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That does command a citadel, called the stocks ; Humbled myself to marriage with my Froth here;
Whose guards are certain files of rusty billmen, Gave entertainment
Such as, with great dexterity, will haul

Well. Yes, to whores and canters,
Your tattered lousy-

Clubbers by night. Well, Rascal! slave!

Tap. True, but they brought in profit, Froth. No rage, sir.

And had a gift to pay for what they called for; Tap. At his own peril! Do not put yourself And stuck not like your mastership. The poor In too much heat, there being no water near

income To quench your thirst; and sure, for other liquor, I gleaned from them hath made me in my parish As mighty ale, or beer, they are things, I take it, Thought worthy to be scavenger; and, in time, You must no more remember; not in a dream, sir. May rise to be overseer of the poor; Well. Why, thou unthankful villain, dar'st thou which, if I do, on your petition, Wellborn, talk thus ?

I may allow you thirteen pence a quarter ;
Is not thy house, and all thou hast, my gift? And you shall thank my worship.
Tap. I find it not in chalk ; and Timothy Tap-

Well. Thus, you dog-bolt-

And thus

[Beats him. Does keep no other register.

Tap. Cry out for help! Well, Am not I he

Well. Stir, and thou diest : Whose riots fed and clothed thee? Wert thou not Your potent prince, the constable, shall not save Born on my father's land, and proud to be

you. A drudge in his house?

Hear me, ungrateful hell-hound ! did not I Tap. What I was, sir, it skills not ;

Make purses for you? then you licked my boots, What you are, is apparent. Now for a farewell : And thought your holiday cloak too coarse to Since you talk of father, in my hope it will tor

clean them. ment you,

'Twas I, that when I heard thee swear, if ever I'll briefly tell your story. Your dead father, Thou could'st arrive at forty pounds, thori My quondam master, was a man of worship;

would'st Old sir John Wellborn, justice of peace and quo Live like an emperor; 'twas I that gave it, rum,

In ready gold. Deny this, wretch ! And stood fair to be custos rotulorum ;

Tap. I must, sir. Bore the whole sway of the shire; kept a great for, from the tavern to the tap-house, all, house;

On forfeiture of their licences, stand bound Relieved the poor, and so forth : but he dying, Never to remember who their best guests were, And the twelve hundred a-year coming to you, If they grew poor like you. Late Master Francis, but now forlorn Wellborn- Well. They are well rewarded Well. Slave, stop! or I shall lose myself. That beggar themselves to make such cuckolds Froth. Very hardly;

rich. You cannot out of your way.

Thou viper, thankless viper ! impudent bawd ! Tap. But to my story:

But since you are grown forgetful, I will help
You were then a lord of acres, the prime gallant, Your memory, and tread thee into mortar;
And I your under-butler: note the change now. Not leave one bone unbroken. (Beats him again.
You had a merry time of't; hawks and hounds;

Tap. Oh!
With choice of running horses : mistresses Froth. Ask mercy!
Of all sorts and all sizes ; yet so hot,

Well. 'Twill not be granted.
As their embraces made your lordships melt:
Which your uncle, sir Giles Overreach, observing,

Enter ALLWORTH. (Resolving not to lose a drop of them)

Allw. Hold, for my sake, hold ! On foolish mortgages, statutes, and bonds, Deny me, Frank? they are not worth your anger. For a while supplied your looseness, and then Well. For once thou hast redeemed them from

[Shaking his cudgel. Well. Some curate has penned this invective, But let them vanish, creeping on their knees; mongrel,

And if they grumble, I revoke my pardon. And you have studied it.

Froth. This comes of your prating, husband; Tap. I have not done yet.

you presumed Your lands gone, and your credit not worth a On your ambling wit, and must use your glib token,

tongue, You grew the common borrower; no man’scaped | Though you are beaten lame for't. Your paper pellets, from the gentleman

Tap. Patience, Froth; To the beggars on highways, that sold you There's law to cure our bruises. switches

[They go off on their hands and knees. In your gallantry.

Well. Sent to your mother? Well. I shall switch your brains out.

