"Near to this Place The Reverend Laurence Sterne, A.M. "Ah! molliter ossa quiescant.' If a sound head, warm heart, and breast humane, This monumental stone was erected by two brother masons; for although he did not live to be a member of their society, yet as bis all-incomparable performances evidently prove him to have acted by rule and square, they rejoice in this opportunity of perpetuating his high and irreproachable character to after ages. W. & S." 7 It is scarcely necessary to observe that this date is erroneous. THE BEAUTES OF STERNE. PATHETIC PIECES. MERCY. My uncle Toby was a man patient of injuries;— not from want of courage,-where just occasions presented, or called it forth,-I know no man under whose arm I would sooner have taken shelter:-nor did this arise from any insensibility or obtuseness of his intellectual parts -he was of a peaceful, placid nature,- -no jarring element in it,→ all was mixed up so kindly with him; my uncle Toby had scarce a heart to retaliate upon a fly: -Go, says he one day at dinner, to an overgrown one which had buzzed about his nose, and tormented him cruelly all dinner time,—and which, after infinite attempts, he had caught at last-as it flew by him;-I'll not hurt thee, says my uncle Toby, rising from his chair, and going across the room, with the fly in his hand,-I'll not hurt a hair of thy head :-Go, says he, lifting up the sash, and opening his hand as he spoke, to let it escape : B -go, poor devil,-get thee gone; why should I hurt thee?-This world surely is wide enough to hold thee and me. ** This is to serve for parents and governors, instead of a whole volume upon the subject. SHANDY. YORICK'S DEATH. THE Mortgager, and Mortgagée differ the one from the other, not more in length of purse, than the Jester and Jestée do, in that of memory. But in this the comparison between them runs, as the scholiasts call it, upon all fours: (which, by the bye, is upon one or two legs more than some of the best of Homer's can pretend to); namely, That the one raises a sum, and the other a laugh at your expence, and thinks no more about it. Interest, however, still runs on in both cases;-the periodical or accidental payments of it, just serv ing to keep the memory of the affair alive; till at length, in some evil hour,pop comes the creditor upon each, and by demanding principal upon the spot, together with full interest to the very days, makes them both feel the full extent of their obligations. As the reader (for I hate your ifs) has a thorough knowledge of human nature, I need not say more to satisfy him, that my HERO could not go on at this rate without some slight experience of these incidental mementos. To speak the truth, he had wantonly involved himself in a multitude of small book debts of this stamp, which, notwithsanding Eugenius's frequent advice, he too much disregarded; thinking, that as not one of them was contracted through any malignancy,—but, on the contrary, from an honesty of mind, and a mere jocundity of humour, they would all of them be cross'd out in course. Eugenius would never admit this; and would often tell him, that one day or other he would certainly be reckoned with: and he would often, add, in an accent of sorrowful apprehension,- -to the uttermost mite. To which Yorick, with his usual carelessness of heart, would as often answer with a pshaw !—and if the subject was started in the fields, -with a hop, skip, and a jump, at the end of it; but if close pent up in the social chimney-corner, where the culprit was barricado'd in, with a table and a couple of arm-chairs, and could not so readily fly off in a tangent,-Eugenius would then go on with his lecture upon discretion in words to this purpose, though somewhat better put together. Trust me, dear Yorick, this unwary pleasantry of thine will sooner or later bring thee into scrapes and difficulties, which no after-wit can extricate thee out of In these sallies, too oft, I see, it happens that a person laughed at, considers himself in the light of a person injured, with all the rights of such a situation belonging to him; and when thou viewest him in that light too, and reckonest up his friends, his family, his kindred, and allies,and musterest up with them the many recruits that will list under him from a sense of common danger;- -'tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes,- -thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so. I cannot suspect it in the man whom I esteem, that there is the least spur from spleen, or malevolence of intent in these sallies-I believe and know them to be truly honest and sportive :-But consider, my dear lad, that fools cannot distinguish this, and that knaves will not ;-and thou knowest not what it is, either to provoke the one, or to make merry with the other:-whenever they associate for mutual defence, depend upon it, they will carry on the war in such a manner against thee, my dear friend, as to make thee heartily sick of it, and of thy life too. Revenge, from some baneful corner, shall level a tale of dishonour at thee, which no innocence of heart or integrity of conduct shall set right. The fortunes of thy house shall totter,-thy character, which led the way to them, shall bleed on every side of it,-thy faith questioned,-thy works belied,-thy wit forgotten,-thy learning trampled on. To wind up the last scene of thy tragedy, CRUELTY and COWARDICE, twin ruffians, hired and set on by MALICE in the dark, shall strike together at all thy infirmities and mistakes:- -The best of us, my dear lad, lie open there,-and trust me, -trust me, Yorick, when to gratify a private appetite, it is once resolved upon, that an innocent and an helpless creature shall be sacrificed, 'tis an easy matter to pick up sticks enough from any thicket where it has strayed, to make a fire to offer it up with. Yorick scarce ever heard the sad vaticination of |