Enter FREEMAN and MAJOR OLDFOX.

Free, Captain, here's a gentleman who is ambitious of being ranked amongst the number of your acquaintance.-This, sir, is major Oldfox, at once the votary of Mars and Apollo, and equally an ornament to the pen and the sword.

Old. Sir, I am your most

Man. What do you mean by bringing the old fool to me?-Why will you, Freeman, take these liberties?

Free. Excuse me; upon my soul I could not avoid it.- -The captain is a whimsical man, major; but I suppose you know his humour.

Old. Ay, ay, I have heard, and like him the better.-Captain, I honour you; you are a great man, sir: your late behaviour against the enemy has proved you such, and I shall be proud of being better known to you as Mr Freeman has intimated, I am an humble admirer of the arts, and now and then throw my thoughts upon paper: nequeo dormire, as the poet says. Man. And what then, sir?

Old. Nay, good captain, take me along with you. I suppose you would not be displeased to have the particulars of your late action laid in a proper manner before the public; and, if so, I should be glad to drink a bottle, and have a little discourse with you about it-That's all,

sir.

Man. Ha, ha, ha!

Old. He is an odd man, Mr Freeman.
Free. But ingenious, major.

Old. Ay, ay-Pray, captain, do you ever read the Royal Chronicle?

Man. No.

Old. Nor the Imperial Magazine?
Man. Neither.

Old. That's much, that's much, indeed; neither the Royal Chronicle, the Imperial Magazine, There are often very excellent pieces make their appearance in those publications, Mr Freeman.

nor

Free. So there are, major, so there areand I believe I can guess to whom the public is indebted for a good many of them! What say you? Eh?-Don't I know the signum-three stars and a dash?

Old. No, Mr Freeman; no, upon my honour, sir! That was my mark formerly; but now, all my things are signed Philanthropos.

Free. You are not author of that soliloquy in blank verse, in the papers the other day?

Old. What! an address to the land-carriage fish-office?

upon me as your friend. It was I that writ it. But mum! between ourselves.

Man. Hark you, old gentleman, it seems you have taken it into your head you can write, and are turned author; shall I tell you what I once said to an acquaintance of mine, who was possessed of the same unaccountable whim?

Old. Well, sir, and what was that?

Man. Why, faith, I told him very plainly he was making himself an ass.

Old. Mr Freeman, I shall be glad to see you at my house, to eat a bit of mutton with me, and to have a little conversation about a matter I shall tell you. Sir, your servant! [Exit.

Free. You took a very sure way to get rid of an author, by advising him not to write. But you are grown a very early man, sure; I was here two hours ago, and was told you were gone

out.

Man. Aye, and I should have staid out, if I had known what company you intended to bring

me.

Free. As to that, don't be angry; the major, you must know, is the widow's harbinger, who is coming in pursuit of her son; and he and I having a little quarrel, I had a mind to make it up with him, by doing what he said he would consider as the greatest obligation-introducing him to you.

Man. Well, and what have you done with your charge?

Free. Stay and you shall see. I have rigged him out with the remains of my ship-wrecked wardrobe he has been under your sea valet de chambre's hands. By Jupiter! that is his mother's knock at the door. Stay, and I'll fetch him.

Man. No-you know I cannot easily laugh; but I desire once more you will take care, and bring yourself into no disagreeable circumstances by this business. [Exit.

SCENE II-Covent-Garden Piazza.

Enter Mrs BLACK ACRE and Major OLDFOX. Old. But will you not walk in, madam?

Mrs Black, No, major, no; I shall not put my foot into his house, since I have not my lawyer with me. I called on counsellor Quillit, but he's attending a trial for an assault.

Old. Well, but, madam, this is a strange place to transact business in.

Mrs Black. Major, you are an ignoramus !— do you know, that as I have no search-warrant, execution, or other legal authority, if I was to go into his house, he might bring his writ for a forcibly entry on the premises. I served a person so once myself.

Old. Well, madam, I have sent the servant to call him out; and that you mayn't think the time long 'till he comes, I'll just read you over

a little fancy, that came into my head this morning.

Mrs Black. Lord, major, how can you trouble me with such cursed stuff, when you see how I am perplexed and plagued here?

Old. Nay, in troth, I must have your opinion of a satire I am going to publish; it is a lash for the reviewers; in which I give such a characterMrs Black. Nay, if you talk of characters, look at my last suit in chancery, which gives such a character of my adversary, makes him as black as the very devil.

Old. Then, here's the outlines of what I once intended for a pamphlet―" The coffee-house man's case on the late rise of news-papers, humbly addressed to both Houses of Parliament."

Enter FREEMAN and JERRY.

Mrs Black. What do I see? Jerry Blackacre, my minor, in red breeches! Oh, Jerry, Jerry! have I lost all my good inns of court-breeding upon you, then? and will you go breeding yourself at coffee-houses and bagnios?

Jer. Aye, aye! what then? perhaps I will, and what's that to you? Here's my guardian and tutor, now that I am out of your huckster's hands.

