keeping themselves in clothes and shoes; but before that could be expressed, the American exclaimed from the Gallery-Great Britain beaten by tailors and coblers! huzza!' Even the prime minister who was present, could not help smiling, amidst a general peal of laughter.
The son of a shoemaker holding a commission in a volunteer corps, took occasion rather arrogantly, to reproach one of the privates while at exercise, with the aukwardness of his walk. “It is no wonder,' replied the private, ' as the last pair of shoes your father made me, pinch so confoundedly, that I find it difficult to walk at all.
A miserly old gentleman being unwell, thought he might steal an opinion concerning his case ; accordingly one day he took an opportunity of asking Dr. Buchan who sat near him, what lie should take for such a complaint? I'll tell you,' said the Doctor, you should take advice !'
THE LUCKY DREAM. Three weary pilgrims travelling together, had inissed their road, and entered an exceeding thick wood. Night overtaking them before they were able to find their way out of this labyrinth ; for which reason they laid themselves down beneath a tree, nigh a refreshing spring of water; and being thirsty, its cool and clear appearance, invited them to drink thereof. After they had quenched their thirst, they perceived that they had only bread enough for one person, and that were it divided, it would not satisfy them all. One of them perceiving this, said, 'let us sleep a little before we eat, and he that has the best dream, shall have all the bread, and the other two shall remain content with having none.' With all my heart,' says the other agree to it,' says the last, provided all three lies down to sleep together.' The two first who were more fatigued than their partner, fell fast asleep in
a short time, and the youngest, whose stomach did
to relish a vacuum, says to himself; I should indeed be a gross fool, if I do not take advantage of my companion's sleep,' and having taken the bread, he eat it, and then with great composure fell asleep himself. Mid-night had not passed ere they were all awake, and began to recount the dreams they had during their sleep: ‘I thought,' says the oldest, that I was in a place upon earth resembling a paradise, which was full of all manner of delights; where every pleasure was to be found, and every sense gratified ; where they drink, sing, and dance; where you walk in the most beautiful gardens ; that in these gardens there was flowers that never faded, trees that ever retained a perpetual verdure, and bore excellent fine fruit, parterres and walks ; birds who by their melodious warbling charined the ear , avd, that in short, there was every thing that could be thought of to please mankind.'
•As I am naturally of a more wicked turn than you,' says the other, I thought I was gone to hell, where I saw nothing but miserable wretches who were in excruciating torment and agony. I heard nothing but mournful cries and horrid groans; and, whilst I was thus seized with fear, at the sight of so much wo and misery, I awakened; so that I feel great pleasure and satisfaction in having had a dream, that by having terrified me, has given me occasion to be diverted afterwards, by the remem"brance of it, which has made so great an impression on me, that it still remains in my mind, and for that rery reason it is, that I pretend that my dream iswithout comparison, better than yours.'
• 1,' says the youngest, stretching his arms and yawning, "have likewise been dreaming at the same time, with you both ; that you was gone to paradise, and the other to hell ; I amagined, within myself, that
peither of you would ever return again ; and in mistake have eat the bread, and by that means have gained the wager!'
What is your
During the late war, when drafts were made from the militia to recruit the American army, a captain gave liberty to the men who were drafted from his company, to make their objections if they had any, against going into the service. Accordingly one of them, who had an impediment in his speech, came to the captain, and inade his bow. objection said the captain. 'I ca-a-nt go,' answered the man, 'because I st-st-stutter. Stut. ter,' says the captain, you don't go there to talk, but to fight.' 'Aye, but they'll p-p-put me upongg-guard, and a man may go ha-ha-half a mile, before I can say, wh-wh-who goes there? that is no objection, for they'll place some other sentry with you, and he can challenge, if you can fire.' Well b-b-but I may be ta-ta-taken and run through the gu-gu-guts, before I could cry for qu-qu-quarters!'
This last plea prevailed, and the captain, laughing heartily, dismissed him.
A traveller being come to Sparta to see the city, stood upright a long while upon one foot only, and said unto a Laconian," I do not think thou canst stand so long on one leg as I do.' •Not I indeed, (quoth the other) but there is not a goose but cani do as much
On one of the many bridges in Ghent, stand two large brazen images of a father and son, who ob