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النشر الإلكتروني

EVERY BODY'S COUSIN.

(From the French)

I HAVE just had an additional opportunity of proving the accuracy of observation which distinguishes Picard's comedy. I was present at the celebration of a marriage, which was to be followed by a grand feast at one of the most celebrated taverns in the capital. The number of relations (thanks, probably, to this latter circumstance) was very considerable. Among them I observed one whose conduct might have served as a model. He was dressed in a suit of black, and had a collected air, with a smile playing upon his lips, and appeared to be inspired by a general benevolence. At the moment of going into the sacristy, he offered his hand to a respectable grand-aunt of the bride's, who was quite charmed with a courtesy to which she did not appear to be accustomed. On entering the carriages 'to repair to the feast, he again gave his hand to the old lady, and afterwards seated himself beside her at the banquet. At table he seemed perpetually engaged. Full of attentions to his neighbour, he found means not to forget himself, although he undertook to carve several of the principal dishes. At the dessert, he sung some couplets on marriage, which seemed to have been composed for the occasion: he drew the cork of the first bottle of champagne; he it was who first drank the health of the young married, folks; he fastened one of the bride's favours at his button-hole; in short, after having charmed the whole company by his affability and good-humour, he took leave when the gaming-tables were brought. "My love," said the bridegroom to his young spouse, "I am delighted in the acquisition of a relation so amiable as the gentleman who has just quitted us." "My dear," replied the lady," it is an acquisition which I value the more, as I am indebted for it to you." "What! is not this polite gentleman your cousin?" "On the contrary, I thought he was yours, and it was on that account I was so impressed with the civilities which he exhibited towards me." An explanation between the two families proved that this every body's cousin was nobody's cousin; but as, after examination, none of the spoons or shawls were missing, the company laughed heartily at the adventure, and resolved that, under similar circumstances, they would call over the names of the party before going into the dining

room.

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THE TERRIER DOG.--In passing along the Strand, I saw a small terrier lying in the kennel, draggled and covered with mud, and whining most piteously. Its master had (as I was informed by the by-standers) reduced it to this condition. In a paroxysm of rage, he aimed a large paving stone at the poor animal, which was but too well directed, and competely paralized the hinder parts of the wretched creature. It might have taught a lesson of kindness and forgiveness to any thing except its brutal owner: after this barbarous usage, it crawled to his feet, and looked up to him as if it would try to reconcile him to himself, for he seemed to feel the indignation which his conduct had excited, and to think that the continuance of a determinate air of ferocity in his countenance might be supposed to explain the first outrage, by implying some provocation sufficient to excite it. A considerable crowd had collected; apology for the violence was useless when it could not avail the sufferer; recrimination would not be listened to, when the party aggrieved was incapable of defence. Compassion, like every other feeling acting in a crowd, is catching; and the co-relative sentiment of resentment against the injustice which had called it forth, was beginning to shew itself in a way which menaced punishment, in a much more summary form than Mr. Martin's well-meant acts. "Why don't you kill un at vonce," was vociferated by a host of draymen and coal-heavers, accompanied by some very pithy expletives of language. He seemed to listen with as much deference to the natural magistracy of the mob, as to the mandates of the Bench-he lifted the mangled and quivering creature by the hinder legs, and while I turned away, I heard the crashing blow which terminated at once his miseries and his life.-Sketches from the Causeway.

Royal Bon Mot.-A right hon. gentleman, who has been recently appointed to one of the highest offices in the state, having been admitted to the royal presence to receive the seals of office, was observed on his retirement to rub his chin in a very contemplative mood. "I hope," said a friend, "that you met with a gracious reception?" "I don't know what to think of it," replied the new secretary; "his majesty, with apparently perfect sincerity, expressed a wish that I should follow the example of my late predecessor, which I am afraid means, that nothing would give him so much pleasure, as that I should cut throat."

my

Biographical Sketches.

