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reign of Elizabeth. He states, that Ma The person who won the bet, gained dame Lapookin who was one of the it by the following feat; he placed his most beautiful women belonging to the companion at arm's length from him, and court of that Empress had been undertook to strike two hundred times indiscreet enough fo mention some of the with his knout, yet though he should not endless amours of her imperial mistress, touch, nor injure his person, at each and was, therefore, condemned to under blow he promised to bring away a nargo the knout.
row strip of his friend's shirt, which ho The beautiful culprit mounted the actually performed, without inficting scaffold, in an elegant undress. She even the merest scratch on his body. was surrounded by the executioners, on By way of expressing his gratitude for whom she gazed with astonishment, and the patience his companion had elicited, seemed to doubt that she was the object when he had finished the specified numof such cruel preparations. One of the ber of blows, he lifted up his weapon, executioners pulled off a cloak which and in a playful manner, appeared to covered her bosom, at which her mo give a slight fillip towards the man on desty took alarm; she started back, whom his skill had been exhibited, he turned pale, and burst into tears. Her hardly seemed to touch the body, but on clothes were soon stripped off, and she inspection, a wound at least a foot and a was naked to the waist, before the eager balf in length was perceived, bearing an eyes of an immense concourse of people, exact resemblance to one which might profoundly silent. 'Two of the exe have been given by a razor, or any cutioners then took her by both hands, other sharp instrument. The one who and turning her half round, raised her had received the blow, seemed to take it
on their backs, inclining forwards lifting in good part, and as a joke; coolly re, her a little from the ground; upon which marking, that he should not be long in another executioner adjusted her on the embracing an opportunity of returning backs of his coadjutors, and placed her an equivalent to the fayour received. in the most proper posture for receiving The two men positively asserted, that the punishment. He then retreated a few they could without any remarkable efsteps, measuring the proper distance fort on their parts, kill the strongest man, with a steady eye, and leaping back- with only three blows of this simple, wards, gave a stroke with the knout, so thougb dreadful instrument, the knout. as to carry away a piece of skin, from the neck to the bottom of her back ; then striking his feet against the ground, he made a second blow, parallel to the
ESSAYS ON MEN AND former, and in a few minutes, all the
MANNERS. skin of the back was cut away in small slips, most of which remained hanging
NOT AT HOME. pendant : her tongue was cut out imme “Not at Home" said her Ladyship's diately after, and she was banished to footman, with the usual nonchalance, Siberia.
“You know I am lyicg In the time of the early Czars, the per- but never mind." formers of this horrid task were regard *Not at home," I repeated to myself ed with so much respect, that they were as I sauntered from the door, in a careadmitted into the best society. Nay, it less, fit of abstractedness. “Not at is even said, that in those days, mer home, "-how useful, how universally chants, thinking it honourable thus to practised is this falsehood. Of what pass into ranks above them, paid large various, and what powerful import. sums of money to be allowed to fulfil Is there any one in the fashionable the murderous duty. When their am- world, who has not been preserved from bitions were satisfied, they then re-sold annoyance, by its, adoption? Is there the vocation at an enormous profit. any one who has not rejoiced, or grieved,
So expert are the execationers of the or smiled, or sighed at the sound of present day, that they can handle the “ Not at home?" No! every body kout with much more readiness than (that is, every body who has pretensions our coachmen their whips : as a proof to the title of Somebody,) acknowledges of their dexterity, a wager - was laid by the utility and advantage of these three two Russian noblemen relative to the little words.-Toʻthem the Lady of Ton professional talents of two of them, and is indebted for the undisturbed enjoyan eye witness-relates the following to ment of her Vapowrow the splai kosopher be the result:
for the preservation of solitudev and
THE PORTFOLIO. study; the spendthrift, for the repulse of tion. Upon looking, I perceived an inthe importunate dun..
teresting youth listening with evident It is true, that the constant use of this mortification to the “ Not at Home' of sentence, savours somewhat of a false the Porter. “ Not at Home," he mutFrench taste, which I hope never to see tered to himself, as he retired; “ What engrafted upon our true English feeling. am I to think, she has denied herself But io this' particular, who will not ex these three days !" and, with a lovercuse this imitation of our refined neigh- like sigh, he passed on his way. Here bours! Who will so far give up the ex again, what an invaluable talisman was viable privilege of making his house, found in “ Not at Home." } - The idol his Castle, as to throw open the gates of his affections was perhaps at that moupon the first summons of inquisitive or ment receiving the incense of adoration fashionable intrusion ? The morning from another, possibly a more favoured call” of the Dan and the Dandy, the votary: perhaps she was balancing in Belle and the Bailiff, the Poet and the the solitude of her boudoir between the Petitioner, appear to us a species of hos- Vicar's band aud the Captain's epautility, carried on against our comfort and lettes ; or weighing the merits of gout tranquillity ; and as all stratagems are with a plum, on the one side, against fair in war, we find no fault with the in- love with but a moderate income, on the genious device which fortifies us against other." Or possibly she was sitting unthese insidious attacks. In the present prepared for conquest, unadorned by state of society the use of this sentence cosmetic aid, wrapt up in dreams of tois indispensable. While I was engaged night's assembly; where her face will in this mental soliloquy a carriage drove owe the evening's unsuspected triumphs up to Lady Mortimer's door, and a foot to the assistance of the morning's “ Not man, in a most appallingly splendid li at home.” very roused me from my reverie by å Another knock! another “Not at thundering knock. : “Not at home” was Home !" A fat tradesman, with all the the result of the application. Half a terrors of authorised impertinence, dozen cards were thrust out of the win was combating with pertinacious resoludow, and after due inquires after her tion, the denial of a valet.
