صور الصفحة
PDF
النشر الإلكتروني

On Sunday have faces more dismal than man drew,
Lest we shock the disciples of un-merry Andrew.
"Tis a Methodist town, and a drive on a Sunday
Is far a worse crime than a murder on Monday.
One ranter comes here, and he fiercely denounces,
As livery of Satan, rings, ribbons, and flounces:
Another more impudent always attacks

Your pocket for aid in converting the blacks;
Or pulls out a list, and requests you will sign a
Subscription for teaching the ladies of China;
Or threatens us all with eternal perdition
If we aid not some equally sensible mission.

Then the parson demands, with what face we can venture
To join in these missions with any dissenter?
And thus I am forced, though exceedingly loth,
To share all my pocket contains between both.

Then I teach at the schools, and must hide my grimaces
When I look at the dirty and blubbering faces
Of children, who're longing and anxious like me
That tasks should be over and play should be free.
I pity the brats, all shut up here in gloom,
Confined to a dingy irregular room;

Their faces grown pale, and their eyes waxing dim,
While constant confinement is cramping each limb,
Instead of their pushing about full of mirth,
And sharing the gladness of heaven and earth.

This charity work is quite puzzling I vow,

For their good, God knows when, we give misery now;
And while for their wretchedness even we're actors

We teach them to call us their kind benefactors.

Their health and their pleasure much more 'twould advance If, instead of the school, we would give them a dance;

Leave writing alone, stop arithmetic's riddle,

For books and for birch, have a bow and a fiddle;

And for all the dry tasks that their brains are confusing,
Have sports good for health and for spirits amusing.
But were I such changes as this to propose,
'Twould raise up against us a whole host of foes,
Whose venom the sting of the wasp scarcely paints,
For hornets are far less vindictive than saints.

But prospects are mending; a letter came down
From papa, who declares we shall soon come to town
If, as he supposes, there will be no fear

Of a general election occurring this year;
How gladly I'll bid this vile borough farewell
The discription I gave you already will tell,-
I'm call'd off, this moment, by one of those pests,
A she saint, a patroness, one who infests

The neighbourhood round with her charity notions,
But who if neglected might raise some commotions ;—
I must break off at once, dear love, nought can vary
The friendship

Of ever affectionate

MARY.

TWELVE HOURS IN THE LIFE OF A NERVOUS MAN.

I like not this grinning honour that Sir Walter hath.—Shakspeare.

(Concluded from our last.)

Nor one syllable of this did I understand, nor did I waste a single moment of the precious time in trying to unravel it but the instant his back was fairly turned, began to think how I could best escape. My first efforts were directed to the outer-door, but it was fast locked and the key taken away. I next tried the window-shutter, which was defended by two strong iron bars, crossing each other at an acute angle, and fastened by a spring. Here too I was baffled. For one weary hour did I labour to discover the secret of the spring, pressing and pulling at the bars in every direction, yet not daring to use any great violence lest the noise should alarm my enemies, who, I doubted not, were sufficiently on the alert. And so it proved. While I was still struggling with this obstacle to my escape, I was alarmed by the sound of footsteps close to the door. So quickly, as well as silently, had the approach been managed, that I had scarcely time to fling myself into the arm-chair, and feign to be fast asleep, before Giuseppe again made his appearance, carrying in his hand a dark lantern.

"Signor!" he muttered in a low tone, like one who wishes to know whether the closed eyes of the person he is watching betokens slumber, and fears, if it be so, to disturb it—“ Signor!”

Instead of making any answer, I drew my breath more deeply, and heard him mutter-"Good! he sleeps."

What I felt at this moment it passes the best powers of language to describe, and yet I had the courage, or, it may be, the exceeding cowardice, to keep my eyes fast shut, though I heard him stealing softly to my chair. There was a rustling sound behind me; my ear, sharpened by terror, told me that he was raising both his arms, and I expected nothing less than to receive his stiletto in my breast, when, instead of the deadly blow, I felt a cloak gently flung over my face, no doubt to prevent the light from striking on my eyes, and waking me from my supposed slumber. He then un

locked the door and gave a low whistle, which was answered with the same caution, and in a few minutes there was the tread of many feet and the whispering of voices. As well as I could judge, for I did not venture to remove the cloak, about eight or ten men entered the kitchen, when the door was again carefully locked and bolted. There appeared to be some dissension amonst them respecting myself: I could hear the word "spy" frequently repeated, though they scarcely spoke above their breath, and their voices carried an angry sound with them, till at last the dispute seemed to be ended by the authority of Giuseppe, who said loud enough for my anxious ears to drink in every syllable

[ocr errors]

No, no, lads; time enough for that. Let us dispatch the other job first."

