IV. V. Dam. One cup more, and then let the bell [120 toll: I hope I shall be weak enough by that time. 1 Kiss. ? Time to repay borrowed money. Lam. Master Dampit Dam. Is the sack spouting? Lam. 'Tis coming forward, sir. Here's [125 a countryman, a client of yours, waits for your deep and profound advice, sir. Dam. A coxcombry, where is he? Let him approach: set me up a peg higher. sir. Lam. [to SIR LAUN.] You must draw near, 131 Dam. Now, good man fooliaminy, what say you to me now? Sir L. Please your good worship, I am a poor man, sir 135 Dam. What make you in my chamber then? Sir L. I would entreat your worship's device in a just and honest cause, sir. Dam. I meddle with no such matters; I refer 'em to Master No-man's office. 140 Sir L. I had but one house left me in all the world, sir, which was my father's, my grandfather's, my great-grandfather's, and now a villain has unjustly wrung me out, and took possession on 't. 145 Dam. Has he such feats? Thy best course is to bring thy ejectione firmae, and in seven year thou mayst shove him out by the law. Sir L. Alas, an 't please your worship, I have small friends and less money! 150 Dam. Hoyday! this gear will fadge well.+ Hast no money? Why, then, my advice is, thou must set fire a' th' house, and so get him out. Lam. That will break strife, indeed. 155 Sir L. I thank your worship for your hot counsel, sir. Altering but my voice a little, you see he knew me not: you may observe by this, that a drunkard's memory holds longer in the voice than in the person. But, gentle- [160 men, shall I show you a sight? Behold the little dive-dapper 5 of damnation, Gulf the usurer, for his time worse than t'other. Enter HOARD with GULF. Lam. What's he comes with him? Sir L. Why, Hoard, that married lately [105 the Widow Medler. Lam. O, I cry yon mercy, sir. Hoa. Now, gentlemen visitants, how does Master Dampit? 109 Sir L. Faith, here he lies, e'en drawing in, sir, good canary as fast as he can, sir; a very weak creature, truly, he is almost past memory. Hoa. Fie, Master Dampit! you lie lazing a-bed here, and I come to invite you to my [1:5 wedding-dinner: up, up, up! Dam. Who's this? Master Hoard? Who hast thou married, in the name of foolery? Hoa. A rich widow. Dam. A Dutch widow ? 6 Dam. There's too much for thee, then; thou mayst let out some to thy neighbours. Gulf. What, hung alive in chains? O spectacle! bed-staffs of steel? O monstrum hor- [190 rendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen ademptum !1 O Dampit, Dampit, here's a just judgment shown upon usury, extortion, and trampling villany! Sir L. This is excellent, thief rails upon [195 the thief! Gulf. Is this the end of cut-throat_usury, brothel, and blasphemy? Now mayst thou see what race a usurer runs. Dam. Why, thou rogue of universality, [200 do not I know thee? Thy sound is like the cuckoo, the Welsh ambassador; 2 thou cowardly slave, that offers to fight with a sick man when his weapon's down! Rail upon me in my naked bed? Why, thou great Lucifer's [205 little vicar! I am not so weak but I know a knave at first sight. Thou inconscionable rascal! thou that goest upon Middlesex juries, and wilt make haste to give up thy verdict because thou wilt not lose thy dinner! Are [210 you answered? Gulf. An 't were not for shame Draws his dagger. Dam. Thou wouldst be hang'd then. Lam. Nay, you must exercise patience, Master Gulf, always in a sick man's chamber. 215 Sir L. He'll quarrel with none, I warrant you, but those that are bed-rid. Dam. Let him come, gentlemen, I am arm'd : reach my close-stool hither. Sir L. Here will be a sweet fray anon: [220 I'll leave you, gentlemen, Lam. Nay, we'll go along with you.- Master Gulf Gulf. Hang him, usuring rascal ! Sir L. Pish, set your strength to his, your [225 wit to his! Aud. Pray, gentlemen, depart; his hour's come upon him.-Sleep in my bosom, sleep. Sir L. Nay, we have enough of him, i' faith; keep him for the house. Now make your best: 230 Luc. I shall have great joy there when he has borne away the widow ! Wit. Why, la, I thought where I should find you presently. Uncle, a' my troth, 'tis nothing so. Luc. What's nothing so, sir? Is not he mar ried to the widow? Wit. No, by my troth, is he not, uncle. Wit. Will you have the truth on't? He is married to a whore, i' faith. Luc. I should laugh at that. Wit. Uncle, let me perish in your favour [15 if you find it not so; and that 't is I that have married the honest woman. Luc. Ha! I'd walk ten mile'a foot to see that, i' faith. Wit. And see 't you shall, or I'll ne'er see [" yon again. Luc. A quean, i' faith? Ha, ha, ha! Exeunt. [SCENE II.] 5 Enter HOARD, tasting wine, Host following in a livery cloak. Hoa, Pup, pup, pup, pup, I like not this wine is there never a better tierce in the house? Host. Yes, sir, there are as good tierces in the house as any are in England. Hoa. Desire your mistress, you knave, to taste 'em all over; she has best skill. Host. [Aside.] Has she so? The better for her, and the worse for you. Hoa. Arthur! [Enter ARTHUR.] Is the cupboard of plate set out? Arth. All's in order, sir. Erit. 10 [Exit.] Hoa. I am in love with my liveries every time I think on 'em ; they make a gallant show, by my troth. Niece! [Enter JOYCE.] Joyce. Do you call, sir? 15 Hoa. Prithee, show a little diligence, and overlook the knaves a little; they 'Il filch and steal to-day, and send whole pasties home to their wives; an thou be'st a good niece, do [20 not see me purloin'd. Joyce. Fear it not, sir - [Aside.] I have cause: though the feast be prepared for you, yet it serves fit for my wedding-dinner too. Erit.] Enter two Gentlemen [LAMPREY and SPICHCOCK]. Hoa. Master Lamprey and Master Spich- [25 cock, two the most welcome gentlemen alive! Your fathers and mine were all free a' th' fishmongers.6 Lam. They were indeed, sir. You see bold guests, sir; soon entreated. Hoa. And that's best, sir. 6 A room in Hoard's house. 4 A room in Lucre's house. • Members of the Fishmongers' Company. 30 Money, or goods; I took a plainer course, And told you true, I'd nothing: 160 164 If error were committed, 't was by you; Thank your own folly. Nor has my sin been So odions, but worse has been forgiven; Nor am I so deform'd, but I may challenge The utmost power of any old man's love. She that tastes not sin before, twenty to one but she 'll taste it after: most of you old men are content to marry young virgins, and take that which follows; where, marrying one of us, you both save a sinner and are quit from a cuckold for ever: 170 And more, in brief, let this your best thoughts win, She that knows sin, knows best how to hate sin. Hoa. Curst be all malice! black are the fruits of spite, And poison first their owners. O, my friends, Wit. Alas, sir, I was prickt in conscience to see her well bestowed, and where could I bestow her better than upon your pitiful worship? ['80 Excepting but myself, I dare swear she 's a virgin; and now, by marrying your niece, I have banisht myself for ever from her. She's 1 A trick. Some mod. edd. emend to punk. mine aunt now, by my faith, and there's meddling with mine aunt, you know: a s against my nuncle. Cour. Lo, gentlemen, before yon all In true reclaimed form I fall. [Knee's T All secret friends and private meetings, To be let blood though sign be at heart; Luc. to WITGOOD.] Ah, here's a lessca, rio ter, for you! Wit. I must confess my follies; I'll downl too: And here for ever I disclaim [Kneels.] A J |