" Thé Ladyship's cold, and her Ladyship's Captain's not at Home,' said the husband's cold, and her Ladyship's servant ; “I saw him at the window," lap-dog's cold, the carriage resumed cried the other. its way, and so did I, following up the “I can't help that,” resumed the train of my former cogitations. What laced Ceberus, ** He's not at Home." would have been the visitor's perplexity The foe was not easily repulsed, and if this brief formule was not in use? She seemed disposed to storm. I was in must have got out of her carriage, an some fear for the security of the Castle, exertion which would ill accord with the but the siege was finally raised. vis inertio of a lady; or she must have The enemy retreated, sending forth given up her intention of leaving her from his half-closed teeth, many threats, card at a dozen houses, to wbich she is intermingled with frequent mention of a Bow hastering, or she must have gone to powerful ally in the person of Lawyer dinner, even later than what fashionable Shark. punctuality requires! Equally annoying Here," said I, resuming my mediwould the visit have proved to the Lady tations,“ here is another instance of of the House. She might have been in the utility of my theme. Without it, terrupted in an agreeable tete a tete or the noble spirit of this son of Mars She might have been obliged to throw would have been torn away from reflecSt. Ronan's Well” into the drawer. tions on twenty pounders by a demand Is she taciturn? She might have been for twenty pounds; perhaps he is at this compelled to talk ; Is she talkative? moment entranced in dreams of charges she might have been obliged to of horse and foot. He might have hold her tongue ;
or in all proba- been roused by charges for boots bility she sees her friends to night, and and shoes. In faney, he is disit would be hard indeed, if she were posing of crowns ! Horrible thought, not allowed to be “ Not at Home” till he might have been awakened to the ten at night, when from that time she recollection that he has not half-a-crown must be *At Home" till three in the in the world ! morning
I had now reached the door of a friend A knock at a door which I was passo' .--I knocked and in spite of my former ing, again recalled me from my abstracs- ideas, I was a little pettled at the "pet at
home" of my old friend ; and endea still retained influence sufficient to leave voured, for some time, to divine what a bright tinge of red upon the western was his occupation which then made him sky, and to deepen the verdure of the inaccessible, and at last soothed myself aged oaks, which, wreathing their huge with the idea that he really might not gigantic branches into a thousand fanhave been at home.
tastic forms, overshadowed my path, As is usual with persons like myself, and scarcely deigned to wave beneath who are accustomed to speculate upon the passing zephyr that agitated their trifles, froin which no fixed principle can foliage for a moment, and in the next be deduced, I negatived the theory of had left all as still and solemnly silent as one moment by the practice of the next. the grave. It was such an evening as For, having returned from my perambu- would be peculiarly fitted to conjure up lations, I seated myself in my study, all the fantasies of a warm imagination ; with pen, ink, and a sheet of foolscap which might easily have pictured to itbefore me, and finding myself once more self Queen Mab, and her fairy attendants, " at home," I enjoined my servant to tripping nimbly over the herbage, or remember that I was “not at home” holding their sportive gambols far from for the rest of the day.
the sight of intruding mortals, beneath the shade of some favourite beech. “On such a night as this,” I wandered uncon
sciously along, forgetful almost of my IMAGINARY HORRORS, owu existence, totally absorbed in conA TALE.
templation, and forming in idea the most “Fit pngil, et medicum urget."'---Hor' unearthly and romantic images. Long
had I thus roamed, indifferent to every * “ Now is the very witching time of thing around me, and in a kind of delinight
cious forgetfulness of the world and its When churchyards yawn, and graves pleasant accompaniments. Already give up their ghosts.”
