1 Mad. True, but thou wilt dance in a halter, and I shall not see thee. Ans. Oh do not vex him, pray. Cas. Are you a fisherman, father? 1 Mad. No, I am neither fish nor flesh. Flu. What do you with that net then? 210 1 Mad. Dost not see, fool? There's a fresh salmon in 't; if you step one foot further, you'll be over shoes, for you see I'm over head and ears in the salt-water: and if you fall into [215 this whirl-pool where I am, y' are drown'd: y'are a drown'd rat. I am fishing here for five ships, but I cannot have a good draught, for my net breaks still, and breaks; but I'll break some of your necks an I catch you in my clutches. [220 Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay, where 's the wind? where 's the wind? where 's the wind? where the wind? Ont, yon gulls, you goose-caps,1 you gudgeon-eaters! Do you look for the wind in the heavens? Ha, ha, ha, ha! no, no! Look [228 there, look there, look there! the wind is always at that door: hark how it blows, puff, puff, puff! All. Ha, ha, ha! gray 1 Mad. Do you laugh at God's creatures? [230 Do you mock old age, you rogues? Is this beard and head counterfeit that you cry, ha, ha, ha? Sirrah, art not thou my eldest son? Pio. Yes, indeed, father. 1 Mad. Then th'art a fool, for my eldest [255 son had a polt-foot,3 crooked legs, a verjuice face, and a pear-colour'd beard. I made him a scholar, and he made himself a fool. - Sirrah, thou there: hold out thy hand. 1 Simpletons. Dupes. Club foot. Sour, crabbed. Duke. My hand? Well, here 't is. 240 1 Mad. Look, look, look, look! Has he not long nails, and short hair? Flu. Yes, monstrous short hair, and abominable long nails. 1 Mad. Ten-penny nails, are they not? 245 Flu. Yes, ten-penny nails. 1 Mad. Such nails had my second boy. Kneel down, thou varlet, and ask thy father's blessing. Such nails had my middlemost son, and I made him a promoter: and he scrapt, and [200 scrapt, and scrapt, till he got the devil and all: but he scrapt thus, and thus, and thus, and it went under his legs, till at length a company of kites, taking him for carrion, swept up all, all, all, all, all, all, all. If you love your [255 lives, look to yourselves: see, see, see, see, the Turks' galleys are fighting with my ships! Bounce goes the guns! Oooh! cry the men! Rumble, rumble, go the waters! Alas, there; 't is sunk, 't is sunk: I am undone, I am un- [200 done! You are the damn'd pirates have undone me: you are, by the Lord, you are, you are ! Stop 'em - you are! Ans. Why, how now sirrah! Must I fall to tame you? 265 1 Mad. Tame me! No, I'll be madder than a roasted cat. See, see, I am burnt with gunpowder, these are our close fights! Ans. I'll whip you, if you grow unruly thus. 1 Mad. Whip me? Out you toad! Whip [270 me? What justice is this, to whip me because I am a beggar? Alas! I am a poor man: a very poor man! I am stary'd, and have had no meat by this light, ever since the great flood; I am 3 Mad. Gaffer shoemaker, you pull'd on my wife's pumps, and then crept into her pantofles: 2 lie there, lie there! - This was her tailor. [304 You cut out her loose-bodied gown, and put in a yard more than I allowed her; lie there by the shoemaker. O master doctor! are you here? You gave me a purgation, and then crept into my wife's chamber to feel her pulses, and [309 you said, and she said, and her maid said, that they went pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat. Doctor, I'll put you anon into my wife's urinal. Heigh, come aloft, Jack! This was her school-master, and taught her to play upon the virginals, [314 and still his jacks & leapt up, up. You prickt her out nothing but bawdy lessons, but I'll prick you all, fiddler-doctor-tailor-shoe maker-shoemaker-fiddler-doctor-tailor! So lie with my wife again, now. 319 Cas. See how he notes the other, now he feeds. 