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THE 'PORTFOLIO.

43 study as hard as I would, I could not quaintance you will either be pleased to understand the meaning of the most the life with his productions, or tired to simple of the law terms, and my father death with them---it's all the same, discovered that what I had read, went into one ear and out of the other, In fine, at the end of one year, when I fi

MY OLD BOOTS. nished law, I knew no more about it I bought them at Exeter last summer, than if I had never studied it.

and they withstood all the malice of What is also very worthy of notice, Devonshire paviours, in a most inconabout this time I was a considerable ceivable style. The leather was of a buck, and my friends took the liberty of most Editorial consistency, and the calling ine a fop, merely because I used

sole resembled a quarto. It was in to parade through the streets with spurs them that I revisited the desolate habitaand green spectacles on. I was also tion of my infancy; it was their heavy fond of attending the levees of my ac clanging sound wbich echoed through quaintances, when I knew they had good those deserted apartments. It was in wine, and so completely was I under the them, too, that I tottered upon the periinfluence of my ruling passion, that I lous summit of the Ness; and it was in was always for making the bottle go

them that I got wet to the knee in the round.

disagreeable tempest which waited upon A merchant's compting-house next the Ďawlish Regatta. How many pleabrought me up, here I continued ano

sant moments, how many dear friends, ther year, and with the same success as do they recal to my recollection ! It in my former occupations. Instead of

was with their ponderous solidity that I: copying invoices, I read Gil Blas, and

astonished the weak nerves of one, and when I ought to have been employed at trod upon weak toes of another. Every an account-current, was reading Hum

inch of them, old and unfashionable as phrey Clinker. And what is more as

they are, is pregnant with some delighta tonishing I seldom knew inore of a book ful, some amiable sensation. after I had read it than before, and on It was in them that I first saw Maria. this account my readers are not to suppose Like the genius of many, they possessed that I am a man of more understand

more intrinsic strength than outward ing than themselves-a-for I assure them polish. I am not.

They served me well, however, and Since I quitted merchandize I have travelled with me to Town. I' hapbeen a jack of all trades---one day this pened to put them on one wet morning thing---one day that thing ---one day a in April. Whatever forin or fashion doctor---one day a lawyer---one day a they formerly boasted of, it was altogemerchant, and one day nothing at all. I ther extinct; they were as shapeless as am now in my fortieth year, and thank

an unlicked cub, and as dusky as a fortune, or the ladies, don't exactly cloud on a November morning. I beknow which, I am an honest, civil, young held their fallen appearance when on, bachelor. I spend most of my time in with some dismay. “I shall be stared reading trifling books, and writing all at,” I said, “I had better take them kinds of topics. I have enough to find off!” but I thought of their former me in bread without working for it, and services, and resolved to keep them on. thayk my ancestors, from whom I have

They had brought their plated heels ipherited a humorous disposition, I can from the country, and they inade a consing and laygh, and inake merry: I keep founded noise upon the pavement, as I a quarter cask of the best Madeira upon

walked along. Ding, dong, they went tap, and when a friend steps in to say--- at every step, as if I carried a belfrey how are you Geof.?" I pour him out

swung at my toes. " This is a disa a glass, without waiting till he tells me

greeable sort of accompaniment," I said, he is thirsty.

6 I had better dismiss the musicians !!!! And now my kind and sociable reader Just at that moment, a young Baronet you are as well acquainted with the passed me, attended by a fine dog. The modest and unassuming Geoffry Gim- dog was in high spirits, and made too crack, Gent. as if you hail known him much noise for the contemplative mood inan and boy for upards bf nine and of his master. “Silence Cæsar D thirty years. You will always find him be quiet Cæsar !" No, it was all in the same good-humoured and gimcrack vain, and Cæsar was kicked into the fellow you have hitherto seen him, and gutter. “ That was cruel," I thought, I doubt not that after a little lougerąca är to dismiss an old servant, because he