had the darkness of the night succeeded SIR,---I will not presace the detail, to the shades of evening, but so graduwhich I am about to transmit to you, by ally had its sombre light given way to any long introduction. It is sufficient to the gentle brightness of the moon, that I inform you that I am one of those who was far from perceiving the change, and are afflicted by a romantic imagination, still pursued iny way, unconscious of the which, however it may inspire or enchant dews that began to fall around me, till a us in our moments of poetical inspira- sudden cloud obscuring the rays of the tion is, as we all know, troublesome bright luminary above, and a sharp air þeyond measure in the ordinary affairs that died away in threatening forebodings of life. T'he circumstances which I am through the grove below, recalled my going to relate are an exemplification scattered senses, and, arousing me to the of this trite but true observation.
knowledge of myself and my situation, It was on a beautiful autumn evening brought to my recollection the deserted that I stole out unperceived, from a party, and the supposition that, in all party engaged in discussing the merits of probability, the family would be alarmed some of my father's oldest claret, and at my absence. I was next reminded of left him eloquently and feelingly de still more unpleasant circumstance ; claiming in its praise, to take a solitary that, having no small distance to return, ramble through the extent of grounds I should, most probably, be caught in that had so often witnessed my infant the storm which I now, for the first time, gambols, or seen me, at a more advanced perceived had been accumulating all its age, performing the voyage of Æneas by horrors from every point of the heavens, means of a horse-pond and washing-tub; and was just ready to burst forth with ---or imitating my favourite Hector in terrifying violence. As all this passed the destruction of the Grecian Navy, to in quick revolution through my brain, I the imminent peril of farmer Ashfield's had already turned my face homewards, neighbouring hay-rick. It was an even and, with buttoned-up coat, was on the ing, to delineate whose beauteous gran- point of starting with as great rapidity dear would require a heart teeming with as the increasing darkness and the deall the inspiration of the Muses---a pen vious path would admit, when my purdipped in the brightest colours of imagi pose was suddenly checked by the rain nation. A soft mellow silence pervaded of which I had been so lately forewarnthe whole expanse of air and earth; the ed. It fell in torrents so violent, that to sud, just siņking beneath the horizon, proceed was impossible. I took refuge
THE PORTFOLIO. under a spreading tree, and had much “Fall on the footpad's forehead! down he the
Withoat a groan expiring.”
I had but I stood not for this. With inconnot rernained a minute in my uncomfortBENE
ceivable rapidity I fled from the place of able situation, before I perceived two combat, and, after traversing a space of figures, of a most mysterious appear many miles, perceived, to my great satisance, sheltering themselves from the faction, that I was not pursued. storm, beneath the next tree. They I was endeavouring, though without were muffled up closely in thick cloaks, much chance of accomplishing this desiwore large slouched hats, and carried in rable object, to discover the road I their hands most villainous sticks. What ought to take, when my ear was suddencould I suppose ? what conclusion could ly startled by a sound which very much I form, but that which all your readers, resembled a groan.
At first I treated it Sir, would form, under similar circum as a fanciful sound, though I confess my
stances ? O
I was within a few yards of a eyes were turned, with not the most brace of highwaymen!
comfortable feelings, upon the rugged What could I do? escape was impos- branches and broken stumps that might IT sible! the least noise was death to me ! have, to a terrified mind, borne the apW* Silently and anxiously I listened to the pearance of Satan and his sable attend
conversation of my foes; and my terror ants. A second, more loudly repeated,
was not abated, when I overheard these convinced me of its reality, and immee dark and terrible expressions :
diately looking in the direction whence “Upon the word of a gentleman !” it seemed to proceed, I espied something said the first, “I have not touched a single white lying upon an open tuft of grass ; 4. grinea since I came into this part of the but I was unfortunately short-sighted, country !” “Business is in truth very and this, added to the natural darkness, dull !” said the other. “I have practi- rendered me incapable of distinguish
sed here for twenty years, and never was ing the nature of the mysterious appear, * there a time when people have been so ance. A third and deeper groan vibrated 3 shy of putting themselves in my hands on my ear; imagination immediately
as they are at present !” No wonder ! resumed its sway, and concluding it to thought I. “I am afraid,” resumed the be a woman, and fancying I could dis
first, there is a strong prejudice gone tinguish her garments. Alas, unhappy * abroad against our profession !". Pre one!” thought I to myself, “ thou wast judice! thought I. “You are right!" once perhaps lovely in the bloom of Teplied the other;
“not one blockhead youth, and surrounded by all the blescan die within ten miles round, but a sings of peace and innocence, but now, * kundred other blockheads cry out that I by the arts of some infamous seducer, E killed him !” My blood ran cold; but art become a fugitive vagabond, cast
at this moment the violence of the tem upon the wide world, houseless and
pest increased, and for some minutes I helpless, with no one to pity, no one to c heard no more of the discussion. succour thee! Yes, by Heaven! there By degrees the tumult of the elements
I exclaimed, rushing forward abated, and I again caught a few words. with the most fervent feelings of huYour system, brother is too violent; manity and pity, “there is one shall
have always employed milder me help thee, poor victim, and shelter thee thods.” (Blessings on you, thought I.) from the furious storm; there is one, 11 disapprove of your indiscriminate use I continued with all the ardour of a mind - steel in all cases.