3 Mad. Give me some porridge. 2 Mad. I'll give thee none. 3 Mad. Give me some porridge. 2 Mad. I'll not give thee a bit. 3 Mad. Give me that flap-dragon.5 325 2 Mad. I'll not give thee a spoonful. Thou liest, it's no dragon, 't is a parrot that I bought for my sweetheart, and I'll keep it. 3 Mad. Here 's an almond for parrot. 2 Mad. Hang thyself! 3 Mad. Here's a rope for parrot. 2 Mad. Eat it, for I'll eat this. 6 330 3 Mad. I'll shoot at thee, an thou 't give me 3 Mad. I'll answer 't at sessions: he was eating of almond-butter, and I long'd for 't. The child had never been delivered out of my belly, if I had not kill'd him. I'll answer 't at sessions, so my wife may be burnt i' th' hand, too. [354 Ans. Take 'em in both: bury him, for he's dead. 1 The Qq. read 2 Mad. for 3 Mad. and 3 Mad. for 2 Mad. [Servants remove 2 and 3 Madmen.] Enter BELLAFRONT mad. Ans. How now, huswife, whither gad you? Bell. A-nutting forsooth. How do you, gaffer? How do you, gaffer? There's a French curtsey for you, too. Flu. 'T is Bellafront! Pio. "T is the punk, by th' Lord! Duke. Father, what's she, I pray? Ans. As yet I know not, She came in but this day; talks little idly, And therefore has the freedom of the house. Bell. Do not you know me ?-nor you? nor you? -nor you? All. No, indeed. 370 Bell. Then you are an ass, and you an ass, - and you are an ass, for I know you. Ans. Why, what are they? Come, tell me, what are they? 528 Bell. They're fish-wives, will you buy any gudgeons? 7 God's santy! yonder come friars, I know them too. Enter HIPPOLITO, MATHEO, and INFELICE disguised in the habits of Friars. [Aside to HIPPOLITO, etc.] The duke is here, speak nothing. Bell. Nay, indeed, you shall not go: we'll run at barley-break first, and you shall be in hell.8 384 Mat. My punk turn'd mad whore, as all her fellows are! Hip. Say nothing; but steal hence, when you spy time. Ans. I'll lock you up, if you 're unruly: fie! Bell. Fie! Marry, so, they shall not go indeed, till I ha' told 'em their fortunes. Duke. Good father, give her leave. Bell. Ay, pray, good father, and I'll give you my blessing. Ans. Well then, be brief, but if you're thus unruly, I'll have you lockt up fast. Pio. Come, to their fortunes. Bell. Let me see, one, two, three, and four. I'll begin with the little friar first. Here's a fine hand, indeed! I never saw friar have such a dainty hand: here's a hand for a lady! [400 Here's your fortune: You love a friar better than a nun; Yet long you'll love no friar, nor no friar's son. Bow a little, the line of life is out, yet I'm afraid, 7 A corruption of God's sanctity or God's saints. (Steevens.) 8 In the game of barley-break the ground was divided into three compartments, the middle one of which was called "hell." I. e. Infelice. For all you 're holy, you'll not die a maid. God give you joy! 405 All. Beseech your lordship! Now to you, Friar Tuck. Mat. God send me good luck! Bell. You love one, and one loves you: 610 You 're a false knave, and she's a Jew, Troth, so does your nose Ho friar, ho! God be here ! 415 So he had need. You'll keep good cheer, Hip. Do; draw all your weapons. O rare trick! What can come forth but sparkles, that will burn Yourself and us? She's mine; my claim's most good; She's mine by marriage, though she's yours by blood. [Ans. kneeling.] I have a hand, dear lord, deep in this act, 440 444 For I foresaw this storm, yet willingly Like the spring's forehead, comfortably sweet; theirs, And happiness shall crown your silver hairs. Flu. You see, my lord, there's now no remedy. 