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Hath made a lawyer; which (alas) of late,
But scarce a poet: jollier of this state,
Thau are new beneficed ministers, he throws
Like nets of line-twigs wheresoe'er he goes,
His title of barrister on every wench,
And woos in lanjuage of the Pleas and Bench.
* * * * * Words, words which would tear
The tender labyrinth of a maid's sofi ear:
More, more than ten Sclavonians scolding, more
Than when winds in our ruind abheys roar.
Then sick with poetry, and possess'd with muse
Thou wast, and mad I hoped ; but men which chuse,
Law practice for mere gain: bold soul repute
Worse than imbrothel'd strumpets prostitute.
Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk,
His hand still at a bill; now we must talk
Idly, like prisoners, which whole months will swear,
That only suretiship had brought them there,
And to every suitor lye in every thing,
Like a king's favourite-or like a king.
Like a wedge in a block, writing to the barre
Bearing like asses, and more shameless farre
Thau carted whores, lie to the grave judge: for
Bastardy abounds not in king's titles, nor
Simony and Sodomy in churchmen's lives,
As these things do in him; by these he thrives.
Shortly (as the sea) he'll compass all the land,
From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover Strand
And spying heirs melting with luxury;
Satan will not joy at their sins as he ;
Bor (as a thrifty wench scrapes kitchen-stuffe,
And barrelling the droppings and the snuffe
Of wasting candles, which in thirty year,
Reliquely kept, perchance buys wedding cheer)
Piecerneal he gets lauds, and speids as much time
Wrioging each acre, as maids pulling prime.
In parchment then, large as the fields, he draws
Assurances, big as gloss'd civil laws,
Bit let them wr te for you, each rogie impairs
The deeds, and dexterously omiis ses h ires ;
No commentator can more slily pass
Over a learu'd unintelligible place:
Or, in quotation, shrewd divines leave out
Those words that would against them clear the doubt.
Su Luther thought the Pater-roster long,
When doom'd to say his beads and even-song;
But having cast his cow), and left those laws,
Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause.
The lands are bought ; but where are to be found
Those ancient woods, that shaded all the ground!
We see no new-built palaces aspire,
No kitchens emulate the vestal fire.
Where are those troops of poor, that throng'd of yore
The good old landlord's hospitable door!
Well, I could wish, that still in lordly domes
Some beast were kill'd, though not whole hecatombs ;
That both extremes were banish'd from their walls,
Carthusian fasts, and fulsome bacchanals;
And all mankind might that just mean observe,
In which none e'er could surfeit, none could starve.
These as good works, 'tis true, we all allow,
1 But, oh! these works are not in fashion now:
Like rich old wardrobes, things extremely rare,
Extremely fine, but what no man will wear.
Thus much I've said, I trust,ithout offence;
Let no court sycophant pervert my sense,
Nor sly informer watch these words to draw
Within the reach of treason, or the law.
Well, if it be my time to quit the stage,
Adieu to all the follies of the age !
I die in charity with fool and knave,
Secure of peace at least beyond the grave.
I've had my purgatory here betimes,
And paid for all my satires, all my rhymes.
The poet's hell, its tortures, fiends, and flames,
To this were trifles, toys, and empty names.
With foolish pride my heart was never fired,
Nor the vain itch to admire, or be admired;
I hope for no commission from his grace ;
I bought no benefice, I beggd no place:
Had no new verses, nor new suit to show,
Yet went to court!--the devil would have it so.
So huge that men in our times forwardness)
Are fathers of the church for writing less.
These he writes not; nor for these written payes,
Therefore spares no length (as in those first dayes
When Luther was profess'd, he did desire
Short Pater-nosters, saying as a fryer
Each day his beads : but having left those laws,
Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause)
But when he sells or changes land, he impaires
The writings, and (unwatch'd) leaves out sesheires
As slily as any commentator goes by
Hard words, or sense; or, in divinity
As controverters in vouch'd texts, leave out
Shrewd words, which might against them clear the
Where are these spread woods which clothed here-
tofore Those bought lands ? not built, nor burnt within door. Where the old landlords troops and almes? In halls Carthusian fasts, and fulsome bacchanals Equally I hate. Means bless'd. In rich men's homes I bid kill some beasts, but no heccatombs ; None starve, none surfeit so. But (oh) we allow Good works as good, but out of fashion now, Like old rich wardrobes. But my words none diaws Within the vast reach of the huge statutes jawes.
Well; I may now receive, and die. My sin
Indeed is great; but yet I have been in
A purgatory, such as fear'd Hell is
A recreation, and scant map of this.
My mind, neither with pride's itch, nor hath been
Poyson'd with love to see or to be seen ;
I had no suit there, nor new suit to show,
Yet went to court; but as Glare which did go
But, as the fool that in reforming clays
Would go to mass in jest (as story says,)
Could not but think, to pay his fine was odd,
Since 'twas no form'd design of serving God;
So was I punish'd, as if full as proud,
As prone to ill, as negligent of good,
As deep in debt, without a thought to pay,
As vain, as idle, and as false, as they
Who live at court, for going once that way!
Scarce was I enter'd, when behold! there came
A thing which Adam had been posed to name;
Noah had rufused it lodging in his ark,
Where all the race of reptiles might embark :
A verier monster, than on Afric's shore
The sum e'er got, or slimy Nilus bore,
Or Sloan or Woodward's wondrous shelves contain,
Nay, all that lying travellers can feign.
The watch would hardly let him pass at noon,
At night would swear him dropp'd out of the moon,
One, whom the mob, when next we find or make
A popish plot, shall for a Jesuit take,
And the wise justice starting from his chair,
Cry, 'By your priesthood tell me what you are ?'
Such was the wight: the apparel on his back, Though coarse, was reverend, and though bare, was
The suit, if by the fashion one might guess,
Was velvet in the youth of good queen Bess,
But mere tuff-taffety what now remaind;
So time, that changes all things, had ordaind!
Our sons shall see it leisurely decay,
First turn plain rash, then vanish quite away.
This thing has travellid, speaks each language too,
And knows what's fit for every state to do;
Of whose best phrase and courtly accent joind,
He forms one tongue, exotic and refined.
Talkers I've learn'd to bear; Morteux I knew,
Henley himself I've heard, and Budgel too,
The doctor's wormwood style, the hash of tongues