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his shoes, and then let us see if any bishop shall jockey us with the like jade's trick for the future.

I have now only to request you will send me down a new almanack, for the year wears out apace, and I am terribly puzzled for want of knowing how it goes, and I love to be regular. If there is any thing I can do for you in these parts, pray employ me, for I fatter myself you believe no man living would go further, or more readily fly to do you service than your's to command,

THOMAS TORTOISE.

Alas ! though the wise men in all ages have been calling out as it were with one voice for us to know ourfelves, it is a voice that has not yet reached the ears or understanding of my correspondent Tom Tortoise. Somebody or other hath left us another good maxim, never to put off till to-morrow what we can do to-day.--Whether he was indeed a wise man, who first broached this maxim, I'll not take on myself to pronounce, but I am apt to think he would be no fool, who observed it..

If all the resolutions, promises and engagements of To-day, that lie over for To-morrow,

were

were to be summed up and posted by items, what a cumbrous load of procrastinations would be transferred in the midnight crisis of a moment! Something perhaps like the following might be the outline of the deed, by which Today might will and devise the aforesaid contingencies to its heir and fucceffor.

« Conscious that my existence is drawing to “ its close, I hereby devise and make over to my o natural heir and successor all my right and «: title in those many vows, promises and obliga« tions, which have been so liberally made to ine « by fundry persons in my life time, but which “ still remain unfulfilled on their part, and stand « out against them : But at the same time that “ I am heartily desirous all engagements, fair 6 and lawful in their nature, may be punctually ..« complied with, I do most willingly cancel all “ such as are of a contrary description; hereby “ releasing and discharging all manner of per« sons, who have bound themselves to me under « rash and inconsiderate resolutions, from the « performance of which evil might ensue to “ themselves, and wrong or violence be done to « society.

« In the first place I desire my said heir and < successor will call in all those debts of con

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or science,

« fcience, which have been incurred by, and are “ due from, certain defaulters, who stand pledged « to repentance and atonement, of all which im“ mediate payment ought in justice and discre« tion to be rigorously exacted from the several « parties, forasmuch as every hour, by which " they outrun their debt, weakens their secu

16 rity.

u It is my further will and desire, that all those « free livers and profest voluptuaries, who have « wasted the hours of my existence in riot and & debauchery, may be made to pay down their « lawful quota of fick ftomachs and aching « heads, to be levied upon them feverally by " poll at the discretion of my heir and fuc. ceffor.

“ Whereas I am apprized of many dark dealkings and malicious designs now in actual exe« cution to the great annoyance of society and « good-fellowship, I earnestly recommend the 61 detection of all such evil-minded persons with « To-morrow's light, heartily hoping they will « meet their due shame, punishment and disap« pointment : And I fincerely wish that every e honest man, who hath this night gone to rest « with a good reputation, may not be deprived « of To-morrow's repose by any bafe efforts,

& which

<C

< which Slander, who works in the dark, may “ conjure up to take it from him.

“ It is with fingular satisfaction I have been & made privy to sundry kind and charitable be“nevolences, that have been privately bestowed

upon the indigent and distreit, without any “ oftentation or parade on the part of the givers, « and I do thereupon strictly enjoin and require

a fair and impartial account to be taken of

the same by my lawful heir and successor, (be " the amount what it may) that interest for the “ fame may be put into immediate course of “ payment; whereby the parties so intitled may

enjoy, as in justice they ought to do, all those « comforts, blessings and rewards, which talents « so employed are calculated to produce.

« All promises made by men of power to their « dependants, and all verbal engagements to

tradesmen on the score of bills, that lie over

for To-morrow, I hereby cancel and acquit; 4. well assured they were not meant by those, who « made them, nor expected by any, who received “ them, then to be made good and fulfilled.

“ To all gamesters, rakes and revellers, who « shall be found out of bed at my decease, I beu queath rotten constitutions, restless thoughts * and fqualid complexions; but to all such re

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« gular

gular and industrious people, who rise with the « sun and carefully resume their honest occupa« tions, I give the greatest of all human blef« fings-health of body, peace of mind and “ length of days. " Given under my hand, &c. &c.

U TO-DAY."

N° CL.

IT

Homo extra eft corpus fuum cum irafcitur.

(P. SYRUS.) T is wonderful to me that any man will sur

render himself to be the flave of peevish and irascible humours, that annoy his peace, impair his health and hurt his reputation. Who does not love to be greeted in society with a smile ? Who lives that is insensible to the frowns, the sneers, the curses of his neighbours ? What can be more delightful than to enter our own doors amidst the congratulations of a whole family, and to bring a chearful heart into a chearful house? Foolish, contemptible self-tormentors ye are, whom every little accident irritates, every

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