Allw. My lady, Frank, my patroness ! my all ! Tap. While poor Tím Tapwell, with a little She's such a mourner for my father's death, stock,

And, in her love to him, so favours ine, Some forty pounds or so, bought a small cottage ; } That I cannot pay too much observance to her.

left you.

this sceptre:

There are few such stepdames.

Well. Grant this true,
Well. 'Tis a noble widow,

As I believe it ; canst thou ever hope
And keeps her reputation pure, and clear To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father
From the least taint of infamy: her life, Ruined thy state?
With the splendour of her actions, leaves no Allw. And yours too.

Well, I confess it.
To envy or detraction. Pr’ythee, tell me; True; I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
Has she no suitors ?

That, where impossibilities are apparent, Allu. Even the best of the shire, Frank, 'Tis indiscretion to nourish hopes. My lord excepted : such as sue, and send, Canst thou imagine (let not self-love blind thee) And send, and sue again; but to no purpose.

That sir Giles Overreach (that to make her great Their frequent visits have not gained her pre- In swelling titles, without touch of conscience, sence ;

Will cut his neighbour's throat, and I hope his Yet she's so far from sullenness and pride,

own too) That I dare undertake you shall meet from her Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er, A liberal entertainment. I can give you And think of some course suitable to thy rank, A catalogue of her suitors' names.

And prosper in it. Well. Forbear it,

Allw. You have well advised me; While I give you good counsel. I am bound But, in the mean time, you, that are so studious to it.

Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own. Thy father was my friend; and that affection Remember yourself, and in what plight you are. I bore to him, in right descends to thee :

Well. No matter, no matter. Thou art a handsome and a hopeful youth, Alla. Yes, 'tis much material : Nor will I have the least affront stick on thee, You know my fortune, and my means; get some If I with any danger can prevent it.

thing Allæ. I thank your noble care ; but, pray you, I can spare from myself, to help your wants. in what

Well. How's this? Do I run the hazard ?

Allw. Nay, be not angry. There's eight pieces, Well. Art thou not in love?

To put you in better fashion. Put it not off with wonder.

Well. Money from thee? Allæ. In love, at my years?

From a boy, a stipendiary? one that lives Well. You think you walk in clouds, but are At the devotion of a step-mother, transparent.

And the uncertain favour of a lord ? I have heard all, and the choice that you have I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind fortune made ;

the utmost of her malice on me; And, with my finger, can point out the north star Though I am vomited out of an alehouse, By which the loadstone of your folly's guided. And thus accoutred; know not where to eat, And, to confirm this true, what think ye of Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy; Fair Margaret, the only child and heir

Although I thank thee, I despise thy offer. Of cormorant Overreach? Dost blush and start, And as 1, in my madness, broke my state, To hear her only named ? Blush at your want Without the assistance of another's brain, Of wit and reason.

In my right wits I'll piece it; at the worst, Allw. You are too bitter, sir.

Die thus, and be forgotten. Well. Wounds of this nature are not to be Allu. A strange humour! (Eseunt severally.

cured With balms, but corrosives. I must be plain : SCENE II.-A Chamber in Lady ALLWORTH'S Art thou scarce manumized from the porter's

House. lodge, And yet sworn servant to the pantofile,

Enter ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, and WATCHAnd dar'st thou dream of marriage ? -I fear

Order. Set all things right, or, as my name is "Twill be concluded for impossible,

Order, That there is now, or e'er shall be hereafter, And by this staff of office that commands you, A handsome page, or player's boy of fourteen, This chain, and double ruff, symbols of power, But either loves a wench, or drabs love him ; Whoever misses in his function, Court-waiters not exempted.

For one whole week makes forfeiture of his break. Alla. This is madness.

fast, Howe'er you have discovered my intents, And privilege in the wine cellar. You know my aims are lawful; and if ever

Amble. You are merry, The queen of flowers, the glory of the spring, Good master steward. The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose, Furn. Let him; I'll be angry. Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer, Amble. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve There's such disparity in their conditions,

o'clock yet, Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter, Nor dinner taking up; then 'tis allowed And the base churl, her father.

