Fal. Come, let me pour in fome fack to the Thameswater; for my belly's as cold as if I had fwallow'd fnow-balls, for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman.

Give

Enter Mrs. Quickly.

Quic. BY your leave: I cry your mercy.

your worship good morrow.

Fal. Take away thefe challices; go brew me a pottle of fack finely.

Bard. With eggs, Sir?

Fal. Simple of itself: I'll no pullet-fperm in my brewage. How now?

Quic. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from miftrefs Ford.

Fal. Miftrefs Ford? I have had Ford enough; I was thrown into the Ford; I have my belly full of Ford.

Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: fhe does fo take on with her men; they miftook their erection.

Fal. So did I mine, to build on a foolish woman's promise.

Quic. Well, fhe laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; fhe defires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I must carry her word quickly; fhe'll make you amends, I warrant you.

Fal. Well, I will vifit her; tell her fo, and bid her think what a man is : let her confider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.

Quic. I will tell her.

Fal. Do fo. Between nine and ten, say'st thou?

Quic. Eight and nine, Sir.

Fal. Well, begone; I will not miss her.

Quic. Peace be with you, Sir.

[Exit.

Fal.

Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he fent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh,

here he comes.

SCENE XVII.

Enter Ford.

Ford. mafter
LESS you, Sir.

B'Fal. Now, after Brook, you come to know

what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife. Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my

bufinefs.

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour fhe appointed me. Ford. And you fped, Sir?

Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, mafter Brook.

Ford. How, Sir, did fhe change her determination? Fal. No, Mafter Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, mafter Brook, dwelling in a continual larum of jealousy, comes me in the inftant of our encounter; after we had embrac'd, kifs'd, protested, and as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his distemper, and, forfooth, to fearch his houfe for his wife's love.

Ford. What, while you was there?

Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's direction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket?. Ford. A buck-basket?

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul ftockings, and greafy napkins; that, mafter Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villainous fmell, that ever offended noftril. Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal.

Fal. Nay, you fhall hear, master Brook, what I have fuffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistrefs, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchetlane; they took me on their shoulders, met the jealous knave their mafter in the door, who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their bafket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul clothes; but mark the sequel, master Brook; I fuffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bell-weather; next to be compass'd like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be stopt in, like a strong distillation, with ftinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of that, that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch difh, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that furge, like a horse-fhoe; think of that; hiffing hot; think of that, mafter Brook.

Ford. In good fadness, Sir, I am forry that for my fake you fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, mafter Brook.

Ford. 'Tis paft eight already, Sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I fpeed; and the conclusion shall

be

be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you shall have her, mafter Brook; mafter Brook, you fhall cuckold Ford. Exit.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I fleep? mafter Ford, awake; awake, mafter Ford; there's a hole made in your beft coat, mafter Ford; this 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets! well, I will proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impoffible, he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepperbox. But, left the devil that guides him fhould aid him, I will search impoffible places; tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall ɔt make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad. [Exit.

I

A CT IV.

SCENE I.

Page's House.

Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William.
Mrs. PAGE.

S he at Mr. Ford's already, think'ft thou?

Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be presently; but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water; Mrs. Ford defires you to come fuddenly.

Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his mafter comes; 'tis a playing-day, I fee. How now, Sir Hugh, no school to day?

Enter Evans.

Eva. No; mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play.
Quic. Bleffing of his heart!

Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband fays, my fon

profits

profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him fome queftions in his Accidence.

Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head,

come.

Mrs. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head, anfwer your master, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ? Wil. Two.

Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say, od's nouns.

Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is Fair, William? Wil. Pulcher.

Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, fure.

Eva, You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is Lapis, William?

Wil. A ftone.

Eva. And what is a stone, William?

Wil. A pebble.

Eva. No, it is Lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.

Wil. Lapis.

Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles?

Wil. Articles are borrow'd of the pronoun, and be thus declin'd, fingulariter nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc. Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: well, what is your accufative cafe? Wil. Accufative, hine.

Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accufative, hung, hang, hog.

Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Evv. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative cafe, William?

Wil. O, vocative, O.

Eva. Remember, William, focative is caret.

Quic. And that's a'good root.

Eva.'Oman, forbear.

Mrs. Page.