Meddler, and a mighty meddling troublesome fellow he is, a perfect pest to dealers and Repositories, about whose stables he is always to be found more or less. Now, whether Mr. Meddler designates himself an agent, or what, I do not know, so I will call him a peripatetic salesman. His business (or at least what he makes his business) is, to know the appearance, qualifications, and price of every horse standing in a dealer's stable, or in those of any public establishment for sale; and this by hook or by crook he will know, how much soever the master of either stable may wish to prevent him. But he knows a great deal more than this; for he makes himself acquainted with every horse for sale in the neighbourhood, and also with every person wanting to purchase one for any given purpose; so that he can very often, nay generally (if he chooses to do so), find a horse a master, and a master a horse, to suit each other. Now this looks like a very useful fellow; mais le vrai n'est pas toujours le vraisemblable; nor is this very useful fellow on the whole so great an acquisition to a town as some people think him. If his business consisted in saving people the trouble of looking for horses by informing them where such a horse or horses as they want are to be found, he would be a useful man, and no one would grudge him his guinea for his trouble (if they chose to employ him); but he does not wait for this; he will have a feeling in every horse for sale in the town and neighbourhood, or he will use every exertion in his power to prevent its being bought, however good he may be. Having a hand in the sale of a horse is his bread, consequently it is his interest to prevent any one being sold in which he has not a feeling.

338

EATING UNNECESSARY (FOR THE poor.)

I forget now upon what occasion it was, but when Cardinal Richelieu was once personally examining some unfortunate fellow touching some treasonable practices he had been guilty of, he asked him what had induced him to venture on such things? Now the Cardinal was not the most urbane or just the sort of man one would by choice select to be examined by on such an occasion, nor was the milk of human kindness so redundant in his composition that there was any chance of its overflowing; and thus, forming (a second) milky way. The poor culprit knew this: so without any circumlocution, plainly and simply replied, as his only excuse, " Monsieur, il faut manger!" This to some men would have been at least an extenuation, and the force of the homely argument would have been allowed. Not so the Cardinal: "Je n'en vois pas la nécessité," says he. Cool, one would say, and by no means flattering: but the Cardinal, like horsedealers, had little ways of his own, not the most agreeable to those who offended him; and I doubt not could look grim enough in his fool's cap. Not being particular, I must say I should prefer an evening's assignation with a little chaperon rouge we have seen of later date.

Now Mr. Meddler considers it is quite necessary to eat, though the Cardinal did not; and eat he will, and well too, whoever pays for it. It may be wondered how such a man gets the sway he does in these things; but it is easily accounted for. In London his powers are very limited, there being such a host of horses and customers that he can know but a small proportion of either, and strangers are constantly coming in; but in provincial towns he knows everybody, and

TAKING CARE OF NUMBER ONE.

339

everybody knows him, as well as they do the marketplace; should any stranger arrive, Meddler's modesty will not prevent him making his acquaintance and volunteering his services; nor does he suffer a fresh horse or two to enter the town without ascertaining all about them. Thus it is seen that nothing of this sort can stir without his knowledge. Everyone who knows him knows this, and therefore applies to him for information and assistance, both of which he can afford, and will if he is paid for it. This is all fair enough we will say "the labourer is worthy of his hire," is an old saying, and quite a true one if we apportion the hire to the services he renders us; but I will show where Mr. Meddler frequently is not worthy of his hire.

We will suppose any one had applied to him to find him a horse of a certain sort for a certain purpose. Meddler knows one or two, as the case may be, exactly suited to the purpose. Now the horse being so is certainly a consideration with Meddler, but a very secondary one. The first is, to whom does the horse belong, and will he pay him for selling him for him as much as he pleases to think he ought to get? If "yes," the purchaser is immediately taken to both horse and owner: if "no," he will not be taken; but, on the contrary, if another, who Meddler knows will pay, has a horse not half so well adapted to the purchaser's views, to him he will be taken; for, mind, being well paid by one party will not suit Meddler: no, he must be paid by both, and paid well. His business therefore is to take his employer where he can do the best for himself, not where he can do best for the employer; and thus he is not always the safest gentleman in the

340

TOO MUCH OF THE PURE ELEMENT.

world to trust to. I have rarely employed one of these meddlers, preferring, as Liston said, to "mix for myself." Many people know to what this refers, but as many do not, I will mention it.

Before Liston got so high in point of engagements as he afterwards most deservedly did, he had his daily pennyworth of milk taken. This got at last so very rich of the water that Liston could stand it no longer; so next morning he made his appearance at the door with two small jugs in his hand; the milkman, supposing he wanted an extra allowance for some purpose, filled the one with the usual quantity, and was preparing to fill the second, "No," says Liston, "I have brought that for the water; now take back this mixture, and give me half in quantity of milk; I will mix in future for myself." Now, like Liston, whenever I have applied to a meddler, although I paid him for his time, I still chose to "mix for myself." I perfectly well knew it would depend on circumstances as to what horses he might choose to inform me of, and well knew he would not tell me of every horse he thought I should like: still he would tell me of some, and thus save me trouble, and as I never should be guided by what he said, he could do no harm. I made use of him, as they say the lion does of the jackal; but after he had found the quarry, I always begged him to stand aloof, and leave me to decide how far it might suit my appetite. He may (properly appreciated) be made a useful scout, but he is not to be trusted as a counsellor. Thus much for private individuals employing meddlers; let us see how far they affect dealers.

As I have in other places said, the ill word of any ignoramus or malevolent fellow used against a dealer or his horse is sure to be given implicit credit to, and

:

POINT DE GIBIER, JE VOUS REMERCIE.

341

many a good horse is lost by people attending to such fellows. If Mr. Meddler would content himself with taking any person to a dealer's yard when he knew he had a horse in his stables to suit the customer, the dealer would of course be very happy to see him, and would pay him handsomely for his trouble: but there is something in forced interference repugnant to one's feelings, even when no harm is meant. I think a pheasant kept to a day, and done to a turn, a capital thing: but I know I should kick confoundedly if a man attempted to ram a leg down my throat, drumstick and all; so, though the dealer would willingly pay any meddler for what he sold for him, he does not wish to give him the command over all the horses in his stable, and a feeling in every one sold from them but this is what Meddler wants, and therefore will, and does, in some way abuse every horse attempted to be sold without his interference: in fact, he wants to trade on the dealer's capital, and have a certain share in the profits of each horse, though on an average he is only the means of selling one in ten. The consequence would virtually be, that the dealer must wait till Mr. Meddler sold his horses for him, or give him a feeling in any one he takes the unwarrantable liberty of selling himself. Bravo, Mr. Meddler! a very modest way of constituting a little partnership, for it amounts to that. This I rather think is a little more than the dealer can afford: it is an attempt to make him swallow the pheasant's leg with a vengeance! But if he refuses so large a morsel, he may fully calculate on Meddler's using his most strenuous efforts to (as he would term it) choke off every cus tomer that enters the yard. One plan would be this. I have said he is always hanging about to see what is