"

they would not, like ragged laths, rub out so many doublets as they do; but thou know'st not a good dish, thou. O, it's the only nourishing meat in the world. No marvel tho' that saucy, stubborn generation, the Jews, were forbidden it; for what would they ha' done, well pamper'd with fat pork, that durst murmur at their maker out of garlick and onions? 'Slight, fed with it, the whoreson strummel, patch'd, goggle-eyed grumbledories, would_ha' gigantomachiz'd. Well said,my sweet George, fill, fill.

The necessity of his vein compels a toleration, for, bar this, and dash him out of humour before his time.

Car. 'Tis an axiom in natural philosophy, "What comes nearest the nature of that it feeds, converts quicker to nourishment, " and doth sooner essentiate." Now nothing in flesh and entrails, assimilates or resembles man more than a hog or swine

Maci. True; and he, to requite their courtesy, oftentimes doffeth his own nature, and puts on theirs; as when he becomes as churlish as a hog, or as drunk as a sow; but to your conclusion.

Car. Marry, I say, nothing resembling man more than a swine, it follows, nothing can be more nourishing; for indeed, but that it abhors from our nice nature, if we fed one upon another, we should shoot up a great deal faster, and thrive much better; I refer me to your usurous cannibals, or such like; but since it is so contrary, pork, pork, your only feed.

is

Maci. I take it, your devil be of the same diet; he would ne'er ha' desir'd to have been incorporated into swine else. O, here comes the melancholy mess; upon 'em Carlo, charge, charge.

Car. 'Fore God, sir Puntarvolo, I am sorry for your heaviness; body o' me, a shrewd mischance! why, had you no unicorn's horn, nor Bezoars stone about you? ha?

SCENE VI.

Puntarvolo, Carlo, Macilente, Fust. Brisk, Sogliardo, Fungoso.

Punt. Sir, I would request you be silent. Maci. Nay, to him again.

Car. Take comfort, good knight, if your cat ha' recovered her catarrh, fear nothing; your dog's mischance may be holpen.

Fast. Say how, sweet Carlo, for so God mend me, the poor knight's moans draw me into fellowship of his misfortunes. But be not discourag'd, good sir Puntarvolo, I

am content your adventure shall be formed upon your cat.

per

Mari. I believe you, musk-cod, I believe you; for rather than thou would'st make present repayment, thou would'st take it upon his own bare return from Calais.

Cur. Nay, 'ds life, he'd be content, so he were well rid out of his company, to pay him five for one, at his next meeting him in Paul's. But for your dog, sir Puntar, if he be not out-right dead, there is a friend of mine, a quack-salver, shall put life in him again, that's certain.

Fung. O, no, that comes too late.
Muci. Gods precious, knight, will you

suffer this?

Punt. Drawer, get me a candle and hard wax presently.

Sog. I, and bring up supper; for I am so melancholy.

Car. O, signior, where's your resolution? Sog. Resolution! hang him, rascal: O Carlo, if you love me, do not mention him. Car. Why, how so?

Sog. O, the arrant'st crocodile that ever christian was acquainted with. By my gentry, I shall think the worse of tobacco while I live, for his sake: I did think him to be as tall a man

Maci. Nay, Buffone, the knight, the knight.

Car. 'Slud, he looks like an image carv'd out of box, full of knots; his face is, for all the world, like a Dutch purse, with the mouth downward, his beard the tassels; and he walks, let me see, as melancholy as one o' the master's side in the Counter? Do you hear, sir Puntar?

Punt. Sir, I do intreat you no more, but enjoin you to silence, as you affect your peace.

Car. Nay, but, dear knight, understand (here are none but friends, and such as wish you well) I would ha' you do this now; flea ine your dog presently, (but in any case keep the head) and stuff his skin well with straw, as you see these dead monsters at Bartholomew fair.

Punt. I shall be sudden, I tell you.

Car. Or if you like not that, sir, get me somewhat a less dog, and clap into the skin; here's a slave about the town here, a Jew, one Yohan; or a fellow that makes perukes will glue it on artificially, it shall ne'er be discern'd; besides, 'twill be so much the warmer for the hound to travel in, you know. Maci, Sir Puntarvolo, death, can you be so patient?

Car. Or thus, sir; you may have, as you come through Germany, a familiar for little or nothing, shall turn itself into the shape of your dog, or any thing, what you will, for certain hours [The knight beats him. 'Ods my life, knight, what do you mean? you'll offer no violence, will you? hold, hold.

Punt. 'Sdeath, you slave, you ban-dog,

you.

Car. As you love wit, stay the enraged knight, gentlemen.

Punt. By my knight-hood, he that stirs in his rescue, dies. Drawer, begone.

Car. Murder, murder, murder.

