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Fal. Come, let me pour in some fack to the Thameswater; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-balls, for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.
Bard. Come in, woman.
S CE N E XVI.
Enter Mrs. Quickly.
your good .
Bard. With eggs, Sir ?
Fal. Simple of itself: I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage. How now?
Quic. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford
Tal. Mistress Ford? I have had Ford enough; I was thrown into the Ford; I have my belly full of Ford.
Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they miftook their erection.
Fal. So did I mine, to build on a foolish woman's promise.
Quic. Well, she laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I must carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, I war
Fal. Well, I will visit her; tell her fo, and bid her think what a man is : let her consider his frailty, and then judge of iny merit.
Quic. I will tell her.
Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, here he comes.
S CE N E XVII.
Enter Ford. Ford. BLEI. Now, malter Brook, you come to know
Sir. what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife. Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my
business. Fal, Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me.
Ford. And you sped, Sir?
Fal. No, Master Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter; after we had embrac'd, kiss'd, protested, and as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy ; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.
Ford. What, while you was there?
and could not find you?
Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's direction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket ?.
Ford. A buck-basket?
Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul shirts and fmocks, focks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villainous smell, that ever offended noftril. Ford. And how long lay you there?
Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistrefs, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchetlane; they took me on their shoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their bafket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave would have search'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul clothes; but mark the sequel, master Brook; I suffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detečed by ajealous rotten bell-weather; next to be compass d like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be stopt in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of that, that am as subject to heat as buiter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-lhoe; think of that; hisfing hot; think of that, master Brook.
Ford. In good sadness, Sir, I am sorry that for my fake you suffer'd all this. My suit is then desperate; you'll undertake her no more?
Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'il from her another embassy of meeting ; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.
Ford. 'Tis past eight already, Sir.
Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall
be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you shall have her, mafter Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.
Exit. Ford, Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? master Ford, awake; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford; this 'tis to be married ! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets! well, I will proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible, he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepperbox. But, left the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places; tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall
ot make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, I let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad. [Exit.
A CT IV. SC EN E I.
Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be presently; but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water; Mrs. Ford desires you to come fuddenly.
Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. How now, Sir Hugh, no school to day?
profits nothing in the world at his book; I
pray you, ask him some questions in his Accidence.
Eva. Come hither, William ; hold up your head,
Mrs. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head, answer
master, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? Wil. Two.
Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say, od's nouns.
Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is Fair, William?
Eva, You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is Lapis, William
Wil. A stone.
Eva. No, it is Lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.
Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles ? Wil. Articles are borrow'd of the
pronoun, and be thus declin'd, fingulariter nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc,
Eva, Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus : well, what is your accusative case?
Wil. Accufative, hine.
Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accusative, hung, hang, hog.
Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.
Evv. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative case, William?
Wil. O, vocative, O.