ance of it, that ftrikes children's fancies, as their palate does not at all diftinguish the difference between an apple and an onion; and this I know by long and re. peated experience." Surprized at her odd affeveration, uttered in good earnest, I answered, that "I wondered to hear what I had never fufpected to be the cafe; but, as I had fome doubt of it, begged leave to ring the bell, and defired the fervant to bring up an apple and an onion." My little Sophy, who was always my cheval de bataille on fuch occafions, was then fint for; and the confident woman, cutting prefently a good flice of the onion, put it into the child's mouth, and bid her peremptorily eat it, which he did with a moft aftonishing intrepidity. "See, fee," faid madam, with a triumphant emphafis, "are you clear now that children have no tafte?" "Sophy,” said I, “Mamma gives you the choice of the onion and the apple, and you may eat which you chuse."' To be fure I chufe the apple," faid Sophy. "But why," faid I, "when the apple is but fmall, and the onion three times as large ?" "Very true," faid Sophy; "but the onion is very bad, and the apple is very good." Here the mother's exultation began to lower, and her forehead began to overfpread with a cloud. "But why," faid I, did you eat the Alice of the onion, that Mamma put into your mouth?" "Because," answered the, "when Mamma bids me do a thing, I must do it, and quick, or the gives me a good box on the ear; but, to be fure, I would rather eat an apple than an onion at any time, as I love apples very much, and onions not at all." Ye frolickfome fparks of the game, as the fong calls you, did you ever happen to behold how an unlucky chambermaid stands confounded when the old, fpectacled and prayer-muttering housekeeper unexpectedly catches her in the fact with Will the footman, or Tony the coachman? how low the bends her head leaning against the bed poft, and how awkwardly the ftrokes the plaits of her rumpled apron? her face tinged all over with a cherry hue, and her quivering lips unable to utter a fingle monofyllable, while her recreant gallant takes himself away, and leaves her most unmercifully in the lurch? Just fo remained my fweet Hefter Lynch at little Sophy's fimple fpeech, which inftantaneously defeated a thick fquadron of moft philofophic ideas, long ordered in battle array on the vast field of her green imagination! However, like Will or Tony, the button'd-up the difafter, though it vifibly affected her greatly more, than even the other about the pond, and ftole herself furlily away from the dining room, rivetted more and more in that averfion, which, as I have reason to fuppofe, fhe began to folter against me a few months betore; that is, on a day, when I happened unluckily to prove to her, that other countries, befides England, produced oaks; which was another thing he had no idea of, as fhe had pofitively read fomewhere, that no country but hers was bieffed with that wonderful tree.—Such, Ladies and Gentlenen, was the general and profound knowledge of Mrs. Thrale, after having had a matter of ten years the famed Dr. Johnfon pianed as it were to her upper petticoat; by which means the obtained the reputation of a fapient woman, every one giving her the credit of having plunged ten thousand fathoms deep in the great ocean of literature, by the affittance of her celebrated conductor. Not a few more fimilar inftances could I easily bring forth of the aftonishing wit, or amazing itupidity, call it what you like beft, of this female Ariftotle, the chiefest wonder of her day within the bills of mortality, and as far as the pennypott is allowed to go. But I am not willing, for the prefent, to digrels any further from my principal fubject, that is, from Dr. Johnfon's nafty paragraph, defirous as I am of washing myfelf clean from the rafcally charge that induced him to pen it. This, however, I muit add, by way of corollary, that, from the two adventures of the pond and the onion, any tyrannical mother may eafily compre' end, that the tender-hearted Hefter Lyncn poffeffed a very wife method of her own in the education of her cffspring and fo far was her not tyrannical power established over her little-ones, that they fubmitted with readiness, and even with apparent alacrity, to chew and fwallow any thing ever to repugnant to their palates, rather than expote themfelves to the blows of her Salusbury-fitt, as the herself called her beautiful hand; and you mot know en passant, that the fame hand, or Slufbury-fit, is of fuch a stoutness and size, as would not disgrace an Humphreys or Mendoza, a coalheaver of the Thames, or a parter of the cuftom-houfe. And of this peculiarity in her structure, the Lords and the Squires that frequent her Monday-concerts, may