Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz? Shal. You may, by marrying. Eva. It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it. Eva. Yes, py 'r-lady; if he has a quarter of your coat there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but this is all one: If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The Council shall hear it; it is a riot. Eva. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it: There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page, which is pretty virginity. Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death's-bed, (Got deliver to a joyful. resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a good motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page. Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good gifts. Shal. Well, let us see honest Master Page: Is Falstaff there? Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door [knocks] for Master Page. What, hoa! Got pless your house here! Enter PAGE. Page. Who's there? Eva. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow and here is : young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings. Page. I am glad to see your worships well: I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: Much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill-killed :-How doth good Mistress Page?-and I thank you always with my heart, la; with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Page. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say, he was out-run on Cotsall. Page. It could not be judged, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not;-'t is your fault, 'tis your fault: 'Tis a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good and fair.— Is Sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Eva. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak. Shal. He hath wronged me, Master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that So, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath ;-at a word he hath;--believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged Page. Here comes Sir John. Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL. Fal. Now, Master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king. Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kissed your keeper's daughter? Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered. Fal. I will answer it straight;—I have done all this:-That is now answered. Shal. The Council shall know this. Fal. "T were better for you, if it were known in counsel you'll be laughed at. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, goot worts. Fal. Goot worts! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; What matter have you against me? Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bard. You Banbury cheese! Pist. How now, Mephostophilus? Nym. Slice, I say! pauca pauca; slice! that's my humour. Slen. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin? Eva. Peace: I pray you? Now let us understand: There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is-Master Page, fidelicet, Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. Era. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol,— Pist. He hears with ears. Era. The te vil and is tam? what phraise is this, “He hears with ears?" Why it is affectations. Fal. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else), of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and twopence a-piece, of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Era. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. I combat challenge of this latten bilbo : Slen. By these gloves, then 't was he. Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say, "Marry trap" with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Era. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires. Slen. Ay, you spoke in Latin then too; but 't is no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So God 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentle men; you hear it. Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we 'll drink within. [Exit MISTRESS ANNE PAGE. Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, Mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome :— come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but SHALLOW, SLENDER, and EVANS. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of "Songs and Sonnets" here. Enter SIMPLE. How now, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the "Book of Riddles" about you, have you? Sim. "Book of Riddles!" Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ? Shal, Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz: there is as 't were, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here:-Do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Eva. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender; I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. I Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But this is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth; therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that will do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. pray you, sir, walk in. Anne. I Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them Shal. That you must:-Will you, upon good talked of. dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz: can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt; but if you say, "marry her," I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;--his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Re-enter ANNE PAGE. Shal. Here comes fair Mistress Anne: Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will; I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS. Anne. Will 't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily! I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit SIMPLE.] A justice of the peace may sometime be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come. Slen. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England.-You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now: I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times; and have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it, that it passed :—but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter PAGE. Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you. Slen. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Page. Come on, sir. SCENE III.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Eater FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN. Fal. Mine Host of the Garter,Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a-week. Host. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheesar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow. Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit HOST. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade. An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit BARDOLPH. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call:-Steal! foh! a fico for the phrase. Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coneycatch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol: indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, "I am Sir John Falstaff's." Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep :-Will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, "To her, boy," say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too; examined my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. : Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be 'cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly; [TO ROBIN. Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor. Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack. Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin and her star. Pist. With wit or steel? Nym. With both the humours, I. I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-A Room in DR. CAIUS' House. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY. Quick. What, John Rugby. I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit RUGBY. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say, your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And Master Slender's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head: he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were; and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish Enter DR. CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box. Do intend what I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you.—I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy: mette le au mon pocket. Dépeche, quickly.—Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Rug. Here, sir. Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take a-your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. "Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long.-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he 'll find the young man there, and be mad! Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? -Villany! larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to- Caius. Peace-a your tongue :-speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper.-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy !—but, notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master.-I may call him my master, |