but the hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, 1 think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I affure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts afide, I have no other charms. 5 Quic. Bleffing on your heart for 't. Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome: What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit Bardolph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I defire more acquaintance of you. think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrufion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Ford. Good fir John, I sue for yours: not to Quic. That were a jest, indeed! they have not 10 charge you 6; for I must let you understand, I fo ittle grace, I hope :-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would defire you to fend her your little page, of all loves! her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, mafter Page is an honest man, Never a wife in 15 Windfor leads a better life than she does; do what the will, fay what she will, take all, pay all, go Fal. Money is a good foldier, fir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of monty here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, fir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be bed when the lift, rise when she list, all is as the will; and, truly, the deferves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windfor, she is one. You 20 your porter, must fend her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quic. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any cafe, have a nay-word, that you may know one 25 another's mind, and the boy never need to underftand any thing; for 'tis not good that children fhould know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have difcretion, as they say, and know the world. Ford. I will tell you, fir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you;-and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as defire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them 30 much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good both: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.- all! fir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, fith you yourself know, how Pit. This pink 3 is one of Cupid's carriers ;Clap on more fails; purfue; up with your fights 4; 35 easy it is to be such an offender. | Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them [Exit Pistol. Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the ex-40 pence of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: let them say, 'tis grossly done, fo it be fairly done, no matter. Fal. Very well, fir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Enter Bardolpb. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of fack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in: [Exit Bardolpb.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ah! mistress Ford and mistress Page, have I encompass'd you? go to; vias ! Re-enter Bardolph with Ford disguis'd. Fal. Well, fir. Ford. I have long lov'd her, and, I protest to you, bestow'd much on her; follow'd her with a doting observance; engross'd opportunities to meet her; fee'd every flight occafion, that could but niggardly give me fight of her; not only bought many pre45 sents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occafions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, 5cmeed, I am fure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchas'd at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a fhadow flies, when fubftance love pursues, Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you receiv'd no promise of fatisfaction 55 at her hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importun'd her to such a purpose? 1 Of all loves, fignifies no more than to fend him by all means. 2 That is, a watch-word. 3 A pink is a veffel of the small craft, employed as a carrier for merchants. 4 Fights are cloaths hung round the ship to conceal the men from the enemy, and clofe-fights are bulk-beads, or any other shelter that the fabrick of a ship affords. 5 A cant phrase of exultation common in the old plays. Meaning, not with a view of putting you to expence. 7 That is, since. That is, reward. Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittoly knave hath masses of money; for the which, his wife seems to me well-favour'd. 5 I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though the appear honeft to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her 10 will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with Ford. I would you knew Ford, fir; that you might avoid him, if you faw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical falt-butter rogue! I mirth fo far, that there is shrewd conftruction made of her. Now, fir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance 1, authentic in your place and perfon, generally al- 15 Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shal lye with his wife. - Come to me foon at night : Fal. O fir! low'd for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations. Ford. Believe it, for you know it: - There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend 20 says, this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath fent all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to confent to you; if any man may, you may as foon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemence of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? methinks, you prescribe to yourself very prepofterously. my coffers ransack'd, my reputation gnawn at; and 25 I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! -Amaimon founds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names 30 of fiends: but cuckold! wittol! cuckold! the devil himself hath not fuch a name. Page is an afs, a fecure afs; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welchman with my Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my foul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be look'd against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my defires had 3 instance and argument to commend themselves; 35 cheese, an Irishman with my aqua vitæ bottle, or thou, master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold: come to me foon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean rascal is this !My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who to him, the hour is fix'd, the match is made: Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abus'd, I could drive her then from the ward 4 of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thoufand other her defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, fir John? a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then the plots, then the ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with 40 but they will effect. Heaven be prais'd for my your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good fir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, fir John, you shall want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell jealousy !-Eleven o'clock the hour; -I will prevent this, detect my wife, be reveng'd on Falstaff, and laugh at Page: I will about it;-better three hours too foon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, [Exit 45 fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! you) by her own appointment; even as you came 50 Caius. Jack Rugby! in to me, her afsistant, or go-between, parted from me: I fay, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am bleft in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, fir? * Meaning, admitted into all, or the greatest companies. 2 Allowed is approved. 3 Inftance is example. 4 Meaning, the defence of it. Rug Rag. He is wife, fir; he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, fir, I cannot fence. Raz. Forbear; here's company. Enter Hoft, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Hof. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Shal. 'Save you, master doctor Caius. Page. Now, good master doctor. Slen. Give you good-morrow, fir. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? 5 a wife and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Hoft. Pardon, guest justice:-A word, monfieur mock-water 7. Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat? Hoft. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much mock-vater as de Englishman :-Scurvy-jack-dog-prieft! by 10 gar, me vill cut his ears. Hoft. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. 15 claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Hoft. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Hof. To see thee fight, to see thee foin 1, to fee thee traverse, to see thee here, to fee thee there; to fee thee pass thy punto, thy stock 2, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says 20 guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, my Æfculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder 3? ha! is he dead, bully Stale 4? