he can help. He is retired to a little Eftate he has near Doncafter, full of Spleen and Refentment, to brood over the Villainies he has committed, and the fine Prospects he has loft. I pray Heaven, Sir, to protect and profper you, and to enable you to overcome your Diftraction of Mind. From Your moft obliged and affectionate bumble Servant, FIDELE HEARTWELL. The Circumftances of this Letter called up all my Griefs afresh; and I bemoaned my Lofs in fo tenderly affecting a Manner, mingled, every now and then, with fuch Motions of Rage, and Vows of Revenge, against the Author of my Unhappiness, that my Friends were at the greatest Lofs how to calm my Transports. I even raved against Sir Walter himself, for a blind, ftupid, infenfible Wretch, who merited ten Thousand Times more Tortures than he had, or was likely to fuffer; curfing him, in the bittereft Terms, and wishing all the Plagues upon his Head that could be mentioned, hoping, with Shakespear, — a Thousand Knees, Ten thousand Years together, naked, fasting, When I had thus vented all that my Dolour C 2 and and Rage could fuggeft, I yielded to the Supplications of my three Friends, and became more compofed; but ftill, every now and then, the filent Tear would trickle down my Cheek, and the burfting Sigh rend my very Bofom in Twain. We spent the Remainder of the Evening in at very agreeable Manner; and, as my Friends were not provided with a Lodging, I prevailed upon them, the one to accept of Part of a Bed with me, and the other with Mr. Prig, who was quite fmitten with their Conversation, and earnestly defired as great a Share of their Company, as he could have, during their Stay in Town. I could by no Means bring myself to go down into Yorkshire, I was too much difordered, even upon the leaft Mention of my dearest Louisa, to venture myself where every Place, every Face I faw, would revive all that Flow of Sorrow and Anxiety, that was at prefent fomewhat ftifled, by the Endeavours of my Friends, and my own, and the frequent Change of Company and Place, I, on Purpose, indulged myself in; fo that I wrote my Father Word, I would wait in Town for his wifhed-for Arrival; giving him fuch Reafons for my Refolution, as he must be very well fatisfied with. 'Twas with great Reluctance, after ten Days Stay in London, in which I conftantly accompanied them, and frequently carried them to Mr. Diaper's Country Country-Houfe, who made them heartily welcome, as well on his Son's Account as mine, that I parted with our two Friends, who, having finished the Business that brought them up, to their Satisfaction, fet out for Yorkshire, and Mr. Prig and myself accompanied them twenty or thirty Miles out of London, where we took a very affectionate Farewell. Soon after, I was alfo robbed of another agreeable Companion, in my Friend Prig, who was obliged to go on a Journey, into the West of England, on fome Law Affairs, which he imagined would employ him between three and four Months; and now I was left too much to my own Reflections, which I indulged in all their baneful Ravages over my Soul, and gave Way to all the dif tracting Gloom they occafioned; whole Days I used to shut myself up in my Chamber, and give a Loose to my Complaints and Tears, for the Death of my poor Louifa, whofe lovely Image was ever before my Eyes, and whofe Accents hung upon my Ears. Mr. Deacon took Notice of this Alteration, with Concern, and began to call more frequently upon me, and took me out to his Societies, where, indeed, fometimes the very comical Abfurdity of the Company would draw a Smile from me, and chace away an uneasy Thought; but I wanted my dear Diaper, whose kind Reasonings, and confoling Arguments, could only have been effectual enough to have made me more patient and eafy. In fhort, I began to be a Torment to myfelf, and a Pain to every body about me. He takes to Drinking.-Mr. Deacon dies, by which he is involved in a fad Scrape. He is arrefted.-Carried to the SpungingHoufe.-His Treatment there. Removes himself, by Habeas Corpus, to the Fleet. -His Motives for doing fo. THE HE ftupid Languor of my Mind, and the continual Perturbation of my Spirits, which were inceffantly harraffed in this Manner, at length brought me into a State of downright Infenfibility; and I went, as it were, mechanically, to fome Club or other, every Evening, where I contracted a Habit of Drinking, than which nothing could be more low and degrading. I ran into the Strain. of their Difcourfe, and felt a Kind of Relief from myfelf, and a Pleafure in saying Things nothing at all to the Purpose; and, when Wine or Beer could not fuffice to allay my Uneafinefs, I had Recourse to Drams, which grew fo habitual to me, that I kept a private Bottle in my Chamber; to which I used to apply fo frequently, that it was a Mercy I did not kill myfelf. Could any Creature be more more fallen! but, in fhort, Ambition, and every other Incentive to Life, and Praife-worthy Actions, were defunct in me; and, in the fole Reflection that I had loft Louifa, I was dead to any Acquifition of Name, Fortune, or Happiness. Oh! how wretched a Situation was this! and the Force of these hellifh Cordials, foon expired, left me in a worse State than before, which could only be mended by a Repetition of the fame fictitious Spirits. I was thus loft, when, one Morning, poor Mr. Deacon, who, as I faid before, was too great a Votary to the Bottle, dropped down dead in his Compting-Houfe, with a fudden Fit of the Apoplexy: He had received fome Intimations before, that he was going to be fubject to that dreadful Disorder, and had refolved, over and over, to drink less than he used to do; but had not had Power enough to break his Habit of Evening Debauches, to which he thus fell a Sacrifice. I was much concerned at the Death of fo worthy a Man, who was a perfect Adorer of my Father, and, on that Account, had been a good Friend to me; but I foon found, to my Coft, that, by a Piece of Imprudence we had both been guilty of, I was like to be a greater Sufferer by his Decease, than I was aware of. Mr. Deacon, about two Months fince, had a very large Demand for Money; and his Affairs. |