lery. Nov. No, since my lord says you speak in rail- | Swagger-huff! and be saucy with your mistress, like a true captain; but be civil to your rivals and betters; and do not threaten any thing but me here; no, not so much as my windows: do not think yourself in the lodgings of one of your suburb mistresses beyond the tower. Man. And pray, madam, let me ask you, what is it you find about them to entertain you? For example, this spark here: is it the merit of his fashionable impudence, the briskness of his noise, the wit of his laugh, or his judgment and fancy in his solitaire, that engages your esteem ? Nov. Very well, sir! Egad, these captains of ships Man. Then, for this gentle piece of tame cour tesy Oliv. Good, jealous captain, no more of your L. Plau. No, madam, let him go on; for, perhaps, he may make you laugh; and I would contribute to your pleasure any way. Man. Obliging coxcomb! Oliv. No, noble captain, you cannot think any thing would tempt me more than that heroic title of yours, captain! for you know we women love honour inordinately. Nov. Ha, ha, ha! I cannot hold; I must laugh at you, faith, Mr Manly! L. Plau. And i'faith, dear captain, I beg your pardon, and leave to laugh at you, too; though I protest I mean you no hurt Man. Peace, you buffoons! And be not you vain, that these laugh on your side; for they will laugh at their own dull jests: but no more of them; for I will only now suffer this lady to be witty. Oliv. You would not have your panegyric interrupted! I go on, then, to your honour. Is there any thing more agreeable than the pretty oddity of that? Then the greatness of your courage! which most of all appears in your spirit of contradiction: for you dare give all mankind the lye; and your opinion is your only mistress; for you renounce that, too, when it becomes another man's. L. Plau. Ha, ha, ha ! Man. Why, you impudent, pitiful wretches! You presume, sure, upon your effeminacy, to urge me; for you are all things so like women, it might be thought cowardice to chastise you. Oliv. No hectoring, good captain! Man. Or, perhaps, you think this lady's presence secures you; but have a care; she hath talked herself out of all the respect I had for her; and, by using me ill before you, hath given me a privilege of using you so before her-therefore, begone immediately! Nov. Begone! what! L. Plau. Nay, worthy, noble, generous capsain! Man. Begone, I say! Nov. Well, Madam, we'll step into the next room; you will not stay long with him I suppose. Fal, lal ! [ Ereunt LORD PLAUSIBLE and NOVEL. Oliv. Turn hither your rage, good captain Man. Do not you give me the cause to think so! for those less infamous women part with their lovers, just as you did from me, with unforced vows of constancy, and floods of willing tears; but the same winds bear away their lovers and their vows; and for their griefs, if the credulous, unexpected fools return, they find new comforters, such as I found here; the mercenary love of these women, too, suffers shipwreck with their lovers' fortune: you have heard, that chance has used me indifferently, and you do so too. Well, persevere in your ingratitude, falsehood, and disdain; be constant in something; and I promise to be as just to your real scorn, as I was to your feigned love; and henceforward despise, loath, and detest you most faithfully. Oliv. I'll wait upon you again in a minute. Enter FIDELIA and FREEMAN. [Exit. Man. Pray keep out of my way; dont speak to me. Fide. Dear sir, what's the matter? Man. Blockhead! Oh, Freeman! I have been so cheated, so abused, by this perfidiousFree. Nay, sir, you need not tell us, for we have been for some time within hearing in the I hope, you will act as be next room. But now, comes you. Fide. Do you but hope it, sir? Man. She has restored my reason with my heart. Free. But there are other things, captain, which, next to a man's heart, he would not part with, and, methinks, she ought to restore, too; I mean your money and jewels, sir; which, I understand, she has. Man. What's that to you, sir? Free. Pardon me; whatever belongs to you, I have a share in, I am sure, which I will not lose for want of asking; though you may be too ge| nerous, or too angry, now, to do it yourself. Fide. Nay, then I'll make bold, tooMan. Hold, you impertinent, officious-how