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ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.

the first, or among the first, up to every fence: when he came within five yards of it, he threw himself off his horse, who took it, and was trained to stop short on the other side: through or over went his lordship after him; got in his saddle as quick as Ducrow could have done, and was off again without losing a second. The stiffest bulfinch would neither stop him nor his horse: through it they went, and as to water, he could jump as wide as any horse.

I have been accused by some of my friends of having advocated the cause of horse-dealers too favourably; while others of these friends, though on most subjects men of liberal sentiments, have anathematised me to my face because I have not, could not, nor will not unite with them in opinion that all horsedealers are alike, and, being so, are en masse a mass of rascality and extortion.

The simile of a man being in the humour of a bear with a sore head, if not a very refined or poetic, is at all events a very common one; but though many thus make use of Bruin to help them out with an idea, few perhaps have had the chance of seeing the gentleman situated as they describe. Now I have, and a monkey too; and can assure my readers that where the hurt is not of so serious a nature as to call forth compassion, the manner of treating it, and the pitiable look put on by these gentry, is the most ridiculous thing in nature. I make no doubt but a man who has ever been embraced by a bear cannot conceive that he can handle anything with gentleness; but let them see him sitting down and rubbing his hurt head, they will find he does it with considerably more gentleness than many a hired nurse, or many

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of those young gentlemen who get hospital patients under their hands, when in a hurry to get away to put on a proper tie and add the proper quantum of Rowland's Macassar for a Regent-Street strut.

Some of my friends, from their transactions with some dealers, are very much in the situation of Bruin : they have been hit hard, and the place is still tender: they are still rubbing their heads, and are driven half mad, when I only laugh at their bruises. Give Bruin the stick that hurt him, you would see what a mauling he would give it; and thus some of my good friends, having been hit by horse-dealers, want me to give them a mauling also. This (as far as my abilities would permit) I would be as willing as any man alive to do when and where I thought they deserved it; but it is not enough for me that my friend's head is tender, when perhaps the hit arose from his own folly. In this case, I can only recommend him to do as Bruin does, tenderly and patiently to rub on till he cures it; but I would advise him to do what the other will do without advice, namely, not voluntarily to put himself in the way of getting hit again. I am compelled to say this has not been the conduct of some of my friends; and the consequence has been, they got a fresh shinner on the old grievance. When this is the case, they have doubly deserved it, and must rub and growl on: it will perhaps keep them out of further mischief.

I can bring forward a very beautiful illustration of the folly of a want of caution in the first place, and the still greater folly of expecting to come off scathless in returning to the origin of our first injury. When I was a boy, and about as mischievous as

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SOWING WILD OATS.

most young gentlemen are, we had among other quadrupeds an immense and most voracious sow. This said sow I used frequently to mount, and on these occasions she would sometimes turn sulky, stand still, and attempt to catch hold of my toes; but when she did go, she went like a devil, and tried to get rid of me, which sooner or later she invariably did; for Allen M'Donough could not have kept on, so no impeachment on my sowmanship. This was capital fun; perhaps it taught me not afterwards to mind a fall from a horse: but one unfortunate day, perhaps the pace had been too good, sowey shut up, turned round and round till she got me off, and was making a charge at me however I escaped her; and finding her dislike to steeple-chasing was likely to end in something to my serious disadvantage, I never mounted her again. I was beat; had sense enough to know it, and to keep out of harm's way. Thus far I took a hint, as I advise my friends to do; but I will now show where piggy did not, and suffered from it. I have said that Madame Sow was voracious, and so she was; for no sooner was her meal in the trough than in went her long snout, routing to the bottom and from end to end; and instead of leaving the tidbits with maternal affection to her numerous and interesting family, up she gobbled all, and in truth in one instance gobbled up family and all. Now as my mamma never did anything of this kind, my feelings of respect and duty satisfied me that Madame Sow's general conduct must be very hoggish indeed, and I resolved to punish her. I had not forgotten at the same time her obstinacy as to steeplechasing. The next time she was fed, I, in conjunc

RATHER TOO WARM.

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tion with the boy who fed her, made her mess so hot as to be one of the most uncomfortable berths in the world for a nose. Shutting up the misses and masters piggies, we let the old gentlewoman out: at it she came, and in went her nose to the very bottom; but out it came quick as a cork from a champagne bottle, accompanied, in force, loudness, and harmony, by a note equalled but not excelled by the pleasing intimation we hear from the steam-pipe of the approach of a locomotive. Round and round the yard she went (how I longed to be on her) till the air had cooled her proboscis. Forgetful of former hurts, in delight at the smoking savoury viands, in went the snout again with the same results. A third time settled the business: she wisely gave it up for a time, but eventually got her supper with the loss of the skin off her nose. This was coming off better than some people, who lose the skin, and do not get what they want at last. Let me then advise my friends in search of horses never to poke their nose, whether bottle, Grecian, snub, or Roman, into suspicious places, or trust it with suspicious men; and above all, if they have got one scald, never to risk another in the same quarter, notwithstanding Mr. Holloway's assurance that one pot of his ointment effects a certain cure in all cases.

By these very homely similes, anecdotes, and equally homely advice, I have hinted, that, although I do not condemn dealers in horses to lasting infamy as a body, I do consider it just possible that a man may get into bad hands; and I intend further to show that he may get into the hands of as great a set of scoundrels, composing a part (and a pretty considerable part) of that

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INDIA-RUBBER CONSCIENCES.

body as ever disgraced humanity: but when he does so, it is in nineteen cases out of twenty his own fault, arising either from the vain hope of getting a bargain, or from conceit in fancying himself a proficient in matters that (he finds to his cost) he really knows little or nothing about.

If any one concludes, from what I have at any time written on the subject, that I either consider or have intended to represent horse-dealers as men in whom we may place perfect confidence, the fault has been in my mode of expressing myself, not in my intention. I consider them in no such light. Confidence to a certain degree may be reposed in certain dealers in horses; so it may in certain dealers in wine, and in certain (and that certain comprises a very very few) dealers in pictures; but if a man who is not a judge will go to either and make his own purchases, he will to a certainty be more or less taken in; that is, he will not get the best value for his money given him. If first-rate men in their way, they will not venture to give you an absolutely unsound or decidedly vicious horse in face of their warranty to the contrary; decidedly pricked wine for sound; or a known copy for a genuine Claude, Titian, or Domenichino; but you will be all but certain to get as inferior an article of these several commodities as their risk of character will permit them to put into your hands at the price given. They are tradesmen: their object is to make money; and while they do not do anything absolutely dishonest, their consciences and ideas are like those of many attorneys, who consider nothing dishonourable that is not contrary to law.

I have said that I believed a respectable horse