"You talk of the text of Shakspeare as your authority," replied M'Crab,"I will appeal to the text too-and I will take the description of Hamlet by Ophelia, after her interview with him. What is her language? "Oh what a noble mind is here o'er thrown! The expectancy and rose of the fair state; The glass of fashion, and the mould of form, The observed of all observers.' This eulogium paints in distinct colours what should be the personation of Hamlet on the stage. It demands, not a little fellow, five feet five, by three feet four, as you will be, if you stuff the character as you call it, but rather what Hamlet himself describes his father to have been, A combination, and a form indeed, Where every god did seem to set his scal, To give the world assurance of a man.'" "Never mind my height," aid Stubbs, elevating his head, and raising his chin an inch or two out of his neckcloth." Garrick, you know, was none so tall; and yet I fancy he was considered a tolerably good actor in his day. But you remember the lines of Charles Churchill, "There are, who think the stature all in all, "Very true," answered M'Crab, "and, to follow up your theory, were I asked, what is an actor? I should answer, 'Tis he who gives my breast a thousand pains; Can make me feel each passion that he feigns; Enrage, compose, with more than magic art, With pity and with horror tear my heart.' But, come; let me hear your reasons for believing that Hamlet ought to be a portly gentleman. I see you are ready with them." "I am," said Stubbs, " and I'll bet the receipts of the house, on my first appearance, against those of your next comedy, that I convince you I am right before I have done. Now, mark-or, as Horatio says, 'Season your admiration for a while, With an attent ear, till I may deliver, Upon the witness of these same pages, This marvel to you.' Ha! ha! that is apt," continued Mr "For God's love, let me hear," added M'Crab-" I hope that's apt too." "If," said Mr Stubbs, looking extremely grave," if, I say, we take the very first soliloquy of Hamlet-almost the first words he utters-we shall find a striking allusion to his habit of body; and not only shall we be struck by the allusion, but, I contend, the whole force and meaning of the passage are lost, unless the speaker can lay his hands upon a goodly paunch, as he exclaims, 'Oh! that this too loo solid flesh would melt, Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew.' We are not to suppose Hamlet speaks metaphorically, but physically; and his corporeal appearance should be an illustration of his words. He is already weary of the world-he wishes to die but the Everlasting has fixed his canon against self-slaughter,' and, therefore, he prays for natural dissolution, by any wasting disease, which may thaw' and dissolve his 'too too solid flesh.' This, perhaps, you will consider merely conjectural criticism plausible, but not demonstrative. I own it has a higher character in my eyes; and, unless I am greatly mistaken, even the ghost of his own father glances at his adipose tendency, when he says, 'I find thee apt, But duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed That roots itself in ease on Lethe's wharf, Wouldst thou not stir in this.' That is, according to my reading, 'fat as thou art, thou wouldst be duller than the fat weed of Lethe if you did not bestir yourself in this business.' Observe, too, with what propriety Shakspeare has here employed the word 'stir,' it being a well-known fact that corpulent persons have a strong disinclination to locomotion. And Hamlet himself, (in his interview with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,) makes a pointed allusion to the indolence and lethargy which so commonly accompany obesity. 'I have of late,' he says, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, foregone all custom of exercises, and, indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition,' &c. &c. Now what is this, I would fain know, if it be not the natural complaint of a man suffering under down, He raised a sigh so piteous and profound, As it did seem to shatter all his bulk, What say you to this?-His bulk! The sigh was so profound, that it seemed to shatter even his bulk! I fancy I might rest my case here, and win my wager, eh? But I am too skilful a general to throw away my strength at the beginning of a battle. If I have not already beaten you from your last stronghold-from your last defence-I have a corps de reserve, which will at once decide the victory. You remember the concluding scene, I suppose the fencing bout between Hamlet and Laertes? What do you think of the following little bit of dia logue? 'Laertes.