O Mafter Prim, Master Prim! had not you bet ter now have given us a Guinea for the Doctor and his four Children, and reserved your Half Crown for the Lady, who, if I may judge from her Garb and Equipage, does not want it half fo much as the poor Parfon; but you will be in the Fashion, fo give us your Mite; fet down Mr. Prim Two and Sixpence. Sir, Good Morrow to you-Gentlemen, your Servant Such, my Lord, you fee, is the Force of Fafhion, and fuch the Influence of Example, that a conftant Church-goer, and one perhaps who fancies himself a very good Chriftian, ihall throw away one Pound one with all the Pleafure imaginable for an Evening's Entertainment at the Theatre, and at the fame Time grudge Half a Crown for two and fifty Difcourfes from the Pulpit, which, if he turns to his Arithmetic Book, he will fee amounts to about ---three Farthings a Sermon---and à fober Citizen too, as Lady Town'y fays, Fye! fye!' Thefe, my Lord, are melancholy Truths, and, though you and I who are Philofophers may laugh at them, have made many an honeft Man's Heart ake. I will leave your Lordfhip to imagine, without entering any further into this Subject, what the great and defirable Emoluments must be arifing from a Town Lectureship; hardly equal at the best to the Wages of a Journeyman Staymaker, and by no Means upon a Level with the Profits of Drawers, Coffee-house Waiters, or the Footmen of our Nobility. This very lucrative Employment, notwithftanding, as being too confiderable for one Man, is frequently fplit in two and divided, like the Places of Poft Mafter General, Secretary, &c. amongst the Great. I have myfelf the Honour, my Lord, of being what is called a Joint-Lecturer, not having Intereft enough in the Parish, where I had been CuVOL. II. S rate rate for twenty Years, to fecure the Whole. I cannot indeed fo far agree with our old Friend Hefiod as to think the Half better than the Whole, but, embracing the + English instead of the Greek Proverb, fit myself down contentedly, and eat my half Loaf in Quiet. But, to confefs the Truth, I find the Profits of both Preferments (for your Lordship fees I am a Pluralift) rather too fmall, to provide, in thefe hard Times, for the Neceffities of a growing Family, and have lately been obliged to eke out Matters by entering myself on my Friend H---W's Lift. As there is fomething curious in this Mr. H—, both with Regard to himself, and the Bufinefs he is engaged in, I fhall beg Leave to introduce him to your Lordfhip's Acquaintance, as I believe, during what I may call your Minority in the Church, no fuch Character or Occupation was in being. You must know then, my Lord, that the ingenious Mr. H- has found out a new Method of being ferviceable to the Cergy and himself, by keeping a Kind of Ecclefiaftical Regifter Office, or, more properly fpeaking, Divinity-Shop, in the City, where Parfons are hired by the Day, Week, Month, &c. as Occafion requires. For this Purpose he keeps a regular alphabetical Lift of unemployed Divines, from the Age of threefcore and ten, to two and twenty, ready to be let out for certain ftipulated Sums, deducting a proper Premium for the Agent from every one of them. If any labouring Curate, Lecturer, Morning Preacher, &c. is too bufy or too idle to perform his own Duty, he may immediately repair to the faid Office, and be fupplied with as much found and orthodox Divinity as he is able or willing to pay for. To this very useful Gentleman, I had myself, not long fince, Occafion to apply, πλέον ήμισυ παντα. Half a Loaf is better than no Bread. being obliged to leave my Church for a Fortnight; when the following Converfation, as near as I can remember, paffed between us: if it does not make you fmile, I can only fay, your Lordship's rifible. Muscles are not fo pliant as they used to be. I fuppofe, Mr. H, you can guess my Errand; I am going out of Town To-morrow, and fhall want a Supply, and withal, Mafter H—, I come to inform you, I fhall commence from this Day both Agent and Patient, and intend to hire and to be hired: fo, as I am likely to be a pretty conftant Dealer, and am befides an old Acquaintance, hope you will give me the Turn of the Scale: fo put me down in your Lift immediately. Mr. H-- [pulling out the Lift. It fhall be done, Sir: and a most respectable Lift it is, I affure you; I have juft got a fresh Cargo of Scotch Divines, piping hot from Edinburgh; befides the old Corps-my Collection ends with--let me fee--fourteen School-Mafters, five Doctors of Divinity, (pray, my Lord mind the Climax) two Reviewers, three political Writers, two Bible-makers, and a K-'s C--n. Curate. All Men of Erudition, I fuppofe. Excellent Scholars, charming Preachers, I affure you: but, entre nous, not one of them worth Sixpence in the World---but to your Bufinefs. Curate. Aye, Mr. H, I muft have good Voice for Wednesdays and Fridays, and one of your best Ora $ 2 tors tors for Sunday next: you know, my Congregation is a little delicate. Mr. H Aye; more nice than wife perhaps---but let us look fharp---here's Parfon Rawbones, one of my Athletic, able-bodied Divines, it is not long fince he knock'd down a Clerk in the Desk for interrupting him in the Middle of a Prayer; this, you know, fhew'd a good Spirit, and keeps up the Dignity of the Cloth but I doubt whether he'll do for you; for he's a North country Man, and has got the Burr in his Throat; he'll never pass at your End of the Town: I fhall fport him, however, at a Day-lecture, or an early Sacrament. Curate. You are fo facetious Mr. H, but pray find me out fomebody, for I am in Hafte. Mr. H If you had wanted a Brawler for a Charity Sermon, I could have help'd you to the best Beggar in England, an Errant Pick-pocket for the Middle Ifle; beats your D's and W-'s out of the Pit, a Doctor of Divinity too, and a Juftice of Peace; but he won't do for you, for the Dog's over Head and Ears in Debt, and durft not ftir out on a Week-day for Fear of the Bum-bailiffs; but--here I have him for you---the quickest Reader in England: I'll bet my Stackhouse's Bible to a CommonPrayer Book, he gives Dr. Drawl to the Te-Deum, and overtakes him before he comes to the Thankf giving! O, he's a rare Hand at a Collect; but, remember, if he preaches, you must furnish him with the Paraphernalia; for he's but just got upon the Lift, and has not Money enough yet to purchase Canonicals. Curate. O, we can equip him with them, but what's his Price? Mr. [whispers. Mr. H Why, you would not offer him lefs thanfor the Sake of your Brethren, for your own Sake. Let me tell you, Sir, I am one of the best Friends to the inferior Clergy, and have done more for them, (and that's a bold Word) than the whole Bench of B-p's. I believe I may fafely fay, I have raised the Price of Lungs at least Cent, per Cent: I knew the Time, and fo did you, when a well caffock'd Divine was glad to read Prayers, and on a Holiday too, for Twelve-pence; Old C never had more in his Life; now, Sir, I never let a Tit go out of my Stable, (you'll pardon my Jocularity) under five Shillings.--My Friend H was running on in this unmerciful Manner, and would, for aught I know, have talked to this Time, if I had not stopp'd him fhort, pretended immediate Bufinefs, paid my Earneft, and took my Leave: not a little chagrin'd, you may imagine, at the contemptuous Kindness he expreffed for the Cloth, and the degrading Familiarity with which he treated that Function to which your Lordship, equally with myself, has the Honour to belong. To fay the Truth—But this must be deferred, with many other Confiderations, to another Letter; my Wife having juft now broke into my Study to remind me, that I have a Sermon to finish before Ten, To-morrow, which will scarce give me Time to fubfcribe myself, |