Well, yonder she is, talking to that weazle-faced man in the big wig-hobble after her. Old. An unmannerly, insignificant, ignorantI shall take notice of you, Mr Sea-Lieutenant, I shall take notice of you! [Eait. Jer. Look you, master, I'll tell you what it is -I'll buy that book of choice sayings from you, if so be you'll take half a crown for it, and stay till lawyer Splitcause comes to lend me the money to pay you. Free. Lend you! Here, I'll pay him-I am sorry, squire, a inan of your estate should want money. Jer. Why, I am not at age yet, you must understand. Free. At age! You are at age already, man, to have spent a fortune: there are younger than you, who, to my knowledge, have kept their girls these three years; ruined half a dozen tradesmen, and lost as many thousand pounds at play. But what is the reason, 'squire, that you will not give your consent to my marrying your mother? Jer. Why you would not be such a fool, would you u? Free. Why I would not be a fool, if I could help it but has not she a good jointure? Jer. A good jointure! If she has, she knows what to do with it: she will let no body have a finger in the pie but herself, I can tell you that. Come a little this way-Why, you would not believe what an old plague my mother is; she'll never allow me sixpence in my pocket; so that I am ashamed to go into company, because I have not wherewithal to call for a glass of wine, and do as the rest do. And, for a wench!-I was but making a little fun with our laundress's daughter upon the staircase, the other night, and she threatened to send the poor girl to Bridewell. Free. Sure! Jer. Upon my word she did! Oh, you don't know what a woman she is. Free. Well, but 'squire, methinks this might easily be remedied: if I was you, I would go to law with her. Jer. Law! Lord help your head! Why she is as big a lawyer as any in our inn; and would not desire better sport-Besides, I would not care to do that, for fear she should marry out of spite, and cut down my trees. I should hate to see my father's wife kissed and slopped by another man —and our trees are the purest, nice, shady, even twigs! Free. Come, 'squire, let your mother and your trees fall, as she pleases, rather than go of this fashion all your life-But you shall be able to deal with her the right way. Jer. Nay, if I had any friend to stand by me, I would show her a trick worth two of it, I can tell you that. Free. Suppose I was to be your friend! Look you, 'squire, I don't use to profess much; however, there's a trifle for your present occasions. Jer. Oh, Lord, Sir! two guineas! Do you lend me this? Is there no trick in it? Well, sir, I'll give you my bond for security. Free. No, no, you have given me your face for security; any one would swear you do not look like a cheat: and come to me whenever you will, and you shall have what money you please of me. Jer. By my soul he's a curious fine gentleman! but may I depend upon you? Will you stand by me? Free. Here's my hand. Jer. That's enough. Never stir, but the next cross word my mother gives me, but I'll leave her directly, and come off to you-But now I have got money, I'll go pay the man at the gate two shillings I owe him, for I believe the poor soul wants it; and his wife has been two or three times at chambers to dun me. [Exit. Enter MANLY, Mrs BLACK ACRE, and Major OLDFOX. Man. Confound your cause! Can't you lose it without me? which you are like enough to do, if it be, as you say, an honest one: I'll suffer for it no longer. Mrs Black. Nay, but, captain, you are my chief witness-And Mr Splitcause tells me we are pricked down for the next hearing. Lord! methinks you should take pleasure in walking here, as half you see now do: for they have no business here, I assure you. Man. Yes, but I assure you, then, their business is to persecute me Sdeath! I can't turn but one puppy or other has me by the sleeve, with impertinent inquiries or fulsome compliments: I have been acting the sign of the salutation this half hour, with a bowed body and my hat off, to one of your law serjeants yonder; while he was loading me with professions of service and friendship, though, in all probability, he cared not if I was at the devil; and I was wishing him hanged out of my way. Mrs Black. Well, well, sir, compose yourself a little, and every thing shall be made agreeable. Jerry, why, Jerry !-Mercy on me, major, did not you leave my son here? Old. Yes, madam, but perhaps the young gentleman is stepped aside. Mrs Black. Jerry Blackacre! Free. Your son will be here in a minute, madam; he's only just gone out of the hall about a little business. Mrs Black. Out of the hall! Gads my life!