-A touch-a touch,-I do confess. King. Our son shall win. Hamlet, take my napkin-rub thy brows • Come, let me WIPE THY FACE!' Do you not imagine you see the pursy Prince, puffing and blowing and sweating with the exertion he had made, and larding the lean earth,' like another Falstaff almost? Nay, the very words, Come, let me wipe thy face,' are addressed by Doll Tearsheet to Falstaff, when he was heated by his pursuit of Pistol :- Alas, poor ape, how thou sweatest! Come, let me wipe thy face.' Hem!" (quoth Mr Henry Augustus Constantine Stubbs) "I have done-and pause for a reply." "You'll be horribly laughed at," said M'Crab, "if you do make Hamlet a fat little fellow." "Shall I?" exclaimed Stubbs, with a contented chuckle, and rubbing his hands-" shall I be horribly laughed at?" "Ay," replied M'Crab, "and gloriously gibbeted the next day, in all the papers, for your Sancho Panza exhibition." "Pooh!" ejaculated Stubbs, "pooh! pooh! what care I for the rascally papers? Don't I know what sort of critics they are who guide the public taste, and fulminate their mighty we in the columns of a newspaper?" "Why, to be sure," answered M'Crab, "when it is recollected that nine-tenths of the gentlemen of the press are only competent to write down the ideas of others, never having tried to do so with their own, it is an absurdity to value at a pin's fee' their trashy slip-slop; but the misfortune is, that however much you or I may despise, with equal scorn, their cen sure and their praise, there are thoseand they not a few-who hold for gospel whatever they read in the newspapers." "I know what I'll do," exclaimed Stubbs;" I'll prepare the public mind for my proposed innovation—or rather, innovations-for I intend introducing several new readings in the part, quite as original as the one I have now propounded to you. I'll address two or three letters to the Morning Post, and say a little about the gentleman' of independent fortune who is shortly to appear in Hamlet, and his original study of the character. That will be an excellent ruse de guerre, eh?” 6 "Do no such thing," replied M'Crab, with a malicious gravity. "Take the if it is to be taken at all. But what town by surprise. It is the only way, are your other new readings?" Mr Stubbs, "It would weary you," answered whole. "to go through the I intend to let Ophelia see, I'll mention one, however. 'That I essentially am not in madness, But mad in craft.' "How so, friend M'Crab ?" replied Stubbs. "How so!" answered 'M'Crab. "You forget that Polonius and the King conceal themselves as lawful espials,' behind the arras, watching this interview, in the hope of thus discovering whether the madness of Hamlet springs from love or not; and that immediately after Hamlet quits the stage, they enter, the King exclaiming, 'Love! his affections do not that way tend.' But surely Shakspeare would not have put such a sentence into the King's mouth, if Hamlet were intended to shew, by the very concluding act of his interview, that love was the predominant passion of his soul at that moment." "Never mind," said Stubbs, a little disconcerted,-" I do not think I am quite so strong here as upon my fat point; but an impassioned kiss of the hand, as if to atone, by that silent though eloquent language of love, for his harshness, will produce an effect, depend upon it. It will elicit monstrous applause." "It should do so," replied M'Crab, "for it will be monstrously ridiculous." "N'importe!" exclaimed Stubbs, gaily; "there are more admirers, in this world, of the ridiculous than of the true, that let me tell you. But I must to my studies, for the night approaches. Next Monday-and this is Thursday—and I am by no means au fuit yet in my part. So good morning -let me see you soon again-and meanwhile adieu! adieu! remember me!" Mr M'Crab departed; and Mr Henry Augustus Constantine tubbs prepared to go through the soliloquy of To be or not to be," before a mirror which reflected the whole of his person. Monday came, and oh! with what a flutter of delight Mr Stubbs cast his eyes upon that part of the paper, where the play for the evening was announced, and where he read, "This evening will be acted the tragedy of Hamlet: the part of Hamlet by a Gentleman, his first appearance on any stage." But this was not enough for the eager appetite of his supremely blest ambition. He rang for his boots; he put on his hat and gloves; he walked forth; he traversed more than fifty streets; stopped at all the green-grocers' shops, biscuit-bakers, butchers, and fishmongers, where the bill of the day was invitingly hung out, or leaned its rubric face against the railing; read, again and again, "The part of Hamlet by a GENTLEMAN, his first appearance on any stage:" wondered the managers did not send a bill to every shop in the metropolis; thought the cobbler's stalls ought not to be without them; sauntered past the stage door of theatre, and carelessly mingled with a group of five or