Jerry Sneak's Jeu d'Esprit.
Our modest stage no looser shows shall stain,
Nor ribald words your decent ear profane;
But forms by Shakspeare's glowing pencil wrought,
The genuine fruits of his creative thought,
Present the image of a mighty mind,
Bound by no limits, to no rules confin'd;
To-night his pow'rful magic* claims your eyes,
And bids the visionary scenes arise.
Oh! may your breasts the pleasing influence warm,
And hide our failings by the poet's charm;
Grant us your honest, your unforc'd applause,
And laugh by Nature's and her Shakspeare's laws.
OR, THE MINIKIN PIN MAKER IN HIS GLORY.
Vell, here I am, I suppose, before I speak,
You knows as how as I be Jerry Sneak.
I vishes my brother Bruin vas but here,
For since I seed him last, my precious dear,
My vife I mean, has given me such a snubbing,
'Gad, to tell truth, it was a devilish drubbing.
Von day, ven nobody but ourselves vas by,
Says I," The people says, my lovely chuck,
They says as how as you've made me a buck." "Vats that, ye noodle," says she, "I'll lay a vager, "Some fools ha' been talking 'bout the major."
Lord, so they have," says I," vhat made you guess it, "And you knows I seed you too, tho' you vont confess it, "Both in the garden." "Vhat of that? you brute; "The garden,-did'n't we only go to pluck some fruit ?” Aye," but says I," the summer-house for that;
"I'll swear as how his boots vas off, that's flat;
"And you vas frighten'd vhen you heard me cough: "I suppose you thinks as how at me to laugh;
"But I'm advised by Bruin-aye by him,
"To bring an action out, about con crim;
"And so I vill: I'm told, with such good grounds,
"As how my damages vill be a thousand pounds."
All this I told her, Oh lud! Oh dear, she's here:
Oh no, she's not, 'twas nothing but my fear;
But if as how, as I can from her part,
I'll shew 'em all, that Jerry has a heart;
And if I can but compass this here cash,
I'll shew you what it is to cut a dash;
I'll be a buck of spirit, shew 'em the kick,
I'll vear my Sunday's coat on all the veek.
And then at table, let my lovey frown,
I'll help myself, aye, to a bit of brown.
I'll go every night to the Nag's-head club,
And stay as long as I like, and swig the bub;
Then coming home as drunk as David's sow,
I'll break the lamps, and kick up such a row;
Knock down the vatchman too, and have such sport,
Mayhap get into the vatch-house, that's your sort;
I'll be as big a blade as Peter Prig,
And strap my vife, there'll be a pretty rig:
Oh lud, vas she to hear me !--but as long
As she an't here, I'll sing my funny song;*
Pray don't be angry, if a laugh should seize ye,
I mean no harm, I only vish to please ye.
BILLY WHIPSTITCH;
OR, THE TAILOR'S RAMBLE.
A London tailor, as it's said,
By buckram, canvas, tape and thread,
Sleeve-lining's, pockets, silk and twist,
And all the long expensive list
With which their uncouth bills abound,
Tho' rarely in the garments found;
* Johnny Pringle; the Jack Daws; or, Robinson Crusoe.
By these and other arts in trade,
Had soon a pretty fortune made,
And did what few have ever done,
Left thirty thousand to his son..
The son, a gay young swaggering blade,
Abhorr'd the very name of trade,
And lest reflection should be thrown
On him, resolved to leave the town,
And travel where he was not known.
In splendid coach and liveries gay,
To Oxford first he took his
way;
There belles and beaux' his taste admire,
His equipage and rich attire;
But nothing was so much ador'd
As his fine silver-hilted sword;
Tho' very small, 'twas vastly neat,
The sight was deem'd a perfect treat.
Beau Banter begg'd to have a look;
But when the sword in hand he took,
He swore by gad, it was an odd thing,
And look'd just like a tailor's bodkin,
His pride was hurt by this expression,
Thinking they knew his dad's profession;
Sheathing his sword, he sneak'd away,
And drove for Glo'ster that same day.
There soon he found fresh cause for grief,
For, dining on some fine roast beef,
One ask'd, "Pray which did he prefer?
"Some cabbage, or a cucumber?
The purse-proud coxcomb took the hint,
Thought it severe reflection meant;
His stomach turn'd, he could not eat,
So made an ungenteel retreat:
Next day left Go'ster in great wrath,
And bid his coachman drive to Bath.
There he suspected fresh abuse,
Because the dinner was roast goose;
And that he might no more be jeer'd,
Next day to Exeter he steer'd,
There with some bucks he drank about,
Until he fear'd they'd found him out;
His glass not fill'd, as 'twas the rule,
They said 'twas not a thimble-full.
The name of thimble was enough,
He paid his reck'ning and went off.
He then to Plymouth took a trip,
And put up at the Royal Ship,
Which then was kept by Caleb Snip.
The host by name was often call'd,
At which his guest was so much gall'd,
That soon to Cambridge he remov'd;
There too he unsuccessful prov'd,
For tho' he fill'd his glass or cup,
He did not always drink it up.
The Cantabs mark'd how he behav'd,
And said a remnant should be sav'd.
'The name of remnant gall'd him so,
That he resolv'd for York to go,
There fill'd his bumper to the top,
And always fairly drank it up:
"Well done," says Jack, a buck of York,
"You go thro' stitch, sir, with
your work."
The name of stitch was such reproach,
He rang the bell and call'd his coach;
But 'ere he went, inquiries made
By what means they found out his trade.
"You put the cap on, and it fits,"
Replied one of the Yorkshire wits;
"Our words in common acceptation,
"Could not find out your occupation,
""Twas you yourself gave us the clue,
"To find out both your trade and you."
Vain coxcombs and fantastic beaux',
In every place themselves expose;
They travel far at vast expense,
To shew their wealth and want of sense;
But take this for a standing rule,
There's no disguise can screen a fool.
A warrior so bold, and a virgin so bright,
Convers'd as they sat on the green;
They gaz'd on each other with tender delight;
Alonzo the Brave was the name of the knight;
The maid's was the Fair Imogine.
"And Oh!" said the youth," since to-morrow I go
"To fight in a far distant land,
"Your tears for my absence soon ceasing to flow, "Some other will court you, and you will bestow "On a wealthier suitor your hand."
"Oh! hush these suspicions," Fair Imogine said, "Offensive to love and to me!
"For, if you be living, or if you be dead,
"I swear by the Virgin, that none in your stead "Shall husband of Imogine be."
"And if e'er for another my heart should decide, Forgetting Alonzo the Brave,
"God grant that, to punish my falshood and pride,
Thy ghost at my marriage should sit by my side,
May tax me with perjury, claim me as bride,
"And bear me away to the grave."
To Palestine hasten'd the hero so bold!
His love she lamented him sore;
But scarce had a twelvemonth elaps'd, when, behold,
A Baron all cover'd with jewels and gold,
Arriv'd at Fair Imogine's door,
His treasure, his presents, his spacious domain,
Soon made her untrue to her vows;
He dazzled her eyes, he bewilder'd her brain,
He caught her affections, so light and so vain,
And carried her home as his spouse.
And now had the marriage been blest by the priest,
The revelry now was begun ;
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