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was a note too loud! I think I will

ARTS 'AND SCIENCES. keep my boots !" I met Hervey, and we walked in the Park together. By the

THE LONGITUDE. side of my stabile footcase his neat and

The discovery of the longitude still dapper instep cut a peculiarly smart

remains a desideratum, although science figure. It was molossus tete-a-tete with

has progressively made near approaches Pyrrhic.--a skiff moored alongside of a

to it. In 1598, Philip III. of Spain ofcoal barge. Hervey's meditations fered a hundred thousand crowns; and seemed to be of the same cast; he once the States of Holland, at the beginning or twice turned his eyes to the ground,

of the 17th century, proposed a reward with, as I thought, no very complacent of thirty thousand florins to the person aspect. “My friends grow ashamed of who should be fortunate enough to solve me," said I to myself, “I must part this difficult and important problem. In with my boots !!

As I made up my 1675, Charles II. erected the Observamind to the sacrifice, Lady Eglantine tory at Woolwich, and appointed Mr. met us with her husband. She was con Flamstead his astronomical observer, stantly looking another way, nodding with the express command that he familiarly to all the young men she met, should apply himself with the utmost and endeavoured to convince the world

care and diligence to the rectifying the how thoroughly she despised the lump of table of the motions of the heavens, and earth she was obliged to drag after her. the places of the fixed stars, in order to 6. There is a woman, said Hervey, find out the so-much-admired longitude " who married Sir John for his money, at sea, for perfecting the art of naviga and has not the sense to appear contented tion. It was in the year 1714 that the with the bargain she has made.” What Parliament of Great Britain first began can be more silly than to look down thus

to consider this question as an object of upon a man of sterling worth, because

national concern, their attention having he happened to be born a hundred miles

been more particularly drawn to the from the Metropolis ?---"What can be subject by the loss of Sir Cloudesley more silly ?" I replied inwardly, "I

Shovel's feet. An Act was accordingly will never despise my old boots again.” passed in that year, offering rewards to

We continued our walk, and Hervey the person who should discover the began his usual course of strictures longitude at sea, proportioned to the upon the place and company. Hurried

degree of accuracy that inight be ataway by the constant flow of jest, and

tained by such method, viz. : a reward wildness with which he embellished his

of 10,0001. if it determines the same sketches, I soon forgof the boots, which longitude to one degree of a great circle, had been the theme of my reflections,

or sixty geographical miles; 15,0001. and the moral lesson which the subject if it determines the same to two-thirds had produced. There was an awkward of that distance; and 20,0001. if it deterstone in the way! Oh my unfortunate mines it to half that distance. Commis. heels! I broke down terribly, and was sioners were appointed to examine the very near bringing down my companion claims of persons, and forward the obafter me. I rose, and went on in great dud- ject of the Act. In 1774, all the Acts geon, muttering---“This will never do.

concerning the longitude at sea were reI must positively cashier my boots !" I pealed, except what relates to the Comlooked up; an interesting girl was pass missioners, and it was enacted, that any ing by us, leaning on the

arm of a young person who should discover any method man, whose face I thought I recognised. for finding the longitude by means of a She looked pale and feeble; and when time-keeper, should be entitled to a remy friend bowed to her, with unusual ward of 5,0001. for determining the longattention, she seemed embarrassed by itude to, or within, one degree ; 7,5001. the civility. “That is Anna Leith," for determining the same to forty geosaid he; "she made an imprudent match graphical miles; and 10,0001. for a dewith that young man, about a year ago, termination of within half a degree. Mr. and her father has refused to see her Harrison had previously received the ever since. Poor girl! she is in a rapid largest reward offered by the first Act; decline, and the remedies of her physi- 20,000l., for his celebrated time-keeper cians have no effect upon a broken in addition to which, the gratuities of spirit. I would never cast off a beloved the Board pf Longitude, of the East object for a single false

step

India Company, and of others, contriI will keep my boots," I exclaimed, buted to augment the whole sum tó about though they make a thousand. 94,0001.

