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A negro has a soul? an't please your honour, said the Corporal, (doubtingly).
I am not much versed, Corporal, quoth my uncle Toby, in things of that kind ; but I suppose God would not leave him without one, any more than thee or me.
It would be putting one sadly over the head of another, quoth the Corporal.
It would be so, said my uncle Toby.
Why then, an't please your honour, is a black wench to be used worse than a white one? I can give no reason, said my uncle Toby
-Only, cried the Corporal, shaking his head, because she has no one to stand up for her
'Tis that very thing, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, -which recommends her to protection, and her brethren with her ; 'tis the fortune of war which has put the whip into our hands now- -where it may be hereafter, Heaven knows !. --but be it where it will, the brave, Trim, will not use it unkindly.
-God forbid, said the Corporal. Amen, responded my uncle Toby, laying his hand upon his heart.
The Corporal returned to his story, and went on - but with an embarrassment in doing it, which here and there a reader in this world will not be able to comprehend; for by the many sudden transitions all along from one kind and cordial passion to another, in getting thus far on his way, he had lost the sportable key of his voice, which gave sense and spirit to his tale; he attempted twice to resume it, but could not please himself; so givin a stout hem! to rally back the retreating spirits
and aiding nature at the same time with his left arm a kimbo on one side, and with his right a little extended, supported her on the other—the Corporal got as near the note as he could; and in that attitude continued his story.
As Tom, an't please your honour, had no business at that time with the Moorish girl, he passed on into the room beyond, to talk to the Jew's widow about love-and being, as I have told your honour, an open, cheary-hearted lad, with his character wrote in his looks and carriage, he took a chair, and without much apology, but with great civility at the same time, placed it close to her at the table, and sat down.
Now a widow, an't please your honour, always chooses a second husband as unlike the first as she can: so the affair was settled in her mind before Tom mentioned it.
She signed the capitulation—and Tom sealed it ; and there was an end of the matter.
MR. SHANDY'S LETTER TO HIS BROTHER ON LOVE.
My dear brother Toby, WHAT I am going to say to thee, is upon the nature of women, and of love-making to them; and perhaps it is as well for thee-though not so well for me—that thou hast occasion for a letter of instructions upon that head, and that I am able to write it to thee.
Had it been the good pleasure of him who dis. poses of our lots—and thou no sufferer by the knowledge, I had been well content that thou shouldest have dipp'd the pen this moment into the ink, instead of myself; but that not being the case
-Mrs. Shandy being now close beside me, preparing for bed—I have thrown together without order, and just as they have come into my mind, such hints and documents as I deem may be of use to thee; intending in this to give thee a token of my love; not doubting, my dear Toby, of the manner in which it will be accepted.
In the first place, with regard to all which concerns religion in the affair—though I perceive, from a glow in my cheek, that I blush as I begin to speak to thee upon the subject, as well knowing, notwithstanding thy unaffected secresy, how few of its offices thou neglectest-yet I would remind thee of one (during the continuance of thy courtship) in a particular manner, which I would not have omitted: and that is, never to go forth upon the enterprise, whether it be in the morning or the afternoon, without first recommending thyself to the protection of Almighty God, that he may defend thee from the evil one.
Shave the whole top of thy crown clean once at least every four or five days, but oftener if convenient; lest in taking off thy wig before her, through absence of mind, she should be able to discover how much has been cut away by Timehow much by Trim.
-Twere better to keep ideas of baldness out of her fancy.
Always carry it in thy mind, and act upon it, as a sure maxim, Toby
" That women are timid: And 'tis well they are -else there would be no dealing with them.
Let not thy breeches be too tight, or hang too loose about thy thighs, like the trunk hose of our ancestors.
-A just medium prevents all conclusions.
Whatever thou hast to say, be it more or less, forget not to utter it in a low, soft tone of voice. Silence, and whatever approaches it, weaves dreams of midnight secresy into the brain. For this cause, if thou canst help it, never throw down the tongs and poker.
Avoid all kinds of pleasantry and facetiousness in thy discourse with her, and do whatever lies in thy power, at the same time, to keep from her all books and writings which tend thereto : there are some devotional tracts, which if thou canst entice her to read over--it will be well : but suffer her not to look at Rabelais, or Scarron, or Don Quixote.
- They are all books which excite laugliter; and thou knowest, dear Toby, that there is no passion so serious as lust.
Stick a pin in the hosom of thy shirt, before thou enterest her parlour.
And if thou art permitted to sit upon the same sopha with her, and she gives thee occasion to lay thy hand upon her's--beware of taking it-thou canst not lay thy hand on hers, but she will feel the temper of thine. Leave that and as many other things as thou can'st, quite undetermined; by so doing, thou wilt have her curiosity on thy side ; and if she is not conquered by that, and thy Asse continues still kicking, which there is great
reason to suppose-Thou must begin, with first losing a few ounces of blood below the ears, according to the practice of the ancient Scythians, who cured the most intemperate fits of the appetite by that means.
Avicenna, after this, is for having the part anointed with the syrup of hellebore, using proper evacuation and purges-and, I believe, rightly. But thou must eat little or no goat's flesh, nor red deer
-nor even foal's flesh by any means; and care. fully abstain that is, as much as thou can’st, from peacocks, cranes, coots, didappers, and water-hens.
As for thy drink-I need not tell thee, it must be the infusion VERVAIN, and the herb HANEA, of which Ætian relates such effects—but if thy stomach palls with it—discontinue it from time to time, taking cucumbers, melons, purslane, waterlilies, woodbine, and lettuce, in the stead of them.
There is nothing further for thee, which occurs to me at present.
-Unless the breaking out of a fresh war- -So wishing every thing, dear Toby, for the best,
I rest thy affectionate brother,
HAIL, ye small sweet courtesies of life, for smooth do ye
make the road of it: like grace and beauty which beget inclinations to love at first sight: 'tis ye who open this door, and let the stranger in.