have I been deceived! Enter OLIVIA, Free. Madam, excuse this liberty-but we are captain Manly's friends, and have accidentally been witnesses to your disagreement. Oliv. And what am I to infer from thence, sir? BRITISH DRAMA. appurtenances to a lover's heart, called jewels, which always go along with it. Fide. And with lovers, madam, have no value, but from the heart they come with-our captain's, it scems, you scorn to keep; much more those worthless things without it, I am confident. [WYCHERLY. to attack herand, if you will take my advice, Oldfox, her supernumerary 'squire, her occasional you'll stay too; if it be only to see this major gentleman usher: he is a character, I assure you. cockatrice herself, whom I would avoid as a sinkMan. No; confound him, he is as bad as the ing ship, and the whole sex, for ever. [Exit with FIDELIA. Enter MRS BLACK ACRE, JERRY, and MAJOR Oliv. I understand you, gentlemen. Captain, your young friend, here, has a very persuading face, I must confess; but you might have asked me yourself for those trifles you left with me, which-bark you a little-for I dare trust you with a secret, you are a man of so much honour thought he would have pushed us down, major. Mrs Black. 'Tis an arrant sea-ruffian ! I I am sure-I say, then, considering the chance of Jerry, where's my paper of memorandums? Give war, the danger of the seas, and being in doubt it me. whether you might ever return again, I have de-kind relation? So! where's my cousin Olivia, now-my livered your jewels and money to Man. Whom? Olic. My husband. Man. Your husband! Oliv. Aye, my husband. For, since you could leave me, I am lately and privately married to one, who is a man of so much honour and experience, that I dare not ask him for your things again, to restore them to you, lest he should conclude you never would have parted with them to me on any other score than the exchange of my virtue; which, rather than you would bring into suspicion Man. Triumphant impudence! Married! Oliv. There's no resisting one's destiny, or love, you know. Mun. Damnation! Free. Here's one that would be lation, madam. your kind re Mrs Black. Hey day! who is this wild rude fellow? that wanted to fall aboard you at Captain ManJer. Why, dont you know him? It's the man, ly's this morning. is a person of quality-a person, that is, no perOld. Pray be civil to the lady, Mr she son Be you civil to her; because you are to pretend Mrs Black. Marry come up; you saucy, fanow-a-days, every idle young rascal, with a laced miliar puppy! Marry you! God forgive me! waistcoat, and a bit of black ribbon in his hat, thinks to carry away any widow of the best de Oliv. Oh, dont swear! 'Tis true, my husband is now absent in the country; however, he returns shortly; therefore I beg, for your own ease and quiet, and my reputation, you will never seegree. me more. Man. I wish I never had seen you! Oliv. You may perceive, by this, how great a dependance I have upon your friendship: I am sensible every man might not be talked to in the same manner; but your uncommon delicacy of thinking will, I am sure, feel for a person in my Nice circumstances. Man. True, perfect woman! and if I could say any thing more injurious to you I wouldLeave me; go! lest I should be tempted to do something, which may hereafter make me think as meanly of myself, as I do now of you. Oliv. Šir, it is a maxim with me never to stay Enter Footboy. Man. Do you hear that? Let's be gone before he comes. Free. Excuse me; the widow is the very game I have in view; I wanted just such an opportunity Old. No, no, soft! you are a young man, and not fit; besides, others have laid in their claims before you. Free. Not you, I hope! proportionable match for her than you, sir; I, Old. Why, not I, sir? Sure I am a much more who am a person of rank and means in the world, and of equal years would have you to know I was born in ann. seMrs Black. How's that? you unmannerly—I cun Georgii prim Old. Your pardon, madam, your pardon; be younger brother; twenty years younger than she; not offended--but I say, sir, you are a beggarly without any land or stock, but your great stock. of impudence: therefore, what pretensions can you have to her? Mrs Black. And what pretensions have you, pital, you old mummy! Air yourself