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Mood. 'Twas well I did not; I'll promise you, there were those would have made bold with mistress Bride; and if she had stirred out of doors, there were whipsters abroad, i'faith, padders of maidenheads, that would have trussed her up, and picked the lock of her affections, ere a man could have said, what's this? But, by good luck, I had warning of it by a friend's letter.

Sir John. The remedy for all such dangers is easy; you may send for a parson, and have the business despatched at home.

Mood. A match, i'faith; do you provide a domine, and I'll go tell her our resolutions, and hearten her up against the day of battle.

[Exit. Sir John. Now I think on't, this letter must needs come from Sir Martin; a plot of his, upon my life, to hinder our marriage.

Warn. I see, sir, you'll still mistake him for a wit; but I'm much deceived, if that letter came not from another hand.

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Sir John. From whom, I pr'ythee?

Warn. Nay, for that you shall excuse me, sir; I do not love to make a breach between persons, that are to be so near related.

Sir John. Thou seemest to imply, that that my mistress was in the plot.

Warn. Can you make a doubt on't? Do you not know she ever loved him, and can you hope she has so soon forsaken him? You may make yourself miserable,.if you please, by such a marriage.

Sir John. When she is once mine, her virtue will

secure me.

Warn. Her virtue!

Sir John. What, do you make a mock on't? Warn. Not I; I assure you, sir, I think it ne such jesting matter.

Sir John. Why, is she not honest?

Warn. Yes, in my conscience is she; for Sir Martin's tongue's no slander.

Sir John. But does he say to the contrary?

Warn. If one would believe him,-which, for my part, I do not,-he has in a manner confessed it to

me.

Sir John. Hell and damnation!

Warn. Courage, sir, never vex yourself; I'll warrant you 'tis all a lie.

Sir John. But, how shall I be sure 'tis so?

Warn. When you are married, you'll soon make trial, whether she be a maid or no.

Sir John. I do not love to make that experiment at my own cost.

Warn. Then you must never marry.

Sir John. Ay, but they have so many tricks to cheat a man, which are entailed from mother to daughter through all generations; there's no keeping a lock for that door, for which every one has a key.

Warn. As, for example, their drawing up their breaths, with-oh! you hurt me, can you be so cruel? then, the next day, she steals a visit to her lover, that did you the courtesy before-hand, and in private tells him how she cozened you; twenty to one but she takes out another lesson with him, to practise the next night.

Sir John. All this while, miserable I must be their May-game!

Warn. "Tis well, if you escape so; for commonly he strikes in with you, and becomes your friend.

Sir John. Deliver me from such a friend, that stays behind with my wife, when I gird on my sword to go abroad.

Warn. Ay, there's your man, sir; besides, he will be sure to watch your haunts, and tell her of them,

that, if occasion be, she may have wherewithal to recriminate at least she will seem to be jealous of you; and who would suspect a jealous wife?

Sir John. All manner of ways I am most miserable.

Warn. But, if she be not a maid when you marry her, she may make a good wife afterwards; 'tis but imagining you have taken such a man's widow.

Sir John. If that were all; but the man will come and claim her again.

Warn. Examples have been frequent of those that have been wanton, and yet afterwards take up.

Sir John. Ay, the same thing they took up before.

Warn. The truth is, an honest simple girl, that's ignorant of all things, maketh the best matrimony: There is such pleasure in instructing her; the best is, there's not one dunce in all the sex; such a one with a good fortune

Sir John. Ay, but where is she, Warner?

Warn. Near enough, but that you are too far engaged.

Sir John. Engaged to one, that hath given me the earnest of cuckoldom beforehand!

Warn. What think you then of Mrs Christian here in the house? There's five thousand pounds, and a better penny.

Sir John. Ay, but is she fool enough?

Warn. She's none of the wise virgins, I can assure you.

Sir John. Dear Warner, step into the next room, and inveigle her out this way, that I may speak to her.

Warn. Remember, above all things, you keep this wooing secret; if it takes the least wind, old Moody will be sure to hinder it.

Sir John. Dost thou think I shall get her aunt's consent?

Warn. Leave that to me..

[Exit WARN. Sir John. How happy a man shall I be, if I can but compass this! and what a precipice have I avoided! then the revenge, too, is so sweet, to steal a wife under her father's nose, and leave 'em in the lurch, who have abused me; well, such a servant as this Warner is a jewel.

Enter WARNER and Mrs CHRISTIAN to him. Warn. There she is, sir; now I'll go to prepare her aunt.

[Exit. Sir John. Sweet mistress, I am come to wait upon you.

Chr. Truly you are too good to wait on me.
Sir John. And in the condition of a suitor.
Chr. As how, forsooth?

Sir John. To be so happy as to marry you.
Chr. O Lord, I would not marry for any thing!
Sir John. Why? 'tis the honest end of woman-
kind.

Chr. Twenty years hence, forsooth: I would not lie in bed with a man for a world, their beards will so prickle one.

Sir John. Pah!-What an innocent girl it is, and very child! I like a colt that never yet was backed; for so I shall make her what I list, and mould her as I will. Lord! her innocence makes me laugh my cheeks all wet. [Aside.Sweet lady

Chr. I'm but a gentlewoman, forsooth.

Sir John. Well then, sweet mistress, if I get your friends' consent, shall I have yours?

Chr. My old lady may do what she will, forsooth; but by my truly, I hope she will have more care of me, than to marry me yet. Lord bless me, what should I do with a husband?

Sir John. Well, sweetheart, then instead of wooing you, I must woo my old lady.

Chr. Indeed, gentleman, my old lady is married already: Cry you mercy, forsooth, I think you are a knight.

Sir John. Happy in that title, only to make you a lady.

Chr. Believe me, Mr Knight, I would not be a lady; it makes folks proud, and so humorous, and so ill huswifes, forsooth.

Sir John. Pah!-she's a baby, the simplest thing that ever yet I knew: the happiest man I shall be in the world; for should I have my wish, it should be to keep school, and teach the bigger girls, and here, in one, my wish it is absolved,

Enter Lady DUPE.

L. Dupe. By your leave, sir: I hope this noble knight will make you happy, and you make him— Chr. What should I make him? [Sighing. L. Dupe. Marry, you shall make him happy in a good wife.

Chr. I will not marry, madam.

L. Dupe. You fool!

Sir John. Pray, madam, let me speak with you; on my soul, 'tis the prettiest innocentest thing in the world.

L. Dupe. Indeed, sir, she knows little besides her work, and her prayers; but I'll talk with the fool.

Sir John. Deal gently with her, dear madam.

L. Dupe. Come, Christian, will you not marry this noble knight?

Chr. Ye-ye-yes

L. Dupe. Sir, it shall be to night.

[Sobbingly

Sir John. This innocence is a dowry beyond all price. [Exeunt old Lady and Mrs CHRISTIAN.

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