Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deferve to be your porter Ford. I will tell you, Sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook, I fhall be glad to be your fervant. Ford. Sir, I hear, you are a scholar; (I will be brief with you) and you have been a man long known to me, tho' I had never fo good means, as' defire, to make myself acquainted with you: I fhall difcover a thing to you, wherein I muft very much lay open mine own imperfections; but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you them unfolded, turn another into the regifter of your own, that I may pass with a reproof the eafier; fith you yourself know, how easy it is to be fuch an offender. Fal. Very well: Sir, proceed. hear Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, Sir. Ford. I have long lov'd her; and, I proteft to you, beftow'd much on her; follow'd her with a doating obfervance; ingrofs'd opportunities to meet her; fee'd every flight occafion, that could but niggardly give me fight of her; not only bought many prefents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath purfu'd me, which hath been on the wing of all occafions. But whatfoevever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means; meed, I am fure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; That I have purchas'd at an infinite rate, and That hath taught me to say this; Love like a fhadow flies, when fubftance love purfues; Fal. Fal. Have you receiv'd no promife of fatisfaction at her hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importun'd her to such a purpose ? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair houfe, built on another man's ground; fo that I have loft my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me ? Ford. When I have told you that. I have told you all. Some fay, that tho' fhe appear honeft to me, yet in other places fhe enlargeth her mirth fo far, that there is fhrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable difcourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place · and perfon, generally allow'd for your many warlike, court-like, and learned preparations. Fal. O Sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it; there is money, fpend it, spend it; fpend more, spend all I have, only give me fo much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable fiege to the honefty of this Ford's wife; use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as foon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemence of your affection, that I fhould win what you would enjoy? methinks, you prefcribe to yourself very prepofterously. Ford. O, underfland my drift; fhe dwells fo fecurely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my foul dares not prefent itfelf; fhe is too bright to be look'd againft. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my defires had inftance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too too ftrongly embattel'd against me. What fay you to't, Sir John? Fal. Mafter Brook, I will firft make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you fhall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good Sir! Fal. Mafter Brook, I fay, you fhall. Ford. Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none. want none; Fal. Want no miftrefs Ford, mafter Brook, you fball I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment. Even as you came in to me, her affiftant, or go-between, parted from me; I fay, I fhall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rafcally knave, her husband, will be forth; come you to me at night, you fhall know how I speed. Ford. I am bleft in your acquaintance: do you know Ford, Sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave, I know him not yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they fay, the jealous wittolly knave hath maffes of money, for the which his wife feems to be well-favour'd. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly-rogue's coffer; and there's my harveft-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, Sir, that you might avoid him, if you faw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical falt-butter rogue ; I will flare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel; it fhall hang like a meteor o'er the Cuckold's horns. Mafter Brook, thou fhalt know, I will predominate over the peasant; and thou fhalt lie with his wife: Come to me foon at night; Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his ftile: thou, mafter Brook, fhalt know him for knave and cuckold: come to me foon at night. [Exit. SCENE. Ford. 7HAT a damn'd Epicurean rafcal is this! my Who fays, this is improvident jealoufy? my wife hath fent to him, the hour is fixt, the match is made; would any man have thought this? fee the hell of having a false woman! my bed fhall be abus'd, my coffers ranfack'd, my reputation gnawn at ; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me the wrong. Terms, names; Amaimon founds well; Lucifer, well; Barbafon, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold, wittol, cuckold! the devil himself hath not fuch a name. Page is an afs, a fecure afs, he will truft his wife; he will not be jealous: I will rather truft a Fleming with my butter, parfon Hugh the Welchman with my cheese, an Irishman with my Aquavite bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself then she plots, then fhe ruminates, then the devifes: and what they think. in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heav'n be prais'd for my jealoufy! Eleven o'clock the hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be reveng'd on Falstaff, and laugh at Page: I will about it: better three hours too foon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie; cuckold, cuckold, cuckold! [Exit.. Rug. Rug. 'Tis paft the hour, Sir, that Sir Hugh pro mis'd to meet. Caius. By gar, he has fave his foul, dat he is no come; he has pray his pible well, dat he is no come by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. : Rug. He is wife, Sir; he knew, your worship. would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is not so dead as me vill make him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, Sir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villany, take your rapier. Enter Hoft, Shallow, Slender and Page, Hoft. 'Blefs thee, bully Doctor. Shal. 'Save you, Mr. Doctor Caius. Page. Now, good Mr. Doctor. Slen. Give you good morrow, Sir. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for ? Hoft. To fee thee fight, to see thee foigne, to fee thee traverse, to fee thee here, to fee thee there, to fee thee pass thy puncto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy diftance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francoyes? ha, bully? what fays my Efculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha? is he dead, bully-ftale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack-Priest of de vorld; he is not fhow his face. Hoft. Thou art a Caftalion-king-Urinal: Hector of Greece, my boy. Caius. I pray you bear witness, that me have ftay fix or feven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wifer man, Mr. Doctor; he is a curer of fouls, and you a curer of bodies: if you fhould |