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Enter FREEMAN and MAJOR OLDFOX upon me as your friend. It was I that writ it.
But mum! between ourselves. Free, Captain, here's a gentleman who is am Man. Hark you, old gentleman, it seems you bitious of being ranked amongst the number of have taken it into your head you can write, and your acquaintance.—This, sir, is major Oldfox, | are turned author; shall I tell you what I once at once the votary of Mars and Apollo, and said to an acquaintance of mine, who was posequally an ornament to the pen and the sword. sessed of the same unaccountable whiin? Old. Sir, I am your most
Old. Well, sir, and what was that? Man. What do you mean by bringing the old Man. Why, faith, I told him very plainly he fool to me?-Why will you, Freeman, take these was making himself an ass. liberties?
Old. Mr Freeman, I shall be glad to see you Free. Excuse me; upon my soul I could not at my house, to eat a bit of mutton with me, avoid it. The captain is a whimsical man, and to have a little conversation about a matter major; but I suppose you know his humour. I shall tell you. Sir, your servant ! [Exit.
Old. Ay, ay, I have heard, and like him the Free. You took a very sure way to get rid of better.-Captain, I honour you; you are a great an author, by advising him not to write. But man, sir : your late behaviour against the enemy | you are grown a very early man, sure; I was has proved you such, and I shall be proud of here two hours ago, and was told you were gone being better known to you : as Mr Freeman out. has intimated, I am an humble adınirer of the Man. Aye, and I should have staid out, if I arts, and now and then throw my thoughts had known what company you intended to bring upon paper : nequeo dormire, as the poet says. me. Man. And what then, sir?
Free. As to that, don't be angry; the major, Old. Nay, good captain, take me along with you must know, is the widow's harbinger, who is you.--I suppose you would not be displeased to coming in pursuit of her son; and he and I hahave the particulars of your late action laid in a ving a little quarrel, I had a mind to make it proper manner before the public ; and, if so, up with him, by doing what he said he would I should be glad to drink a bottle, and have consider as the greatest obligation—introducing a little discourse with you about it-That's all, him to you. sir.
Man. Well, and what have you done with Man. Ha, ha, ha!
your charge? Old. He is an odd man, Mr Freeman.
Free. Stay and you shall see : I have rigged Free. But ingenious, major.
him out with the remains of my ship-wrecked Old. Ay, ay–Pray, captain, do you ever read wardrobe : he has been under your sea valet the Royal Chronicle
de chambre's hands. By Jupiter ! that is his Mar. No.
mother's knock at the door. Stay, and I'll fetch Old. Nor the Imperial Magazine ? Man. Neither.
Man. No--you know I cannot easily laugh; Old. That's much, that's much, indeed; neither but I desire once more you will take care, and the Royal Chronicle, the Imperial Magazine, bring yourself into no disagreeable circumstances nor-! There are often very excellent pieces | by this business.
[Erit. make their appearance in those publications, Mr Freeman. Free. So there are, major, so there are
SCENE II—Covent-Garden Piazza. and I believe I can guess to whom the public is indebted for a good many of them! What say
Enter Mrs BLACK ACRE and Major Oldfox, you? Eh ?-Don't I know the signum-three stars Old. But will you not walk in, madam? and a dash?
Mrs Black, No, major, no; I shall not put Old. No, Mr Freeman; no, upon my honour, | my foot into his house, since I have not my sir ! That was my mark formerly; but now, all lawyer with me. I called on counsellor Quillit, my things are signed Philanthropos.
but he's attending a trial for an assault. Free. You are not author of that soliloquy in Old. Well, but, madam, this is a strange place blank verse, in the papers the other day? | to transact business in.
Old, What! an address to the land-carriage Mrs Black. Major, you are an ignoramus ! fish-office?
do you know, that as I have no search-warrant, Free. Ay.
execution, or other legal authority, if I was to go Old. Why, did you like it?
into his house, he might bring his writ for a forciFree. As good as Milton !
bly entry on the premises. I served a person so Old. Mr Freeman, my dear soul! I am ex- once myself. tremely sorry, that any thing should happen be- Old. Well, madam, I have sent the servant to tween us; but, as I said before, I hope that is call him out; and that you mayn't think the all forgotten; and you will henceforward look time long 'till he comes, I'll just read you over
a little fancy, that came into my head this morn- | Jer. Yes, I will.