Merciful powers! It would be time enough to cut my throat, when they had secured their more important victims! I had better-yea, ten times better-have braved the fury of Sir Phelim.

My fate was thus deferred, though it was probable the respite would not be a long one, if chance, or my own wit, did not supply me with the means of escape in the interval. Faint as this hope necessarily was, it yet served to prevent me from betraying myself. I sate without the slightest motion till I heard something like the lifting up of a heavy trap-door, and then curiosity, stronger even than terror, if indeed it were not the child of it, made me partly remove the cloak from my face, and I saw several well armed men pass by a secret flight of steps into a vault below the kitchen.

No sooner had Giuseppe, who was the last man descending, closed the trap-door after him, than I thought it time to renew my efforts to escape. Without wasting a moment upon the shutters or the outer door, which from my late experience I knew would be to little purpose, I caught up the lamp from the table, and, hastening into the passage, bent my course in a direction opposite to that leading to my bed

room.

This unlucky choice, however, had nearly proved my ruin, and, as it was, led to no very pleasant result. Before I was aware of it, I stumbled upon a door that stood half open, and the person within, being awake, was roused by the glimpse of my lamp ere I had time to shade it, and called out" Is it you, Beppo?"

I retained just sufficient presence of Inind, instead of flying, to reply "Hush!" imitating with infinite nicety the gruff tones of my host.

But, capital as the assumption was, it did not seem to satisfy the confounded querist, who again called out—“ Santa Maria! what ails thee, husband? Have you been making too free with the wine-pot again, that you stand croaking there like an old frog with the asthma? If you don't make the more haste, that prying guest of yours, that you must needs pick up in the forest; (the saints only know why, at such a time;) will wake before all's done, and then see what a fine pickle we shall be in. I am sure he half suspects us already."

Will any one condemn me for a fancier of vain terrors, a dreamer of ideal dangers, after such convincing words as these? Was not the import sufficiently palpable to convince the dullest understanding, even if the other pregnant proofs had not gone before as already narrated?

I

The extremity of the danger made me adopt a most desperate resolution. rushed into the room, pistol in hand, and ordered the woman, who, it seems, had not risen from her bed, not to stir, or utter a single cry, on peril of her life. Staggered by my determined air, the hag lay perfectly still, while I gagged her to prevent her raising any alarm, and with her own garters bound her hand and foot to the bedpost, an act not only of necessity but of retributive justice. While it secured me against any chance of her raising the house, it was in some sort a punishment, though infinitely too mild, for her murderous intentions, so plainly expressed when she mistook me for her husband.

Having thus happily extricated myself from so great a peril, I resumed my flight, and followed the windings of the passage, till I found myself in a room, which, from the colour of the walls, I had no doubt was the blue chamber, first proposed to me by my treacherous host. At any other time the idea of intruding upon a spot, said to be visited by an inhabitant from the other

