oftentation from knowledge, or vivacity from wit? To these questions he feemed not well provided with a reply, but repeated his defire to be recorded as a patron. JUSTICE then offered to register his proposal on thefe conditions, that he fhould never fuffer himfelf to be flattered; that he fhould never delay an audience when he had nothing to do; and that he fhould never encourage followers without intending to reward them. Thefe terms were too hard to be accepted; for what, faid he, is the end of patronage, but the pleasure of reading dedications, holding multitudes in fufpenfe, and enjoying their hopes, their fears, and their anxiety, flattering them to affiduity, and, at last, difmiffing them for impatience? JusTICE heard his confeffion, and ordered his name to be posted upon the gate among cheats, and robbers, and publick nuifances, which all were by that notice warned to avoid. Another required to be made known as the difcoverer of a new art of education, by which languages and fciences might be taught to all capacities, and all inclinations, without fear of punishment, pain of confinement, lofs of any part of the gay mien of ignorance, or any obstruction of the neceffary progrefs in drefs, dancing, or cards. JUSTICE and TRUTH did not trouble this great adept with many enquiries; but finding his addrefs awkward, and his fpeech barbarous, ordered him to be registered as a tall, fellow who wanted employment, and might ferve in any post where the knowledge of reading and writing was not required. A man of a very great and philofophick afpect, required notice to be given of his intention to fet out, a certain a certain day, on a fubmarine voyage, and of his willingness to take in paffengers for no more than double the price at which they might fail above water. His defire was granted, and he retired to a convenient ftand, in expectation of filling his fhip, and growing rich in a fhort time by the fecrecy, fafety, and expedition of the paffage. Another defired to advertise the curious, that he had, for the advancement of true knowledge, contrived an optical inftrument, by which thofe who laid out their industry on memorials of the changes of the wind, might obferve the direction of the weathercocks on the hitherfide of the lunar world. Another wifhed to be known as the author of an invention, by which cities or kingdoms might be made warm in winter by a fingle fire, a kettle, and pipe. Another had a vehicle by which a man might bid defiance to floods, and continue floating in an inundation, without any inconvenience, till the water fhould fubfide. JUSTICE confidered these projects as of no importance but to their authors, and therefore scarcely condefcended to examine them; but TRUTH refused to admit them into the register. Twenty different pretenders came in one hour to give notice of an universal medicine, by which all diseases might be cured or prevented, and life proBut JUSTICE tracted beyond the age of NESTOR. informed them, that one univerfal medicine was fufficient, and fhe would delay the notification till fhe faw who could longest preferve his own life. A thousand other claims and offers were exhibited and examined. I remarked, among this mighty multitude, that, of intellectual advantages, many had great exuberance, and few confeffed any want; of every art there were a hundred profeffors for a fingle pupil; but of other attainments, fuch as riches, honours, and preferments, I found none that had too much, but thousands and ten thousands that thought themselves intitled to a larger dividend. It often happened, that old mifers, and women, married at the clofe of life, advertised their want of children; nor was it uncommon for those who had a numerous offspring, to give notice of a fon or daughter to be spared; but though appearances promised well on both fides, the bargain feldom fucceeded; for they foon loft their inclination to adopted children, and proclaimed their intentions to promote some scheme of publick charity: a thousand proposals. were immediately made, among which they hesitated till death precluded the decifion. As I ftood looking on this fcene of confufion, TRUTH Condefcended to ask me, what was my bufi. nefs at her office? I was ftruck with the unexpected queftion, and awaked by my efforts to answer it. NUMB. 106. SATURDAY, March 23, 1751. Opinionum commenta delet dies, naturæ judicia confirmat. CIC. Time obliterates the fictions of opinion, and confirms the decifions of nature. IT is neceffary to the success of flattery, that it be accommodated to particular circumstances or characters, and enter the heart on that fide where the paffions ftand ready to receive it. A lady feldom liftens with attention to any praife but that of her beauty; a merchant always expects to hear of his influence at the bank, his importance on the exchange, the height of his credit, and the extent of his traffick and the author will fcarcely be pleased without lamentations of the neglect of learning, the confpiracies against genius, and the flow progrefs of merit, or some praises of the magnanimity of those who encounter poverty and contempt in the cause of knowledge, and truft for the reward of their labours to the judgment and gratitude of posterity. An affurance of unfading laurels, and immortal reputation, is the fettled reciprocation of civility between amicable writers. To raise monuments more durable than brass, and more confpicuous than pyramids, has been long the common boast of literature; but among the innumerable architects that erect columns to themselves, far the greater part, either for want of durable materials, or of art to difpofe them, fee their edifices perifh as they are towering to completion, and and those few that for a while attract the eye of mankind, are generally weak in the foundation, and foon fink by the faps of time. No place affords a more striking conviction of the vanity of human hopes, than a publick library; for who can see the wall crowded on every fide by mighty volumes, the works of laborious meditation, and accurate enquiry, now scarcely known but by the catalogue, and preferved only to increase the pomp of learning, without confidering how many hours have been wasted in vain endeavours, how often imagination has anticipated the praises of futurity, how many ftatues have risen to the eye of vanity, how many ideal converts have elevated zeal, how often wit has exulted in the eternal infamy of his antagonists, and dogmatifin has delighted in the gradual advances of his authority, the immutability of his decrees, and the perpetuity of his power. Non unquain dedit Documenta fors majora, quàm fragili loco Infulting chance ne'er call'd with louder voice, Of the innumerable authors whofe performances are thus treasured up in magnificent obfcurity, most are forgotten, becaufe they never deferved to be remembered, and owed the honours which they once obtained, not to judgment or to genius, to labour or to art, but to the prejudice of faction, the ftratagem of intrigue, or the fervility of adulation. Nothing |