Mrs Black. Oh! do not squceze wax, son ! Mrs Black. Lord, major, how can you trou- rather go to ordinaries and bagnios, than squeeze ble me with such cursed stuff, when you see how
wax. If thou dost that, farewell the goodiy maI am perplexed and plagued here?
nor of Blackacre, with all its woods and underOld. Nay, in troth, I must have your opinion woods, and appurtenances whatever! of a satire I am going to publish; it is a lash for Free. Come, madam, don't afflict yourself: the reviewers; in which I give such a character | 'tis true, this young gentleman, of his own free
Mrs Black. Nay, if you talk of characters, will, has chosen me for his guardian : however, look at my last suit in chancery, which gives such he's not out of your power; and might I flatter a character of my adversary, makes hina as black myself with hopes of being in the mother's good as the very devil.
gracesOld. Then, here's the outlines of what I once Mrs Black. I understand you, sir; no, if one intended for a pamphlet- " The coffee-house of us must be ruined, e'en let it be him, if he man's case on the late rise of news-papers, won't be ruled by me. What say you, booby, humbly addressed to both Houses of Parliament." | will you be ruled?
Jer. Let me alone, can't you?
Mrs Black. Will you chuse him for a guardi
an, whom I refuse for a husband ? MÍrs Black. What do I sec? Jerry Blackacre, Jer. Aye, to chuse, I thank you! for I have my minor, in red breeches! Oh, Jerry, Jerry! taken leave of lawyering and pettifogging! have I lost all my good inns of court-breeding Mrs Black. Pettifogging, you profane ! have upon you, then? and will you go breeding your- you so ?- Pettifogging! then you shall take your self at coffee-houses and bagnios?
| leave of me, aud your estate, too; you shall be Jer. Aye, aye! what then? perhaps I will, an alien to me and it for ever-Pettifogging! and what's that to you? Here's my guardian and Jer. Oh, but if you go there, we have the tutor, now that I am out of your huckster's deeds and settlements, I thank you! would you hands.
cheat me of my estate? Mrs Black. How! you have not chose him Mrs Black. No, no; I will not cheat your for your guardian yet?
little brother Bob; for you were not born in Jer. Yes, but I have though; and I'll do any wedlock; you was thing he bids me, and I'll go all over the world Jer. What quirk has she got in her head, with him, to ordinaries or bagnios, or any where now?
Mrs Black. I say you cannot, shall not, inheMrs Black. Do not go to ordinaries and bag- rit the Blackacre estate : you are but my base nios, good Jerry!
child, and, according to law, cannot inherit it.Jer. Why, have you had any dealings there? | Nay, you are not so much as a bastard eigne. you never had any ill by them, had you? but if Jer. What ! am I, then, mother, the son of I have left you, you may thank yourself; for ayou used me so barbarously, I was weary of my Mrs Black. The law sayslife.
Free. Madam, we know what the law saysMrs Black. But consider, Jerry, you are but but have a care of what you say! do not let your an infant; however, if you will go home with me passion to ruin your son, ruin your reputation. again, and be a good child, you shall see
Mrs Black. Hang reputation, sir! am not I Free. I beg your pardon, madam; this young a widow ? have no husband, nor intend to have gentleman is now under my care; and it is my any? duty, in quality of his guardian
Jer. But have you no shame left in you, moMrs Black. Why, you villain, would you part | ther? mother and minor rob me of my child and my Mrs Black. No, no, sir! Come, major, let us writings? but you shall find that there is law; and make haste to the prerogative court. in the case of ravishment of guard-Westm. the
Free. Nay, but, madam—We must not let her Old. Well, but madam, by what I can find, go so, 'squire ! this has been all the young gentleman's own do- Jer. Nay, the devil can't stop her, if she has a ing. Come, squire, pray be ruled by your mo- mind to it. But I'll tell you what, master guarther and friends.
dian-lieutenant, we will go and advise with three Jer. Yes, I'll be ruled by my friends, and attornies, two proctors, two solicitors, and a sharp therefore not by my mother. I'll chuse him for dog in White-friars, and sure all they will be too my guardian till I am at age--nay, may be for as bard for her! for I fear, honest guardian of mine, long as I live.
you are too good a joker to have any law in your Mrs Black. Will you so, you wretch ? and head, when you are of age, you will sign, seal, and de- Free. You are in the right on't, 'squire; I unliver, too, will you?
derstand no law, especially that against bastards
which custom is against, I am sure; for more will make him ready enough to take money, people get estates by being so, than lose them. wherever he can claim any thing like a property.