Etoniensis,

on the

THE PORTFOLIO. THE EFFECTS OF HEAT, in the opposite way, so that they pro(From Gurney's Lectures on Chemistry) duced together a complete separation

and discord. The next morning, when "Some years since, when a young the temperature of the room was reman, I undertook to build a large duced, the instrument was again in organ, and I succeeded even beyond perfect tune.” my own expectations, which were yet sanguine enough, for it was admitted on all hands that the instrument I produced was one of a remarkably fine

ANECDOTES. tone. It was built on theory, for I had never seen the interior of one till I

CHERRY THE DRAMATIST. had finished mine, and knew nothing In the town of Athlone in Ireland, Ryan whatever practically of the construc relates a circumstance of peculiar distion of them. Flushed with this suc. tress which attended Cherry ; but which cess, I did not see any reason, in he bore with all the magnanimity that theory, to prevent my connecting a dramatic ardour could inspire. The piano-forte with my organ;

business of the theatre, at which he was contrary, I conceived that they would improve each other. I conceived that, engaged as an actor, was suspended for by a union, the bad effect of the suda

a short time, in consequence of the beat den stop of the organ would be re

nefits having turned out badly: the mamedied in a great measure by the ca nager was resolved not to waste any dence of the piano-forte, and the mixed more bills, but wait for the races, which tone of the two would produce an effect were to commence in a few days. Our pleasing and harmonious to the car. hero being of a timid and bashful turn, I ultimately succeeded in practice, and and assisted by: a portion of youthful combined the two by the same set of pride, was incapable of making those keys, and affixed pedals, so as to ena advances, and playing off that train of ble the performer to play the instru. theatrical tricks, by which means bements either separately or together, nefits are frequently obtained in the as might please his fancy. The effect certainly was very delightful, and the country, and therefore he had been less

successful than many of his brethren. expression far exceeded my most sanguine expectations. The instrument

His landlady, perceiving there was no being now complete and in fine tone, prospect of payinent, satisfied herself for Iinvited my friends to witness the effect the trifle already due, by seizing on the ol'it; and after waiting in anxious ex remnant of our hero's wardrobe; and pectation I was at last requested to knowing she could dispose of her lodge play. I sat down, and, commencing ings to more advantage during the with a fine slow movement, began races, turned him out to the mercy of presently to change my modulation and the winter's wind, which he endured time into what musicians call an “al- with all his former philosophy. He legro:” Now, then, was the moment rambled carelessly about the streets, to introduce the lively notes of the

sometimes quoting passages to himself, piano; accordingly I removed my foot

both comic and serious, that were anafrom the silent pedal, expecting to enrapture my audience, and receive logous to his situation, but without "showers of applause.” But judge of, forming one determined idea of where and pity my feelings when I tell you,

he was to rest his houseless head. To-' that instead of a "concord of sweet wards the close of the evening he strolled sounds," my instrument poured forth by accident into the lower part of the the most frigulful discords that ever theatre, which had formerly been an fouglit together for the especial discom- inn, and was then occupied by a person fiture of musical ears! You may easily whose husband had been a serjeant of conceive my chagrin and disappoint. dragoons, for the purpose of retailing ment. The mischier, (as you will refreshments, &c. to those who visited perhaps have anticipated) was occasi- the theatre. "After chatting until it grew oned by lbis property of heat which we late, the woman hinted to our hero that are now considering: 3 he number

of she wished to go to bed, and begged he ter fire, perhaps, than was usual, varied might retire ; upon which he replied, in the temperature; and,

consequently the words of Don John, “I was just the metallic strings of the piano were

thinking of going home, but that I have expanded by it, their tension became no lodging." The good woman taking diminished, and of course the notes the words literally, inquired into the were all flattened; white those of the cause, with which he acquainted her organ pipes were rather affected without disguise. Being the mother of

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a family, she felt severely for his dis- critical moment, to save him from the
tressed situation : at that time he did most direful of all possible deaths---
not possess a single halfpenny in the starving !
world, nor the means of obtaining one.

