TO THE

Rev. A. S. Hayden,

WHO IS LABOURING SO ZEALOUSLY FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF

LEARNING AND RELIGION,

THIS LITTLE WORK

IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED BY HIS FRIEND,

THE AUTHOR.

M172152

UNIV. Or

THE PATENT HAT:

ITS ORIGIN, DESIGN, AND STRUCTURE, WITH DIRECTIONS FOR WEARING IT.

THE AUTHOR having observed the sluggishness of many persons who appear desirous of performing their duty, but for some reason seem almost powerless, was induced to study into the cause, and find, if possible, why it is that they live to so little purpose in the world. And thus having convinced himself that this deplorable evil is produced by an inactivity of the brain, his next concern was to find out a remedy. This led to the invention of The Patent Hat, which is designed to act upon the head of the wearer in the following manner :-This Hat is so constructed as to rub the thick, unsound protrusions of the cranium, and infuse into them a matter that will cause the swelling to subside. This being accomplished, it will rub other points, which before could not be touched, and cause them to expand, thus giving to the brain a proper

shape for energetic and untiring action. The Patent Hat is got up on a new plan, being in three detached parts, which fit neatly together, rendering it serviceable for general use* and every-day wear.

Part I. is designed more particularly to act upon the skulls of clergymen.

Part II. is calculated to exert an influence on the craniums of the balance of mankind, and especially those of church members.

Part III. is the outside covering, and is designed for a support and protection against blows and storms. It is expected that this Hat will at first feel very hard and inflexible on the heads of many persons, and may, perhaps, so rub their prominent bumps that it will cause them loudly to complain. And, no doubt, some of them will cry out bitterly against its unbrushed appearance, and set themselves down to picking at the fur, to see how many flaws they can find. The manufacturer is well aware that it is not so slick as some of the hats now offered to the public; but let it be remembered that the most polished are not always the most serviceable. Indeed it is very evident that some of the glossy ones are

By the term general use is implied that of the whole race of the genus homo, without distinction of color, sect, sex.

got up merely for speculation, and, instead of benefiting the head of the wearer, do it a serious injury. He has, therefore, used great caution in procuring all the foreign articles that have entered into the composition of The Patent Hat from the most reliable sources, and has since had the whole inspected by the most competent judges. However, that his customers may be assured, with the utmost confidence, that he has not been imposed upon by such as deal in spurious articles, references are given to the estabments from whence they were obtained. And the wearer, if he is not already perfectly acquainted with the character of the great establishment so frequently referred to, and which the author has no hesitancy in saying is altogether the best in the land, is requested to form such an acquaintance without delay. Yea, all are earnestly entreated to examine the packages from which the author has selected his articles, as it is alone on the power of these, and the favor of the great founder of that establishment, that the efficacy of this Hat depends. Let no person throw it down, and say it is injurious to the head, because, in trying it on, he finds it to rub his overgrown, perverted bumps; but let him continue to wear it, applying the meanwhile a balm,