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Sir And. And't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy I hate: I bad as lief be a Brownist, as a politician.

Sir To. Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places; my niece shall take note of it: and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman, than report of valour. Fab. There is no way but this, Sir Andrew. Sir And. Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

Sir To. Go, write it in a martial hand; be urst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so be eloquent, and full of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England, set'em down; go, about it. Let there be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a goose pen, no matter: About it. Sir And. Where shall I find you? Sir To. We'll call thee at the cubiculo: § Go. [Exit Sir ANDREW. Fab. This is a dear manakin to you, Sir Toby. Sir To. I have been dear to him, lad; some two thousand strong, or so.

Fab. We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll not deliver it.

Sir To. Never trust me then; and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think, oxen and wainropes || cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy. Fab. And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty.

Enter MARIA.

Sir To. Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

Mar. If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into stitches, follow me: yon' gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian, that means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.

Sir To. And cross-gartered?

Mar. Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school i'the church. I have dogged him, like his murderer: He does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines, than are in the new map, with the augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such a thing as 'tis; I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know, my lady will strike him; if she do, he'll smile, and take't for a great favour. Sir To. Come, bring us, bring us where he is [Exeun

SCENE III-A Street. Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN. Seb. 1 would not, by my will, have troubled you; But, since you make your pleasure of your pains, I will no further chide you.

Ant. I could not stay behind you; my desire, More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth; And not all love to see you, (though so much, As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,)

Separatists in Queen Elizabeth's reign. + Crabbed.
In Hertfordshire, which held forty persons.
Waggon ropes,

But jealousy what might befall your travel,
Being skilless in these parts; which to a stran.
Unguided, and unfriended, often prove
Rough and unhospitable: My willing love,
The rather by these arguments of fear,
Set forth in your pursuit.

Seb. My kind Antonio,

I can no other answer make, but, thanks,
And thanks, and ever thanks: Often good turns
Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay :
But, were my worth, as is my conscience, firm,
You should find better dealing. What's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this town?
Ant. To-morrow, Sir; best, first, go see your


Seb. I am not weary, and 'tis long to-night; pray you, let us satisfy our eyes With the memorials, and the things of fame, That do renown this city.

Ant. Would, you'd pardon me;

I do not without danger walk these streets: Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his gallies,

I did some service; of such note, indeed,
That, were I ta'en here, it would scarce be an-
Seb. Belike, you slew great number of his
Ant. The offence is not of such a bloody na-

Albeit the quality of the time, and quarrel,
Might well have given us bloody argument.
It might have since been answer'd in repaying
What we took from them; which, for traffic's

Most of our city did: only myself stood out:
For which, if I be lapsed in this place,
I shall pay dear.

Seb. Do not then walk too open.

Ant. It doth not fit me. Hold, Sir, here's

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I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

Mal. Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does make some obstruction in the blood, this crossgartering; But what of that, if it please the

Let this fellow be looked to: Fellow!* not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,-What can be said? Nothing, than can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

Re-enter MARIA, with Sir TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN.

eye of one, it is with me as the very true son-sanctity? If all the devils in hell be drawn in Sir To. Which way is he, in the name of net is: Please one, and please all.

Oli. Why, how dost thou, man? what is the

matter with thee?

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Mal. And some have greatness thrust upon them.

Oli. Heaven restore thee!

little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

Fab. Here he is, here he is :-How is't with you, Sir? how is't with you, man?

Mal. Go off; I discard you; let me enjoy my private; go off.

Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you ?-Sir Toby, my lady

prays you to have a care of him.

Mal. Ah, ha! does she so?

Sir To. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he's an enemy to mankind.

Mal. Do you know what you say?

how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not Mar. La you, an you speak ill of the devil,


Fab. Carry his water to the wise woman.

Mar. Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.

Mal. How now, mistress?
Mar. O lord!

Sir To. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace; this is not

Mal. Remember, who commended thy yellow the way: Do you not see, you move him? let


Oli. Thy yellow stockings?

Mal. And wished to see thee cross-gartered.

Oli. Cross-gartered?

Mal. Go to: thou art made, if thou desirest to

be so

Oli. Am I made?