66

world, would have filled me with serious alarms; but now, so occupied was my mind with the thought of my assassins, that I felt, comparatively speaking, but little fear on that score. "I am not quite sure,” said I, half aloud, "whether the appearance of a ghost would be a thing so much to be dreaded under my present circumstances. For ought I know, he might keep away more unpleasant visiters." But let no man even whisper such thoughts to himself, lest the devil, who is ever on the watch, should serve him as he did me, and take him at his word. Scarcely had I spoken, or rather whispered, for I am sure I did not raise my voice beyond a whisper,-this half fancy, half wish, when the tapestry became violently agitated, a portion of it seemed to divide, and the spectre of the blue chamber stood before me, bearing in his hand that customary, but somewhat inconsistent, appendage for a spirit, a lighted lamp. The heart sunk within me as I gazed in speechless wonder at this visitant from another world, who, like many other visiters of mere flesh and blood, though his presence was invited, was by no means welcome now that he had come. I will not attempt to describe him, for how can mortal language define things immortal? Enough, his appearance was such as to fill me with awe, and for a long time we remained staring at each other in silence, I being too much alarmed to open the conversation, and the spectre or spirit, with the usual punctilio of such visiters, not choosing to speak till he was spoken to. At last, however, I collected so much courage as to address him, but not being versed in the etiquette of such a tête-à-tête, I could think of no better formula than that prescribed by Shakspeare in his "Hamlet.” If it were a proper mode of address from a prince to his defunct father, I thought it could not be other than respectful from me to a stranger, who, if ghosts are to be estimated, like the living, from their outward garments, was certainly not a ghost of quality. Accordingly, not omitting the preparatory start, as I had seen it practised on the stage, I saluted him with " Angels and ministers of grace defend us! Art thou a spirit from heaven or goblin damned ? Be thy intents wicked or charitable? Speak! Oh, speak!”

"I will speak," replied the ghost, “and well is it for you that you have spoken, or before the cock crows you would have

shared my dark prison-house. me."

Follow trampling which were kept up all that time. More than once I gave myself up for lost, so close did the pursuit come upon my hiding-place, and fortunate was it for me that my lamp had gone out, for it would assuredly have betrayed me when I least expected it. At one time they were no farther off than the next room, and the light of their torches gleamed through the chinks of the old wall, but some happy fatality led them off again in an opposite direction, and, from the total silence that followed soon after, I concluded they must have given up the pursuit.

Though by no means certain that my supernatural friend might not be "a goblin damned," in which case I could expect nothing less than that he was leading me by the shortest cut to the place with the ugly name, it yet required less courage to accept than to refuse his invitation. Accordingly, I followed as he bade me, and, to judge from the facility with which he found his way through the old ruins, up stairs and down stairs, threading a multitude of passages that seemed to have been done for no other purpose than to perplex strangers, the ghost must assuredly have been an inhabitant of the villa in his lifetime, if indeed he had not been the architect also.

I began to think the building must be endless, or that we were walking in a circle, so long had this mysterious wandering continued, when, upon our entering what appeared to have once been an oratory, my guide suddenly vanished with a loud cry, seeming to my eyes to sink through the floor. But to what purpose had he brought me hither? On feeling my way round the walls, for the room was as dark as Erebus, and the wind had extinguished my lamp some time before, I could find no outlet, and concluded we had got to the extremity of the building. If so, I had not much improved my situation.

Not many minutes, however, had elapsed, before I found good reason to say, "the ghost was an honest ghost," and to attribute the salvation of my life to his having guided me to this distant part of the ruins. In the very midst of my despair at being placed in such a situation by his interference, I was roused to a very different estimate of things by hearing the voice of Beppo urging on his banditti in the pursuit of me.

"Stand you by the outer door, Gianni, and, if he offer to pass you, down with him, lad. Slice him like an onion. And do you, Blaise, give a look to the old cellar; while I and Paullo scour to the rooms above. A fine troublesome customer Master Momolo has brought upon our hands, but he shall pay for it if there's faith in a good oak cudgel, or I am no true woodman."

For more than half an hour I endured the pains of purgatory, while the search after me continued with unabated rancour, as was evident from the shouting and

This relief to my over-excited feelings came in good time. I could not have endured this horrible state of suspense many minutes longer, and, as it was, I sank exhausted on the floor, unable to take any farther measures for my safety. Perhaps, after all, it was better that I could not, at least, such was my view of the matter when in the silence and darkness I was able to reflect upon it with the composure that I had wanted during the terrors of their pursuit. In my present hidingplace I was safe for the night at least, while, if I ventured to stir out in the hope of escape, it was a hundred to one that I did not, from the want of the necessary local knowledge, stumble again into the hands of my pursuers. Consoling myself, therefore, as well as I could with this reflection, I deferred any further measures till daylight should come to my assistance; and, stretching myself at length upon the floor, with my cloak for a pillow, I gave way to the feelings of drowsiness which naturally succeeded to such excitement.

