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Fal. Truly, mine hoft, I must turn away some of my
followers. Hoft. Discard, bully Hercules, cashier; let them wag; trot, trot.
Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week.
Hoft. Thou'rt an Emperor, Cesar, Keisar and Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph, he shall draw, he shall tap; said I well, bully Hector ?
Fal. Do so, good mine hoft.
Hoft. I have spoke, let him follow; let me see thee froth, and live : I am at a word; follow.
Exit Hoft. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a wither'd servingman, a fresh tapster; go, adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desir'd: I will thrive.
[Exit Bard. Pist. O base Hungarian wight, wilt thou the spigot wield ?
Nym. He was gotten in drink, is not the humour conceited ? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it.
Fal. I am glad, I am so quit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.
Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's reft.
Pift. Convey, the Wife it call: steal? foh; a fico for the phrase!
Fal. Well, Sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Fal. There is no remedy: I must conycatch, I must shift.
Pift. Young ravens must have food.
Fal. My honeft lads, I will tell you what I am about, Pift. Two yards and more.
Fal. No quips now, Piftol: indeed, I am in the waste two yards about; but I am now about no waste, I am about thrift.
Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar stile, and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be english'd right, is, I am Sir John Fastaff's.
Pist. He hath study'd her well, and translated her out of honesty into English.
Nym. The anchor is deep; will that humour pass?
Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse: she hath a legion of angels.
Pif. As many devils entertain; and to her, boy, , say I.
Nym. The humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels.
Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examind my parts with most judicious
oeillades; sometimes, the beam of her view guilded my foot; sometimes, my portly belly.
Pist. Then did the fun on dung-hill shine. [Aside. Nym. I thank thee for that humour.
Fal. O fhe did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here's another letter to her; she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. + I will be Cheater to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West-Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this
* most judicious iliads;] Read oeillades, glances. French. Mr. Poper
+ I will be Cheater to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to me ;] The same Joke is intended here, as in the second Part of Henry the fourth, Ad 2. I will bar no honest Man my House, nor no Cheater.--By which is meant Escheatours, an Officer in the Exchequer, in no good Repute with the common People.
letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford : we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour-letter, I will keep the haviour of reputation.
Fal. Hold, Sirrah, bear you these letters tightly, Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. To Robin. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hail-ftones, go; Trudge, plod away o'th' hoof, feek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of the age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and fkirted page.
(Exeunt Falstaff and Boy.
SCENE VIII. Pip. LET vultumes, sripe thy guts ; for *gord and And high and low beguiles the rich and poor. Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!
Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge.
Pist. Wilt thou revenge?
Nym. With both the humours, I:
*-- for gourd, and Fullam holds :
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor.] Fullam is a cant Term for false Dice, high and low. Torriano, in his Italian Di&ionary, interprets Pife by false Dice, high and low Men, high Fullams, and low Fullams. Johnson, in his Every Man out of his Humour, quibbles upon this cant Term. Who, he serve? He keeps high Men and low Men, he has a fair Living at Fullam. As for Gourd, or rather Gord, it was another Instrument of Gaming, as appears form Beaumont and Fletcher's Scornful Lady. -- And thy dry Bones can reach at nothing now, but GORDS, or Nine-pins.
Pift. And I to Page shall eke unfold,
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
And his soft touch defile. Nyn. My humour shall not cool; I will incense. Ford to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness; for the Revolt of Mien is dangerous : that is my true humour.
Pist. Thou art the Mars of malé-contents: I second thce ; troop on.
Exeunt. SCENE IX.
Changes to Dr. Caius's House.
HAT, John ! ,
my master, master Doctor Caius, coming; if he do, i'faith, and find any body in the house, here will be old abusing of God's patience, and the King's English. Rug. I'll go watch.
[Exit Rugby. Quic, Go, and we'll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a fea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kiud fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale, nor no breed-bate ; his worst fault is, that he is giv'n to pray’r; he is something peevish that way; but no body but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say, your name is.
Sim. Ay, for fault of a better.
Quic. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife ?
Sim. No, forsooth; he hath but a little wee-face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colour'd beard.
Quic. A softly-fprighted man, is he not?
Sim. Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
Quic. How fay you? oh, I should remember him; does he not hold up his head, as it were ? and strut in his gate?
Sim. Yes, indeed, does he.
Quic. Well, heav'n send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I'll do what I can for your master : : Anne is a good girl, and I wish
Quic. We shall all be fhent; run in here, good young man; go into this closet; [fhuts Simple in the closet.] He will not stay long. What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I fay; go, John, go enquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes not home: and down, down, a-down-a, &c. [Sings.
Enter Doctor Caius. Caius.
AT is you sing? I do not like des toys; pray you, go and vetch me in
closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
Quic. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad, he went not in himself; if he had found the young
man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe, ma foi, il fait fort chaud; je m'en vais à la Cour la grande affaire.
Quick. Is it this, Sir.
Caius. Ouy, miettez le au mon pocket; Depêchez; quickly ; ver is dat knave Rugby! Quic. What, John Rugby! John!