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being meerly passive they may not make sute, with many such lets and inconveniences. which I know not; what shall we do in such a case? sing “ Fortune my foe?” –
Some are so curious in this behalf, as those old Romans, our modern Venetians, Dutch and French, that if two parties dearly love, the one noble, the other ignoble, they may not by their Laws match, though equal otherwise in years, fortunes, education, and all good affection. In Germany, except they can prove their gentility by three descents, they scorn to match with them. A noble man must marry a noble woman: a Baron, a Baron's daughter ; a Knight, a Knight's: a Gentleman, a Gentleman's : as slatters sort their slattes, do they degrees and families. If she be never so rich, fair, well-qualified otherwise, they will make him forsake her. The Spaniards a' hor all widows; the Turks repute them old women, if past five and twenty. But these are too severe Laws, and strict Customs, dandum aliquid amori, we are all the sons of Adam, 'tis opposite to Nature, it ought not to be so. Again he loves her most impotently, she loves not him, and so é contra. «* Pan loved Echo, Echo Satyrus, Satyrus Lyda.
« Quantum ipsorum aliquis amantem oderat,
Tantum ipsius amans odiosus erat.” They love and loath of all soris, he loves her, she hates him ; and is loathed of hin, on whom she dotes. Cupid hath two darts, one to force love, all of gold, and that sharp,
_“ .Quod facit auratum est;" another blunt of Lead, and that to hinder ;
- fugat hoc, facit illud amorem." This we see too often verified in our common experience.
Choresus dearly loved that Virgin Callyrrhoe ; but the more he loved her, the more she hated him. Oenone loved Paris, but he rejected her; they are stiffe of all sides, as if beauty were therefore created to undo, or be undone. I give her all attendance, all observance, I pray and intreat, + Alma precor miserere mei, fair mistris pitty me, I spend my self, my time, friends and fortunes to win her favour, (as he complains in the · Eglogue,) I lament, sigh, weep, and inake my moan to her, but she is hard as flint,
Z" cautibus Ismariis immotior"
* E Græcho Moscħi. Ovid. Met. J. Pausanias Achaicis lib. 7. Perditè amabat Challyrhoen virginem, & quanto crat Choresi amor vchementior erat, tanto erat puellæ animus ab ejus amore alicpior. of Virg. 6. En. • Erasmus Egl Galatea.
as fair and hard as a diamond, she will not respect, Despectus tibi sum, or hear me,
_" fugit illa vocantem Nil lachrymas miserata meas, nil flexa querelis." What shall I do?
I wooed her as a young man should do,
But Sir, she said, I love not you.
Rock, Marble, heart of Oak with iron bar'd,
Frost, flint or adamants are not so hard.
« « Rusticus est Coridon, nec munera curat Alexis.” I protest, I swear, I weep,
are odioq; rependit amores,
Irrisu lachrymasShe neglects me for all this, she derides me, contemns me, she hates me, Phillida flouts me: Caute, feris, quercu durior Euridice, stiffe, churlish, rocky still.
And 'tis most true, many Gentlewomen are so nice, they scorn all suiters, crucifie their poor Para mours, and think nobody good enough for them, as dainty to please as Daphne her self.
“ + Multi illam petiere, illa aspernate petentes,
Many did woo her, but she scorn'd them still,
And said she would not marry by her will. One while they will not marry, as they say at least, (when as they intend nothing less) another while not yet, when 'tis their only desire, they rave upon it. She will marry at last, but not him: he is a proper man indeed, and well qualified, but he wants means : another of her suiters hath good ineans, but he wants wit; one is too old, another too yong, too deformed, she likes not his carriage: a third too loosely given, he is rich, but base born : she will be a Gentlewoman, a Lady, as her sister is, as her mother is : she is all out as fair, as well brought up, hath as good a portion, and she looks for as good a match, as Matilda
or Dorinda : if not, she is resolved as yet to tarry, so apt are yong maids to boggle at every object, so soon won or lost with every toy, so quickly diverted, so hard to be pleased. In the mean time, quot torsit amantes ? one suiter pines away, languisheth in love, mori quot denique cogit! another sighs and grieves, she cares not: and which * Stroza objected to Ariadne,
“ Nec magis Eoriali gemitu, lacrymisque moveris,
Quàm prece turbati Aectitur ora sali.
Spernis, & insano cogis amore mori,”
And mak’st him almost 'mad for love to dye : They take a pride to prank up themselves, to make yong men enamored,
" † captare viros & spernere captos," to dote on them, and to run mad for their sakes,
- " sed nullis illa movetur
They love to be belov'd, yet scorn the Lover.