Punt. I, are you howling, you wolf? gentlemen, as you tender your lives, suffer no man to enter, till my revenge be perfect. Sirrah, Buffone, lie down; make no exclamations, but down; down, you cur, or I will make thy blood flow on my rapier

hilts.

[To them.] Constable, Officers, Drawers. Cons. Lay hold upon this gallant, and pursue the rest.

Fast. Lay hold on me, sir, for what? Cons. Marry, for your riot here, sir, with the rest of your companions.

Fast. My riot! master Constable, take heed what you do. Carlo, did I offer any violence?

Cons. O, sir, you see he is not in case to answer you, and that makes you so peremp tory.

Fast. Peremptory? 'Slife I appeal to the drawers, if I did him any hard measure. George. They are all gone, there's none of them will be laid any hold on.

Cons. Well, sir, you are like to answer till the rest can be found out.

Fast. 'Slid, I appeal to George, here. Cons. Tut, George was not here; away with him to the Counter, sirs. Come, sir, you were best get yourself drest somewhere.

George. Good lord, that master Carlo could not take heed, and knowing what a gentleman the knight is, if he be angry.

Draw. A pox on 'em, they have left all

George. Gods so, signior Fungoso!

Maci. He's good pawn for the reckoning; be sure you keep him here, and let him not go away till I come again, though he offer to discharge all: I'll return presently.

George. Sirrah, we have a pawn for the reckoning.

Draw. What, of Macilente?

George. No, look under the table.

Fung. I hope all be quiet now; if I can get but forth of this street, I care not; masters, I pray you tell me, is the constable gone? [He looks out under the table. George. What? master Fungoso? Fung. Was't not a good device this same of me, sirs?

George. Yes faith; ha' you been here all this while?

Fung. O God, I; good sir, look an' the coast be clear, I'd fain be going.

George. Alt's clear, sir, but the reckoning; and that you must clear and pay before you go, I assure you.

Fung. I pay? Slight, I eat not a bit since I came into the house, yet.

Draw. Why, you may when you please, 'tis all ready below that was bespoken.

Fung. Bespoken? not by me, I hope ? George. By you, sir? I know not that; but 'twas for you and your company, I am

sure.

Fung. My company? 'Slid, I was an invited guest, so I was.

Draw. Faith we have nothing to do with that, sir. They're all gone but you, and we must be answer'd; that's the short and the long on't.

Fung. Nay, if you will grow to extremities, my masters, then would this pot, cup, and all were in my belly, if I have a cross about me.

George. What, and have such apparel? do not say so, signior; that mightily discredits your clothes.

Fung. As I am an honest man, my taylor had all my money this morning, and yet I must be fain to alter my suit too; good sirs, let me go, 'tis Friday night, and in good truth I have no stomach in the world to eat any thing.

Draw. That's no matter, so you pay, sir. Fung. God's light, with what conscience can you ask me to pay that I never drank for?

George. Yes, sir, I did see you drink

once.

Fung. By this cup, which is silver, but

you did not; you do me infinite wrong, I look'd in the pot once indeed, but I did not drink.

Draw. Well, sir, if you can satisfy our master, it shall be all one to us. (By-and-by.)

GREX.

Cor. Lose not yourself now, signior.

SCENE VIII.

Macilente, Deliro, Fallace. Maci. Tut, sir, you did bear too hard a conceit of me in that, but I will now make my love to you most transparent, in spight of any dust of suspicion that may be raised to cloud it and henceforth, since I see it is so against your humour, I will never labour to persuade you.

Deli. Why, I thank you, signior; but what's that you tell me may concern my peace so much?

Maci. Faith, sir, 'tis thus. Your wife's brother, signior Fungoso, being at supper to-night at a tavern, with a sort of gallants, there happened some division amongst 'em, and he is left in pawn for the reckoning; now, if ever you look that time shall present you with an happy occasion to do your wife some gracious and acceptable service, take hold of this opportunity, and presently go and redeem him; for, being her brother, and his credit so amply engag'd as now it is, when she shall hear (as he cannot himself, but he must out of extremity report it) that you came, and offered yourself so kindly, and with that respect of his reputation, why, the benefit cannot but make her dote, and grow mad of your affections.

Deli. Now, by heaven, Macilente, I acknowledge myself exceedingly indebted to you, by this kind tender of your love; and I am sorry to remember that I was ever so rude to neglect a friend of your importance; bring me shoes and a cloke there; I was going to bed, if you had not come; what tavern is it?

Maci. The Mitre, sir.

Deli. O, why Fido, my shoes. Good faith it cannot but please her exceedingly. Fal. Come, I mar'l what piece of nightwork you have in hand now, that you call for a cloke, and your shoes! what, is this your pandar?

Deli. O, sweet wife, speak lower, I would not he should hear thee for a world

Fal. Hang him rascal, I cannot abide him for his treachery, with his wild quickset beard there. Whither go you now with him?