six men and boys in fustian jackets, who were spelling the bill of the play; admired the increasing taste for dramatic exhibitions among the lower orders; and returned home delightfully fatigued with his perambulation. He had attended the last rehearsal on the preceding Saturday, and so had nothing to interrupt his meditations for the rest of the day; and in order that they might not be interrupted, he gave strict injunctions that " he was at home to nobody." He dined alone, off a roast chicken and a pint of Madeira; and on one side of his plate was the "tragedy of Hamlet, by W. Shakspeare," and on the other, a small house bill, as it is called, spread out, with the decanter placed upon one corner of it, to prevent it blowing away whenever the servant opened the door. Thus he sat, feeding on walnuts and glorious fancies, till he heard the five o'clock bell of the general postman, when he started up, and prepared to go to the theatre. His carriage was at the door-and he told the coachman to drive down street, that he might see, in passing along, whether the crowd at the pit and gallery doors, It was would obstruct his progress. not quite so large as to stretch across the carriage road; but he was sure there were some hundreds, though so early, and he thought they must have heard who the " gentleman" was, that was then rolling by: He would not be positive, too; but he could almost swear he heard an huzza, as he passed along. There were above a dozen persons collected round the stage door; and he plainly perceived that they drew back with respectful admiration, as the new Hamlet stepped out of his carriage. He hastened to his dressing-room, where he found his friend, the manager, Mr Peaess, who shook him cor dially by the hand, as he informed him that they had an excellent boxbook. Stubbs smiled graciously; and the manager left him with his dresser, to attire himself in his " customary suit of solemn black." Mr Stubbs had kept his intention of stuffing the character a profound secret, fearful lest any mere technical objections should be made by Mr Peaess, and desirous also of making the first impression in the green-room. When he entered it, therefore, in the likeness of a chubby undertaker, ready for a funeral, rather than in that of the "unmatched form and feature of blown youth"-in short, the very type and image of poor Toke ly in Peter Pastoral, his eyes and ears were on the alert to catch the look of surprise, and buzz of admiration, which he very naturally anticipated. He was a little daunted by a suppress ed titter which ran round the room; but he was utterly confounded when his best and dearest friend, Mr Peaess himself, coming up to him, exclaimed,-"Why, zounds! Mr Stubbs, what have you been doing? By G-d, the audience will never stand this." "Stand what?” replied Henry Augustus Constantine Stubbs. "What?" echoed the manager; "why this pot-belly, and those cherub cheeks." "Pooh! pooh!" replied Stubbs, "it's Shakspeare's, and I can prove it." "You may pooh! pooh! as much as you like, Mr Stubbs," rejoined the manager; but, by G-d, you've made a mere apple-dumpling of your self." "Do you think so?" exclaimed Stubbs, glancing in one of the mirrors "Well; I do assure you it is Shakspeare, and I'll prove it. But what shall I do?" and he looked imploringly round upon the broad, grinning countenances of the other performers. "Do?" ejaculated Mr Peaess; "you can do nothing now-the curtain has been up these ten minutes; Horatio and Marcellus are coming off, and you must go on." At this moment the ghost of Hamlet's father entered the room, but before he had time to look upon his son, the call-boy's summons was heard for the King, Queen, Hamlet, Polonius, Laertes, &c., to be ready, and forth sallied poor Mr Henry Augustus Constantine Stubbs, to prove, if he could, to the audience, that his rotundity was perfectly Shaksperian. The awful flourish of drum and trumpet was sounded;-their majesties of Denmark, attended by their train of courtiers, walked on. There is a pause! All eyes are bent in eager gaze to catch the first glimpse of the new Hamlet-all hands are ready to applaud. He appears-boxes, pit, and gallery, join in the generous welcome of the unknown candidate. He revives-hastens to the foot-lightsbows-another round of applausebows again and again-and then falls back, to let the business of the scene proceed. He looks round, meanwhile, with the swelling consciousness that he is that moment "the observed of all observers," and tries to rally his agitated spirits; but just as he is beginning to do so, his wandering eye rests upon the ill-omened face of MCrab, seated in the front-row of the stage-box, who is gazing at him with a grotesque smile, which awakens an overwhelming recollection of his own prediction, that he "would be horribly