N° CXLIX. Quis fcit an adjiciant hodiernæ craftina fummæ Tempora Dii Superi? T (HORAT.) O-morrow is the day, which procrastination always promifes to employ and never overtakes My correfpondent Tom Tortoise, whose letter I fhall now lay before the public, feems to have made thefe promises and broken them as often as most men. TO THE OBSERVER. I have been refolving to write to thee every morning for these two months, but something or other has always come athwart my refolution to put it by. In the first place I fhould have toid thee that aunt Gertrude was taken grievously fick, and had a mighty defire to fee thee upon affairs of confequence, but as I was in daily hopes fhe would mend and be able to write to thee herself, (for every body you know understands their own business beft) I thought I would wait till fhe got well enough to tell her own ftory; but alas! fhe dwindled and dwindled away till fhe died; fo, if fhe had any fecrets, they are buried with her, and there's an end of that matter. Another thing I would fain have written to thee about was to enquire into the character of a fellow, one John Jenkyns, who had ferved a friend of thine, Sir Theodore Thimble, as his houfe fteward, and offered himself to me in the fame capacity: But this was only my own affair do you see, so I put it by from day to day, and in the mean time took the rafcal upon his word without a character: But if he ever had one, he would have loft it in my fervice, for he plundered me without mercy, and at last made off with a pretty round fum of my money, which I have never been able to get any wind of, probably because I never took the trouble to make any enquiry. I now fit down to let you know fon Tom is come from Oxford, and a ftrapping fine fellow he is grown of his age: He has a mighty longing to set out upon his travels to foreign parts, which you must know feems to me a very foolish conceit in a young lad, who has only kept his first term and not completed his nineteenth year; fo I oppofed his whim manfully, which I think you will approve of, for I recollected the opinion you gave upon this fubject when laft here, and quoted - it against him: To do him juftice he fairly offered to be ruled by your advice, and willed me to write to you on the matter; but one thing or other always ftood in the way, and in the mean time came lord Ramble in his way to Dover, and being a great crony of Tom's and very eager for his company, and no letter coming from you (which indeed I acquit you of, not having written to you on the fubject) away the youngsters went together, and probably before this are upon French ground. Pray tell me what you think of this trip, which appears to me but a wildgoofe kind of a chace, and if I live till to-morrow I intend to write Tom a piece of my mind to that purpofe, and give him a few wholefome hints, which I had put together for our parting, but had not time juft then to communicate to him. . I intend very fhortly to brush up your quarters in town, as my folicitor writes me word every thing is at a stand for want of my appearance: What dilatory doings must we experience, who have to do with the law! putting off from month to month and year to year : I wonder men of bufinefs are not ashamed of themfelves; as for me, I fhould have been up and amongst them long enough ago, if it had not been been for one thing or another that hampered me about my journey: Horfes are for ever falling lame, and farriers are such lazy rafcals, that before one can be cured, another cries out; and now I am in daily expectation of my favourite brood-mare dropping a foal, which I am in great hopes will prove a colt, and therefore I cannot be abfent at the time, for a master's eye you know is every thing in those cases: Befides I should be forry to come up in this dripping season, and as the parfon has begun praying for fair weather, I hope it will fet in ere long in good earnest, and that it will please God to make it pleasant travelling. You will be pleased to hear that I mean foon to make a job of draining the marsh in front of my houfe: Every body allows that as foon as there is a channel cut to the river, it will be as dry as a bowling-green and as fine meadow land as any on my eftate: It will also add confiderably to the health as well as beauty of our fituation, for at prefent 'tis a grievous eye-fore, and fills us with fogs and foul air at such a rate, that I have had my whole family down with the ague all this fpring: Here is a fellow ready to undertake the job at a very eafy expence and will complete it in a week, fo that it will foon be done done when once begun; therefore you fee I need not hurry myself for fetting about it, but wait till leifure and opportunity fuit. I am forry I can send you no better news of your old friend the vicar; he is fadly out of forts: You must know the incumbent of Slowin-the-Wilds died fome time ago, and as the living lies fo handy to my own parish I had always intended it for our friend, and had promised him again and again: When behold! time flipt away unperceived, and in came my lord bishop of the diocese with a parfon of his own, ready cut and dried, and claimed it as a lapsed living, when it has been mine and my ancestors any time thefe five hundred years for aught I know: If these are not nimble doings I know not what are: Egad! a man need have all his eyes about him, that has to do with these bishops. If I had been aware of fuch a trick being played me, I would have hoifted the honeft vicar into the pulpit before the old parfon, who is dead and gone, had been nailed in his coffin; for no man loves less to be taken napping (as they call it) than I do; and as for the poor vicar 'tis furprizing to fee how he takes to heart the difappointment; whereas I tell him he has nothing for it but to outlive the young fellow, who has jumped into VOL. V. S his |