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Bayes. Ay, sir, for fear the usurpers might dis- Smi. Yes, sir; but I think I should hardly swear cover them, that went out but just now. though, for all that.

Smi. Why, what if they had discover'd them? Bayes. By my troth, sir, but you would though, Bayes. Why, then they had broke the design. when you see it; for I make 'em both come out 1st King. Here, take five guineas for those war- in armour, cap-a-pée, with their swords drawn, like men.

and hung with a scarlet riband at their wrist; 2d King. And here's five more, that makes the (which, you know, represents fighting enough.) sum just ten.

John. Ay, ay; so much, that, if I were in your 1st Her. We have not seen so much the Lord place, I would make 'em go out again without knows when.

[Ereunt Heralds. ever speaking one word. 1st King. Speak on, brave Amarillis.

Bayes. No, there you are out; for I make Ama. Invincible sovereigns, blame not my mo- each of 'em hold a lute in his hand. desty,

Smi. How, sir ? instead of a buckler? If, at this grand conjuncture

Bayes. O Lord! O Lord ! instead of a buckler! [Drum beats behind the stage. Pray, sir, do you ask no more questions. I make 1st King. What dreadful noise is this that comes 'em, sir, play the battle in recitativo. And here's and goes?

the conceit. Just at the very same instant that

one sings, the other, sir, recovers you his sword, Enter a Soldier, with his sword drawn.

and puts himself in a warlike posture, so that Sol, Haste hence, great sirs, your royal persons you have at once your ear entertained with musave,

sic and good language, and your eye satisfied For the event of war no mortal knows: with the garb and accoutrements of war. The army, wrangling for the gold you gave, Smi. I confess, sir, you stupify me. First fell to words, and then to handy-blows. Bayes. You shall see.

John. But, Mr Bayes, might not we have a litBayes. Is not that, now, a pretty kind of a tle fighting for I love those plays where they stanza, and a handsome come off?

cut and slash one another upon the stage, for a 2d King. O, dangerous estate of sovereign power! whole hour together. Obnoxious to the change of every hour.

Bayes. Why, then, to tell you true, I have con1st King. Let us for shelter in our cabinet stay; trived it both ways. But you shall have my rePerhaps these threatening storms may pass away. citativo first.

(Exeunt. John. Ay, now you are right; there is nothing, John. But, Mr Bayes, did not you promise us, then, can be objected against it. just now, to make Amarillis speak very well. Bayes. True; and so, 'egad, I'll make it, too, a

Bayes. Ay, and so she would have done, but tragedy, in a trice. that they hinder'd her.

Smi. How, sir; whether you would or no ? Enter, at several doors, the General and LieuteBayes. Ay, sir, the plot lay so, that, I vow to

nant-General, armed cap-a-pée, with each of them gad, it was not to be avoided.

a lule in his hand, and his sword drawn, and Smi. Marry, that was hard.

hung with a scarlet ribund at his wrist. John. But pray, who hinder'd her?

Lieut.-Gen. Villain, thou liest. Bayes. Why, the battle, sir, that's just coming Gen. Arm, arm, Gonsalvo, arm. What! ho! in at the door : and I'll tell you now a strange The lie no flesh can brook, I trow. thing, tho' I don't pretend to do more than other Lieut.-Gen. Advance from Acton with the men, 'egad, --I'll give you both a whole week to musqueteers. guess how I'll represent this battle.

Gen. Draw down the Chelsea cuirassiers. Smi. I had rather be bound to fight your Lieut.-Gen. The band you boast of, Chelsea battle, I assure you, sir.

cuirassiers, Bayes. Whoo! there's it now:-fight a battle! Shall, in my Putney pikes, now meet their peers. there's the common error. I knew presently Gen. Cheswickians, aged, and renowned in fight, where I should have you. Why, pray, sir, do but Join with the Flammersmith brigade. tell me this one thing:--Can you think it a decent Lieut.-Gen. You'll find my Mortlake boys will thing, in a battle before ladies, to have men run

do them right, their swords through one another, and all that? Unless by Fulham numbers over-laid. John. No, faith, 'tis not civil.

Gen. Let the left wing of Twick’n’am foot adBayes. Right. On the other side, to have a

vance, long relation of squadrons here, and squadrons And line that eastern bedge. there, what is it but dull prolixity?

