a husband to hate his own flesh, which he is accustomed to nourish and cherish, as to hate his wife.* A man leaving his father and mother, and being joined to his wife, is called a great mystery. On the other hand, the virtuous wife is called a crown to her husband; the heart of her husband is said safely to trust in her; through her influence, her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her. Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands, as unto the Lord. As the church is subject unto Christ, so are wives to be to their own husbands in every thing. The wife is to see, that she reverence her husband.|| Again, the adorning of women, is not to be the outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, and of putting on of apparel; but it is to be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is, in the sight of God, of great price. Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and other holy women of ancient times, are made examples of suitable behaviour, who trusted in God, and adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands.T St. Paul declares it to be fit in the Lord, that wives submit themselves to their own husbands; and he exhorts them to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.** The preceding passages, numerous as they are, are only a small part of what the Scriptures contain, pertaining to this most important of the domestic relations. They are full, distinct, authoritative, and there is no mistaking their import. Still it may be useful specially to illustrate and dwell upon two particulars. 1. The union of feeling and sentiment, so much insisted on between the parties to the marriage relation, in the New Testament, must not rest in theory alone, it is designed to answer the most important practical purposes. Without a good degree * Eph. v. 28, 29. § Prov. xxxi. 11, 23, 28. T1 Peter iii. 1-6. of unity of feeling, design, and action, every thing in a family must inevitably go wrong; and coldness and gloom, if not distrust and discord, will be guests, where quiet, peace, tranquillity, mutual regard and confidence ought to reign with unbroken sway. Quietness under our own roof, and quiet in our own consciences, are blessings of unknown value, for the want of which nothing can atone. "Abroad," says an admirable writer, "we must more or less find tribulation; yet, as long as our home is a secure and peaceful retreat from all the disappointments and cares which we meet with in that great scene of vexation, the world, we may still be tolerably happy. But, if that which should be our main sanctuary from uneasiness becomes our principal disquietude, how great must our uneasiness be. There cannot be a greater curse, than to have those of one's own household one's greatest foes; when we neither can live happily with them, nor must think of living apart from them." Again, "To see a wellregulated family, acting as if they were one body informed by one soul, where, if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; to see those who are embarked together in one bottom, whose interests are inseparably united, and therefore whose hearts ought to be so too, acting in concert, adopting each other's cares and making them their own, uniting their friendly beams, and jointly promoting the common happiness, is a beautiful scene, and amiable even in the sight of that Being, who maketh men to be of one mind in a house. How joyful a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." How just a picture does our Saviour draw, when he says, "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand."† Party distraction, conflicting interests and passions, abuse and violence, strife and bitterness, are sometimes sufficiently afflictive in kingdoms, commonwealths, and cities; but in families, when once they break forth, they rage with ten-fold virulence and mischief. "When peace and tranquillity are banished from all places else on the earth, the condition of life still remains tolerable, while harmony presides around the domestic altar."‡ * Jeremiah Seed's Sermons, Vol. I. pp. 39, 44. f Matt. xii. 25. 2. The other particular deemed worthy of special illustration, respects the precedence assigned in the Scriptures to the husband, and the corresponding obedience which the wife is enjoined to render to his wishes and commands. This particular is intimately connected with the preceding, inasmuch as differences of opinion and inclination must sometimes inevitably exist between persons in married life; and it ought to be settled and understood beforehand, which party shall, in the last resort, give way. On this particular, St. Chrysostom says, “Equality breeds contention, and one of the two must be superior, or else both would strive perpetually for the dominion. Wherefore," continues he, "the laws of God and the wisdom of all nations have given the superiority to the husband." * Reason and Scripture then concur in claiming precedence for the husband in this respect; and, moreover, this claim rests on the substantial grounds of greater experience and knowledge of the world, a superior education in most instances, and much greater responsibility in providing for the wants and meeting the expectations of a family. But, in using this precedence with which the husband is invested, let him remember, as Bp. Jeremy