DEAN SWIFT.
The poor créature shed tears of regret The Dean was at one time in as low
that she could not effectually alleviate circumstances, and as poor as any poor
his misfortune, He endeavoured to person or poet who lived in a garret or
assume a careless gaiety; but the cellar could be; but kept the first com-
woman's unaffected sorrow brought the pany occasionally, and was much ad-
reflection of his own disobedience to his mired for his classical knowledge; he
mind, and he dropped tears in plenteous used to read prayers and preach occa-
libation : in his grief he saw the sorrow sionally at St.

church not far of his parents, whom he had deserted, from Charing-cross. to follow what he began to perceive a It happened that a certain lord paid mad career, in despite of the many un his addresses to a young lady of rank answered remonstrances he had received, and fortune. This nobleman had for with a fair promise of forgiveness and three years a young girl in keeping. affection, should he return to his busi. The lady he courted said, Sir I cannot

This philanthropic female la- think of marrying you until you have got mented that she could not furnish him the lady you were familiarly connected with a bed, but offered to lend him her with, a husband. This nobleman who had husband's cloke, and to procure a bun- the deanery of St. Patrick's in his gift, dle of dry hay, that he might sleep in an found out Swift one morning, and told empty room in her house. His heart him nearly as follows:-Mr. Swift, I was too full to pay his gratitude in pay my addresses to a young lady of words ; his eyes thanked her; he wept rank and fortune, and expect to be marbitterly, accepted her kind offer, and ried to her as soon as I can do away one retired to rest. The intruding any fur circumstance, which is; I lived with a ther on her kindness was painful to him, beautiful girl for near three years, whom as she was struggling to maintain a I seduced; she has poor relations, and namerous offspring. He therefore care the lady I court will not marry me, hearfully avoided the house at meal-times, ing I had a mistress in 'keeping, until and wandered through the fields or this girl is married and provided for; streets until he supposed their repasts. now I have to inform you that I have were finished : at last, so overcome by the deanery of St. Patrick's, in Ireland, fasting and fatigue, that he could not at my disposal, which is worth nearly a rest, he rose from his trooper's cloke in thousand a year, which I will present the dead of the night, and explored the you with, as I believe you are not very kitchen, searching the dresser and all its rich, provided you will marry her. The shelves and drawers, in hopes of finding dean said he would on condition that he something that might satisfy the crav- should be first inducted into the deanship. ings of his appetite, but in vain. On his The nobleman said, if you will give me return to his hay truss, he accidentally your bond under a heavy penalty, to struck against the kitchen table, the marry this young lady, I will induct you, noise of which he feared might alarm which was done immediately after, and the family; and uncertain of the real the bord executed, and the dean was, by cause of his leaving his apartment at agreement, to marry the nobleman to the that hour, they might naturally suppose lady first the same day. -The dean that his purpose was to rob the house, being inducted into the deanery, apas a reward for their hospitality: the peared in his robes at the church on the ideá added to the misery he then suf day appointed, and married the nobleferéd; he trembled, he listened, but all man who said, I am glad, Mr. Swift, to was quiet; & he then renewed his search find you are so very punctual ;-now we (for hunger overcame his fears), and to are married, here is the lady you are his gratification he found a large crust to marry—the dean replied he was ready, of stale bread, which he was afterwards and said, where is the man I am to marry informed had been used for rubbing out her to ?---the gentleman said, she is to some spots of white paint from the very be your wife. The dean said, look at Coke that composed his bedding ; he the bond, I only bound myself officially, however ate it with avidity, as he was as a minister, to marry her to any perentering on the fourth day without the son; but I have not the least desire of least refreshment, and returned heart- naking her my own wife---and so I wish felt thanks to Providence, whose omnic. your lordship á good morping, presuming. potent hand was stretched in the very you have no more occasion for me.

