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MAGAZINE OF WIT,
A COLLECTION OF THE MOST ADMIRED
AND A VARIETY OF THE BEST
The Naval and Military Victories
THE LATE WAR.
Embellished with a Representation of Perry's Victory.
204, MARKET STREET,
MAGAZINE OF WIT.
SOME years ago, a reverend divine (Dr. Beadon) who then lived in habits of social intercourse with Garrick, Foote, &c. was rector of Eltham in Kent. The text he took on Sunday, at that place to en'arge on, was, 'Who art thou?" During the delive
of which, an officer, walking up the middle aisle of the church, supposing it a question put to him, suddenly and unexpectedly replied, 'I'am, sir, an officer of the 16th regiment of foot, on a recruiting party here, having brought my wife and family with me, and wish to be acquainted with the neigibouring clergy and gentry' This answer so deranged the congregation, and so astonished the divine, that it was with the greatest difficulty he could proceed, and his congregation listened with a due share of decorum.
TWO BITES OF A CHERRY.' ** Mr. A. Cherry, the performer, was written to a few years ago, with an offer of a very capital engagement from a manager, who, on a former occasion had not behaved altogether well to him, Cherry sent him word, that he had been bit by him once and he resolved that he should not make two bites of
PRACTICAL WIT. A young gentleman, celebrated for his wit at college, was asked by his father for a specimen of his talents, while entertaining a party of friends at vacation. The scholar knelt upon the hearth and roared lustily twice, to the great surprise of the old squire, who asked him what the dhe meant by that? Why sir,' replied the son, 'seeing the fire so low, I thought it might be better for a pair of bellows.'
A person was boasting that he sprung from a high family in Ireland. Yes, said a by-stander, I have seen some of the family so high that their feet could not touch the ground !
Two gentlemen having a dispute about religion, one said to the other, I wonder, sir, you should talk of religion, when I'll hold you ten guineas you can't say the Lord's Prayer.' Done,' said the other... The money was deposited, and the gentleman began with I believe in God, and so went cleverly through the creed • Well,' said the other, • I own I have lost; I did not think you could have done it.'
A queer Hibernian servart was once asked by his master,' what noise is that I hear?" My lord,'he replied, it is only the singing in my ears, I have heard it these six months !!
MEDICAL.-Annuitants are subject to a pecul ady knowu as the long-liver complaint.
QHOICE OF DEATH.
A court buffoon having offended his sovereign, the monarch ordered him to be brought before him, and with a stern countenance reproaching him• Wretch ! you shall receive the punishment you merit; prepare yourseli for death! The culprit in great' terror fell upon his knees, and cried tor mercy. 'I will extend no other mercy to you,' said the prince, except permitting you to choose what kind of death you will die : decide immediately, for I will be obeyed.'. 'I adore your clemency,' said the crafty jester ; 'I choose to die of old age !
Count Mahony being once asked by the Pope if he understood French. Yes, please your holiness,' said the honest Hibernian, “if it were spoken in Irish !"
DUELLING. In ridicule of this practice, Dr. Franklin used to tell the following story :
A person said to another in a coffee-house, • Sit a little further off, sir ; you smell offensively.' Sir, answered the person addressed, that is an affront, and you must fight me.' 'I will fight if you insist upon it,' rejoined the first; but how will that mend the matter? If you kill me I shall smell too; and if I kill you, you will smell worse than you do at present !!
A fellow was lately brought before a magistrate in Wales on a charge of poaching. The moment the justice saw him, he exclaimed in a violent passion, • I see the villian in your face. I never
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