1 A quibble. "Table" also meant the palm of the hand (Dyce.) Duke. You beseech fair, you have me in place fit 455 460 To bridle me. - Rise friar, you may be glad Bell. Am not I a good girl, for finding [484 "the friar in the well?" 2 Gods so, you are a brave man! Will not you buy me some sugarplums, because I am so good a fortune-teller? Duke. Would thou hadst wit, thou pretty soul, to ask, As I have will to give. 469 Bell. Pretty soul? A pretty soul is better than a pretty body. Do not you know my pretty soul? I know you. Is not your name Matheo? Mat. Yes, lamb. Bell. Baa lamb! there you lie, for I am mutton.3-Look, fine man! he was mad for me (475 once, and I was mad for him once, and he was mad for her once, and were you never mad? Yes, I warrant; I had a fine jewel once, a very fine jewel, and that naughty man stole it away from me, a very fine and a rich jewel. Duke. What jewel, pretty maid? Bell. Maid? Nay, that's a lie. O, 't was a very rich jewel, called a maidenhead, and had not you it, leerer? Mat. Out, you mad ass! away. 480 485 He shall make thee amends, and marry thee. Bell. Shall he? O brave Arthur of Bradley + then! Duke. And if he bear the mind of a gentleman, I know he will. 491 510 I am not mad, but put on this disguise, Because I helpt to rear your main-mast first? 516 The cuckold's stamp goes current in all nations, Some men ha' horns giv'n them at their creations; If I be one of those, why so: 't is better 520 To take a common wench, and make her good, 525 Enter Candido's wife [VIOLA] and GEORGE. Geo. Come mistress, we are in Bedlam now; mass and see, we come in pudding-time, for here's the duke. Vio. My husband, good my lord! 534 Cast. It's Candido, my lord, he 's here among the lunatics. Father Anselmo, pray fetch him forth. [Exit ANSELMO.] This mad woman is his wife, and though she were not with child, yet did she long most spitefully to have her [39 husband mad; and because she would be sure he should turn Jew, she placed him here in Bethlem. Yonder he comes. Enter CANDIDO with ANSELMO. Duke. Come hither, signor; are you mad? 545 Cand. Then may you know I am not mad, that know Duke. For he whose breast is tender, blood so cool, That no wrongs heat it, is a patient fool. Patience, my lord! why, 't is the soul of peace; That can be; for it doth embrace all wrongs, 580 584 And makes him seem proud of each iron chain, He's mad, whose words march in so good array? 'T were sin all women should such husbands have, For every man must then be his wife's slave. Come, therefore, you shall teach our court to shine, So calm a spirit is worth a golden mine. long, In Bedlam must they dwell, else dwell they wrong. Exeunt. 3 Reason. M } Harlots. Lod. My lady sheet in de toder side! Did [25 you ever hear a rascal talk so like a pagan? Is 't not strange that a fellow of his star, should be seen here so long in Italy, yet speak so from + a Christian? Enter ANTONIO GEORGIO, a poor scholar [with a book]. Ast. An Irishman in Italy! that so strange! Why, the nation have running heads. 31 Exchange walk.5 Lod. Nay, Carolo, this is more strange, I ha' been in France, there's few of them. Marry, England they count a warm chimney corner, and there they swarm like crickets to the crevice of a brew-house; but sir, in England I [36 have noted one thing. All. What's that, what 's that of England? Lod. Marry this, sir,- What 's he yonder? 39 Ber. A poor fellow would speak with my lord. Lod. In England, sir,- troth, I ever laugh when I think on 't: to see a whole nation should be markt i'th' forehead, as a man may say, with one iron: why, sir, there all costermongers are Irishmen. 45 Car. Oh, that's to show their antiquity, as coming from Eve. who was an apple-wife, and they take after the mother. All. Good, good! ha, ha! Lod. Why, then, should all your chimney- [50 sweepers likewise be Irishmen? Answer that now; come, your wit. Car. Faith, that's soon answered; for St. Patrick, you know, keeps purgatory; he makes 4 Unlike. • Promenade, as on the Exchange. |