“Steel, Sir !” inspired with the most generous benevoseried the other, “steel !---Nothing is to lence, “that shall recruit thy weary 2. be done in our way without steel.' frame, and, if possible, restore thee to tos . They began to move towards me! happiness ;” and, approaching still
I felt my brow grow clammy---my closer, I bent down, and was preparing air stand on end---my tongue cleave to to modulate my voice in the softest roof of my mouth. They approach accents of pity, when up it started, Mr.
!---bearer !---nearer ! espair gave Editor, not in the shape of either Chloe
le courage. I seized a large branch or Lucinda, but in that of one of my Ert fhich had been rent from its parent tree father's favourite Dorsetshire sheep,
the wind, and dashed it, with all the which, while enjoying the slumbers 1 uit sy of hopelessuess,
had disturbed, uttered those hard breath.
ings, which to my ear sounded as groans. MAD---QUITE MAD!
DRYDEN. humanity.!" I exclaimed, as I hurried
It has frequently been observed that back on my, way in po very placid Genius and Madness are nearly allied ; temper, and in the next instant found
that very great talents are seldom found myself at the bottom of a ditch, the unaccompanied by a touch of insanity, existence of which I had entirely forgot and that there are few bedlamites who ten, Luckily it was a dry one, but un will not, upon a close examination, disluckily of such depth, and defended by play symptoms of a powerful, though such steep banks, that, notwithstanding ruined, intellect. According to this I received no injury by the fall, I was hypothesis, the flowers of Parnassus soon aware that the retreat wonld be a
must be blended with the dregs of Antilabour of much greater difficulty than cyra ; and the man who feels himself to the entrance had been; and, to add to be in possession of very brilliant Wits my troubles, the rain again began may conclude that he is within an ace of to fall 'in torrents. Thrice I attempt running out of them, Whether this be ed the steep ascent, and thrice, with true or false, we are not at present disnails begrimed with dirt, and muddy posed to contradict the assertioit. What knees, met with a repulse. My labours we wish to notice is, the pains which 12 might have continued much longer, had
many young men take to qualify themnot a large Newfoundland dog, accom selyes for Bedlam, by hiding a good, panied by the butler, sent in search for sober, and gentlemanlike understanding me smelt out my retreat. With the beneath an assumption of thoughtlessjoint assistance of Hector and John, I ness and whim. It is the received opiwas, soon rescued, and in a short time
nion among many that a man's talents found myself at the hall-door, surround and abilities are to be rated by the pe ed by all the servants, who had been on quantity of norisense he utters per diem, the look-out, and who, while listening to and the number of follies he runs into John's account, passed not a few jokes
Against this idea we must on young gentlemen studying the stars
enter our protest; if we concede that in a ditch. Heedless of these, and their
every real genius is more or less a madstiffed laugliter, and haviug relieved my
man, we must not be supposed to allow father's fears, I had the gratitude to that every sham madman is more or less recal my oath, and thank Humanity for a genius. my, safe return; and when I found my: In the days of our ancestors, the hotseif established by the blaze of a good blooded youth who threw away bis. fire to dry my moistened garments, --- fortune at twenty-one, his character at “Bless humanity !” I exclaimed, for twenty-two, and his life at twenty-three, had she not directed Hector, I might was termed a good fellow;". still
be exposed to yon rumbling thunder, honest fellow, “nobody's enemy but and all the fury of the tempest, with a his own.". In our time the name is ditéli for my bed, and in no better plight altered ; and the fashionable who squanthan---the unfortunate victim of seduc ders his father's estate, or murders his
This suggested an intrusive best friend, -- who breaks his wife's thought: Pshaw !". I cried. It will heart at the gaming table, and his own be a warning to all warm and poetical neck at a steeple chase,---escapes the imaginations not to stray too far, allured sentence which Morality would "pass by the beauties of an autúmu evening, upon him, by the plea of lunacy. . He until, after mistaking a Dorsetshire we a rascal,'', says Common Sense. ther for å frail one repenting of a faux “Truę;” says the World; “but he was pas, they shall slip, by a faux pas, into
mad, you know, quite mad.”, a ditch, after the manner of
We were lately in company with a THEODORE AVELING.
knot of young men who were discussing P.S. -I forgot to mention that the the character and fortunes of one of next, morning the apothecary's, lad their own body, who was, it seeins, disbrought a complaint against Master tinguished for his proficiency, in the Art Theodore, for "breaking Mr. Gargle's of Madness. Harry,' said. & young head in the storm last night."
sprig of nobility, “have you heard tha Charles is in the King's Bench?". ". heard it this morning, drawled the team