Lieut.-Gen. The horse I raised in Petty Frauce John. Excellently reasoned, by my troth! Shall try their chance,

Bayes. Wherefore, sir, to avoid both those in- And scour the meadows, overgrown with sedge. decorums, I sum up my whole battle in the re- Gen. Stand: give the word. presentation of two persons only, no more, and Lieul.-Gen. Bright sword. yet so lively, that, I vow to gad, you would swear Gen. That may be thine, ten thousand men were at it, really engaged. | But 'tis not mine. Do you mark me?

Lieut.-Gen. Give fire, give fire, at once give fire, Bayes. Yes, it has fancy in't. And then, sir, and let those recreant troops perceive mine ire. that there may be something in't too of joke, I John. Pursue, pursue: they fly,

bring 'em all in singing, and make the moon sell That first did give the lie.

[Exeunt. the earth a bargain.--Come, come out Eclipse, to Buyes. This, now, is not improper, I think; be- the tune of Tom Tyler. cause the spectators know all these towns, and

Enter LUNA, may easily conceive them to be within the dominions of the two kings of Brentford.

Luna. Orbis, O Orbis ! John. Most exceeding well designed !

Come to me, thou little rogue, Orbis. Bayes. How do you think I have contrived to give a stop to this battle ?

Enter the Earth. Smi. How?

Orb. Who calls Terra Firma, pray ? Bayes. By an eclipse; which, let me tell you, Luna. Luna, that ne'er shines by day. is a kind of fancy that was yet never so much as Orb. What means Luna in a veil ? thought of but by myself, and one person more, Luna. Luna means to shew her tail. that shall be nameless.

Bayes. There's the bargain.
Enter Licutenant-General.

Enter Sol, to the tune of Robin Hood. Lieut.-Gen. What midnight darkness does in- Sol. Fie, sister, fie; thou mak’st me muse, vade the day,

Derry, derry dowi, And snatch the victor from his conquered prey ? To see thee Orb abuse. Is the sun weary of his bloody fight,

Luna. I hope his anger 'twill not move, And winks upon us with the eye of light? Since I shewed it out of love. 'Tis an eclipse. This was unkind, O moon!

Hey down, derry down, To clap between me and the sun so soon.

Orb. Where shall I thy true love know,
Foolish eclipse; thou this in vain hast done; Thou pretty, pretty moon?
My brighter honour had eclipsed the sun:

Luna. To-morrow, soon, ere it be noon,
But now behold eclipses two in one. (Erit. On Mount Vesuvio.

[Bis. John. This is an admirable representation of a Sol. Then I will shine. battle, as ever I saw.

[To the tune of Trenchmore. Bayes. Ay, sir. But how would you fancy to Orb. And I will be fine. represent an eclipse?

Luna. And I will drink nothing but Lippary wine. Smi. Why, that's to be supposed.

Omnes. And we, &c. Bayes. Supposed! Ay, you are ever at your

[As they dance the hey, BAYES speuks. suppose; ha, ha, ha! Why, you may as well sup- Bayes. Now the carth's before the moon; now pose the whole play. No, it must come in upon the moon's before the sun: there's the eclipse the stage, that's certain, but in some odd way, again. that may delight, amuse, and all that. I have a Smi. He's mightily taken with this, I see. conceit for't, that, I am sure, is new, and, I believe, John. Ay, 'tis so extraordinary, how can he to the purpose.

choose? John. How's that?

Bayes. So, now, vanish Eclipse, and enter t'other Bayes. Why, the truth is, I took the first hint battle, and fight. Here now, if I am not mistaof this out of a dialogue between Phæbus and ken, you will see fighting enough. Aarora, in the Slighted Maid, which, by my troth, Å battle is fought between foot and great hok was very pretty; but, I think, you'll confess this by-horses. At last, DRAWCANSIR comes in, is a little better.

und kills them all on both sides. All this John. No doubt on't, Mr Bayes, a great deal while the battle is fighting, BAYES is telling better.

then when to shout, and shouts with them. (BAYES hugs Johnson, then turns to Smith. Drau. Others may boast a single man to kill,

Bayes. Ah, dear rogue ! But-a-sir, you have But I the blood of thousands daily spill. heard, I suppose, that your eclipse of the moon Let petty kings the name of parties know: is nothing else but an interposition of the earth Where'er I come I slay both friend and foe : between the sun and moon; as, likewise, your The swiftest horsemen my swift rage controuls, eclipse of the sun is caused by an interlocation And from their bodies drives their trembling souls: of the moon betwixt the earth and the sun ? If they had wings, and to the gods could fly,