— Out of the hall! Free. Don't make yourself uneasy, madam; I'll answer for it he'll come to no mischief. Mrs Black. Sir, I don't direct my discourse to you-But I'll so rate this careless jackanapes-Come along, major, and help me to look for him. [Exeunt all but MANLY and FREEMAN, Free. Well, sir, how have you past your time, since you came here? You have had a great deal of patience, sure. Man. Patience, indeed! for I have drawn but one quarrel and two law-suits upon me. Free. The devil! How could you quarrel here? Man. Ask no questions, but walk this way. Enter NOVEL. Nov. Hey! captain! captain Manly! Nov. I beg pardon; but I thought it was you. Have you been in the house hearing the debates? What are they upon to-day? Man. Considering what passed between you and me at our last interview, sir, I cannot help being a little astonished at the familiarity of this salutation. Nov. Pho, pho! a mere trifle. Don't mention it-It has been a very fine morning, sir. Free. Yes, sir, the weather has been tolerable. Nov. It was very cold yesterday. Free. I believe it might, sir. Nov. Captain, what do you think brings me to Westminster-hall? Man. Why, I suppose somebody has thrashed you lately for being impertinent, and you are come to take the law of them. Nov. No, that's not it. But I suppose you have heard Man. Heard what? Nov. Why, that I am to be played the devil with; costs and damages, and the Lord knows 'what. Man. No, really, I have heard nothing about the matter; but what is it? though I am sure you are in the wrong before you tell me. Nov. Why, you must know, sir-Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul it is so ridiculous a circumstance, that I can hardly think of it without laughing.You must know, sir, I was some time ago at the house of a considerable merchant in the city, where a certain lady's name was brought up; and, in the course of the conversation, I happened to mention some things which I had heard, and which all the world believe to be fact, egad! However, as you may guess, I did not imagine the discourse would have gone any further. Free. But I suppose the lady had a friend in company, sir. Man. And pray, sir, what was it you said of the lady? Nov. Nothing, nothing!-some story that I heard about her cuckolding her husband; that was all. Man. I hope she may trounce you severely; nay, and I hope what you said of her was true; that you may be made the more glaring example. Nov. Well, but my dear creature! how can you be so inhuman to any person, that never did you any injury? Man. Because I would have such mischievous triflers as you are punished for your tattling and effeminacy: I would have you taught the difference between satire and defamation; and learn some other topic for your nonsensical conversations, besides the character and conduct of the absent: you male members of the tea-table, who are, if possible, worse enemies to women, than they are to one another. Nov. Well upon my honour, this is pleasant! especially from you, who are remarkable for abusing all the world. Man. Do you hear him, Freeman? Plaindealing may well be in disrepute, when 'tis confounded with impudence and scandal: but if I stay here any longer, I find I shall be tempted to beat him. Free. Nay, prithee don't leave us. Man. Yes, yes, I must; I shall bring myself into another scrape else: besides, I see a person just now come into the hall, that looks for meStand out of the way. [Exit. Nov. This is a sad brutish fellow, sir; I wonder you will keep him company. Free. Why, faith, sir, I don't know how it is; I think I am bewitched to him, for my part-and yet, hang him! he has some good qualities, too, when one comes to be thoroughly acquainted with him. Nov. Ay, sir! Pray, what may they be, for I never could find them out? Free. Why, I think 'tis generally agreed, sir, that he has a tolerable good understanding. Nov. Why, really, I have heard people say so; and yet, to me, he has always appeared the stupidest animal breathing. Free. Then as to courage.—It must be allowed he is brave. Nov. He is quarrelsome, if you please; but his bravery, I fancy, will admit of some dispute. You have heard, no doubt, of his late affair with the French? Free. Ay, sir; what of that? Nov. Why, I should not care to have my name mentioned as the author of such a thing; but I assure you there are some very odd reports fly about; and this, I believe, you may depend upon, that he will be brought to a court-martial for his behaviour on that occasion. Nov. Oh, sir! I know how the matter came about now-Yes, yes, the woman of the house was her sister-in-law, which I never dreamt of: the intolerable Jezebel went and told her every thing that passed: an attorney came the next morning to serve me with a copy of a writ; and Free. I am glad to hear this, sir, with all my now they have brought ine here to make me proveheart; for, you must know, I happened to be a my words, as they call it, partner in the action you mention, U VOL. II. Nov. Were you, sir? Free. Yes, faith; but I was ignorant, till now, of the dangerous situation we were in; however, I am extremely obliged to you for your intelligence, as I dare swear the captain will beNov. Yonder goes my attorney-I'll just speak two or three words to him, and be back with you again in an instant. Free. Hold, sir! we must not part so. You must go along with me, sir, and tell this story to captain Manly. Nov. Sir, I have not time at present-I-there's a gentleman beckons me, owes a thousand pounds, and goes out of town to-morrow morning-Mr[Exit. Free. Ha, ha, ha! Well, we shall meet again. Enter JERRY BLACKACRE. How now, 'squire, what's the matter? Jer. Nothing: I don't care; nothing's the matter: but if ever I go home again with her, I wish may never stir! You said you would stand by I Free. Take you with me, 'squire! do you desire to go with me? Jer. Yes, 'tis all my desire. Free. How shall I act in this affair? 