Taylor well says, that "A husband's power over his wife is paternal and friendly, not magisterial and despotic. The wife is under perpetual guardianship (in perpetuâ tutelâ), under conduct and counsel; for the power a man hath is founded in the understanding, not in the will or force; it is not a power of coercion, but a power of advice, and that government that wise men have over those who are fit to be conducted by them." Again he says, "The husband and wife in the family are as the sun and moon in the firmament of heaven; he rules by day, and she by night, that is, in the lesser and more proper circles of her affairs, in the conduct of domestic provisions and necessary offices, and shines only by his light and rules by his authority; and as the moon in opposition to the sun shines brightest, that is, then when she is in her own circles and separate regions, so is the authority of the wife then most conspicuous, when she is separate and in her proper sphere." Quoted in Bishop Brownell's Commentary on the Book of Common Prayer, p. 379. And further, "Concerning the woman's duty, it consists in doing whatsoever her husband commands, and so receives measures from the rules of his government. Her first duty is obedience, which, because it is nowhere enjoined that the man should exact of her, but often commanded to her to pay, gives demonstration that it is a voluntary cession that is required; such a cession, as must be without coercion and violence on his part, but on fair inducements and reasonableness in the thing, and out of love and honor on her part." Again he says, quaintly enough, as elsewhere," It is modesty to advance and highly to honor them who have honored us (women) by making us to be the companions of their dearest excellences; for the woman, that went before the man in the way of death, is commanded to follow him in the way of love; and that makes the society to be perfect, and the union profitable, and the harmony complete." Moreover he says, "A wife never can become equal but by obeying ; but so her power, while it is in minority, makes up the authority of the man integral, and becomes one government, as themselves are one man." "She that hath a wise husband, must entice him to an eternal dearness by the veil of modesty and the grave robes of chastity, the ornament of meekness, and the jewels of faith and charity; she must have no coloring but blushings, her brightness must be purity, and she must shine round about with sweetnesses and friendship, and she shall be pleasant while she lives, and desired (lamented) when she dies." It would have. been wrong, not to have availed myself of the authority of this celebrated divine, whose sentiments are as excellent as his style is copious and happy.† SECTION II. The relation of parents and children is the next of the domestic relations in intimacy, and the mutual duties growing out of it are of the utmost importance. Children are universally felt to be the first hope and highest interest of their parents. They bear their names, reflect their qualities, and are destined to inherit → Sermons on the Wedding Ring. ↑ See Brown's Philosophy of the Human Mind, Vol. III. pp. 377–383. their estates, when they shall be called away from the stage of life. In the order of nature, too, parents are to be laid in their final resting-place by the hands of their children, and the keeping of the reputation they have left behind them, is to be committed to their guardianship. Parents look to their children for very much of their happiness in life, and as the chief source of their comfort in declining years. Moreover, children are the hope of the commonwealth, which looks to them for its future citizens; and they are equally the hope of the church, which sees in them its future defenders, pillars, and ornaments. On the other hand, children are indebted to their parents for their existence, for nurturing and cherishing their infancy, and where parental duties have been suitably performed, for their education, for giving them a right direction and settlement in life, and for bringing them forward advantageously on the stage of human affairs. 1. The chief duties of parents to their children which it is necessary for me to notice are, then, education, in the most extensive sense of that term, and including parental advice, some aid in the settlement of them for life, and the rightful and judicious distribution by parents of their estates among their children at their death. Education embraces many objects besides the mere knowledge of books, however necessary and valuable this knowledge may be. Milton says, "I call a complete and generous education, that which fits a man to perform justly, skilfully, and magnanimously, all the offices, both private and public, of peace and Dr. Watts understands the suitable education of children to consist in "the instruction of them in those things, which are necessary and useful for them in their rank and station, and that with regard to this world and the world to come." But it may be well to be more particular. war. Every man, whatever walk of life he may pursue, requires a good constitution of body; and very much of the attention of parents must be given, during a considerable number of the * Letter to Master Samuel Hartlib on Education. + Improvement of the Mind, p. 306. |