Mal. If not, let me see thee a servant still.
Oli. Why, this is very midsummer madness.+

Enter Servant.

Ser. Madam, the young gentleman of the count Orsino's is returned; I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's pleasure.

Oli. I'll come to him. [Exit Servant.] Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry.

[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA. Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. Cast thy humble slough, says she; be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants, let thy tongue tang with arguments of state, put thyself into the trick of singularity; -and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And, when she went away now, * Grave. + Hot weather madness. Caught her as a bird with birdlime.

me alone with him.

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Sir To. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pitf with Satan: Hang him, foul collier!§

Mar. Get him to say his prayers; good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

Mal. My prayers, minx?

Mar. No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

Mal. Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element; you shall know more hereafter. [Exit.

Sir To. Is't possible?

Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. Sir To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

Mar. Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air, and taint.

Fab. Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. Mar. The house will be the quieter.

Sir To. Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time, we will bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.

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Enter Sir Andrew Ague-CHEEK.

Fab. More matter for a May-morning.

There's something in me, that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,

Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I That it but mocks reproof.

warrant, there's vinegar and pepper in't. Fab. Is't so saucy

Sir And. Ay, is it, I warrant him: do but


Sir To. Give me. [Reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.

Fab. Good, and valiant.

Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.

Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law.

Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the mutter I challenge thee for.

Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense


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Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.

Fab. Still you keep o'the windy side of the law: Good.

Vio. With the same 'haviour that your pas sion bears,

Go on my master's griefs.

Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;

Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: And, I beseech you, come again to-morrow. What shal! you ask of me, that I'll deny; That honour, sav'd, may upon asking give? Vio. Nothing but this, your true love for my master.

Oli. How with mine honour may I give him Which I have given to you? [that Vio. I will acquit you.

Oli, Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well;

A fiend, like thee, might bear my soul to heli.
Re-enter Sir TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN.
Sir To. Gentleman, God save thee.
Vio. And you, Sir.

Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full Sir To. Fare thee well: And God have mercy of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck, be mine; but my hope is better, und so look to thy-yaret in thy preparation, for thy assailant is self. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy quick, skilful, and deadly. ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't him.

sworn enemy.

Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

Sir To. Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away.

Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Exit. Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth, he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, Sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, (as, I know, his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.

Enter OLIVIA and VIOLA. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till he take leave, and presently

after him.

Sir To. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

[Exeunt Sir TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA, Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone,

And laid mine honour too unchary* out:

* Uncautiously.

Vio. You mistake, Sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.

Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal.

Vio. I pray you, Sir, what is he?

Sir To. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre: hob, nob, is his word; give't, or take't.

Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike, this is a man of that quirk.

Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore, get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about

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Sir To. Nay, if you be an undertaker, 1 am for you. [Draws.

you, even to a mortal arbitrement;* but nothing of the circumstance more.

Vio. I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, Sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal oppositet that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him?i will make your peace with him, if I can.

Vio. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would rather go with sir priest, than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle. [Exeunt.

Re-enter Sir TOBY, with Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in, with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on: They say, he has been fencer to the Sophy. Sir And. Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him. Sir To. Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

Sir And. Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

Sir To. I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show on't; this shall end without the perdition of souls: Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. [Aside.

Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA.

I have his horse [To FAB.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him the youth's a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited|| of him; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

Sir To. There's no remedy, Sir; he will fight with you for his oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests, he will not hurt you.

Vio. Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of [Aside.

a man.

Fab. Give ground, if you see him furious. Sir To. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you: he cannot by the duello¶ avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

Sir And. Pray God, he keep his oath!



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Enter two OFFICERS.

Fab. O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the officers.

Sir To. I'll be with you anon. [To ANTONIO. Vio. Pray, Sir, put up your sword, if you [To Sir ANDREW. please. Sir And. Marry, will I, Sir;-and, for that I promised you, I'll be as good as my word: He will bear you easily, and reins well.

1 Of. This is the man; do thy office. 2 Of. Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit Of count Orsino.

Ant. You do mistake me, Sir.