there under major? Go and solicit a brevet for Chelsea Hosto your laundress : you shall have a widow with the cloisters; smoke your pipe, and make love barous brute! three thousand pounds a year, you shall, you bar Old. How, madam! Free. Ha, ha, ha! Jer. Well said, mother! use all suitors thus for my sake. you-a debauched, drunken, hectoring, lewd, gaming, spend-thrift. Jer. There's for you, bully-rock! Mrs Black. A worn-out rake at five-and-twen Mrs Black. A senseless, impertinent, quibbling, scribbling, feeble, paralytic, conceited, ri-ty, both in body and estate: a cheating, lying, diculous, pretending, old bellweather! cozening, impudent fortune-hunter! and would patch up your own broken income with the ruins of my jointure. Jer. Hey! brave mother for calling names! Mrs Black. Would you make a caudle-maker, a nurse of me? Can't you be bed-rid without a Jer. Av, and make havock of our estate perbed-fellow? Won't your swan-skins, furs, flan-sonal, and of all our gilt plate-I should soon be nels, and the scorched trencher, keep you warm picking up our silver-handled knives and forks, there? Would you make me your Scotch warm-spoons, mugs, and tankards, at most of the pawning pan, with a plague to you! brokers' between the Hercules pillars and the Jer. Ay, you old fobus, and you would be my boatswain at Wapping. And you would be scourguardian, would you? to take care of my estate,ing among my trees, and making them play at that half of it should never come to me, by let-loggerheads, would you? ting leases at pepper-corn rents? Mrs Black. I would have you to know, you Mrs Black. If I would have married an old pitiful, paltry, lath-backed fellow, if I would have man, it is well known I might have married an married a young man, it is well known I might earl. Nay, what's more, a judge, and been co-have had any young heir in Norfolk; nay, the vered the winter nights with the lamb-skins, which hopefullest young man this day at the King's I prefer to the ermines of nobles. And do you Bench bar! I, that am a relict, and executrix of think I would wrong my poor minor here, for known plentiful assets and parts, who understand you? myself and the law; and would you have me unFree. Your minor is a chopping minor; Header covert baron again? No, sir, no covert baven bless him!ron for me. Old. Your minor may be a major of horse or foot for his bigness: and it seems you will have the cheating of your minor yourself. Mrs Black. Pray, sir, bear witness: cheat my minor! I'll bring my action of the case, for the slander. Free. Nay, I would bear false witness for you now, widow, since you have done me justice, and thought me the fitter man! Mrs Black. Fair and softly, sir! 'tis my minor's case more than my own: and now I must do him justice on you. And, first, you are, to my knowledge-for I am not unacquainted with Free. Well; but, dear madam Mrs Black. Fie, fie! I neglect my business with this foolish discourse of love!-Jerry, child, let me see a list of the jury; I am sure my cousin Olivia must have some acquaintance among them: But where is she? Free. Will you not allow me one word, then? Mrs Black. No, no, sir; have done, pray. Old. Ay, pray, sir, have done, and don't be troublesome; since you see the lady has no occasion for you, though you are a younger brother. Ha, ha, ha!' [Exeunt. SCENE L-A view of St James's Park. ACT III. MANLY enters alone, musing. How irksome is restraint to a mind naturally averse to hypocrisy! Yet I, who used to give birth to my thoughts as freely as I conceived them; I, who was wont to speak without reserve to every body; am now endeavouring even to deceive myself. That ungrateful woman, in whom I placed such unlimited confidence! into whose keeping I had given my heart, my judgment, nay, my very senses! 'Sdeath! had a man treated me ill, resentment would at once have cancelled regard, and revenge have prevented vexation; but here, I am obliged to side with my enemy, and increase the injuries she hath done me, by loving her in spite of them. Enter FIDELIA. Fide. Sir, have I liberty to speak to you? Man. What would you say? You see this is no place to talk in; don't trouble me now. Fide. I shall not detain you long, sir; and you may bear to hear two or three words from me, though you do hate me, as you have often said. Man. I must confess I hate a flatterer: why will you not learn to be a man, and scorn that mean, that sneaking vice? Fide. Perhaps I am to blame, sir; but I do not come to offend you at present—I have something to tell you, if you will vouchsafe to listen to me. Who do you think I met on the other side of the park just now, sir? Man. Nay, how should I know? Prithee, kind impertinence, leave me. You are as hard to shake off, as that obstinate, effeminate mischief, love. Fide. Love, sir!