'gad, 'twill be a good stroke towards making something of the widow in earnest; at least, of getting my right out of her hands.-[Aside.]-Well, 'squire, I'll tell you what, if you are really serious : Jer. Oh, Lord! yonder she is coming in at the gate with that old fellow if you will come, come away; for I won't stay any longer to be beat and abused by her. Frce. Nay, since that's the case, have with you, my boy. Jer. Ay, and now let's see how she'll be able to help herself. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-Changes to the gate of Westminster-hall. Enter, from within, MANLY and FIDELIA, and on the opposite side, MRS BLACKACRE and MAJOR OLDFOX. Mrs Black. A villain! a rascal! I'll teach him better manners than to talk saucily to his mother!-These are pretty doings, are they not? My son flies in my face; and when I go to correct him for it, he tells me, truly, he'll leave me, and go to the mate of your ship, who has offered to take him. Man. Well, and what's that to me? You must tie your calf up, if you are afraid of his being stolen. Mrs Black. But which way did he run, major? May be he is gone to that seducing villain already; and he has got my writings with him, all' that concerns my estate, my jointure, my husband's deed of gift, and the evidences for all my suits now depending. Man. I am glad of that; for, if you have lost your evidence, your cause can't go on, and I am at liberty. Old. Mr Jerry went off in a great passion, madam; I hope he won't commit any rash action, to do himself a mischief. Mrs Black. No, no, I know him better than so; he will never be felo de se that way: but he may go and chuse a guardian of his own head, and so be felo de ses beins; for he has not chosen one yet. Man. Which I hope he may, with all my heart! Mrs Black. Oh, do you so, sir? then it seems you are in the plot.-Well, look to it; I'll play fast and loose with you all yet, if there be law, and my minor and writings are not forthcoming. I'll bring my action of detinue or trover—but I'll first go and seek— Man. Well, I shall not stay here any longer. Mrs Black. Stir a step, stir a step, at your peril, till the courts are broke up, and I'll serve you with a rule of contempt. [Exeunt MRS BLACK ACRE and MAJOR OLDFOX. Man. Now, sir, go on.-You have been with Olivia, you say. Fide. Yes, sir, I have seen and spoke with her. Man. Well, and she received you kindly? Fide. Kinder than you would think, sir. Man. That's well-come, now, let me hear what she said to you. Fide. Said to me, sir? ? Man. Ay, what was her business with you Come, come! Why don't you speak? You are so tedious! What was it she had to communicate? Fide. Modesty, sir, prevents my entering into particulars; I need only tell you, that her business with me has proved of the most extraordinary kind; I am so shocked at the thoughts of her behaviour, I cannot say more. Man. Confusion! Fide. I assure you, sir, I would not impose upon you by the forgery of a falschood, and cannot wrong her by any report of her, she is so wicked. Man. Wicked! 'Sdeath, had she the impudence! Fide. Impudence! Oh, sir! Man. But what! How did she accost you? conducted into her dressing-room, where I found her alone; and I took it for granted she would have begun immediately with talking of you and your late difference with her; but, instead of that, sir, I had hardly sat down, when she gave me to understand she had desired to see me on my own account only; and was so bold, and so forward Man. But in what terms did she express herself? Fide. Her tongue, I confess, was silent, sir; but her eyes conveyed such things— Man. Eyes! Eyes!-What, then, you have only had eye kindness from her; and your vanity has helped you, in this construction, so much to the lady's disadvantage? Fide. Not so, sir-At first, indeed, her eyes, chiefly, were the interpreters of her thoughts; but, finding they spoke a language I could not, or would not, understand, she threw off the restraint, made a tender of her passion in direct terms; and, in short, sir, offered to prostitute that love to me, at half an hour's acquaintance, which you have deserved whole years in vain. Man. I'll not believe it-It is a damned lie of your own contrivance; come, I know 'tis a lie. Fide. I am sorry you should think so, sir: but, however unlikely it may appear, I can give you proof. Man. Proof! Fide. Yes, sir; for I have seemed half consenting to her solicitations, and made a kind of promise to pay her a visit this night, at twelve o'clock, when the family shall be asleep. Man. Ha! Fide. For which purpose she has shewn me a back way into her apartment, where a lamp always burns; for she will have no light in her chamber, because her woman lies in an adjoining closet-Nay, more, sir; she has given me the key of the garden, to let myself in with, which I have brought off. Man. The key of the garden! Let me see it. -I know it well; and have a thousand times gone, by the passage you mention, to our private interviews: I imagined it led to paradise, and an angel of purity inhabited there; but I must think of that no more-Did she say nothing to you of this husband of her's? Fide. Yes, sir; she is actually married, and her husband gone out of town; but she expects him very soon; and that, I suppose, made her more urgent with me to come to night. Man. And can you think of disappointing a lady upon such an occasion? Fide. I, sir!