eafily convince themfelves by ocular inSpection. Indeed, indeed, the tremen Eee 2 doufnels duoufnefs of the Salusbury-fift is fuch, that no wonder if it always caufed a great palpitation of heart to the poor little creatures, expofed to the hourly danger of feeling its weight, on the fmalleft deviation from her defpotic injunctions. Nor muft any body be at all furprifed, if the happy owner of that intimidating pestle knew fo little as he did with regard to, the intellects of her little girls, as the hugcnefs and heaviness of that fame mal. let, which, like the enormous gauntlet feen on the ftaircafe of the Caftie of Otranto, was rendered ftill more frightful by the thrill tone of her voice, when fhe fell in a paflion: fo that the combined powers of voice and fift fmote almoft inceffantly their little hearts with inexpreffible terror, and made them habitually fo dumb, that the never heard them prattle, nor could of courfe ever observe the gradual encrease of their understandings, and of thofe powers that made them fufficiently acquainted with the difference between folids and fluids, and between apples and onions. But let us now go back again to the odious paragraph, which is what preffes moft upon my mind, and quit all inferior confiderations, which are little better to me than buns, and cheesecakes, and gingerbread from Kenfington. Fairly does Dr. Johnson confefs in that paragraph, that he fet me a bad example, by being himself rude and cynical to her; and very prettily does he beg of her to pardon me a misbehaviour, which he confidered as a mere imitation of his own. However, of his cynicalnefs, and rudenefs, and misbehaviour, it fo happens, that we have not the leaft glimpfe throughout his letters; and, on the contrary, every word in them breathes nothing but great love to her, great affection, great attachment, great confideration, great veneration, and other fucn defirable dainties, wherewith the was for a long time as abundantly feasted, as Master Mark Antony himself by the Queen of Egypt. For the evident difagreement between the Doctor's avowal of misbehaviour to her, and the conftantiy refpectful and loving style of his letters, more than one reafon may be given, Fift of all, Mrs. Heiter Lynch has carefully omitted printing thofe letters, or parts of letters, which the thought would not much contribute to the enlargement of her fame, and the multiplication of her glories. She tells him fomewhere, that, when once he turns the page, he is fure of a difquifition, or an oblervation, or a little fcold: But where do we fee any foold, little or great, throughout the two volumes? No fuch thing is to be found in them: and why? Because the has carefully.. fuppreffed every jobation, as they fay at Cambridge, which was a flagrant breach of that fidelity the has promised in her preface. In another place, the refents with fome afperity, his having plagued her about her talking on painting: but the letter in which he plagued her, was fuppreffed likewife. Had the proved the fcrupulous Editor fhe had promifed to be, fhe would have had her due fhare of dif paraging paragraphs as well as myself and others; but he was too fubdolous for that, and bravely took care of herself, fince good luck had put it in her power. But, was it really fair to difgrace me and others, by thus partially omitting whatever might have afforded us fome little comfort, feeing her brought down into the number of the focii doloris, and abstaining from publishing what would have left fome little ftain on her fmooth and beauteous fkin? Alas, alas! the would have nothing in the collection, but what proved honey and marmalade to her gentle lips, and left us little elfe to mafticate than horfe-raddith and rhubarb! Upon my honour, I think that it was not fair at all to ufe us in this difingenuous manner! The fecond and ftrongest reafon for the ftriking difagreement between the cenfure of misbehaviour, which the Doctor honeftly past on himfelf in the paragraph, and the unremitted ftrain of kind compliments to her throughout the two volumes, may easily be found out, if we do but confider, that fpeaking and writing are two very diftinct affairs. When what they had to lay was fpoken face to face, her pertnefs, her wrong headedness, her nonfenfe, and, above all, her conftant knack of telling the thing that is not, fretted him, and provoked him to talk with rudeness and cynicalness; that is, to tell her very harth and very offenfive truths, which the moft heroically put up with, in confequence of that all-fweeping vanity, which made her ferociously defirous of overtopping every other female individual, by paffing herfelf upon the world for a woman of great learning, and a fit companion for fuch a man as the author