Smi. I have heard some such thing indeed. I would pursue, and beat them through the sky,

Bayes. Well, sir, then what do I, but make the And make proud Jove, with all his thunder, see earth, sun, and moon, come out upon the stage, This single arm more dreadful is than he. (Exit. and dance the hey: hum; and, of necessity, by Bayes. There's a brave fellow for you now, the very nature of this dance, the earth must be sirs. You may talk of your Hectors, and Achil sometimes between the sun and the moon, and leses, and I know not who, but I defy all your histhe moon between the earth and sun: and there tories, and your romances too, to shew me one you have both your eclipses by demonstration. such conqueror as this Drawcansir.

John. That must needs be very fine, truly. John. I swear, I think you may.

Smi. But, Mr Bayes, how shall all these dead, comfort has a man to write for such dull rogues? men go off ; for I see none alive to help 'em ? -Come, Mr-a-Where are you, sir? Come

Bayes. Go off! why, as they came on ; upon away; quick, quick. their legs : how should they go off? Why, do you: think the people here don't know they are not

Enter Stage-Keeper. dead ?-He is mighty ignorant, poor man. Your S.-Keep. Sir, they are gone to dinner. friend here is very silly,

Mr Johnson, 'egad, he is ; Bayes. Yes, I know the gentlemen are gone ; ha, ha, ha! Come, sir, I'll shew you how they but I ask for the players. shall go off.--- Rise, rise, sirs, and go about your S.-Keep. Why an't please your worship, sir, the business. There's go off for you now; ha, ha, players are gone to dinner too. ha!—Mr Ivory, a word.—Gentlemen, I'll be with Bayes. How! Are the players gone to dinner ? you presently

(Exit. 'Tis impossible! The players gone to dinner! John. Will you so ? Then we'll be gone. 'Egad, if they are, I'll make 'em know what it is to

Smi. I pr’ythee let's go, that we may preserve injure a person that does them the honour to write our hearing; one battle more will take mine for 'em, and all that. A company of proud, conquite away.

{Exeunt. ceited, humourous, cross-grained persons, and all Enter Bayes and Players.

that. 'Egad, I'll make 'em the most contemptible,

despicable, inconsiderable persons, and all that, Bayes. Where are the gentlemen ?

in the whole world for this trick. 'Egad, I'll be 1st Play. They are gone, sir.

revenged on 'em :-I'll sell this play to the other Bayes. Gone ! 'Sdeath! this last act is best of house. all. I'll go fetch 'em again.

(Exit. S.-Keep. Nay, good sir, don't take away the 1st Play. What shall we do, now he is gone book; you'll disappoint the company that comes away?

to see it acted here, this afternoon, 2d Play. Why, so much the better; then let's Bayes. That's all one. I must reserve this go to dinner,

comfort to myself: my play and I shall go toge3d Play. Stay, here's a foul piece of paper; let's ther; we will not part, indeed, sir. see what 'tis.

S.-Keep. But what will the town say, sir? 3d or 4th Play. Ay, ay ; come, let's hear it. Bayes. The town! Why, what care I for the

3d Play. [Reads.] The argument of the fifth act. town? 'Egad, the town has used me as scurvily as -Cloris, at length, being sensible of Prince Pretty- the players have done: but I'll be revenged on man's passion, consents to marry him;

but, just then too; for I'll lampoon 'em all: and since as they are going to church, Prince Prettyman they will not admit of my plays, they shall know meeting, by chance, with old Joan, the chandler's what a satirist I am. And so, farewell to this widow, and remembering it was she that first stage, 'egad, for ever.

(Exit BAYES. brought him acquainted with Cloris, out of a high point of honour, breaks off his match with Cloris,

Enter Players. and marries old Joan; upon which, Cloris, in 1st Play. Come, then, let's set up bills for anodespair, drowns herself, and Prince Prettyman ther play. discontentedly walks by the river-side. This will 2d Play. Ay, ay; we shall lose nothing by this, never do: 'Tis just like the rest.--Come, let's be I warrant you. gone.

[Exeunt. 1st Play. I am of your opinion. But, before we Most of the Play. Ay, pox on't, let's be gone. go, let's see Haynes and Shirley practise the last Enter BAYES.

dance; for that may serve us another time.

2d Play. I'll call 'em in; I think they are but in Bayes. A plague on 'em both for me! they have the tyring-room.

