This is reckoned the beft parody of Milton in our language it has been an hundred times imitated, without fuccefs. The truth is, the first thing in this way muft preclude all future attempts; for nothing is fo eafy as to burlefque any man's manner, when we are once fhewed the way.
"APPY the man, who, void of cares and ftrife,
In filken, or in leathern, purse, retains A Splendid Shilling: he nor hears with pain New oysters cry'd, nor fighs for chearful ale; But, with his friends, when nightly mists arise, To Juniper's Magpye, or Town-Hall * repairs ; Where, mindful of the nymph whofe wanton eye Transfix'd his foul, and kindled amorous flames, Cloe, or Philips; he each circling glafs Wisheth her health, and joy, and equal love. Mean while, he finokes, and laughs at merry tale, Or Pun ambiguous, or Conundrum quaint.
But I, whom griping penury furrounds,
* Two noted alehouses in Oxford, 1700.
And hunger, fure attendant upon want, With fcanty offals, and small acid tiff, (Wretched repaft!) my meagre corps sustain Then folitary walk, or doze at home In garret vile, and with a warming puff Regale chill'd fingers; or from tube as black As winter chimney, or well-polish'd jet, Exhale Mundungus, ill-perfuming scent: Not blacker tube, nor of a shorter fize Smokes Cambro-Briton (vers'd in pedigree, Sprung from Cadwalador and Arthur, kings Full famous in romantic tale) when he O'er many a craggy hill and barren cliff, Upon a cargo of fam'd Ceftrian cheese, High over-fhadowing rides, with a defign To vend his wares, or at th' Arvonian mart, Or Maridunum, or the antient town Yclip'd Brechinia; or where Vaga's ftream Encircles Ariconium, fruitful foil!
Whence flow nectareous wines, that well may vie With Maffic, Setin, or renown'd Falern.
Thus, while my joyless minutes tedious flow, With looks demure, and filent pace, a Dun, Horrible monfter! hated by gods and men, Το my aërial citadel afcends,
With vocal heel thrice thundering at my gate, With hideous accent thrice he calls; I know The voice ill-boding, and the folemn found. What should I do? or whither turn? amaz'd, Confounded, to the dark recefs I fly
Of woodhole; strait my bristling hairs erect 'Thro' fudden fear; a chilly fweat bedews My fhudd'ring limbs, and (wonderful to tell!) My tongue forgets her faculty of speech; So horrible he feems! his faded brow
Entrench'd with many a frown, and conic beard, And spreading band, admir'd by modern faints, Difaftrous acts forebode; in his right hand Long scrolls of paper folemnly he waves, With characters and figures dire infcrib'd, Grievous to mortal eyes; (ye gods, avert
Such plagues from righteous men) behind him stalks Another monster not unlike himself,
Sullen of afpect, by the vulgar call'd
A Catchpole; whofe polluted hands the Gods With force incredible, and magic charms, First have endu'd, if he his ample palm Should, haply, on ill-fated fhoulder lay Of debtor, ftrait his body, to the touch Obfequious, (as whilom knights were wont) To fome inchanted caftle is convey'd,
Where gates impregnable, and coercive chains In durance strict detain him, till, in form Of money, Pallas fets the captive free.
Beware, ye debtors, when ye walk, beware, Be circumfpect; oft, with infiduous ken, This caitiff eyes your steps aloof, and oft Lies perdue in a nook or gloomy, cave, Prompt to inchant fome inadvertent wretch With his unhallow'd touch. So (poets fing)
Grimalkin, to domestic vermin fworn An everlasting foe, with watchful eye Lies nightly brooding o'er a chinky gap, Protending her fell claws, to thoughtless mice Sure ruin. So, her difembowell'd web, Arachne, in a hall, or kitchen, fpreads, Obvious to vagrant flies: fhe fecret ftands Within her woven cell; the humming prey, Regardless of their fate, rush on the toils Inextricable, nor will aught avail
Their arts, or arms, or shapes of lovely hue; The wafp infiduous, and the buzzing drone, And butterfly, proud of expanded wings Diftinct with gold, entangled in her fnares, Useless resistance make with eager ftrides, She tow'ring flies to her expected spoils; Then, with envenom'd jaws, the vital blood Drinks of reluctant foes, and to her cave Their bulky carcafes triumphant drags.
So pafs my days. But when nocturnal shades This world invelop, and th' inclement air Perfuades men to repel benumbing frofts
With pleafant wines, and crackling blaze of wood; Me, lonely fitting, nor the glimmering light Of makeweight candle, nor the joyous talk Of loving friend delights; distress'd, forlorn, Amidst the horrors of the tedious night, Darkling I figh, and feed with dismal thoughts My anxious mind, or, fometimes, mournful verse Indite, and fing of groves and myrtle fhades,
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