I am not very wise; and yet I find

A fool, so he be parcel knave, in court May flourish and grow rich,

Giov. Calandrino!

Cal. Peace!

I'm in contemplation.

Giov. Don't you know me?

Cal. I tell thee, no; on forfeit of my place,
I must not know myself, much less my father,
But by petition: that petition lined, too,
With golden birds, that sing to the tune of profit,
Or I am deaf.

Giov. But you've your sense of feeling.
[Offering to kick him.
San. Nay, pray you, forbear.
Cal. I have all that's requisite

To the making up of a signior. My spruce ruff,
My hooded cloak, long stocking, and paned hose,
My case of tooth-picks, and my silver fork,
To convey an olive neatly to my mouth;
And, what is all in all, my pockets ring
A golden peal. O, that the peasants in the
country,

My quondam fellows, but saw me as I am!
How they would admire and worship me!
Giov. As they shall;

For instantly you must thither.

Cal. My grand signior,

Vouchsafe a bezolus manus, and a cringe
Of the last edition.

Giov. You must ride post with letters
This night to Lydia,

Cal. An' it please your grace,

Shall I use my coach, or foot-cloth mule?
San. You widgeon,

You are to make all speed; think not of

SCENE I.

Car. Calandrino? 'tis he.

Cal. Now to my postures. Let my hand have

the honour

To convey a kiss from my lips to the cover of Your foot, dear signior.

Car. Fie, you stoop too low, sir.

Cal. The hem of your vestment, lady. Your glove is for princes;

Nay, I have conned my distances.
Lyd. 'Tis most courtly.
Caup. Fellow Calandrino!
Cal. Signior de Cauponi,
Grand botelier of the mansion!
Bern. How is it, man?

[Claps him on the shoulder.
Cal. Be not so rustic in your salutations.
Signior Bernardo, master of the accounts!
Signior Petruchio! May you long continue
Your function in the chamber.

Caup. When shall we learn such gambols in our villa?

A saucy rudeness in me. I must do it, (Nor can I, else, learn his commands, or serve them)

But with such reverence, as I would open Some holy writ, whose grave instructions beat down

Rebellious sins, and teach my better part How to mount upward. So 'tis done, and I [Opens the letter. Reads. With eagle's eyes will curiously peruse it. 'Chaste Lydia! The favours are so great 'On me by you conferred, that to entreat "The least addition to them, in true sense May argue me of blushless impudence. But, such are my extremes, if you deny "A farther grace, I must, unpitied, die. 'Haste cuts off circumstance.

"

mired

As you're ad

For beauty, the report of it hath fired The duke, my uncle; and, I fear, you'll prove 'Not with a sacred, but unlawful love.

If he see you, as you are, my hoped-for light Is changed into an everlasting night. "How to prevent it if your goodness find, 'You save two lives, and me you ever bind, 'The honourer of your virtues, 'GIOVANNI.'

Were I more deaf than adders, these sweet charms

Would through my ears find passage to my soul, And soon enchant it. To save such a prince, Who would not perish? Virtue in him must suffer,

And piety be forgotten. The duke's lust, Though it raged more than Tarquin's, shall not reach me.

All quaint inventions of chaste virgins aid me! My prayers are heard-I have it. The duke

ne'er saw me;

Or, if that fail, I am again provided.

[This spoke as if she studied an evasion.] But for the servants! They will take what form I please to put upon them. Giovanni, Be safe; thy servant Lydia assures it. Let mountains of afflictions fall on me, Their weight is easy, so I set thee free.

SCENE II.

Some private words together. Giov. O my lord,

How grossly have we overshot ourselves!
San. In what, sir?

Giov. In forgetting to acquaint

My guardian with our purpose. All that Lydia
Can do, avails us nothing-if the duke
Find out the truth from him.

San. 'Tis now past help,

And we must stand the hazard-Hope the best, ..sir !

[Exeunt GIOVANNI and SANAZARRO. Car. My loyalty doubted, sir?

Cox. 'Tis more. Thou hast

Abused our trust, and, in a high degree,
Committed treason.

Car. Treason! 'Tis a word

My innocence understands not. Were my breast
Transparent, and my thoughts to be discerned,
Not one spot shall be found to taint the candour
Of my allegiance. And I must be bold
To tell you, sir (for he that knows no guilt
Can know no fear), 'tis tyranny to o'er-charge
An honest man; and such, till now, I've lived;
And such, my lord, I'll die.

Coz. Sir, do not flatter Yourself with hope, these great and glorious words,

(Which every guilty wretch, as well as you, That's armed with impudence, can with ease deliver,

And with as full a mouth) can work on us;
Nor shall gay flourishes of language clear
What is, in fact, apparent.

Car. Fact! What fact?

You, that know only what it is, instruct me,
For I am ignorant.

Coz. This, then, sir. We gave up
(On our assurance of your truth and care)
Our nephew Giovanni, nay, our heir
In expectation, to be trained up by you
As did become a prince.

Car. And I discharged it.
Is this the reason?

Coz. Take us with you, sir.

He might make some unworthy choice, before
His weaker judgment was confirmed, we did
Remove him from it; constantly presuming
You, with your best endeavours, rather would
Have quenched those heats in him, than light a
torch,

As you have done, to his looseness.
Car. I! my travail

Is ill-requited, sir; for, by my soul,

I was so curious that way, that I granted Access to none could tempt him, nor did ever One syllable, or obscene accent, touch

His ear, that might corrupt him.