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THE PORTFOLIO.
VARIETIES,

RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION.

A minister finding his people not to The following letter, addressed to an

have so much knowledge of their duty Artist, we give verbatim et literatim

to God and their neighbour as they from the original, which has been handed

ought to have, was resolved to examine to us, we presume, for the amusement

and instruct them at home. ' Coming to rather than the edification of our rea

a poor woman's house, amongst other dors :

questions, he asked how many comto Mr Shatkey Esqr

mandments there were ? "Truly, Sir, Dear Sur anker an hoaps Portsa

said she, “I cannot tell.” “Why ten, as i bin hinfornd you pantes beests

said he. A fine company,” replied i wants you to pante my wale if you

she, “God bless you and them togeCan i wants en dun Cumplate to hang he, * do you think you can keep these

“Well but neighbour,” says op in frunt off my new wan wich is 27

commandments?". Ah! the Lord in foot Long by next Satterday i got sum

Heaven bless you, Sir, I am a poor woCanyus from mr Rands wich i thinks will jest Do for the job I gos away to

man, and can hardly keep myself! so meat me att the anker an hope prevus

how can I bear the charge of keeping so before i gos to take his demenshuns, and

many commandments ?Settle about the price i am Deer Sur

Going a little farther, he stopt to exyour umbúl Sarvent.

T. SAVAG

plain the catechism to some half-grown if you looks upen top of Sundays papur girls; he told then their christian name you will see i an the properiter of the

was given them at their baptism, when wale and your mony is shure as the

they became christians; desiring them bankers nows me.

to recollect, should he hereafter repeat

the question. After a few intervening THE BEGGARS QUTWITTED.

observations, he says to one of them A few years since, James Malone,

“ Well my love, when was your christian name given you

"When I was a esq. Mayor of Cork, imagining if he could strip the beggars of the miserable baby Sir !" she replied. and sickly appearance they generally made, he should divest them of the

Some years ago the following inscripstrongest claim to the charity of the tion, engraved on the fragment of a humane, came to the following agree

stone, was discovered amongst the relics ment with one Geoghegan, one of the

of an antiquarian, and was considered constables, who

was by trade a barber, by him as a great curiosity, and enhanviz..--He directed the barber to seize

ced in value by its translation having all the beggars he found strolling within pizzled the best scholars of the age : the limits of the city, for each of whom

A.T.H. T.H. I.S.S.T. he promised a reward; but instead of bringing them before him (the Mayor) he was to take them to his shop, and

H. CLAUD. cos TER. TRIP
there shave, wash, dress, and powder
them in the genteelest manner.

F. IMP.
He

IN. GT. ONAS. DO seized about half a dozen, and with the aşsistance of razors, washballs, scissars, and powder puffs, he so completely metamorphosed them, that those whom he apprehended as mendicants , when they Some supposed it to refer to the Empe

T.I.A.N.E. left his shop, appeared kike macaronies, at least upon the head. This laughable

ror Claudian, till a lad one day spelt it seheme was attended with such success,

out----- Beneath this stone reposeth that the whole tribe (during Squire Ma

Claud Coster, tripe-seller of Impington, lone's mayoralty.) avoided his jurisdic

as doth his consort Jane." tion as carefully as if it was visited by a pestilence.

A writer on English grammar gives

the following example of wrong emphaA person complaining to Foote, that sis ;---A clergyman, on reading the 27th a man had ruined his character, “ So verse of the 18th chapter of the 1st of much the better,” replied the wit,” “ for Kings, generally placed the emphasis on it was a damn'd bad one, and the sooner the words denoted by italics--a" And he it was destroyed, the more to your spake to his sons, saying, saddle mé; the advantage.

ass. And they saddled him!"

BENE,

ONERE, POS, ET

E. SELLERO

TH. HI

S. C.
ON. SOR,

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