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not shew his face. Hoft. And moreover, bully,-But first, master go you through the town to Frogmore. Haft. Thou art a Castilian 5 king, Urinal! 25 and I will bring the doctor about the fields: will Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you bear vitness that me have stay fix or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. it do well? Shal. We will do it. All. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. speak for a jack-a-nape to Anne Page. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he 30 Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he is a curer of fouls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your profeffions: is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Sbal. Body-kins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, mafter Page, we have fome falt of our youth in us; we are the 40 guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, Hoft. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will 35 bring thee where mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good fons of women, master Page. my patients. Page. "'Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am fworn of the peace: you have shew'd yourself 45 Hoft. Let us wag then. # wife phyfician, and fir Hugh hath shewn himself To foin, was the ancient term for making a thrust in fencing, or tilting. 2 Stock is a corruption of focata, Ital. from which language the technical terms that follow, are also adopted. 3 We must remember, to make this joke relish, that the elder tree has no heart. Probably this expression was made use of in oppofition to the common one, beart of oak. 4 The reason for calling Caius bully Stale, and afterwards Urinal, must be sufficiently obvious to every reader. 5 Caftilian and Ethiopian, like Caraian, appear in our author's time to have been cant terms. 6 This is a proverbial phrafe, and is taken from stroking the bair of animals a contrary way to that in which it grows, and is of fimilar import with that now in use, against the grain. 7 Perhaps by mock-water, is meant counterfeit. The twater of a gem is a technical term. 8 Dr. Warburton thinks it should be read thus, CRY AIM, faid I well? i. e. consent to it, approve of it. Have not I made a good proposal? for to cry aim fignifies to confent to, or approve of any thing. The phrafe was taken originally from archery. Mr. Steevens defends, however, the present reading, and conjectures, that cry'd game might mean in those days-a profess'd buck, one who was as well known by the report of his gallantry, as he could have been by proclamation. ACT ACT I. III. Iva. SCENE Frogmore. Enter Evans and Simple. Ison, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Sbal. I have liv'd fourscore years, and upward; I serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caíus, that calls himself Doctor of Physick? Simp. Marry, fir, the Pitty-wary 1, the Park Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his paffion o' my heart! I ward, every way; old Windfor way, and every to had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. way but the town way. Eva. I most fehemently defire you, you will also look that way. Simp. I will, fir. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would defires to be acquainted Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Eva. 'Plefs my foul! how full of cholers I am, 15 withal. By shallow rivers, to rubofe falls And a thousand uragrant pofies. By Shallow Slen. O, fweet Anne Page! Enter Hoft, Caius, and Rugby. [Sings. 20 Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them afunder; -here comes doctor Caius. Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Melodious birds fing madrigals; Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. 25 Hoft. Difarm them, and let them question; let 30 Simp. Yonder he is coming, this way, fir Hugh. John ape. By shallow rivers, ta whose falls- Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or elfe keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender, Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, good fir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. Ah sweet Anne Page ! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy fake, all of you! study them both, master parson? Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and will one way or other make you amends :-I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscombs, for missing your meetings and appoint ments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Hoft de Farterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? 40 have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine hoft of the Garter. Hoft. Peace, I fay, Gallia and Gaul, French and 45 Welch, foul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Hoft. Peace, I fay; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me Page. And youthful ftill, in your doublet and 50 the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my par'hose, this raw rheumatick day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. fon my priest my fir Hugh? no; he gives me the pro-verbs, and the no-verbs. Give me thy Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, hand, terrestrial; fo:-Give me thy hand, coleftial: mafter parson. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike, having receiv'd wrong by some per fo.-Boys of art, I have deceiv'd you both; I have 55 directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt fack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn : The old editions read, the Pittie-ward, the modern editors, the Pitty-wary. There are now no places answering to either of these names at Windfor. Follow Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Sbal. Trust me, a mad hoft.-Follow, gentlemen, follow. he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower fing in the wind! and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots![Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Hoft. 5 they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnaCaius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you makea de fot of us? ha! ha! Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Eva. This is well: he has made us his vloutingftog. I defire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on 10 these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall tion together. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrow'd veil of modefty from the so seeming 2 mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a fecure and w.lful Acteon; and to this same scald', scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive cry aim 3. The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me fearch; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather prais'd for this, than mock'd; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, 15 that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Hoft, Evans, and Caius. 20 at home; and, I pray you, all go with me. 25 Sbal. We have linger'd about a match between Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly 30 for you:-but my wife, mafter doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar, and de maid is love-a-me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, 35 capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be fure of that, -two other hufbands. verses, he speaks holy-day 4, he smells April and May: he will carry 't, he will carry 't; 'tis in his buttons 5; he will carry 't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? 40 gentleman is of no having 6: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; 45 the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my confent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, fome of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will shew you a monster. Mrs. Page. By your leave, fir;-I am fick 'till 50 Master doctor, you shall go ;-so shall you, master Page; and you, fir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well:- we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. I jee her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? sure they sleep; he hath no ufe of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty piles, as eafy as a cannon will shoot point blank 55 Hoft. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honeft twelve score. He pieces-put his wife's inclination; knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. Scall was an old word of reproach, as fcab was afterwards. 2 Seeming is specious. 3 That is, Mall encourage. 4 That is, in an high-flown, fuftian style. It was called a boly-day style, from the eld custom of acting their farces of the mysteries and moralities, which were turgid and bombaft, on holy-days. 5 This alludes to an old custom among the country fellows, of trying whether they should fucceed with their mistresses, by carrying the batchelor's buttons (a plant whose flowers resemble a coat-button) in their pockets; and they judged of their good or bad success, by their growing, or their not growing there. Having is the fame as oftate or fortune, Ford. |