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DR. GOLDSMITH. Dr. Goldsmith, although one of the first characters in literature, was a great novice in the common occurrences of life. His own heart perfectly harmless, he imagined every man he sat in company with possessed of the same. The following anecdote will place this observation in a proper point of view:-Sitting one evening at the Globe Tavern, Fleet-street, he called for a mutton chop, which was no sooner placed on the table, than a gentleman with whom he was intimately acquainted, turned up his nose, and asked now the doctor could suffer the waiter to place such a stinking chop before him? Stinking! says the doctor," in good troth I do not smell it." "I never smelt any thing so disagreeable in my life," says the gentleman; "the rascal deserves a caning for being so heedless as to bring you such carrion." "In good truth," says the poet, "I think so too, but I will be less severe in my punishinent." He instantly called the waiter, and after persuading the poor fellow that the chop stunk worse than assafoetida, he insisted as a punishment, that he should sit down and eat it him self. The waiter argued; but the doctor threatened to knock him down with his cane, if he did not immediately comply with the punishment. When the waiter had swallowed half the chop, the doctor gave him a glass of wine, think ing, with his usual good-nature, it would make the remainder of the sentence less painful. When the waiter had done, Goldsmith's friend burst into a horselaugh. "What in God's name ails you now?" says the poet. «Indeed, my dear friend, I could never think that any man, whose knowledge of letters was so extensive as your's, could be so great a dupe to a stroke of humour; the chop was as fine a one as I ever saw in my life." "Was it?" says the doctor; "then I shall never give credit to what you say again, and so, in good truth, I think I am even with you."

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FOOTE.

Foote, whose talent lay in lampooning and mimicry, even in his early days, had once got the knack of imitating a late general officer, in the shrug of his shoulders, the lisping of his speech, and some other things for which the general was remarkable, so that it grew a common topic among his acquaintance; who used to say, "Come, Sam, let us

and

have the general's company." A friend at length acquainted the officer of it, who sent for Foote: "Sir, says the general, I hear you have an excellent talent at mimicking characters; among the rest I find I have been the subject of your ridicule. "Oh, Sir, said Foote, with great pleasantry, 1 take all my acquaintance off at times; and, what is more particular, I often take myself off. "Odso," says the other, pray let us have a specimen." Foote, on this, puts on his hat and gloves, takes hold of his cane, and making a short bow, left the room. The officer waited some minutes for his return; but at length, on inquiry, found he had really taken himself off, by leaving the house.

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GEORGE MORLAND.

The grovelling associates of this genius would swear that all art centred in their idol George. This erroneous opinion, however, was not confined to the mercenary connoisseurs who surrounded his easel.

About the year 1790, at the memorable epoch for the English historical painters, when the Shakspeare gallery was in its zenith of attraction, Mr. W*******n, a great commercialist, was so possessed with this notion, that he engaged Morland to paint a Shakspeare Gallery, which was to be exhibited in Ireland. George touched a good round sum by way of ernest, made his convives drunk with the cash, and laughed at the egregious gullibility of his patron. I saw his sketch from As You Like It, the only one he designed for his employer, and it was, as you may suppose, far below criticism.

It should be told, to the credit of this very excellent painter, in his own walk, however, that he was not vain of his talent. He knew exactly how he stood in art. I can paint a better landscape than any living artist," said he, "excepting De Loutherbourg, but I must knock under to him, and be d---d to him."

CURIOUS EXPERIMENT.

In 1788, Herrisant, a French philosopher, enclosed three toads in boxes, and covered the boxes with plaster of Paris, to the complete exclusion of air. He then deposited the boxes at the academy of Sciences, at Paris, and in eighteen months after, they were opened. Two of the toads were found living, and one dead. Unfortunately the dimensions of the boxes have not been recorded. Dr. Edwards, from whose writings we have taken this account, lately made some ex

periments of a similar nature; and he seems to have proved, that whatever care may be taken completely to bury a toad in plaster, the air will penetrate, that it is transmitted through the material; which is probably also the case when toads have been known to live in stones and wood, and that when these animals are completely excluded from the air, by the interposition of water or mercury they speedily die.

Mechanics' Dracle.

Combustion of Iron by a Jet of Sul

phur in Vapour.

If a gun-barrel be heated red-hot at the but-end, and a piece of sulphur be thrown into it; on closing the mouth with a cork, or blowing into it, a jet of ignited sulphurous vapour will proceed from the touch-hole. Exposed to this, a bunch of iron wire will burn, as if ignited in oxygen gas, and will fall down in the form of fused globules in the state of proto-sulphuret. Hydrate of potash, exposed to the jet, fuses into a sulphuret of fine red colour.-Sillman's Journal.