Coz. No! Why, then,

With your allowance did you give free way

To all familiar privacy, between
My nephew and your daughter? Or why did you
(Had you no other ends in it but our service)
Read to them, and, together, as they had been
Scholars of one form, grammar, rhetoric,
Philosophy, history, and interpret to them
The close temptations of lascivious poets?
Or wherefore (for we still had spies upon you)
Was she still present, when, by your advice,
He was taught the use of his weapon, horseman-
ship,

Wrestling, nay, swimming, but to fan in her
A hot desire of him? And, then, forsooth,
His exercises ended, covered with

A fair pretence of recreation for him,
When Lydia was instructed in those graces
That add to beauty, he brought to admire her,
Must hear her sing, while to her voice, her hand
Made ravishing music; and, this applauded,
dance

A light levalto with her?

Car. Have you ended
All you can charge me with?

Coz. Nor stopped you there,

But they must, unattended, walk into

The silent groves, and hear the amorous birds Warbling their wanton notes; here, a sure shade Of barren sycamores, which the all-seeing sun Could not pierce through; near that, an arbour hung

With spreading eglantine; there, a bubbling spring

Watering a bank of hyacinths and lillies,
With all allurements that could move to love.
And could this, Charomonte, (should I grant
They had been equals both in birth and fortune,)
Become your gravity? Nay, 'tis clear as air,
That your ambitious hopes to match your daugh-

ter

Into our family, gave convenience to it.
And this, though not in act, in the intent,
I call high treason.

Car. Hear my just defence, sir,

And, though you are my prince, it will not take from

I gloried in (though now it prove a curse),
Was an only daughter. Nor did you command

me,

As a security to your future fears,

To cast her off: Which had you done, howe'er
She was the light of my eyes, and comfort of
My feeble age; so far I prized my duty
Above affection, she now had been
A stranger to my care. But she is fair!
Is that her fault or mine? Did ever father
Hold beauty in his issue for a blemish?
Her education and her manners tempt, too.
If these offend, they're easily removed:
You may,
if you think fit, before my face,
In recompense of all my watchings for you,
With burning corrosives transform her to
An ugly leper; and this done, to taint
Her sweetness, prostitute her to a loathsome bro-
thel.

This I will rather suffer, sir, and more,
Than live suspected by you.

Coz. Let not passion
Carry you beyond your reason.
Car. I am calm, sir;

Yet you must give me leave to grieve, I find
My actions misinterpreted. Alas! sir,
Was Lydia's desire to serve the prince
Called an offence? Or did she practice to
Seduce his youth, because, with her best zeal
And fervour, she endeavoured to attend him?
Tis a hard construction-Though she be my
daughter,

I
may thus far speak her. From her infancy
She was ever civil, her behaviour nearer
Simplicity than craft; and malice dares not
Affirm, in one loose gesture, or light language,
She
gave a sign she was in thought unchaste.
I'll fetch her to you, sir; and but look on her
With equal eyes, you must, in justice, grant
That your suspicion wrongs her.

Coz. It may be;

ther

On thy allegiance and boasted faith,
Nay, forfeit of thy head, we do confine thee
Close prisoner to thy chamber, till all doubts
Are cleared that do concern us.

Car. I obey, sir,

And wish your grace had followed my hearse
To my sepulchre, my loyalty unsuspected,
Rather than now.-But I am silent, sir,
And let that speak my duty.

Coz. If this man

[Exit CAROLO,

Enter GIOVANNI and SANAZARRO, ushering in PETRONELLA. CALANDRINO and others, setting forth a banquet.

San. Sir.

Coz. Bring Lydia forth.

Giov. She comes, sir, of herself,

To present her service to you.

Coz. Ha! This personage

Cannot invite affection.

San. See you keep state.

Pet. I warrant you.

Coz. The manners of her mind

Must be transcendent, if they can defend

Her rougher out-side. May we, with your liking,

Salute you, lady?

Pet. Let me wipe my mouth, sir,

Coz. What a sight is this! We could be angry with you.

How much you did belye her, when you told us

at you.

Coz. Can this be possible?

San. Yes, sir, you will find her

Such as I gave her to you.

Pet. Will your dukeship

Sit down and eat some sugar-plumbs? Here's a castle

Of march pane, too, and this quince-marmalade
Was of my own making; all summed up together
Did cost the setting on; and here is wine, too,
[Drinks all off.
As good as ever was tapped: I'll be your tapster;
For I know the fashion-Now you must do me
right, sir;

You shall, nor will, nor choose.
Giov. She's very simple.

Coz. Simple! 'tis worse. Do you drink thus
often, lady?

Pet. Still when I am thirsty, and eat when I am hungry.

Such junckets come not every day. Once more to you,

With a heart and a half, i'faith.

Coz. Pray you, pause a little;

If I hold your cards I shall pull down the side; I am not good at the game.

Pet. Then I'll drink for you.

Coz. Nay, pray you stay. I'll find you out a pledge

That shall supply my place; what think you of This complete signior? You are a Juno, and in such state

Must feast this Jupiter. What think you of him? Pet. I desire no better.

Coz. And you will undertake this service for

me?

Beyond belief.

Giov. I would not speak her, sir, Worse than she was.

San. And I, my lord, chose rather To deliver her better parted than she is, Than to take from her.

Coz. Begin, then. There's more in this [Dance. Than yet I have discovered. Some Edipus Resolve this riddle!

Pet. Did I not foot it roundly? [Falls down.
Coz. As I live, stark-drunk. Away with her.
We'll reward you,

When you have cooled yourselves in the cellar.
Caup. Heaven preserve you. [Exeunt Dancers.
Coz. We pity Charomonte's wretched fortune
In a daughter, nay, a monster. Good old man!
The place grows tedious: Our removal shall be
With speed. We'll only, in a word or two,
Take leave and comfort him.