Cooks, by their places, may be choleric.

Hath spent


Furn. You think you have spoke wisely, good- Amble. In you he lives. man Amble,

Allw. At once, my thanks to all; My lady's go-before.

This is yet some comfort. Is my lady stirring? Order. Nay, nay, no wrangling. Furn. Twit me with the authority of the kit

Enter the Lady ALLWORTH and Attendants chen?

Order. Her presence answers for us.
At all hours, and all places, I'll be angry; Lady, Sort those silks well.
And, thus provoked, when I am a my prayers

I'll take the air alone. (Exeunt Attendants I will be angry

Furn. You air and air ; Amble. There was no hurt meant.

But will you never taste but spoonmeat more? Furn. I am friends with thee, and yet I will To what use serve 1? be angry.

Lady. Prithee be not angry:. Order. With whom?

I shall ere long; in the mean time there is gold Furn. No matter whom : yet, now I think on't, To buy thee aprons and a summer suit. I am angry with my lady.

Furn. I am appeased, and Furnace now grows Watch. 'Heaven forbid, man!

cool. Order. What cause has she given thee?

Lady. And, as I gave directions, if this morning Furn. Cause enough, master steward : I am visited by any, entertain them I was entertained by her to please her palate, As heretofore: but say, in my excuse, And, till she forswore eating, I performed it. I am indisposed. Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died, Order. I shall, madam. Though I crack my brains to find out tempting Lady. Do, and leave me. sauces,

(Exeunt ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, &e. And raise fortifications in the pastry,

Nay, stay you, Allworth.
Such as might serve for models in the Low Allw. I shall gladly grow here,

To wait on your commands. .
Which if they had been practised at Breda, Ludy. So soon turned courtier !
Spinola might have thrown his cap at it, and ne'er Allw. Style not that courtship, madam, which
took it,

is duty, Amble. But you had wanted matter there to Purchased on your part. work on.

Lady. Well, you shall o'ercome; Furn. Matter! with six eggs and a strike of I'll not contend in words. How is it with rye meal,

Your noble master ? I had kept the town till doomsday, and perhaps Allw. Ever like himself; longer.

No seruple lessened in the full weight of hoOrder. But what's this to your pet against my

nour: lady?

He did command me (pardon my presumption), Furn. What's this? marry this: when I am As his unworthy deputy, to kiss three parts roasted,

Your ladyship's fair hands. And the fourth part par-boiled, to prepare her Lady. I am honoured in viands,

His favour to me. Does he hold his purpose She keeps her chamber, dinęs with a panada, For the Low Countries ? Or water-gruel; my sweat never thought on. Allu. Constantly, good madam :

Order. But your art is seen in the dining room. But be will, in person, first present his service. Furn. By whom?

Lady. And how approve you of his course! By such as pretend love to her; but come

you are yet,
To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies Like virgin parchment, capable of any
That do devour her, I am out of charity

Inscription, vicious or honourable.
With none so much, as the thin-gutted squire, I will not force your will, but leave you free
That's stolen into commission.

To your own election.
Order. Justice Greedy?

Ållw. Any form you please Furn. The same, the same. Meat's cast away I will put on: but, might I make my choice, upon him

With humble emulation, I would follow It never thrives. He holds this paradox, The path my lord marks to me. Who eats not well, can ne'er do justice well. Lady. 'Tis well answered, His stomach's as insatiate as the grave, or strum- And I commend your spirit: you had a father, pet's ravenous appetites.

(Blessed be his memory that some few hours Amble. One knocks.

Before the will of Heaven took him from me, (ALLWORTH knocks, and enters. Who did commend you, by the dearest ties Order. Our late young master.

Of perfect love between us, to my chnrge : Amble. Welcome, sir.

And, therefore, what I speak, you are bound to Furn. Your hand:

hear If you have a stomach, a cold bake-meat's ready. With such respect as if he lived in me. Order. His father's picture in little.

He was my husband; 'and howe'er you are not Furn. We are all your servants.