Deli. No whither with him, dear wife, I go alone to a place, from whence I will re

turn instantly. Good Macilente, acquaint not her with it by any means, it may come so much the more accepted, frame some other answer. I'll come back immediately.

Fal. Nay, an' I be not worthy to know whither you go, stay till I take knowledge of your coming back.

Maci. Hear you, mistress Deliro?

Fal. So, sir, and what say you?

Maci. Faith, lady, my intents will not deserve this slight respect, when you shall know 'em.

Fal. Your intents? why, what may your intents be, for God's sake?

Maci. Troth, the time allows no circumstance, lady, therefore know this was but a device to remove your husband hence, and bestow him securely, whilst, with more conveniency, I might report to you a misfortune that hath happened to monsieur Brisknay comfort, sweet lady. This night, being at supper, a sort of young gallants committed a riot, for the which he, only, is apprehended and carried to the Counter; where if your husband, and other creditors, should but have knowledge of him, the poor gentleman were undone for ever.

Ful. Ay me! that he were.

Maci. Now therefore, if you can think upon any present means for his delivery, do not foreslow it. A bribe to the officer that committed him, will do it.

Fal. O God, sir, he shall not want for a bribe; pray you, will you commend me to him, and say I'll visit him presently?

Maci. No, lady, I shall do you better service, in protracting your husband's return, that you may go with more safety.

Fal. Good truth, so you may; farewell, good sir. Lord, how a woman may be mistaken in a man! I would have sworn upon all the testaments in the world, he had not lov'd master Brisk. Bring me my keys there, maid. Alas, good gentleman, if all I have 'this earthly world will pleasure him, it shall be at his service.

or apparel, but as shall become a gentleman, for good carriage, or so.

Deli. You say well. This is all i' the bill here; is't not?

George. I, sir.

Deli. There's your money, tell it; and, brother, I am glad I met with so good occasion to shew my love to you.

Fung. I will study to deserve it in good truth, an' I live.

Deli. What, is't right?

George. I, sir, and I thank you.

Fung. Let me have a capon's leg sav'd, now the reckoning is paid. George. You shall, sir.

Maci. Where's signior Deliro?
Deli. Here, Macilente.

Maci. Hark you, sir, ha' you dispatcht this same ?

Deli. I marry have I.

Maci. Well then, I can tell you news, Brisk is i' the Counter.

Deli. P' the Counter?

Maci. 'Tis true, sir, committed for the stir here to-night. Now would I have you send your brother home afore, with the report of this your kindness done him, to his sister, which will so pleasingly possess her, and out of his mouth too, that i' the mean time you may clap your action on Brisk, and your wife, being in so happy a mood, cannot entertain it ill, by any means.

Deli. 'Tis very true, she cannot indeed, I think.

Maci. Think? why 'tis past thought, you shall never meet the like opportunity, I as

GREX.

Cor. As upon her lips, does she mean? Mit. O, this is to be imagin'd the Counter belike?

Fast. Troth, fair lady, 'tis first the pleasure of the fates, and next of the constable, to have it so: but I am patient, and indeed comforted the more in your kind visit.

Fal. Nay, you shall be comforted in me more than this, if you please, sir. I sent you word by my brother, sir, that my husband laid to 'rest you this morning, I know not whether you receiv'd it or no.

Fast. No believe it, sweet creature, your brother gave me no such intelligence. Fal. O, the lord!

[pose? Fast. But has your husband any such purFal. O sweet master Brisk, yes: and therefore be presently discharged, for if he come with his actions upon you (Lord deliver you) you are in for one half a score year; he kept a poor man in Ludgate once twelve year for sixteen shillings. Where's your keeper? for love's-sake call him, let him take a bribe, and dispatch you. Lord, how my heart trembles! here are no spies? are there?

Fust. No, sweet mistress, why are you in this passion?

Ful. O lord, master Fastidius, if you knew how I took up my husband to-day, when he said he would arrest you; and how I rail'd at him that persuaded him to't, the scholar there, (who on my conscience loves you now) and what care I took to send you intelligence by my brother; and how I gave him four sovereigns for his pains: and now, how I came running out hither without man or boy with me, so soon as I heard on't; you'd say I were in a passion indeed: your keeper, for God's sake. O, master Brisk, (as tis in Euphues,) "Hard is the choice 1o, "when one is compell'd either by silence to "die with grief, or by speaking to live with "shame."

10

Fast. Fair lady, I conceive you, and may this kiss assure you, that where adversity hath (as it were) contracted, prosperity shall Gods me! your husband.

not

Fal. O me!

SCENE XI.

Deliro, Macilente, Fallace, Fastidius Brisk. Deli. I? is't thus!

Maci. Why, how now, signior Deliro? has the wolf seen you? ha? hath Gorgon's head made marble of you?

Deli. Some planet strike me dead.
Maci. Why, look you, sir, I told you,