his fhoes, and then let us fee if any bishop shall jockey us with the like jade's trick for the fu

ture.

I have now only to request you will fend me down a new almanack, for the year wears out apace, and I am terribly puzzled for want of knowing how it goes, and I love to be regular. If there is any thing I can do for you in thefe parts, pray employ me, for I flatter myself you believe no man living would go further, or more readily fly to do you fervice than your's to command,

THOMAS TORTOISE.

Alas! though the wife men in all ages have been calling out as it were with one voice for us to know ourselves, it is a voice that has not yet reached the ears or understanding of my correfpondent Tom Tortoife. Somebody or other hath left us another good maxim, never to put off till to-morrow what we can do to-day-Whether he was indeed a wife man, who first broached this maxim, I'll not take on myself to pronounce, but I am apt to think he would be no fool, who obferved it.

If all the refolutions, promifes and engagements of To-day, that lie over for To-morrow,

were

were to be fummed up and posted by items, what a cumbrous load of procraftinations would be transferred in the midnight crifis of a moment! Something perhaps like the following might be the outline of the deed, by which Today might will and devife the aforefaid contingencies to its heir and fucceffor.

"Conscious that my existence is drawing to "its close, I hereby devise and make over to my "natural heir and fucceffor all my right and "title in those many vows, promises and obliga❝tions, which have been fo liberally made to me "by fundry perfons in my life time, but which "ftill remain unfulfilled on their part, and stand "out against them: But at the fame time that "I am heartily defirous all engagements, fair " and lawful in their nature, may be punctually "complied with, I do moft willingly cancel all "fuch as are of a contrary description; hereby "releafing and discharging all manner of per"fons, who have bound themselves to me under "rafh and inconfiderate refolutions, from the "performance of which evil might enfue to "themselves, and wrong or violence be done to «fociety.

"In the first place I defire my faid heir and "fucceffor will call in all those debts of con S 2 "science,

« fcience, which have been incurred by, and are "due from, certain defaulters, who stand pledged "to repentance and atonement, of all which im"mediate payment ought in juftice and difcre❝tion to be rigorously exacted from the feveral "parties, forafmuch as every hour, by which "they outrun their debt, weakens their fecu

❝rity.

"It is my further will and defire, that all those "free livers and profeft voluptuaries, who have "wafted the hours of my existence in riot and "debauchery, may be made to pay down their "lawful quota of fick ftomachs and aching "heads, to be levied upon them feverally by "poll at the difcretion of my heir and fuc ❝ ceffor.

"Whereas I am apprized of many dark deal"ings and malicious defigns now in actual exe"cution to the great annoyance of society and "good-fellowship, I earneftly recommend the

detection of all fuch evil-minded perfons with "To-morrow's light, heartily hoping they will "meet their due fhame, punishment and difap"pointment: And I fincerely wish that every "honeft man, who hath this night gone to reft "with a good reputation, may not be deprived -" of To-morrow's repofe by any base efforts, " which

« which Slander, who works in the dark, may "conjure up to take it from him.

"It is with fingular fatisfaction I have been "made privy to fundry kind and charitable be"nevolences, that have been privately bestowed "upon the indigent and diftreft, without any "oftentation or parade on the part of the givers, " and I do thereupon ftrictly enjoin and require Cl a fair and impartial account to be taken of "the fame by my lawful heir and fucceffor, (be "the amount what it may) that intereft for the "fame may be put into immediate course of "payment; whereby the parties fo intitled may "enjoy, as in justice they ought to do, all those "comforts, bleffings and rewards, which talents "fo employed are calculated to produce.

"All promises made by men of power to their "dependants, and all verbal engagements to "tradesmen on the score of bills, that lie over "for To-morrow, I hereby cancel and acquit ; "well affured they were not meant by those, who "made them, nor expected by any, who received "them, then to be made good and fulfilled.

"To all gamefters, rakes and revellers, who "shall be found out of bed at my decease, I be"queath rotten conftitutions, restless thoughts "and fqualid complexions; but to all fuch re

$ 3

"gular

"gular and induftrious people, who rife with the "fun and carefully resume their honeft occupa❝tions, I give the greatest of all human bles❝fings-health of body, peace of mind and "length of days.

"Given under my hand, &c. &c.

T is wonderful to me that any man will fur

IT

render himself to be the flave of peevish and irafcible humours, that annoy his peace, impair his health and hurt his reputation. Who does not love to be greeted in fociety with a fmile? Who lives that is infenfible to the frowns, the fneers, the curfes of his neighbours? What can be more delightful than to enter our own doors amidst the congratulations of a whole family, and to bring a chearful heart into a chearful houfe? Foolish, contemptible felf-tormentors ye are, whom every little accident irritates, every