Son of my womb, you may be of my love,

Save your


Provided you deserve it.

Greedy. Is it of the right race ?
Allw. I have found you,

Ord. Yes, Master Greedy.
Most honoured madam, the best mother to me; Amb. How his mouth runs over!
And with my utmost strength of care and service, Furn. I'll make it run and run.
Will labour that you never may repent

good worship! Your bounties showered upon me.

Greedy. Honest Master Cook, thy hand; Lady. I much hope it.

again! How I love thee! These were your father's words: If e'er my son Are the good dishes still in being? speak, boy. Follow the war, tell him it is a school

Furn. If you have a mind to feed, there is a Where all the principles, tending to honour,

chine Are taught, if truly followed : But for such Of beef well seasoned. As repair thither, as a place in which

Greedy. Good.
They do presume they may, with license, practise Furn. A pheasant, larded.
Their lusts and riots, they shall never merit Greedy. That I might now give thanks for'ı!
The noble name of soldiers. To dare boldly Furn. Other kick-shaws;
In a fair cause, and, for their country's safety, Besides, there came last night, from the forest of
To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted;

To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies; The fattest stag I ever cooked.
To bear, with patience, the winter's cold,

Greedy. A stag, man?
And summer's scorching heat, and not to faint, · Furn. A stag, sir; part of it prepared for
When plenty of provision fails, with hunger,

dinner, Are the essential parts make up a soldier: And baked in puff-paste. Not swearing, dice, or drinking.

Greedy. Puff-paste, too, Sir Giles ! Alla. There's no syllable

A ponderous chine of beef! a pheasant larded ! You speak, but is to me an oracle;

And red deer, too, Sir Giles, and baked in puff Which but to doubt were impious.

paste! Lady. To conclude;

All business set aside, let us give thanks here. Beware ill company; for often men

Furn. How the lean skeleton's rapt! Are like to those with whom they.do converse :

Over. You know we cannot. And from one man I warn you, and that's Well- Mar. Your worships are to sit on a commisborn:

sion, Not 'cause he's poor; that rather claims your And if you fail to come, you lose the cause.

Greedy. Cause me no causes ; I'll prove 't, But that he's in his manners so debauched,

for such a dinner, And hath to vicious courses sold himself. We may put off a commission ; you shall find it 'Tis true, your father loved him, while he was Henrici decimo quarto. Worthy the loving; but, if he had lived

Over. Fie, Master Greedy! To have seen him as he is, he had cast him off, Will you lose me a thousand pounds for a din. As you must do.

ner? Állæ. I shall obey in all things.

No more, for shame! We must forget the belly, Lady. Follow me to my chamber; you shall When we think of profit. have gold

Greedy. Well, you shall o'er-rule me.
To furnish you like my son, and still supplied I could even cry now. Do you hear me, Master
As I hear from you.

Allz. I am still your creature. [Exeunt. Send but a corner of that immortal pasty ;

And I, in thankfulness, will, by your boy,
SCENE III-A Hall in Lady ALLWORTH's Send you a brace of three-pences.

Furn. Will you be so prodigal ?

Over. Remember me to your lady.

Greedy. Not to be seen ?

Who have we here? Over. Still cloistered up? her reason,

Well. You know me. I hope, assures her, though she makes herself Over. I did once, but now I will not: Close prisoner ever for her husband's loss, Thou art no blood of mine. Avaunt, thou 'Twill not recover him.

beggar! Ord. Sir, it is ber will;

If ever thou presume to own me more,
Which we, that are her servants, ought to serve, I'll have thee caged and whipped.
And not dispute. Howe'er, you are nobly wel- Greedy. I'll grant the warrant.

Think of pye-corner, Furnace ! And, if you please to stay, that you inay think [E.reunt OVERREACH, GREEDY, and MARRALL. so,

Amb. Will you out, sir?
There came, not six days since, from Hall, a pipe i I wonder how you durst creep in.
Ofrich canary; which shall spend itself

Ord. This is rudeness
Eor my lady's honour.