To obtain large Potatoes. Many people imagine, that it makes no difference in the result, whether the eyes, as they are called, of large or small potatoes be planted. This is a great, mistake. A writer in the Farmer's Journal states, that, as an experiment, he planted a row of sets, cut out into single eyes, from large potatoes chosen out of a heap; the row was 25 yards in length and next to it he planted another row of equal length, from the smallest potatoes, picked from the same heap; some of the latter were set whole, and some cut in half. When he took them up the former row produced four bushels and a half of fine lage potatoes, with scarcely any small ones. The other row gave so few in measure, that they all went into a half-bushel scuttle, and were miserably small.

To extricate Horses from Fire. Throw the harness over a draughthorse, and place the saddle on the back of a saddle horse, and they may be led out of the stable as easily as on common occasions. If time allows, put the bridle on them rather than the halter, and the difficulty of saving them will be further lessened

To soften Ivory.

Steep the ivory in a decoction of sage, made by boiling sage in strong vinegar. The longer the ivory remains in the decoction, the softer it will become

The Family Physician.

HYDROPHOBIA.

(Continued from p. 288.)

CANINE MADNESS.-The appearance of madness in a dog is so well marked, that with common attention we cannot

fail of discovering the disease. The symptoms which this faithful creature exhibits, when labouring under madness, are as follows:-He shows at first an aversion to food; looks dull, heavy, and, if the reader will pardon a pun, literally

dog'd:" if he has been accustomed to bark at and run after strangers, those habits, in the first stage of the disease, generally leave him, and he becomes sullen and morose; will take little notice of any one, save his master, whom the poor animal generally recognises to the last. Before the more violent symptoms occur, we may observe his ears and tail drooping, his refusal of meat and drink, his eyes appearing swimming in tears, and gets heavy, and frequently he will lay down for a considerable time, as if going to sleep. Some of these animals, as the more severe symptoms take place, snarl and bark, and endeavour to bite all who approach (especially if not used

to do so before the commencement of

the malady), and the attendant symptoms rapidly increase, till he dies worn out by exhaustion. For some hours before he dies, his appearance is horrible and singular, foaming at the mouth; endeavours to bite the by-standers, forgets his keeper, and often falls down, as if incapable, as he really is, of supposting himself; presently he will rise, and attempts to fly at something which he appears to single out: at length he grows mad and furious, and the scene closes. This stage seldom lasts above thirty hours; and, it is said, that the nearer to this stage, the more dangerous is the bite of a rabid animal.

I have often, indeed always, in those dogs I have seen from the commencement of the disease, noticed the very peculiar howl which attends the compla'nt; it is not a bark, nor yet that sound commonly denominated "baying," but a noise between a yell and a bark, so wild and melancholy, that, when once heard, it can never be forgotten or mistaken for any thing else than a sure sign of madness.

Before I conclude this part of my subject, I shall mention a popular error which prevails, namely, that if a dog will drink water he cannot be mad. Nothing is more erroneous or more dangerous than this silly idea: dogs, in he first stage of the complaint, will

drink, and that, too largely; but, as the disease becomes more violent, the poor brute has a sensation of choaking, accompanied by a tense stiffness in the throat, causing a feeling of strangulation on any attempt to swallow a liquid; and, therefore, the animal avoids doing so, although, even in that borrible state, he will endeavour to drink, though incaW. B. pacitated from swallowing.

Driginal Poetry.

TO L. E. L.

Spirit of poesy, of beauty, and of love!
Why art thou dwelling in so cold a sphere?
Oh, to the children of this world of care
Carol thy lay of sweetness and of love,
From thine own régions, in the world above,
For that wild bird, soaring from this dull earth,
Sings loudest praises to his God for birth.
Lady! thy song is thrilling in my heart,
In all its witching powers of romance,
And all its loveliness and guileless art;
Here cloath'd in innocence, does lo ve advance,
With not one look to bid the virgin start;
So soft, so pure, and yet so tender too,
That love, is love indeed, when sung by you.
C. A. B.