of the Rambler. But when she wrote to him, circumstances were entirely changed. Her thoughts then were not extempora neous, as in her talk; her petulance of voice and look could not operate in the leaft; her topicks could not admit of much much untruth; and her flattery, above all, flowed in a plentiful ftream; nor does it want notoriety, that Doctor Johnfon, like any common mortal, was not only fond of flattery, but openly and profeffedly declared oftentimes, that he loved it dearly, come from whatever quarter it would. No wonder then, if, in most of his letters to her, he returned it double and triple-fold, efpecially as he always nade it a point never to be furpaffed by any body in any thing that he did not think finful; and flattery from others to himself, or from himfelt to others, was never put by him in the catalogue of mortal offences. Hence his dearest dear Lady, and deareft dearest Madam; hence his profefling, that to hear her was to hear wit, and to fee her was to fee virtue; and hence that enormous quantity of other fugary words and liquorith phrafes bestowed upon her, that now turn the ftomach of all thofe who know her intimately, and had frequently been witnefies of his unrestrained upbraiding and auftere reprimands. It is true, that in one of his letters he begs of her and of one of her daughters to leave off hyperbolical praife, as it corrupts the tongue of the mother and the ear of the daughbut the words were written when his fpirits were low, in confequence of a fevere fit of illness fcarcely weathered; and we all know, that illness makes every man somewhat unlike himself, at leait momentarily, let his force of mind be ever fo gigantick. ter; pleafure-ground foon reftored her to her ufual elasticity, made her come back to give us tea, and the puny powers of Prefto were mentioned no more. His auftere reprimands, and unreftrained upbraidings, when face to face with her, always delighted Mr. Thrale, and were approved even by her children: and I remember to this purpose a piece of mortification the once underwent by a trait de naiveté of poor little Harry, fome months before he died. Harry, faid his father to him, on entering the room where Madam fat with Johnlon, are you liftening to what the Doctor and Mamma are talking about? Yes, Papa, anfwered the boy. And, quoth Mr. Thrale, what are they faying? They are difputing, replied Harry; but Mamma has juft fuch a chance aginft Dr. Johnson, as Prefto would have, if he were to fight Dash.-Dash was a large dog, and Prefto but a little one, The laugh this innocent obfervation produced, was fo very loud and hearty, that Madam, unable to ftand it, quitted the room in fuch a mood, as was ftill more laughable than the boy's pertinent remark, though the muttered it was very impertinent. However, a short turn in the With a woman that endeavoured conftantly to have the laft word, and never had candour enough to own herself de-, feated, it may catily be credited, that Johnfon must have often proved rude and cynical, though he had not formally contefled it in the paragraph. Such liberties however I never took, whatever the may fay to the contrary; and whenever the and I differed in opinion, which happened almost daily, I conftantly chofe to put a speedy end to the altercation by holding my tongue; as, on one hand, I was perfectly aware, that, eclipfed fairly as I was by Doctor Johnfon's fuperior powers, I could not appear of importance enough in her eyes ever to bring her over to my way of thinking on any topick whatfoever; and on the other, I difdained to play the monkey to him, who never chofe to give up his point, but carried altercation as far as it could poffibly be carried. To join in opinion with her upon any subject in difpute, was a thing generally bordering upon the impoffible; and, as the whole family was mostly together with the Doctor and me during the time allotted to converfation, I thought it quite unfair to fide against her when the Doctor was at her; as it was too apparent, that she had already more business than she could conveniently manage. Talking one day about Milton, and the and I differing with regard to his verfification, which like all other blank-verse, Italian, Spanish, or English, always proved intipid and unharmonious to my ear; I gave up the point fo readily, that Johnson farcaftically obferved, I had fallen faminea manu: to which I fimply replied, that there was no difputing on subjects of taste; and defired him to take up the argument, if he chofe, and try if he could fucceed better, as I knew that he was quite on my fide of the queftion. Such having been my conftant tenour of conduct during the feven years, or little lefs, of my intimacy with the Thrale family; my wonder is, how Doctor