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but ere he had proceeded far with these gymnastic feats, he was intruded upon by Heyday, who burst into the apartment with. out ceremony.

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Well, here I am! you must come with me instantly," cried Jack,-" your man told me I should find you here,-come along;-but what's the matter?"

"Miserable dog-double-faced villain— modern Janus "-and similar exclamations burst at intervals from the recumbent wretch.

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"What's the matter, I say?" reiterated Heyday. I met old Humdrum in the passage, looking like an undertaker in the dead season,—that is, when all the world is alive-what new woe have you been creating between you?"

"Would you believe, Jack," cried Willoughby, with sudden calmness,

"that

"I felt it my duty, therefore, to communicate by letter, to your father and the respectable gentleman who was equally interested in the business, the design that was then on foot,-and I hope and believe that my warning has proved effectual."

"The deuce you do!” cried the youth enraged; "then let me tell you, I hope and believe that, after this day, I shall never see your face again, Mr. Olinthus Humdrum. Good heavens! are you aware of the dissension you will cause in and between two families? Retire, Sir, retire to the desolation of your own conscience-leave the room."

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Then, no wonder I didn't succeed with the Alderman. But Humdrum has been a serviceable sinner," and he related in brief what we have in full imparted to the reader.

“But come, let us be off," resumed Heyday, when the excitement consequent upon this unforeseen intelligence had in some measure subsided,-" no time is to be lost. What delay, in the name of Fabius, are you meditating now?"

"When parents would thwart the happiness of their children," began Willoughby in an oracular tone,-" when, as it were, they would immure their offspring-"

"Their offspring spring off very frequently," said Heyday; "and so come along." "And so I will," cried the other, and seizing his hat, the young men were about to hasten from the house, when the dignified figure of Sir Haughty obstructed them in the doorway.

"My dear Edward," said Sir Haughty, with unusual benignity of expression as, followed by Humdrum, he entered the room, "I have something to communicate to you -but this is your friend Mr. Heyday, I

understand. I am obliged to you, Sir," turning to Heyday, "for your ingenious personation of me this morning."

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Pray do not mention it, Sir Haughty," said Jack, bowing deprecatingly.

"Your friend, Sir," resumed Sir Haughty, 66 may hear what I am about to say. I waited upon Mr. Alderman Walbrook this morning, and he was pleased, Sir, he was pleased to express a most unauthorized contempt for the privileges of ancient birth and acquired rank; and he said, Sir, that he designed his daughter for a better man than the eldest son of a Baronet."

"Vulgar!" said Heyday decisively. "You are right, Mr. Heyday. Let me ask, could he expect or desire a more honourable match for his daughter?"

"No," said the junior Willoughby.

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No," echoed Heyday.

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"I

Generosity!" cried the Baronet. do it from revenge; nay, not so, from a feeling of punctilious honour. I will show this insolent citizen that we despise his wealth-and that, in spite of him, we will have his daughter. What say you, Ned?" "We will so,” cried Ned in a stupefaction of astonishment.

At this moment, Humdrum, having lifted up his hands and eyes, retired suddenly.

"Let the ceremony take place instantly," said the Baronet-"lest the father should get wind of our intentions."

"It shall, Sir Haughty," cried Heyday, “and if you will wait upon the Alderman in an hour, you shall take ample vengeance

upon

him for his insolence of this morning." "Fly!" cried Jack, when the Baronet had quitted the room- "lest some unforeseen accident should mar this wonderful unanimity; you'll find Emily with Mrs. Merton. I'm off to Walbrook's, or Hum

drum will be there before me. The sly old rascal! but I shall overtake him.”

The mode of revenge adopted by the Baronet, by no means accorded with the correct notions of conduct entertained by Mr. Olinthus Humdrum. He made the best of his way, therefore, to the house of the Alderman, with a view to set that gentleman on his guard; but finding him engaged, and being shown into the presence of Miss Rechy Rantipole, he communicated to that lady without reserve his suspicions, his fears, and his certainties.

"Gracious me!" cried Miss Rechy—“ we ought to be greatly obliged to you for your zealous friendship shown to us on two occasions to-day. Pray walk this way. You shall see the Alderman at once. This is indeed important."