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MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS AT SEA.. Is there a man dare boast he ne'er knew fear? Then has he not at midnight's awful hour, Toss'd on his pillow, sleepless, lain to hear The wild wayes roar, in all their rising power, And echoing burst against the vessel's side;

Whilst seamen tell, how every tack around Fell sand-banks lie, whereon the rushing tide May whirl from anchorage their frail bark aground

And now dark rolling mist envelopes all;

E'en sea-marks buried in the dread obscure: The storm advances! let the sinner call

To Heaven for mercy, and the world abjure. Children of dust! what then is all the pride Of haughty wealth ?-of beauty ?-learning? -birth?

When ghastly death, his portals yawning wide, Engulphs alike the sons of mother earth, Where at that moment is the scoffer's gibe?Freethinker's doubt?- the bold atheists brave?

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Each trembling mortal would his maker bribe
To save his soul, his body from the grave;
In such hour spar'd! what infidel but feels,
And owns the strength of an avenging rod?
What ardent sceptic, but unbidden kneels,
To hymn the praises of all-gracious God?
ROVER.

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A PUN RHYMED.
Methinks, said Tom to Dick, that I,
The weather being cold,
Will buy a pair of gaiters high,-
Pray tell me where they're sold?
Said Dick, we've shops in every street,
So long you need not dally,

But these, which warm my legs and feet,
I bought in yonder alley.

Hold, hold, said Tom, who loved a pun,
That shop won't do for me,-
No, no, i'faith, I'll cut and run,
From danger to be free;

For surely there's small chance to save
The life of lingering waiters,

Who, thus fool-hardy, death would brave
Amongst the alligators.

QUIZ.

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THE BIRDS OF ENDERMAY,
The smiling morn, the breathing spring,
Invite the tuneful birds to sing,
And while they warble from each spray,
Love seems the universal lay:
Let us, Amanda, timely ise,
Like them improve the hour that flies,
And in soft raptures waste the day
Among the shades of Endermay.

For soon the winter of the year,
And age, life's winter, will appear;
All this thy living bloom must fade,
As that will strip the verdant shade:
Our taste of pleasure then is o'er,
The feathered songsters love no more;
And when they droop, and we decay,
Adieu, the shades of Endermay.

In cooling stream, O sweet Repose,
Those balmy dews distill,

That steal the mourner from his woes,
And bid despair be still.

Prolong the smiling infant's rest,
Who.yet no sorrow knows;

But O, the parent's bleeding breast,
To softest peace compose.

For her the fairest dreams adorn,
That wave on fancy's wing,
The purple of ascending morn,

The bloom of opening spring.
Let all that soothes the soul, or charms,
Her midnight hour employ,
Till blest again in Allford's arms,
She wakes to blissful joy.

Ye woods and ye mountains unknown,
Beneath whose pale shadows I stray,
To the breast of my charmer alone,
These sighs bid sweet echo convey.
Wherever he pensively leans,
By fountain, on hill, or in grove,
His heart will explain what she means,
Who sings both from sorrow and love.
More soft than the nightingale's son g
O, waft the sad sound to his ear,
And say, though divided so long,
The friend of his bosom is near;
Then tell him what years of delight,
Then tell him what ages of pain,
I felt, while I lived in his sight,
I feel till I see him again.
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Arise, sweet messenger of morn,
With thy mild beams our skies adorn;
For long as shepherds pipe and play,
This shall be a holiday.

See morn appears, a rosy hue
Steals soft o'er yonder orient blue;
Soon let us meet in trim array,
And frolick out this hiolday.

ON Thursday last was published, No. 79 of the PORTFOLIO, with a Steel Portrait of Washington Irving, and an original examination and criticism on all his writings, including copious Extracts from his new work, "The TALES OF A TRAVELLER,” just published.

(Correspondents in our Next.)

LONDON: -WILLIAM CHARLTON WRIGHT, 65, Paternoster Row, and may be had of all Booksellers and Newsmen

[SEARS, Printer, 45, Gutter Lane!

COMPRISING Bridle extol 20D

1. The flowers of Literature. 2. The Spirit of the Magazines. hoogwiezilya 3. The Wonders of Nature and Art.

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