My dreams, as they too often are, were full of horrible imaginings. The traitor Giuseppe haunted me in a thousand different forms, in all of which the ludicrous was strangely blended with the terrific. I found myself a boy at school again. I was fagging might and main at the first rule of syntax, which somehow or other my treacherous memory refused to retain ; and there stood my old master, in his flowered morning-gown, rod in hand, ready to castigate one extremity for the faults of the other, and all the time my old master was not himself, but Beppo. The agony of this dream was too great for human sufferance. I woke with a loud yell, and found to my cost that the vision had a strong relish of reality about it. There was my host, with his wife, his daughter,

Bettina, and a stout young fellow in a fustian jacket, all variously armed, according to their several degrees and occupations, with either broom, whip, or mopstick, an array, which accounted tolerably well for the flagellation of my dream.

"Are you not a pretty scoundrel ?" asked mine host, at the same time taking the measure of my shoulders with his dogwhip.

"To rob an honest man in his own house!" said the fustian jacket ;—and his whip followed in the same track as Beppo's.

"To misuse your kind hostess, you abominable villain!" said the wife ;-and thwack! her broomstick descended on my devoted head.

"since they cannot rob and murder me, they want to hang me for a thief.”

"Besides," added the old fury, "gagging me and binding me to the bed-posts. Only see, doctor, here is the print in black and blue on my poor arms !—the villain !—after such a supper as I cooked for him too!"

With this she again flourished her mopstick, which seemed to serve as a signal of battle to the other three women. They answered it promptly with similar tokens of defiance, and the whole squadron of furies was advancing gallantly to the attack, when it pleased the doctor to interpose.

"Iram cohibe, old lady, or, for your better understanding, skim the vessel of your wrath, which seems to be boiling over just now. And you too, my little Laura,”

Thwack! thwack! came the mops of chucking the daughter under the chin, her daughter and Bettina.

"My good friends! my kind friends!" I exclaimed, “Take my money, take all I have, but spare my life."

But all my cries were to no purpose; the blows showered upon me thick as hail from all quarters; and had not some travellers come up, I should hardly have escaped to record the story of my disasters. At the sight of this party, which consisted of an elderly-looking man and four stout followers, the banditti desisted from their attack, though, when I heard Giuseppe welcome the stranger familiarly under the name of Doctor Giacomo, I had little hope of a favourable result. Even if they were not in league, which I much doubted, it was still to be expected, the man being his acquaintance, and of course favourably disposed, that my false host would make good his story; and so it turned out.

"In the name of all the saints," said the pretended doctor, "what has this honest man done, that you cudgel him so unmercifully?"

66

depose that awful broom, which you wield so dexterously, or put it to its legitimate use of waging war against the spiders, and spare the poor gentleman's cerebellum."

"Don't talk to me of the gentleman's belly," exclaimed the old hag; "it has eaten me up as fine a pullet as ever you set eyes upon; not that I bear a base mind for the matter, or speak it grudgingly; but to be used as I have been this blessed night by such a sneaking villain, who has not the heart of a hare in his body!-Only look, Master Giacomo, see what fine thanks I have got!"

And, whipping off her garters in a trice with as little ceremony as if no one haď been present, she bared her brown withered legs to Doctor Giacomo's inspection. For my own part, I was utterly confounded at the matchless hypocrisy of the scene, and really began to fancy that I had escaped the perils of assassination only to be hung after all for felony without benefit of clergy. At last, when the clamour had a little subsided, I begged to be favoured with a

"Honest!" exclaimed Giuseppe. "Honest!" cried the young fellow in the hearing. fustian jacket.

"Honest!" screamed the three women in chorus.

The whole band of assassins lifted up their eyes and hands with such a wellaffected air of astonishment, as might have deceived the keenest judge that ever presided at an Old Bailey Sessions.

"He has robbed me of a silver tankard!" said the host.

"And ten silver spoons!" said the wife. "What wretches!" thought I to myself:

66

"That is no more than fair," said the doctor; and, truth to say, friend Beppo, the signor looks not like a 'snapper up of unconsidered trifles. I'll wager my next fee against your silver poculum-your tankard, whose loss you bemoan so,—that there's some mistake in this matter."

"Ah! the silver tankard!" replied Giuseppe, groaning, "I only wish I had him safe in my corner cupboard again; it would be some time before I'd put him into any such jeopardy."

« السابقةمتابعة »