Johnfon could fo pathetically intreat her to pardon my misbehaviour, and grossly ri dicule my fuppofed defire of appearing manly, independent, and wife, in the eyes of a being, that he himself was so often upbraiding and reprimanding with the moft earneft fcorn. Well did he know likewife, that, in fpight of my averfion to wrangle with the woman, as he inceffantly did, did, I was not upon the whole of fo meek a temper as to bear that neglect, which he advised her to fhew me; and indeed, when a long while after the date of that letter of his, Madam took it into her head to give herself airs, and treat me with fome coldnefs and fuperciliousness, I did not hesitate to fet down at breakfast my difh of tea not half drank, go for my hat and stick that lay in the corner of the room, turn my back to the house infalutato hofpite, and walk away to London without uttering a syllable, fully refolved never to fee her again, as was the cafe during no less than four years: nor had he and I ever met again as friends, if the and her husband had not chanced upon me after that lapfe of time at the house of a gentleman near Beckenham, and coaxed me into a reconciliation, which, as almost all reconciliatiors prove, was not very fincere on her fide or mine; fo that there was a total end of it on Mr. Thrale's demife, which happened about three years after. Had it been feasible for me to fee the pretty paragraph in Johnson's letter, wherein he advised her to neglect me a little, might I not have rationally expoftulated with him about an advice fo very prepofterous; probably given in a moment of abfurd fondness, not to say in a fit of abfurd flattery, and asked of him what kind of fuperiority over me he attributed to his ridiculous Idol ?" You "know, Doctor," I might have faid to him," that it was you yourself, who fo"licited me during feveral days to com"ply with her earnest prayer, to take "upon me to teach Italian and Spanish "to her favourite daughter; affuring me "from her, that, after a few years attendance in that occupation, a rich man "like Mr. Thrale would make me easy "with an annuity for the remainder of "my days. You know, Doctor, that "befides my inceffant teaching that dar"ling daughter, I have on Sundays read "and explained to her and to her father "the Spanish Bible; and occasionally "read and explained alfo to the mother a great many paffages out of our Italian "Poets, whenever the defired me fo to "do. You know, Doctor, what a fa"tigue and trouble I underwent when I "attended them to Paris along with you, "and with what readiness I waited after"wards upon Madam and her daughter "to Bath at a time when a companion "like me was in her opinion of such mo"ment, that she had fcarce words to ex46 prefs her gratitude for my offer to wait 66 on her thither at a moment's warning. "You know, Doctor, that for all these "troubles, and the total facrifice of my "time and my private ftudies, I had not "from Mr. Thrale, much lefs from her, "wherewithal to pay for my lodging in "town during almost feven years devoted "to their fervice; and you, Doctor, whe "know full well how feldom your Mif"trefs, as you call her, tells truth; you give implicit faith to her charge of my tyranny to her children, and misbe"haviour to herself? And you, without "the least enquiry or ceremony, advise "her to neglect me, by way of punish"ing me for trefpaffes, to which you gave no more credit thau to the tenets of "Mahometanifm? Fye upon you, Doc"tor, for thus reviling an old friend, "whom you ought to have fupported and "defended; as I always did you when"ever I found myself among those ill willers, difapprovers, and backbiters, "of which your luminous merits have procured you plenty this long long "while! A paltry little woman to punish ine, Doctor? And pray, for what, except it be for my folly in beaping upon "her many and many confiderable obli"gations, which never were returned in "the leaft proportion!" 66 What anfwer, reader, do you think that Doctor Johnfon would have given to all these questions, if, acquainted with his defpicable paragraph (for so I must call it, in fpight of that veneration I shall always have towards his memory) I had been enabled to argue with all these facts in my hand? facts, that the prefent degraded wife of a finger knows to be uncontrovertible, let her impudence in im. pugning truth be as great as the chufes. But enough for to-day. My anxiety about refcuing my character, fo iniquitoufly traduced in her publication, has, I am afraid, carried me a little beyond the reader's patience, by making me talk rather too long about my infignificant felf. To make him amends, I will endeavour in my following Strictures to entertain him with more fportive details; and, among other diverting