Sir John. Search in the other, then; I stand on thorns.

Land. I think I feel it now, this should be who. Sir John. Pluck it out then.

Land. I'll pluck out my spectacles, and see first. [Reads.] To Mr Paul Grimbard-apprentice toNo, that's not for you, sir-that's for the son of the brother of the nephew of the cousin of my gossip Dobson.

Sir John. Pr'ythee despatch; dost thou not know the contents on't?

Land. Yes, as well as I do my pater noster.

Sir John. Well, what's the business on't?

Land. Nay, no great business; 'tis but only that your worship's father's dead.

Sir John. My loss is beyond expression! How died he?

Land. He went to bed as well to see to as any man in England; and when he awakened the next morning

Sir John. What then?

Land. He found himself stark dead.

Sir John Well, I must of necessity take orders for my father's funeral, and my estate; heaven knows with what regret I leave you, madam.

Mill. But are you in such haste, sir? I see you take all occasions to be from me.

Sir John. Dear madam, say not so: a few days will, I hope, return me to you.

To them Sir MARTIN.

Noble Sir Martin, the welcomest man alive! let me embrace my friend.

Rose. How untowardly he returns the salute! Warner will be found out.

[Aside. Sir John. Well, friend! you have obliged me to you eternally.

Sir Mart. How have I obliged you, sir? I would have you to know I scorn your words; and I would I were hanged if it be not the farthest of my thoughts.

Mill. O cunning youth, he acts the fool most naturally. Were we alone, how would we laugh together! [Aside.

Sir John. This is a double generosity, to do me favours, and conceal 'em from me; but honest Warner here has told me all.

Sir Mart. What has the rascal told you?

Sir John. Your plot to try my mistress for meyou understand me, concerning your appointment. Warn. Sir, I desire to speak in private with you. Sir Mart. This impertinent rascal! when I am most busy, I am ever troubled with him.

Warn. But it concerns you I should speak with you, good sir.

Sir Mart. That's a good one, i'faith; thou knowest breeding well, that I should whisper with a serving-man before company.

Warn. Remember, sir, last time it had been better

Sir Mart. Peace, or I'll make you feel my double fists; If I don't fright him, the saucy rogue will call me fool before the company.

Mill. That was acted most naturally again. [Aside. Sir John. [To him.] But what needs this dissembling, since you are resolved to quit my mistress to

me

Sir Mart. I quit my mistress! that's a good one, i'faith.

Mill. Tell him you have forsaken me. [Aside. Sir Mart. I understand you, madam, you would save a quarrel; but, i'faith, I'm not so base: I'll see him hanged first.

Warn. Madam, my master is convinced, in pru

dence he should say so: But love o'ermasters him; when you are gone perhaps he may.

Mill. I'll go then: Gentlemen, your servant; I see my presence brings constraint to the company. [Exeunt MILL. and RosE. Sir John. I'm glad she's gone; now we may talk more freely; for if you have not quitted her, you

must.

Warn. Pray, sir, remember yourself: did not you send me of a message to Sir John, that for his friendship you had left mistress Millisent?

Sir Mart. Why, what an impudent lying rogue

art thou!

Sir John. How's this! Has Warner cheated me? Warn. Do not suspect it in the least: You know, sir, it was not generous, before a lady, to say he quitted her.

Sir John. O! was that it?

Warn. That was all: Say yes, good Sir Johnor I'll swinge you.

Sir Mart. Yes, good Sir John.

[Aside.

Warn. That's well; once in his life he has heard good counsel.

Sir Mart. Heigh, heigh, what makes my landlord here? He has put on a fool's coat, I think, to make us laugh.

Warn. The devil's in him, he's at it again; his folly's like a sore in a surfeited horse; cure it in one place, and it breaks out in another.

Sir Mart. Honest landlord, i'faith, and what makes you here?

Sir John. Are you acquainted with this honest man?

Land. Take heed what you say, sir.

[To Sir MART. softly. Sir Mart. Take heed what you say, sir! Why? who should I be afraid of? of you, sir? I say, sir, I

know him, sir; and I have reason to know him, sir; for I am sure I lodge in his house, sir-nay, never think to terrify me, sir; 'tis my landlord here in Charles-street, sir.

Land. Now I expect to be paid for the news I brought him.

Sir John. Sirrah, did not you tell me that my ther

fa

Land. Is in very good health, for aught I know, sir; I beseech you to trouble yourself no farther concerning him.

Sir John. Who set you on to tell this lie?

Sir Mart. Ay, who set you on, sirrah? This was a rogue that would cozen us both; he thought I did not know him: Down on your marrowbones, and confess the truth: Have you no tongue, you rascal?

Sir John. Sure 'tis some silenced minister: He grows so fat he cannot speak.

Land. Why, sir, if you would know, 'twas for your sake I did it.

Warn. For my master's sake! why, you impudent varlet, do you think to 'scape us with a lye? Sir John. How was it for his sake?

Warn. "Twas for his own, sir; he heard you were the occasion the lady lodged not at his house, and so he invented this lie; partly to revenge himself of you; and partly, I believe, in hope to get her once again when you were gone.

Sir John. Fetch me a cudgel, pr'ythee.

Land. O good sir! if you beat me, I shall run into oil immediately.

Warn. Hang him, rogue; he's below your anger: I'll maul him for you the rogue's so big, I think 'twill ask two days to beat him all over. [Beats him. Land. O rogue! O villain, Warner! bid him hold, and I'll confess, sir,

Warn. Get you gone without replying: must such as you be prating?

Enter ROSE.

[Beats him out.

Rose. Sir, dinner waits you on the table.

Sir John. Friend, will you go along, and take part of a bad repast?

Sir Mart. Thank you; but I am just risen from table.

Warn. Now he might sit with his mistress, and has not the wit to find it out.

Sir John. You shall be very welcome.

Sir Mart. I have no stomach, sir.

Warn. Get you in with a vengeance: You have a better stomach than you think you have.

[Pushes him. Sir Mart. This hungry Diego rogue would shame me; he thinks a gentleman can eat like a serving

inan.

Sir John. If you will not, adieu, dear sir; in any thing command me.

[Exit. Sir Mart. Now we are alone: han't I carried matters bravely, sirrah?

Warn. O yes, yes, you deserve sugar-plums; first for your quarrelling with Sir John; then for discovering your landlord; and, lastly, for refusing to dine with your mistress. All this is since the last reckoning was wiped out.

Sir Mart. Then why did my landlord disguise himself, to make a fool of us?

Warn. You have so little brains, that a pennyworth of butter, melted under 'em, would set 'em afloat: He put on that disguise, to rid you of your rival.

Sir Mart. Why was not I worthy to keep your counsel then?

Warn. It had been much at one: You would but