[Exeunt, Var. I believe you are in the right, and I will
take care to remove them to-morrow. SCENE III.-Olivia's lodgings.
Oliv. To-morrow! for Heaven's sake stay not
till then; he may receive them before to-morrow, Enter OLIVIA, with Varnish booted and spurr- 1 Go this night-immediately. ed, as just come off a journey.
Var. You advise well, and I will only stay to , Olid. Lord bless me, my dear! you came upon rest myself a little. me so unawares, you quite startled nie-feel how Oliv. Rest yourself, when you come back. my heart beats!
Pray, dear Varnish, don't trifle upon such an imVar. Beats !-you seem startled, indeed! And portant occasion. Go this very instant! yet, surely, you expected somebody, when you Var. Well, well, I'll go now directly—a hackmet me so kindly in the dark passage !
ney coach will take me to Fleet-street, and back Oliv. Why, I thought it was your step, and again, in an hour. could not refrain from coming out of my cham- Oliv. If you stay till midnight, no matter. ber; and yet I did not know how to believe it Make haste, dearest! I am impatient till you are either, because it was so much sooner than your out of the house.
[Erit Var. letters bid me look for you.
I shan't recover myself a good while, this unVar. And yet you began with upbraiding me expected visit has so flurried me! Who could for having staid beyond my time. Let me tell have thought of his coming a beast ! And at you, madam, this conduct is mysterious, and re- so critical a juncture !-And yet, if he had stayed quires explanation.
a few moments longer, he might have taken me Oliv. What explanation, my soul? you misun- still more at a disadvantage-My conduct is mysderstood my words. I upbraid you with having terious, and requires explanation ! Sure he instaid too long from me; and you shall never be tends to give himself the airs of being jealousabsent so long from me again, you shan't indeed; I wish I had never married him! He is of a cruel by this kiss you shan't! But, my dearest, I have and dangerous temper; and, had I not luckily strange news to tell you--since you went, Manly's thought of the money, as an expedient to send returned.
| him out again, I know not what might have hapVar. Fortune forbid !
| pened, had he and my young friend metOliv. He met with the French feet; fought, and afterwards sunk his ship. He was here with
Enter FIDELIA. me yesterday.
Ah, heavens !
Oliv. I told him I was married, to get rid of Oliv. Oh, is it you? No, no; but I am the bim; but to whom, is yet a secret to all the world: strangest timorous creature !-Well, you can exand I used him so abominably ill, that his pride, cuse a woman's weakness; indeed I have given I believe, will prevent his troubling me any fur- you too great proofs of mine- I hope you are ther.
not one of those capricious conquerors who desVar. I hope it has given him a surfeit of the pise a victory for being too easily gained! shore, and will send bim to sea again; be you. Fide. I hope, madamsure only to keep our great secret : in the mean Oliv. Nay, I know you will say to the contrary, time, I will lead the easy fool by the nose, as I and I shall believe you: though the hurry you used to do; and, whilst he stays, rail with him at were in to leave me, and your unkind behaviour, you; and, when he is gone, laugh with you at him. in hardly speaking to me, might make one of a By that time, too, I shall have settled some af- less jealous temper suspectfairs, which I have now on hand, and shall not Fide. Upon my word, madam! care who knows of our marriage. As for the Oliv. I am satisfied; you will tell me, no notes and jewels, which he left with you, if he doubt, your letter contained a sufficient apology should want to recover them by law, you may for that; and, to convince you I desire no other, plead a gift; but I fancy we are pretty safe as if you are as sincere as I am, I will, this moment, to that, for I know the particularity of his tem- put into your possession what, in many parts of per so well
the world, will be a magnificent fortune. In Oliv. Yet, let us be cautious, my love--Have short, I am ready to forsake friends, country, reyou taken the thousand guineas, he lodged in my putation, and fly with you vame, out of the banker's hand?