It was about half an hour after this scene, that Heyday rushed headlong into the drawing-room. "Rechy Rantipole," said he, "I have been thrown out of a cab, bruised, battered and delayed. Has a formal old fool, calling himself Humdrum, intruded himself here some time since?"

"He has," said Rechy gravely, "and the Alderman being engaged, he told me his business, which might have—”

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Spoiled all," interrupted Heyday. "Exactly," continued the spinster; "and so, to prevent any unpleasant fuss, I took him up stairs under pretence of leading him to Walbrook, and pushed him into the lumber room, where I have him under lock and key."

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"You certainly beat me at these matters,” said Heyday, scratching his ear, I should never have thought of that: but here come the lovers: well, young people, all right?”

The blushes of Miss Emily and the cordial shaking of hands that took place between Willoughby, Miss Rechy, and Heyday, satisfactorily answered the question.

A sound, as of wrangling, was heard in the passage.

"And so you did not think my daughter fit for your son ?" demanded the Alderman.

"And the son of a paltry Baronet was not worthy of your daughter, Mr. Walbrook?" returned Sir Haughty-“ but look there, Sir, look there!" and he pointed towards the young couple.

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Aye, look there, indeed," answered the Alderman, "there's gall and wormwood for you."

"For me?" cried the astonished Baronet, "it was I who arranged the whole matter.”

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"You?" shouted the other, and would have proceeded, but that a burst of laughter from three mouths, and a simper from the fourth, somewhat staggered him. "Gentlemen," said Heyday, you are both right, and wrong. Had you not severally insisted upon it, these young persons would never have come together, as they call it. Your daughter was so dutiful, and your son so obedient, I assure you, as it was, I had the greatest difficulty in completing this little matter."

The respective fathers looked unutterable things at their children, and, seized with a simultaneous conviction that they were beginning to look rather absurd characters, were fain to join in the mirth, and to shake hands with much apparent cordiality.

somewhat unceremoniously, I must say, thrust me. I fear I have dislocated the lock."

"Mr. Humdrum," cried Heyday, "you are entitled to the thanks of this company for your conduct this day. You have done much service-"

"Who'd have thought it?" cried Humdrum, a question which was echoed by all present.

"Your reward, Sir, shall be," continued Heyday, "to have the honour of joining in the dance this evening, as partner to Miss Rechy Rantipole.”

"Might I hope that such felicity would be permitted me," cried Humdrum with gallantry, casting an eye, long unused to sentimental practice, at Miss Rechy, “I would certainly renew, on this night, that exercise of my youth, to which I must avow myself to have been of yore passionately addicted."

The Jews.—THERE are two things in this world to which, in common with most rational beings, I have an especial antipathy -a Jew and a cat. There are some very wise folks who will call this prejudice, though, in fact, the dislike that three parts of mankind entertain towards these outcasts is neither more nor less than experi

ence.

It would be just as reasonable to call it prejudice, because we object to trusting our poultry within the reach of a fox, or our lives within the claws of a lion. This, which fools term prejudice, is knowledge. At all times and in all countries, the Jews have been the same; liars, extortioners, lovers of filth, usurers, and eschewers of all and every sort of work in their own persons. For my part, I never could make out how it is that they are seldom, if ever, hanged; certainly, if any part of his Majesty's subjects deserve suspension, it is the chosen people; the only way I can account for their escaping this so merited catastrophe is, that they use

Christians in the same way that the monkey used the cat's paw when he abducted the chesnuts from the fire. Then, again, how is it that these vagabonds never work, and yet are never seen to beg? surely they cannot all steal? and if they don't live by robbery of some kind, how is it that they do live? Who ever heard of a Jewish cobbler? or a Jewish tailor? or a Jewish farmer? nay, they are never found engaged in that which, according to Napoleon, is the natural occupation of all men, namely, fighting, except it is in a prize-fight, or under the Great Frederic of Prussia; but then Fritz took a delight in conquering impossibilities. The riddle is still a riddle, and requires an Edipus to solve it. In the mean time, John Minter Hart is transported, to the great sorrow of our peoples."

