I must, in the first place, observe, that the words Gunner and Gunster are not to be used promiscuously; for a Gunner, properly speaking, is not a Gunster: nor is a Gunster, vice versa, a Gunner. They both, indeed, are derived from the word gun, and so far they agree. But as a gun is remarkable for its destroying at a distance, or for the report it makes, which is apt to startle all its hearers, those who recount strange accidents and circumstances, which have no manner of foundation in truth, when they design to do mischief are comprehended under the appellation of Gunners; but when they endeayour only to surprise and entertain, they are distinguished by the name of Gunsters. Gunners, there fore, are the pest of society, but the Gunsters often the diversion. The Gunner is destructive, and hated; the Gunster innocent and laughed at. The first is prejudicial to others, the others only to himself. This being premised, I must, in the next place, subdivide the Gunner into several branches: all, or the chief of which are, I think, as follows: First, the Bombardier. And, First, of the first. The Bombardier tosses his balls sometimes into the midst of a city, with a design to fill all around him with terror and combustion. He has been sometimes known to drop a bomb in a senate-house, and to scatter a panic over a nation. But his chief aim is at several eminent stations, which he looks upon as the fairest marks, and uses all his skill to do execution upon those who possess them. Every man so situated, let his merit be never so great, is sure to undergo a bombardment. It is further observed, that the only way to be out of danger from the bursting of a bomb, is to lie pros trate on the ground: a posture too abject for generous spirits. Secondly, The Miner. As the bombardier levels his mischief at nations and cities, the Miner busies himself in ruining and overturning private houses and particular persons. He often acts as a spy, in discovering the secret avenues and unguarded accesses of families, where, after he has made his proper discoveries and dispositions, he sets sudden fire to his train, that blows up families, scatters friends, separates lovers, disperses kindred, and shakes a whole neighbourhood. It is to be noted, that several females are great proficients in this way of engineering. The marks by which they are to be known are, a wonderful solicitude for the reputation of their friends, and a more than ordinary concern for the good of their neighbours. There is also in them something so very like religion, as may deceive the vulgar; but if you look upon it more nearly, you see on it such a cast. of censoriousness, as discovers it to be nothing but hypocrisy. Cleonilla is a great instance of a female Miner: but, as my design is to expose only the in corrigible, let her be silent for the future, and I shall be so too. Thirdly, The Squib. The Squibs are those, who in the common phrase of the word are called libellers, lampooners, and pamphleteers. Their fire-works are made up in paper; and it is observed, that they mix abundance of charcoal in their powder, that they may be sure to blacken where they cannot singe. These are observed to give a consternation and disturbance only to weak minds; which, according to the proverb, are always "more afraid than hurt." Fourthly, Serpents. The Serpents are a petty kind of Gunners, more pernicious than any of the rest. They make use of a sort of white powder, that goes off without any violent crack, but gives a gentle sound, much like that of a whisper; and is more destructive in all parts of life than any of the materials made use of by any of the fraternity. Come we now to the Gunsters. This race of engineers deals altogether in windguns, which, by recoiling, often knock down those who discharge them, without hurting any body else; and, according to the various compressions of the air, make such strange squeaks, cracks, pops, and bounces, as it is impossible to hear without laughing. It is observable, however, that there is a disposition in a Gunster to become a Gunner: and though their proper instruments are only loaden with wind, they often, out of wantonness, fire a bomb, or spring a mine, out of their natural inclination to engineering; by which means they do mischief when they do not design it, and have their bones broken when they do not deserve it. This sort of engineers are the most unaccountable race of men in the world. Some of them have received above an hundred wounds, and yet have not a scar in their bodies; some have debauched multitudes of women, who have died maids. You may be with them from morning until night, and the next day they shall tell you a thousand adventures that happened when you were with them, which you know nothing of. They have a quality of having been present at every thing they hear related; and never heard a man commended, who was not their intimate acquaintance, if not their kinsman. I hope these notes may serve as a rough draught for a new establishment of engineers, which I shall hereafter fill up with proper persons, according to my own observations on their conduct, having already had one recommended to me for the general of my artillery. But that, and all the other posts, I intend to keep open, until I can inform myself of the candidates having resolved in this case to depend no more upon their friend's word, than I would upon their own. From my own Apartment, October 31. I was this morning awakened by a sudden shake of the house; and as soon as I had got a little out of my consternation, I felt another, which was follow ed by two or three repetitions of the same convulsion. I got up as fast as possible, girt on my rapier, and snatched up my hat, when my landlady came up to me, and told me, "that the gentlewoman of the next house begged me to step thither, for that a lodger she had taken in was run mad; and she desired my advice,” as indeed every body in the whole lane does upon important occasions. I am not, like some artists, saucy because I can be beneficial, but went immediately. Our neighbour told us, "she had the day before let her second floor to a very genteel youngish man, who told her, he kept extraordinary good hours, and was generally at home most part of the morning and evening at study; but that this morning he had for an hour together made this extravagant noise which we then heard." I went up stairs with my hand upon the hilt of my rapier, and approached this new lodger's door. I looked in at the key-hole, and there I saw a well-made man look with great attention on a book, and on a sudden jump into the air so high, that his head almost touched the cieling. He came down safe on his right foot, and again flew up, alighting on his left; then looked again at his book, and, holding out his right leg, put it into such a quivering motion, that I thought he would have shaked it off. He used the left after the same manner, when on a sudden, to my great surprise, he stooped himself incredibly low, and turned gently on his toes. After this circular motion, he continued bent in that humble posture for some time, looking on his book. After this, he recovered himself with a sudden spring, and flew round the room in all the violence and disorder imaginable, until he made a full pause for want of breath. In this interim my woman asked "what I thought?" I whispered, "that I thought this learned person an enthusiast, who possibly had his first education in the Peripatetic way, which was a sect of philosophers, who always studied when walking." But, observing him much out of breath, I thought it the best time to master him if he were disordered, and knocked at his door. I was surprised to find him open it, and say with great civility and good mien, "that he hoped he had not disturbed us. I believed him in a lucid interval, and desired, " he would please to let me see his book." He did so, smiling. I could not make any thing of it, and, therefore, asked "in what language it was writ?" He said, "it was one he studied with great application; but it was his profession to teach it, and could not communicate his knowledge without a consideration." I answered, "that hoped he would hereafter keep his thoughts to himself, for his meditation this morning had cost me three coffee-dishes, and a clean pipe." He seemed concerned at that, and told me "he was a dancing-master, and had been reading a dance or two before he went out, which had been written by one who taught at an academy in France*." He • Thoinet Arbeau, a dancing-master at Paris, is here justly celebrated, as the real inventor of the art of writing dances in characters termed Orchesography, from the two Greek words, bonis, a dance, and ypapa, I write. The discovery was recent at the time of the first publication of this paper. |