Fide. This offer, madam, does me so great an Var. No—where was the necessity?
honourOliv. The greatest in the world. Do not con Oliv. Honour! Why will you make use of that fide too much in his generosity: I am well in- cold expression? Buť methinks you look grave formed a much smaller sum would be acceptable upon it! must I have the mortification to find to him at present; and, no doubt, his necessity that your passion is less violent than mine?
Fide. Pardon me, madam; but the violence of Fide. How, madam! Where? your passion may presage its change; and I must Oliv. Ask no questions, but get out the back needs be afraid your affections would soon cool way as fast as you can; my husband's coming! to me, since you could once grow indifferent to Fide. Your husband, madam! so worthy a gentleman as captain Manly.
Oliv. Ay, ay; he came in just before you did; Oliv. Oh, mention not his name!
I thought he was gone abroad again, but I saw Fide. Why, madam, did not you love him? him this moment cross the hall, and he followed Olio. Never. How could you think it? me up stairs Oh, heavens,' here he is ! This Fide. Because he thought it; who is a man of way.
[Erit. that excellent understanding, and nice discern- Fide. Hold, madam !-She has clapt the door ment
| after her, and the bolt is shot! What will beOlio. Hang him, untractable, surly brute!come of me? Some private reasons, indeed, made me outwardly accommodate myself to his tramontane hu
Enter VARNISH. mour; and he had vanity enough to think I liked Var. So, now I am somewhat of a more dehim.
cent figure to go abroad; while the fellow has Fide. Bless my soul, madam! Vanity! Why, been getting me a coach, I have made a shift to he is very well to be liked, I hope.
alter my dress a little.--Ha! who have we here! Oliv. Ha, ha, ha!
Nay, by the Lord, you shan't slip by me! Fide. Indeed, madam, you don't do well to Fide. Pray, sir, do not be rude. speak so disrespectfully of the captain.
Var. Rude, you rascal! Who are you? And Oliv. Why, you dear, friendly creature, you what brings you into this house? could not be a greater advocate for him, if you Fide. I did not come to do you any harm, sir. were one of his mistresses stept into breeches ! Var. You come here to do no good, I am cer
Fide. His mistresses, madam? I don't know tain. But now I see who it was my wife expectwhat you mean. To be sure, I have great obli- ed, and what occasioned her extraordinary trepigations to the captain, and don't like to hear him dation. Damn you, sirrah, I have a mind to cut abused—but,
| your throat. Come, draw! Oliv. Come, come, let us talk no more of him, Fide. Oh, pray sir, don't draw your swordthat is the best way-What say you, shall we go pray, sir, don't ! sit in the next room? I have prepared a little col- "Var. How, a coward ! yet dare to do a man lation there.
the greatest injury in the world! but your want Fide. Are we not better here, madam? of courage shall not save your life.
Oliv. No, no ; I'll conduct you; give me your Fide. Hold, sir, hold! Do not terrify me, and hand.
I will satisfy you I could not injure you. Fide. I would rather stay where we are, if you Var. Now, quickly, then! What have you to please, madam. Oliv. Why so?
Fide. I am a woman, sir; a very unfortunate Fide. I do not know, madam ; I think it is woman! more airy here.
Var. Ha! a very handsome one, I am sure. Oliv. Airy! Is any thing the matter with you? | It is so—But why in this masquerade ?_Well,
Fide. I am afraid I am going to have one of no matter. my fits.
Fide. I hope, sir, you are so much a man of Oliv. What fits?
| honour as to let me go, now I have satisfied you. Fide. Oh, madam, I am very subject to fits ; Var. Let you go, madam! and sometimes lie in a trance for an hour toge Fide. Yes, sir; you may guess my misfortune ther.
to be love, by my disguise; and I dare swear, Olio. Ay!
you will not urge me further on secrets, which Fide. Yes, indeed, madam; but, if you will let concern my honour. me alone where I am, perhaps I may not have Var. Oh, no, madam, by no means—But I one.
| thought I saw my wife turn short upon the stairs Oliv. Oh, stay, I will run into the next room, l just now, and run up in a great hurry before me. and fetch you some spirits; I would not, for the Has she not been with you? world, you should be seized here. [Exit. Fide. Yes, sir,
Fide. Mercy on us, what shall I do! I wish Var. Well, and where is she gone? the captain would come and deliver me from this Fide. Out of the house, I believe, sir. odious woman; she will certainly discover me, if Var. And why so, madam? I stay much longer. I wish I was well out of the Fide. I know not, sir: perhaps, because she house!
would not be forced to discover me to you; or,
to guard me from suspicions, that you might not Enter OLIVIA.
discover me yourself.' Oliv. Undone, undone!