laughed at, if he did make Hamlet a fat little fellow," as well as a bewildering reminiscence of the manager's, that, "by G-d, the audience would not stand it." It was soon evident they would not, or rather that they could not, stand it. But it was not alone his new reading in what regarded the person of Hamlet, that excited astonishment. Mr Stubbs had so many other new readings, that before he got to the end of his first speech, beginning with, "Seems, madam! nay, it is," they were satisfied of what was to follow. When, however, Mr Stubbs stood alone upon the stage, in the full perfection of his figure, and concentrated upon himself the undivided attention of the house-when he gathered up his face into an indescribable aspect of woe-but, above all, when, placing his two hands upon his little round belly, he exclaimed, while looking sorrowfully at it, "Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew," (Pat, went the right hand,) (Pat, went the left hand,) the effect was irresistible. One roar of laughter shook the theatre, from the back row of the shilling gallery to 1829. to speak it profanely, that, having the first row of the pit, mingled with cries of bravo! bravo! go on, my lit- neither the accent of Christians, (ha! tle fellow-you shall have fair play-ha! ha!) nor the gait of Christian, Stubbs, Pagan, nor man, have so strutted silence-bravo! silence! meanwhile, looked as if he were really (bravo! little 'un!) and bellowed, wondering what they were all laugh- (hit him again!) that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had ing at; and when at length silence made men, (who made you?) and not was partially restored, he continued his soliloquy. His delivery of the made them well, (no, you are a bad fit,) they imitated humanity so abolines, minably." (Roars of laughter.) "Fye on't, oh fie! 'tis an unweeded garden That grows to seed: things rank and gross in nature," &c. was one of his new readings-for holding up his finger, and looking towards the audience with a severe expression of countenance, it appeared as though he were chiding their ill manners in laughing at him, when he said, "Fye on't-oh, fye!" He was allowed to proceed, however, with such interruptions only as his own original conceptions of the part provoked from time to time; or when any thing he had to say was obviously susceptible of an application to himself. Thus, for example, in the scene with Horatio and Marcellus, after his interview with the ghost:— "Ham. And now, good friends, Hor. What is it, my lord? We will. seen to-night." "Let him, if he likes," exclaimed a voice from the pit-" he'll never see such a sight again."-Then, in his instructions to the players, his delivery of them was accompanied by something like the following runuing commentary: Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, (that is impossible!) trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, as many of our players do, (laughter,) I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines. ***-Oh, it offends me to the soul, to hear a robustious, periwig-pated fellow (like yourself) tear a passion to tatters, &c. -I would have such a fellow whipped (give it him, he deserves it) for o'erdoing Termagant. *** Oh, there be players that I have seen play, (no, we see him,) and heard others praise, and that highly, (oh! oh! oh!) not VOL. XXV. It was thus Mr Henry Augustus Constantine Stubbs enacted Hamlet; and it was not till the end of the fourth act that he suffered a single observation to escape him, which indicated he thought any thing was amiss. Then, indeed, while sitting in the green-room, and as if the idea had just struck him, he said to Mr Peaess, "Do you know, I begin to think Í have some enemies in the house, for when, in the scene with Ophelia, I said, What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth and heaven?' somebody called out, loud enough for me to hear him, Aye! what, indeed?' It's very odd. Did you notice it, ma'am?" he continued, addressing the lady who performed Ophelia. "I can't say I did," replied the lady, biting her lips most unmercifully, to preserve her gravity of countenance. This was the only remark made by the inimitable Mr Stubbs during the whole evening, and he went through the fifth act with unabated self-confidence. His dying scene was honoured with thunders of applause, Stubbs raiand loud cries of encore. sed his head, and looking at Horatio, who was bending over him, enquired, "Do you think they mean it?" "Lie still, for God's sake!" exclaimed Horatio, and the curtain slowly de scended amid deafening roars of laughter, and shouts of hurrah! hurrah! The next morning, at breakfast, - The paper dropHe read no more. ped from his hands; and Mr Stubbs remained nothing but a GENTLEMAN all the rest of his life. 3 A M. |