And saucy impudence. VOL. III.


the eye,

Amb. Cannot you stay

Or, though it be against my gentler temper,
To be served among your fellows from the basket, I shall take order you no more shall be
But you must press into the hall?

An eye-sore to me.
Furn. Pr’ythee, vanish

Well. Scorn me not, good lady; Into some out-house, though it be the pig-sty ; But as, in form, you are angelical, My scullion shall come to thee.

Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe

At the least a while to hear me. You will grant, Enter ALLWORTH.

The blood that runs in this arm is as noble Ilell. This is rare :

As that which fills your veins. Those costly Oh, here's Tom Allworth ! Tom !

jewels, Allw. We must be strangers;

And those rich clothes you wear; your swelling Nor would I have you seen here for a million.


(Erit. Equipage, and fortune ; your men's observance, Well. Better and better. He contemns me, too. And women's flattery, are in you no virtues ;

Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices. Enter Waiting-woman and Chambermaid. You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it; Wom. Foh, what a smell's here ! what thing's Yet, lady, I must say, in nothing more, this?

Than in the pious sorrow you have shewn Cham. A creature

For your late noble husband. Made out of the privy. Let us hence, for love's Ord. How she starts ! sake,

Furn. And hardly can keep her finger from Or I shall swoon. Wom. I begin to faint already.

To hear him named. (Exeunt Waiting-woman and Chambermaid. Lady. Have you aught else to say ? Furn. Will you know your way?

Well. That husband, madam, was once, in his Amb. Or shall we teach it you,

fortune, By the head and shoulders ?

Almost as low as I. Want, debts, and quarrels, l'ell. No; I will not stir :

Lay heavy on him : let it not be thought Do you mark, I will not. Let me see the wretch A boast in me, though I say, I relieved him. That dares attempt to force me. Why, you slaves, 'Twas I, that gave him fashion ; mine, the sword Created only to make legs, and cringe ;

That did, on all occasions, second his;
To carry in a dish, and shift a trencher; I brought him on and off, with honour, lady:
That have not souls only to hope a blessing And when in all men's judgments he was sunk,
Beyond black jacks or flaggons; you that were And in his own hopes not to be buoyed up,

I stepped unto him, took him by the hand,
Only to consume meat and drink, and batten And set him upright.
Upon reversions ! -Who advances? who

Furn. Are not we base rogues,
Shews me the way?

That could forget this ? Ord. My lady)

Well. I confess, you made him

Master of your estate ; nor could your friends, Enter Lady ALLWORTH, Waiting-woman, and Though he brought no wealth with him, blame Chambermaid.

you for it: Cham. Here's the monster.

For he had a shape, and, to that shape, a mind, Wom. Sweet madam, keep your glove to your Made up of all parts, either great or noble,

So winning a behaviour, not to be
Cham. Or let me

Resisted, madam.
Fetch some perfumes that may be predominant ; Lady. 'Tis most true, he had.
You wrong yourself else.

Weil. For his sake, then, in that I was his Well. Madam, my designs bear me to you.

friend, Lady. To me?

Do not contemn me. Weil. And though I have met with

Lady. For what's past excuse me; But ragged entertainment from your grooms here, I will redeem it. Order, give the gentleman I hope from you to receive that noble usage, A hundred pounds. As may become the true friend of your husband; Well. Madam, on no terms : And then I shall forget these.

I will not beg nor borrow sixpence of you ; Lady. I am amazed,

But be supplied elsewhere, or want thus ever. To see and hear this rudeness. Dar'st thou Only one suit I make, which you deny not think,

To strangers; and 'tis this. [Whispers to ker. Though sworn, that it can ever find belief, Lady. Fie! nothing else? 'That , who to the best men of this country Weil. Nothing; unless you please to charge Denied my presence since my husband's death,

your servants Can fall so low as to change words with thee? To throw away a little respect upon me. Thou son of infamy ! forbear iny house,

Lady. What you demand is yours. And know and keep the distance that's between

Weit. I thank you, lady. (Erit Lady us;

Now, what can be wrought out of such a suit,


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