-did you name love? Man. No, no! Prithee away! Begone!-I had almost discovered my shame, my weakness; which must draw on me the derision even of this boy. Fide. There is something, sir, that makes you uneasy am I not worthy to be acquainted with the cause? Man. What cause, child? Nothing makes me uneasy; a little involuntary thoughtfulness, that's all. But you say you met somebody in the park just now; who was it? Fide. Why, really, sir, on second thoughts, don't know how to mention her name to you; but it was that creature, that wretch, that— Man. That who? Who is it you are going to speak of now, that you preface your discourse with all this bitterness of invective? Fide. Why, sir, that monster of ingratitude, Olivia! Man. Olivia! Fide. Yes, sir. Man. Well, and how? Man. It concerns more than my life—my ho nour. Fide. Doubt me not, sir. Man. And do not discover it by too much fear of discovering-Do ye mark?-But, above all things, take care, that Freeman find it not out. Fide. I warrant you, sir. Man. Then, know, I love Olivia; doat on her: her ingratitude and disdain, like oil thrown into the flames, have made my passion burn the fier cer. Fide. Oh, Heavens ! Man. You say she met you just now, and wanted you to go home with her, in order to commuInicate something: who knows what that might be? Perhaps she hath repented her behaviour this morning-Perhaps it was the result of passion, of affectation, or was meant to try me: in short, I can assign a thousand reasons for it, besides that one of change in her affections; for, I am sure, once she loved me. Fide. Nay, not much, sir; only she called me over to her as I was crossing the Mall, and would feign have had me gone home to her house, where she had something to communicate; but, for my part, I could hardly bear to look at her, much less afford her an opportunity for conversation.Pray, sir, don't you think she has a most forbidding countenance? Man. I cannot say I ever observed it. the best. Man. Indeed! Fide. But I hope, sir, your eyes are now as open to her deformities, as they must be to her perfidiousness; and that you will never think of her any more.- -But why do I mention that?— You never can think of her without bringing your good sense, nay, your reputation, in question: for after such unworthy, such infamous usage— Man. Confusion! Who told you, sir, she had used me ill? Fide. Why, sir, was not I witness? Man. 'Sdeath, sirrah, if ever I hear you mutter such a word again, I'll shake you into atoms! How am I exposed and rendered contemptible? It is enough, that I think I have nothing to complain of. I am perfectly well satisfied with her conduct.-Do you mark!-perfectly well satisfied. Fide. Very well, sir, I have done. Man. Oh, the curse of being conscious of a weakness one is ashamed to divulge! Hold, sir! Come hither. Have you resolution enough to endure the torture of a secret; for such to some is insupportable. Fide. I would keep it as safe as if your dear precious life depended upon it. Fide. Hang her, dissembling creature! Love you! It was only for her interest, then. Man. Well, well, no matter; but, I tell you, I know better: I am sure once she did love me. Fide. Indeed, sir, she never cared for you. Man. Will you have done, sir! Fide. Besides, sir, did she not tell you, she was married? Man. Well, well, but that might be artifice, too- -'Sdeath, sir! will you listen to me, or go about your business, and never let me see you more? Fide. I beg pardon, sir. Man. I say you shall go to her house, and hear what this business is. Fide. I go to her house, sir? I would sooner go Man. No hesitating, sir! I say you must: she lives but in the next street. Fide. Indeed, sir, I cannot go there. Fide. Besides, sir, consider: you scorned her this morning. Man. I know not what I did this morning: I dissembled this morning.