-I should disappoint her more by going. Man. How so? Fide. Her impudence and infidelity to you, sir, has made me loath her. Man. Well, sir, but I say the lady shall not be disappointed. Fide. Not disappointed, sir!-If ever I go near her again, may you think me as false to you as she is! hate and renounce me! Man. Well, well, if you won't, leave the matter to me; I'll take care Fide. You, sir!-You take care, sir!-Pray give me that odious key again, and let me return it with the contempt, the detestation— Man, No, sir; this key is the instrument of revenge, which fortune hath put into my hand; and, by Heaven, I'll make use of it. Fide. Revenge, sir!-what revenge? Disdain is best revenged by scorn; and faithless love by loving another. Man. Perhaps it may, where the object has once been esteemed; but, I now begin to think, I had never any share in her affections; and, therefore, I'll take another method. Fide. And what is your design, sir? Man. Not a word more; here's Freeman coming towards us: we will disengage ourselves from him as soon as we can, and talk of this affair further. ACT IV. SCENE I.-MANLY'S lodgings. MANLY enters in a surtout coat, followed by FIDELIA. Man. THEN Freeman betrayed no marks of surprise at being told I was gone abroad so early! and you are positive he had not the least suspicion of my being out all night! Fide. I believe not, sir. doux; deplore the necessity, which forced you from her this morning, so much against your inclination; and appoint another meeting with her, at her own house, this evening, as soon as it shall be dusk. Fide. Out of revenge, I suppose, sir! Man. It is so-for I intend to go there. Fide. Sir, my life is devoted to your service; but, however meanly you may think of me, I Man. So much the better, I have been sit-cannot descend so low as to the infamous office ting at the coffee-house these three hours, lest you would lay upon me.-Excuse me, sir, I canknocking at the door at an unseasonable time not act the part of a pander. might alarm the family-Help me off with my coat-and now shut the door, and bolt it, that no body may come in upon us unawares. Fide. Heigh ho! Man. What's the matter with you? Man. You have been crying! Fide. I have not been very well, sir. Man. Come, you are a good lad; don't let your spirits sink; I'll be your friend; you shall fare as I do; iet that content you. Fide. I desire no better, sir. Man. Take the pen and ink, and sit down there I am now convinced that what you told me yesterday was truth; and Olivia is the vilest, and most profligate of her sex. Fide. Are you convinced, sir?-Are you indeed convinced? Then I hope―― Man. Speak softly-I suppose I need not tell you where I have been! Fide. Sir! Man. I say, I suppose I need not tell you, where I have been since we parted; I have been with Olivia; and she has bestowed on me a thousand caresses, which I returned with seemingly an equal ardour. Fide. Lord, sir, I am vastly sick of a sudden! Man. You are a coward-What ails you? Fide. I don't know, sir, I never was so oddly taken in my life; but it will away again. Man. Listen to me, then, and be surprised yet more I have passed myself upon Olivia for you! Fide. For me, sir! Man. Yes-Darkness, and the particularity of our situation, favoured the deceit; and I was cautious not to undeceive her, by speaking but little, and that softly; and leaving her this morning before it was light. Fide. Surely, sir, you will never go near this abominable woman more! Man. Your principles of honour I do not dislike, if they are sincere; but I tell you, you are mistaken in the matter. Fide. Indeed, sir, I am not; I see all plain enough; but, upon my knees, I beg, if you have the least regard for yourself, renounce this woman; give her up, and never Man. What am I to think of your behaviour? Sure you would have me believe you love her yourself; which, indeed, I have all along suspected. Fide. Indeed, sir, it is all my concern for your safety. Man. Methinks you might trust that to my care-but, once for all, I desire I may have no more impertinent disputing or advice-you have reason to know I am unalterable. Fide. Sir, you must give up either Olivia or me! Man. Why so, sir? What have you and Olivia to do with one another? Fide. Well, sir, let me hear your commands. Man. I have already told them to you-I would have you write this letter, to make the appointment; you shall keep it in person; and when you have been with her some time, I will come in at the back door, which you shall purposely leave open, and catch you together. Fide. Well, sir, and what then? Man, Why then, sir, I will upbraid her falsehood, confront her impudence, boast of the triumph I have had over her, and never see her more. Fide. And is this really all you intend, sir? Fide. I think you can have no kindness left for Olivia now, sir; I think you can't-You don't love her the least bit, captain, do you? Man. Love her! Damn her! I think of her with abhorrence. Fide. Then, I will go and write the letter di Man. That we'll consider of-In part, my re-rectly, sir. venge is satisfied, Fide. Well, sir, what are your commands with me? Free. (Speaks within) Well, well, I will introduce you. Man. Do so—and open the door, for I think I hear Freeman in the next room. [Exit FIDELIA. |