Humbug.-What a pity it is that we have no equivalent in the language for this expressive, but cacophonous word, which, indeed, has become as essential a part of English conversation as "I guess " to the

Americans. The reason of its utility is to be found in the very great abundance of that quality, which it so effectually designates; for though there have been lying and hypocrisy, no doubt, in all ages, yet this is par excellence the age of humbugthe age in which semblance is all in all, and the name of virtue is more prized, because more profitable, than the reality. How many popular delusions have followed each other during the last few years! There was the Cholera humbug, which, after it had filled the pockets of the doctors, quietly vanished, and was heard of no more. Then there was the Reform humbug, that was to put a goose on every man's table, and a butt of ale in his cellar; when lo, and behold! the only geese were the poor fools who had believed in it. Next there was the Anti-slavery humbug, and a pretty piece of humbug it was; a whole nation went mad to free a parcel of blacks, when their own white children were enduring a slavery ten times more severe in the factories at home. Then there was a prodigious splutter about the morals of the people, whereupon the gin palaces were redoubled in number, George Colman was appointed to look after our theatrical peccadillos, and Lord Lyndhurst, for whose talents we have the highest respect, notwithstanding this vagary, resolved, that for a man to marry the sister of a deceased wife was a crime; thus, what was not a relationship of blood in 1835 became so in 1836, by the mere fiat of an individual, who had in this made a discovery far beyond Harvey's circulations of the same fluid. I think, however, I could recommend some other trifles to the consideration of his lordship, wherein his pre-eminent genius might render incalculable advantages to the public. But, after all, law is, and always has been, our greatest humbug, and being bad enough in itself, but made yet worse by its application, the dispensers of it, wholesale and retail, act much upon the same principle as your physicians and your surgeons, the medicus proportioning the dose to the strength of the patient's body, but the legal practitioner considering only the strength of the victim's purse. If, for instance, a rich man wishes for a divorce from his better half, the case being sufficiently approved, he may obtain it; but as a man without money must also be without honour, and without feeling, this luxury, of course, is denied to him. Again, if a strong VOL. X.-NO. II.-FEBRUARY, 1837.

brute wishes to horsewhip his weaker neighbour, he knows the exact price of his amusement; the fine that would punish, by ruining, a poor man, is in his case only so much outlay for so much pleasure. Verily this justice is a terrible humbug!

The Ladies in the House of Commons.Some chivalrous Honourable-for in the Commons they are all like the conspirators against Cæsar, all honourable men ;—some chivalrous Honourable last Session took it into his head that it would mightily mend the manners of the disputants if the ladies were to superintend the debates. Now I do not mean to deny that the manners of the Honourables may be very Imuch in want of amendment, but I question, and not a little, the efficacy of the proposed mode of amelioration. If a gallery were filled with ladies, would their presence make Joseph Hume talk, think, or look, like a gentleman? or would Alderman Wood be thereby influenced into uttering a word of sense in one of his half-hour orations? or would a cidevant sheriff be a jot the more rational? Great as is the female influence, I doubt its reaching to an extent like this; a woman might wrest the drawn sword from Napoleon, as formerly she had wrested it from the hands of Marc Antony, but to civilise in-born vulgarity, protected by a rind of fifty years' growth, or to quicken stupidity into genius, are wonders beyond even her power. Besides, is the House of Commons a mere arena for a set of talkers to show how well they can gossip about nothing, or is it the great council of the nation? If it be the latter, I humbly conceive the ladies are as much out of place as they would be in the field of battle.

The Pawnbrokers.—A Mr. Manning has undertaken to teach the pawnbrokers a little more honesty in their dealings; and, if he has not succeeded in that laudable design, he has at least administered, by the aid of the magistrates, some wholesome castigation in the shape of fines. But the pawnbrokers were far from kissing the rod that smote them; on the contrary, the ungrateful varlets appealed to the quarter sessions, and engaged Heaven knows how many gentlemen in wigs and gowns, to prove that they had a right to take more than the act allowed. Adolphus talked, and Clarkson talked, proving to all intents and purposes that a farthing was not a farthing; and then Curwood talked to prove that it was, and Jemmett talked to

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