- -What! are you not gone yet? Fide. Well, sir, now I think on it, I will go: for, perhaps, this is a sting of conscience; and she hath a mind to make some recompense for her ill usage of you, by returning your money and jewels: methinks I feign would have them out of her hands. Man. Stay, sir; if she drops the least hint of any such thing, I charge you, come away immediately, and do not stay even to give her an an SCENE II-Westminster-hall-A crowd of people, serjeants, counsellors, and attorneys, walking busily about. Enter MRS BLACKACRE in the middle of half a dozen lawyers, JERRY following, with a green bag. Mrs Black. Offer me a reference, you saucy blockhead! Do you know who you speak to? Are you a solicitor in chancery, and offer a reference? Mr Serjeant Plodden, here is a fellow has the impudence to offer me a reference! Plod. Who is that has the impudence to offer a reference within these walls? Mrs Black. Nay, for a splitter of causes to do it! Plod. No, madam; to a lady, learned in the law as you are, the offer of a reference were to impose upon you. Mrs Black. No, never fear me for a reference, Mr Serjeant—But come, have not you for- | got your brief? Are you sure you shall not make the mistake ofHark you— Enter. MAJOR OLDFOX and Bookseller. -Come, Mr Splitcause, pray go see, when my cause in chancery comes on; and go speak with Mr Quillet in the King's Bench, and Mr Quirk in the Common Pleas, and see how matters go there. Old. Madam, I have the pleasure to bid you good-morrow once again; and may all your causes go as prosperously as if I myself was to be the judge of them! Mrs Black. Sir, excuse me, I am busy, and cannot answer compliments in Westminster-hall. Go, Mr Splitcause, and come to me again at the bookseller's. Old. No, sir, come to the lady at the other bookseller's. If you please, madam, I'll attend you thither. Mrs Black. And why to the other bookseller's, major? Old. Because, madam, he is my bookseller. Mrs Black. To sell you lozenges for your cough, or salve for your corns? What else can a major deal with a bookseller for? Old. Madam, he publishes for me. Mrs Black. Publishes! oh, that is true, I forgot you are an author. Old. Now and then, madam, now and thenthe good of one's country, you know. Mrs Black. And pray, major, what are your books upon? Old. Deign you, madam, to peruse one of them! There is a thing of mine lately come out; and I'll assure you, a certain great person, whom I presented it to, was pleased to pay me a compliment in the Court of Requests. Book. Do you want any thing, madam? We have all the plays, magazines, and new pamphlets Mrs Black. Have you the Lawyer's Magazine ? Book. We have no law books at all, madam. Mrs Black. No! you are a pretty bookseller! Old. Come hither, young man-Has your mas ter got any of my last pamphlet left? Book. Yes, sir, we have got enough of them; we never had above two or three called for, besides what you took away yourself. Old. May be so, may be so; the thing is not sufficiently known yet. Well, let me see a couple. [Gets them.] It is entitled, madam, "A Letter to a certain great Man on the present Posture of Affairs;" and if you will please to accept of one ex dono auctoris Jer. Hoh, hoh, hoh! [Laughing at a pamphlet behind.] Mrs Black. Jerry, what have you got there? Mrs Black. Nothing! Let me look at that book-Rochester's Jests! A very pretty study, truly. Give him the Young Clerk's Guide. Oid. No, no; give the young gentleman my Treatise upon Military Discipline. Mrs Black. Away with such trash! Do you want to send him to the devil headlong? I should have him teazing me, to-morrow or next day, to buy him an ensign's commission. I would as lief he should read a play! Jer. Well, and what if I did! There's very good discourse to be got out of plays, for all you, Mrs Black. Sirrah, sirrah! Don't let me hear such a word out of your mouth. What has spoiled most of the attornies' clerks in London, but turning critics, and running every night to the playhouses at half price? and do you want to follow their example?-Stay, Jerry-Is not that Mr What d'ye call him goes yonder, he that offered to sell me a suit in chancery for five hundred pounds, for an hundred down, and only paying the clerk's fees? |