fubjects, give him fome account of a bastard brother; a story not to be matched by any novel in Boccacio's Decameron; together with the rife, progrefs, and catastrophe of a certain paffion, que folet matres furiare equorum; which paffion, after several years anxious and impatient longing, made at last the learned Mrs. Thrale, the witty Mrs. Thrale, the virtuous Mrs. Thrale, the immortal mistress of the cele brated brated Doctor Samuel Johnfon, defcend at once from her altitudes, and dwindle down into the contemptible wife of her daughter's finging-malter, to the profound aftonishment and envy of all the outlandish fingers and fiddlers now in London refiding. And who knows, but, led by my extenfive clue through the inaricate labyrinth of her various, ingenious, 1 and innocent devices, to bring about her noble purpofe in conjunction with that fame baftard, who proved in the end no baftard at all;-who knows, I fay, but fome one of our modern dramatick geniuffes may hereafter entertain the public with a laughable comedy in five long acts, intitled with fingular propriety The SCIENTIFIC MOTHER? OBSERVATIONS MADE IN A TOUR IN SWISSERLAND, By MONSIEUR DE LAZOWKSI. [From YOUNG's "ANNALS of AGRICULTURE."] (Continued from Page 364.) FROM Balle we went to Arlefem, and done in England. Every day they give, at from Arlefem to Lauffen, where we flept. The road is agreeable; it follows a valley, which is often narrow, and which forms meadows, extremely well kept, all irrigated, which they are about to cut for the fecond time, and of which the carpet of a delicious verdure contrafts wonderfully with the darkened fhades of the firs that cover the mountains. The road, all agreeable as it is, is only a fort of preparation for that which follows it, and which feems in effect to want that preparation. We are here in the lands of the Bishop of Bafle. It is a canton more of cattle than of cultivation, where they rear many oxen, which they fatten and fend into France. The number of cows is confiderable, but all the cattle are of a moderate breed. They have given me for a reafon that great cattle cannot fupport themselves, but with difficulty, upon the paftures of the mountains, that they lufe much time, and fatigue themselves beyond measure, in being driven every day to the paftures, and back again in the evening to the stables. This fyftem, which is not general in the mountains, properly speaking, that is to fay, in the Alps, is the fingle one that is known in the parts where we are. They have fome cattle of the large breed; but they keep fuch all the year in the stables, and carry them their food fresh cut every day. The cows kept thus, lofe lefs, and give more milk. They are in general fattened with hay, with fecond cut hay and with corn. We have been told, that the fecond cut alone beats them too much; that it was neverthelefs better than hay alone, but mixed, it was better still. I have only a certain degree of confidence in that information. They have employed alfo potatoes with fuccefs, but it is in a manner different from what has been three different times, half a bufhel to each of the potatoes, cut in thin flices a potatoe is not cut in more than three, and they give them to drink after; they then give a fmall portion of efpiot in the chaff, or of wheat, and hay again of the first and fecond cut. They fay, that the oxen profit much by this regimen, which does not surprise me. They give the rave or turnips only to cows or to pigs; they have not enough of them for the oxen. They employ in their ploughs and in their carts only oxen, but they harness all, without exception, by the horns, and they draw but fmall loads A good common cow cofts feven louisd'ors; a pair of lean oxen eighteen ; but cattle are dear at present. The arpent of meadow fells, near the villages, to Icoo livres ; but it is of a good taple, and which fometimes receives the waters and the drainings of the village. Other lands are worth down to 300.-This is cheap. The people feem not at their ease. They are badly clothed. Their dwellings do not fhew any species of convenience. There are, however, fome countrymen pretty rich. Upon the whole, the difference between these people and those in the Canton of Bafle appeared to me confiderable. From Lauffen we took the road of Delomont, the fummer refidence of the Bishop of Porentru; from hence, by the valley of Moutiers Grandval, and following the fame valley, we have descended the chain of Jura, which prolongs itfelf further to meet the plain of Bienne upon the lake of the fame name. This road is not that which is commonly taken by travellers: they go from Bafle to Schaffaufen, and return by Berne and the Valais, after having feen the interior and the fmall Cantons, taking Bienne |