[The dance done. made me sweat to run after 'em: A couple of 1st Play. Come, come; let's go away to dinner. senseless rascals, that had rather go to dinner

(Exeunt omnes. than see this play out, with a pox to 'em! What

EPILOGUE.

The play is at an end, but where's the plot ?
That circumstance the poet Bayes forgot.
And we can boast, though 'tis a plotting age,
No place is freer from it than the stage.

The ancients plotted, though, and strove to please,
With sense that might be understood with ease;
They every scene with so much wit did store,
That who brought any in, went out with more.

But this new way of wit does so surprise,
Men lose their wits in wondering where it lies.
If it be true that monstrous births presage
The following mischiefs that afflict the age,
And sad disasters to the state proclaim ;
Plays without head or tail may do the same :

Wherefore, for ours, and for the kingdom's peace,
May this prodigious way of writing cease:
Let's have, at least once in our lives, a time
When we may hear some reason, not all rhyme:
We have these ten years felt its influence;
Pray let this prove a year of prose and sense.

KEY TO THE REHEARSAL.

ACT I.

Page 219, line 12, first col.
Page 216, line 28, second col.

Bayes. No, sir, there are certain ties upon « Bayes. In fine, it shall read, and write, and

me, that I cannot be disengaged from." act, and plot, and shew, ay, and pit, box, and gal- He contracted with the king's company of aclery, 'egad, with any play in Europe.

tors, in the year 1668, for a whole share, to The usual language of the Hon. Edward How- write them four plays a-year. ard, Esq., at the rehearsal of his plays.

Ibid, line 47.
Ibid, line 56.

“ So boar and sow, when any storm is nigh, “ Bayes. These my rules.”

Snuff up, and smell it gathering in the sky; He who writ this, not without pain and thought, Boar beckons sow to trot to chesnut groves, From French and English theatres has brought And there consummate their unfinish'd loves : Th' exactest rules by which a play is wrought,-- Pensive in mud they wallow all alone, The unity of action, place, and time,

And snore and gruntle to each other's moan."
The scenes unbroken, and a mingled chime
Of Johnson's humour with Corneille's rhyme.

In ridicule of this.
Prologue to the Maiden Queen. So two kind turtles, when a storm is nigh,

Look up, and see it gathering in the sky;
Page 217, line 29, second col.

Each calls his mate to shelter in the groves, “ Bayes. I writ that part only for her. You Leaving, in murmurs, their unfinish'd loves : must know she is my mistress.

Perch'd on some dropping branch, they sit alone, The part of Amarillis was acted by Mrs Anne And coo, and hearken to each other's moan. Reeves, who, at that time, was kept by Mr Bayes.

Conquest of Granada, part II. p. 48. Page 218, line 28, first col.

Ibid, line 16, second col. Two kings of Brentford, supposed to be the « Thun. I am the bold Thunder. two brothers, the king and the duke.-See page Light. The brisk Lightning I." 239, line 16, second col.

I am the evening as dark as night.

Slighted Maid, p. 48. Ibid, line 58. See the two Prologues to the Maiden Queen.

Ibid, line 29.

Let the men 'ware the ditches;
Ibid, line 39, second col.

Maids look to their breeches; “ I have printed above a hundred sheets of We'll scratch them with briers and thistles. paper, to insinuate the plot into the boxes.

Ibid, p. 49. There were printed papers given the audience, before the acting the Indian Emperor, telling them

Ibid, line 46. that it was the sequel of the Indian Queen, part

Abraham Ivory had formerly been a considerof which play was written by Mr Bayes, &c. able actor of women's parts, but afterwards stupi

fied himself so far, with drinking strong waters, Ibid, line 54

that, before the first acting this farce, he was fit “ Persons, 'egad, I vow to gad, and all that," for nothing but to go of errands, for whic and is the constant style of Failer, in the Wild Gal- mere charity, the company allowed him a weeklant; for which take this short speech, instead of ly salary. many. Failer. “ Really, madam, I look upon you as

ACT. II. a person of such worth, and all that, that, I vow

Ibid, line 56, first col, to gad, I honour you of all persons in the world ; and tho' I am a person that am inconsiderable in “I begin this play with a whisper.". the world, and all that, madam, yet, for a person

Drake Sen. Draw up your men, of your worth and excellency, I would”

And in low whispers give our orders out.
Wild Gallant, p. 8.

Play-house to be Let.

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