1 Off. No, Sir, no jot; I know your favour Though now you have no sea-cap on your well, [head.Take him away; he knows, I know him well. Ant. I must obey.-This comes with seeking But there's no remedy; I shall answer it. What will you do? Now my necessity Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves



Much more, for what I cannot do for you,
Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd;
But be of comfort.
2 Off. Come, Sir, away.

Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money.
Vio. What money, Sir?

For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present
I'll lend you something: my having is not
Out of my lean and low ability [trouble,

I'll make division of my present with you :
Hold, there is half my coffer.

Ant. Will you deny me now?
Is't possible, that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man,
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.

Vio. I know of none;

Nor know 1 you by voice, or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man,
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.

Ant. O heavens themselves!
2 Off. Come, Sir, I pray you, go.
Ant. Let me speak a little. This youth that
you see here,

snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death
Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which, methought, did pro-


Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

1 Off. What's that to us? The time goes by; away.

Ant. But, O, how vile an idol proves this god!-[shame.Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature In nature there's no blemish but the mind; None can be call'd deform'd, but the unkind : Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous-evil Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil. 1 Qf. The man grows mad; away with him. Come, come, Sir.

Ant. Lead me on.

[Exeunt OFFICERS, with ANTONIO. Vio. Methinks, his words do from such pas sion fly,

That he believes himself; so do not I.


Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
Sir To. Come hither knight; come hither,
Fabian; we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of
most sage saws.

Vio. He nam'd Sebastian; I my brother know
Yet living in my glass;* even such, and so,
In favour was my brother; and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in


Sir To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

Fab. A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

Sir And. 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him.

Sir To. Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

Sir And. An I do not,


Fab. Come, let's see the event. Sir To. I dare lay any money, 'twill be nothing yet. [Exeunt.


SCENE I.-The Street before OLIVIA'S House. Enter SEBASTIAN and CLOWN.

Clo. Will you make me believe, that I am not sent for you?

Seb. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of thee.

Clo. Well held out, i'faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.-Nothing, that is so, is so.

Seb. I pr'ythee, ventt thy folly somewhere Thou know'st not me. [else;

Clo. Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.-I pr'ythee now, ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady; Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming?

Seb. I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from


There's money for thee; if you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.

Clo. By my troth, thou hast an open hand :These wise men, that give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase.

Enter Sir ANDREW, Sir TOBY, and FABIAN." Sir And. Now, Sir; have 1 met you again? there's for you. [Striking SEBASTIAN. Seb. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there:

Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Hold, Sir, or I'll throw your dagger

o'er the house.

Clo. This will I tell my lady straight; I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit CLOWN. Sir To. Come on, Sir; hold. [Holding SEBASTIAN. Sir And. Nay, let him alone, I'll go another way to work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Il

In the reflection of my own figure, + Let out,

lyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.

Seb. Let go thy hand.

Sir To. Come, Sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.

Seb. I will be free from thee. What would'st thou now?

If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. [Draws. Sir To. What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. [Draws. Enter OLIVIA.

Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold.

Sir To. Madam?

Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains, and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!

Be not offended, dear Cesario:-
Rudesby, be gone!-I pr'ythee, gentle friend,
[Exeunt Sir TOBY, Sir ANDREW, and FABIAN.
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extentt
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house;
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
May'st smile at this: thou shalt not choose but

Do not deny: Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

Seb. What relish is in this? how runs the stream?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:-
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
Oli. Nay, come, I pr'ythee: 'Would thou'dst
be rul'd by me!
Seb. Madam, I will.
Oli. O, say so, and so be!


SCENE II-A Room in OLIVIA'S House.

Enter MARIA and CLOWN.

this beard; make him believe, thou art Sir Mar. Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown, and Topas the curate; do it quickly: I'll call Sir Toby the whilst. [Exit MARIA.

Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not fat enough to become the function well; but to be said, an honest man and a good nor lean enough to be thought a good student: housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a careful man, and a great scholar. The competitors¶ enter.

Enter Sir TOBY BELCH and MARIA. Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson.

Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is: so I, being master parson, am master parson; For what is that, but that? and is, but is?

Sir To. To him, Sir Topas.

Clo. What, hoa, I say,-Peace in this prison! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good


Mal. [In an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.

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