Tormentis gaudet amantis & spoliis." As Atalanta they must be over-run, or not wonn. Many yong men are as ohstinate, and as curious in their choice, as tyrannically proud, insulting, deceitful, false-hearted, as irrefragable and peevish on the other side, Narcissus like,
" » Multi illum Juvenes, multæ petière puellæ,
Yong men and maids bad him adiew. Echo wept and wooed hini by all means above the rest, love me for pitty, or pitty me for love, but he was obstinate,
“ Ante ait emoriar quam sit tibi copia nostri," he would rather dye then give consent. Psyche ran whiping after Cupid,
« * Formosum tua te Psyche formosa requirit,
Fair Cupid, thy fair Psyche to thee sues,
A lovely lass å fine yong gallant wooes ; but he rejected her nevertheless. Thus many Lovers do hold out so long, doting on themselves, stand in their own light, till in the end they come to be scorned and rejected, as Stroza's Gargiliana was,
“ Te juvenes, te odere senes, desertaque langues,
Both yong and old do hate thee scorned now,
That once was all their joy and comfort tco. As Narcissus was himself,
Who dispising many Died ere he could enjoy the love of any. They begin to be contemned themselves of others, as he was of his shadow, and take up with a poor curat, or an old scrvingman at last, that might have had their choice of right good matches in their youth, like that generous Mare, in Plutarch, which would admit of none but great Horses, but when her tail was cut off and mane shorn close, and she now saw her self so deformed in the water, when she came to drink, ab asino conscendi se passa, she was contented at last to be covered by an Ass. Yet this is a common humor, will not be left, and cannot be helped.
“ Hanc voloquæ non vult, illam quæ vult ego nolo: :
I love a maid, she loves me not: full fain
But seldom doth it please or give content. Their love danceth in a ring, and Cupid hunts them round about; he dotes, is doted on again.
« Dumque petit petitur, pariterque accedit & ardet,” their affection cannot be reconciled. Oftentimes they inay and will not, 'tis their own foolish proceedings that mars all, they are too distrustful of themselves, too soon dejected : say she be rich, thou poor: she yong, thou old; she lovely and fair, thou most illfavoured and deformed; she noble, thou base : she spruse and fine, but thou an ugly Clown: nil desperandum, there's * Fracastorius Dial. de apim. Dial. Am.
hope hope enough yet: Mopso Nisa datur, quid non speremus amant es ? Put thy self forward once more, as unlikely matches have been and are daily made, see what will be the event. Many leave roses and gather thistles, loath hony and love verjuice: our likings are as various as our palates. But commonly they omit opportunities, oscula qui sumpsit, &c. they neglect the usual means and times.
He that will not when he may,
When he will he shall have nay. They look to he wooed, sought after, and sued to. Most part they will and cannot, either for the above-named reasons, or for that there is a multitude of suiters equally enamored, doting all alike; and where one alone must speed, what shall become of the rest ? Hero was beloved of many, but one did enjoy her; Penelope had a company of suiters, yet all missed of their aym. In such cases he or they must wisely and warily unwind thenselves, unsettle his affections by those rules above prescribed,
- "* quin stullos excutit ignes,” divert his cogitations, or else bravely bear it out, as Turnus did, Tua sit Lavinia conjux, when he could not get her, with a kind of heroical scorn he bid Æneas take her, or with a muilder farewel, let her go.
- Et Phillida solus habeto," take her to you, God give you joy, Sir. The Fox in the Emblem would eat no grapes, but why? because he could not get them; care not then for that which may not be had. :
Many such inconveniences, lets, and hinderances there are, which cross their projects, and crucifie poor Lovers, which sometimes may, sometimes again cannot be so easily removed. But put case they be reconciled all, agreed hitherto, suppose this love or good liking be betwixt two alone, both parties well pleased, there is mutuus amor, mutual love and great affection : yet their Parents, Guardians, Tutors, cannot agree, thence all is dashed, the inatch is unequal : one rich, another poor: durus pater, an hard hearted, unnatural, a covetous father will not marry his son, except he have so much mony, ita in aurum omnes insaniunt, as † Chrysostome notes, nor joyn his daughter in marriage, to save her dowry, or for that he cannot spare her for the service she doth him, and is resolved to part with nothing whilest he lives, not a penny, though he may peradventure well give it, he will not till he dies, and then as a
* Ovid. Mc. 9.
Hom. 5. in. I. epist. Thess. cap. 4. ver. 1.