Var. Well, madam, at any rate I am obliged
to her for having left me alone with so charming Var. Damn the coach!-Well, madam, I shall a creature. Lovely, bewitching woman ! leave you for a little while ; perhaps, when I Fide. What do you mean? Éclp, ho!
come back, I shall find you in a better humour. Var. 'Tis in vain to cry out--no one dares to flere, sir, help me in with this fellow, this dishelp you ; I am lord here.
honourer of my family. Fide. Tyrant here -But, if you are the mas- Boy. Fellow! Your honour said she was a ter of this house, which I have taken for a sanc woman. tuary, do not violate it yourself.
Var. No matter, sir; must you prate? Var. No, I'll preserve you in it, and nothing Fide. Oh, Heavens! Is thereshall hurt you: I will be as true to you as your
Var. Come, madam, since you will yield to disguise, but you must trust me.
me no other way, you shall, at least, be my priFide. You don't look like a villain, sirHelp! | soner till I have leisure to examine you further help!
-In there, in-I will know you better before I
part with you, my pretty masquerader, or you Enter FOOTBOY.
shall have more strength and cunning than I think Var. You saucy rascal, how durst you ! you have
[Ereunt, Boy. I come, sir, to let you know the coach is at the door.
SCENE 1.-Eliza's Lodginys. | anjine her when I came back; but in the mean
| time she got away, by tying the window-curtains Enter Olivia, Eliza, and LETTICE.
to the balcony, by which she slid down into the Olio. Au, cousin ! nothing troubles me, but street-for you must know I jested, and made that I have given the malicious world its revenge, her believe I should be rude with her, which she and reason now to talk as freely of me as I used | apprehended, I suppose, in earnest. to do of it.
Olio. Then she got from you? Eliz. Faith, then, let not that trouble you : for Var. Yes. to be plain, cousin, the world cannot talk worse Oliv. And is quite gone? of you than it did before.
Var. Yes. Oliv. How, cousin ! I'd have you to know, bel Olid. I am glad on't otherwise you had been fore this faux-pas, this trip of mine, the world rude with her. But how durst you go so far, as could not talk of me.
to make her believe you would? Let me underLett. Oh, Lud, madam, here is my master ! stand that, sir! What! there is guilt in your Oliv. Whither shall I run? Save, protect me face "You blush, too
| face You blush, too !-Nay, then, I see how
Nay, from him!
things have happened-Oh, you base fellow!
Eliz. So, so!
Var. Nay, hear me !—Prithee- I swear-
Oliv. I have heard already too many of your Olio. Oh, sir! forgive me.
false oaths and vows, especially your last in the Var. Yes, yes, I can forgive your being alone church: Wicked man! and wretched woman that with a woman in man's clothes, but have a care I am! of a man in woman's clothes!
Var. My dear! Oliv. A woman in man's clothes! What does Oliv. My devil !he mean! [Aside.]
Var. Comę, prithee be appeased and go Var. Come, come, you need not have lain out home : I have been so uneasy all day, not knowof your house for this : but perhaps you were ing where to find you—I'll give you every satisafraid, when I was warm with suspicions, you faction. must have discovered who she was.
Oliv. Satisfaction ! Oliv. Who she was ! Sure he dissembles only Var. Yes, do but go home, and I'll thoroughly to get me into his power; or perhaps my young satisfy you—and then, too, we'll have a fit of spark has imposed upon him! [ Aside.]
laughing at Manly, whom I am going to find at Var. Come, what's the matter with you? If Ithe King's Arms, where I hear he dined-Go, must not know wbo she was, I am satisfied with dearest, go home. out--Come hither.
| Eliz. A very pretty turn indeed, this! Olio. Sure you do know her; she has told you Var. Now, cousin, since, by my wife, I have berself, I suppose.
the honour and privilege of calling you so, I have Var. No, I might have known her better, but something to beg of you, too; which is, not to I was obliged to go to the banker's; and so lock-take notice of our marriage to any person whated her into your chamber, with a design to ex-ever yet a wbile, for some reasons very importe