NUMBER XXXI. ON THE FOLLY OF THROWING I grant, in body and in mind, DRUDGENA,-for since a refinement in all sorts and conditions of men and manners has taken place, as well in the distant wealds and mountains, as in the flourishing cities of our great empire, the vulgar names of Molly, Betty, and Sue, are become totally extinct. For the ear of a well-dressed and comely damsel to be assailed with such barbarous epithets would be monstrous! Names more suitable with the refinement of the times have accordingly crept in with other improvements; and in the next edition of Entick's Catalogue of Christian Names, we shall, in all probability, behold a list enlarged and embellished, for the benefit of those modern divinities who are possessed with a mania for heathenish practices. Abigalia, Letticia, Dorothea, Magdalena, Charlotta, and Drudgena, are sounds that vibrate on the senses, and put the limbs in double motion. But what effect can the vile abominable cry of Sukey-Abigail-LettyDrudge or Dolly, produce upon the heavy leaden heels of those who are doomed by God-mothers to answer to such hideous names? They must be Italianized or Frenchified; the effect will then be brilliant! Effect is every thing! so every thing must have effect. And by enchantment leaden heels may turn to feathered wings, and with their victims fly away. But what a digression! When authors are once upon the wing, pressed forward by a sudden revolution in the upper regions,-away they go! and sometimes fly they know not whither; losing half their wits before they can find their way back to the spot from whence they took their departure! Pray then have pity, good stranger, on their lost condition, and greet them kindly on their safe return. From a neat little farm, the residence of Drudgena's parents, was this digression made. To this neat little farm, then, must the author return, or the daughter will be fled. She already feels a disgust for the occupations to which she was bred, and declares she will no longer assist in the drudgery of a farm-house. Her parents are honest, hard-working people, whose well-cultivated acres by their industry and frugality, afforded them not only the necessaries, but the comforts, and even the luxuries of life. In fine, their indefatigable exertions, during the great military harvest that smiled around the different stations of the warriors to whom they were indebted for their prosperity; soon enabled them to release their daughter from the occupations to which she had been accustomed, and to send her to a neighbouring boarding school, to learn to dance, and read, and write, and play, agreeably to her inclination. "I should like to give her a little larning, poor thing;-'tis a hard case not to be able to do like other folks," said the good Dame to her husband one day, as they were filling the basket with eggs, butter, and poultry, for the daughter to carry to market. "She's been a good girl hitherto. See, Master, how nicely she's made up the butter, and how plump the chicken are!-they're all of her own rearing. She's no notion of being outdone by her neighbours-nor more she shan't neither; for go to school she shall, an that's poz." "Go to the D1, Dame! Why who's to go to market? who's to make the butter? who's to feed the pigs? and who's to rear the poultry ?" "Oh! leave that to me-I'll do all that ;" replies the good-natured mother. "Captain O'Flirty said but the other day 'twas a shame to keep her so hard at work-fetch her in directly,' says he, ' and let her dress herself for a walk with me ;why she'll be as brown as a berry exposed to the sun thus, without being covered. Come Drudgy,' says he, beckoning her from the pigs and poultry, 'put on your silk pelisse, and here's a beautiful ribbon for your bonnet, fit for any lady in the land.'" 66 Well, have it your own way, Dame. If she must go to school, I suppose she must; and we must make the Captain and his brother officers pay for it, by hook or by crook, as the saying is. She'll be out of harm's way, at any rate." Accordingly the butter basket was, from that day, handed over to Jack. A rodicule quickly supplied its place, dangling, with graceful negligence, on the arm that could no longer endure the weight of eggs; and Drudgy was packed off to school the ensuing Michaelmas, with her silk pelisse and colours flying in all directions. And oh! what a wonderful change did a few short months produce. When Miss came home for the holidays, she was entirely devoted to her books to her toilette-to her writing desk-and to her evening rambles. Her former companions were beneath her notice, and she held in utter contempt the mean occupations of a dairy; her mind was already too enlightened for such menial employments. And being a girl of ready apprehension, two years, according to her own decision, completed her education; at the expiration of which time she came out, quite accomplished. She could waltz with the heroes who defended the coast; she could dance a quadrille at the election assembly; and she could foot it away most admirably on the deck of a seventy-four, to the lively tunes of "Speed the Plough" or "Molly put the Kettle on." She could play "the Devil among the Tailors" too, and a variety of other pretty airs, if the humour seized her. In short, she had a smattering of all the necessary attainments for a lady of distinction-and a lady of distinction she certainly became. With a pretty face, a sprightly disposition, and a tolerable share of confidence, she made her way from one family to another, and at length ingratiated herself into the affections of a first rate Dandy, when on a visit to one of her school-fellows. "And now, with ready tongue, he sings With vows, and demme's, skill'd to woo The superficial attainments displayed by the young Lady, with that ease and air of independence that, in former days, peculiarly belonged to the higher class; and her reverting, now and then, to the gay festivities of the country round about her native dwelling; deceived the gay adventurer into a firm belief that she was the daughter of some wealthy 'Squire, and gave him a longing to share with her the joys of rural retirement. Miss, on her part, having no mean opinion of her personal charms and powers of pleasing, concluded he was bound in her chains for ever; and |