Mrs Black. How! you have not chose him for your guardian yet?

Jer. Yes, but I have though; and I'll do any thing he bids me, and I'll go all over the world with him, to ordinaries or bagnios, or any where else.

Mrs Black. Do not go to ordinaries and bagnios, good Jerry!

Jer. Why, have you had any dealings there? you never had any ill by them, had you? but if I have left you, you may thank yourself; for you used me so barbarously, I was weary of my life.

Mrs Black. But consider, Jerry, you are but an infant; however, if you will go home with me again, and be a good child, you shall sce

Free. I beg your pardon, madam; this young gentleman is now under my care; and it is my duty, in quality of his guardian

Mrs Black. Why, you villain, would you part mother and minor? rob me of my child and my writings? but you shall find that there is law; and in the case of ravishment of guard-Westm. the second

Old. Well, but madam, by what I can find, this has been all the young gentleman's own doing. Come, squire, pray be ruled by your mother and friends.

Jer. Yes, I'll be ruled by my friends, and therefore not by my mother. I'll chuse him for my guardian till I am at age-nay, may be for as long as I live.

Mrs Black. Will you so, you wretch? and when you are of age, you will sign, seal, and deliver, too, will you?

graces

Mrs Black. I understand you, sir; no, if one of us must be ruined, e'en let it be him, if he won't be ruled by me. What say you, booby, will you be ruled?

Jer. Let me alone, can't you?

Mrs Black. Will you chuse him for a guardian, whom I refuse for a husband? Jer. Aye, to chuse, I thank you! for I have taken leave of lawyering and pettifogging!

Mrs Black. Pettifogging, you profane! have you so?-Pettifogging! then you shall take your leave of me, aud your estate, too; you shall be an alien to me and it for ever-Pettifogging!

Jer. Oh, but if you go there, we have the deeds and settlements, I thank you! would you cheat me of my estate?

Mrs Black. No, no; I will not cheat your little brother Bob; for you were not born in wedlock; you was

Jer. What quirk has she got in her head, now?

Mrs Black. I say you cannot, shall not, inherit the Blackacre estate you are but my base child, and, according to law, cannot inherit it.Nay, you are not so much as a bastard eigne. Jer. What am I, then, mother, the son of

a

Mrs Black. The law says

Free. Madam, we know what the law saysbut have a care of what you say! do not let your passion to ruin your son, ruin your reputation.

Mrs Black. Hang reputation, sir! am not I a widow? have no husband, nor intend to have any?

Jer. But have you no shame left in you, mo

ther?

Mrs Black. No, no, sir! Come, major, let us make haste to the prerogative court. [Exeunt.

Free. Nay, but, madam-We must not let her go so, 'squire!

Jer. Nay, the devil can't stop her, if she has a mind to it. But I'll tell you what, master guardian-lieutenant, we will go and advise with three attornies, two proctors, two solicitors, and a sharp dog in White-friars, and sure all they will be too hard for her! for I fear, honest guardian of mine, you are too good a joker to have any law in your head.

Free. You are in the right on't, 'squire; I understand no law, especially that against bastards—

which custom is against, I am sure; for more people get estates by being so, than lose them. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.-OLIVIA's lodgings. Enter OLIVIA, with VARNISH booted and spurred, as just come off a journey.

Oliv. Lord bless me, my dear! you came upon me so unawares, you quite startled me-feel how my heart beats!

Var. Beats!-you seem startled, indeed! And yet, surely, you expected somebody, when you met me so kindly in the dark passage!

Oliv. Why, I thought it was your step, and could not refrain from coming out of my chamber; and yet I did not know how to believe it either, because it was so much sooner than your letters bid me look for you.

Var. And yet you began with upbraiding me for having staid beyond my time. Let me tell you, madam, this conduct is mysterious, and requires explanation.

Oliv. What explanation, my soul? you misunderstood my words. I upbraid you with having staid too long from me; and you shall never be absent so long from me again, you shan't indeed; by this kiss you shan't! But, my dearest, I have strange news to tell you-since you went, Manly's

returned.

Var. Fortune forbid !

Oliv. He met with the French fleet; fought, and afterwards sunk his ship. He was here with me yesterday.

Var. You did not own our marriage to him! Oliv. I told him I was married, to get rid of him; but to whom, is yet a secret to all the world: and I used him so abominably ill, that his pride, I believe, will prevent his troubling me any further.

Var. I hope it has given him a surfeit of the shore, and will send him to sea again; be you sure only to keep our great secret: in the mean time, I will lead the easy fool by the nose, as I used to do; and, whilst he stays, rail with him at you; and, when he is gone, laugh with you at him. By that time, too, I shall have settled some affairs, which I have now on hand, and shall not care who knows of our marriage. As for the notes and jewels, which he left with you, if he should want to recover them by law, you may plead a gift; but I fancy we are pretty safe as to that, for I know the particularity of his temper so well

Oliv. Yet, let us be cautious, my love-Have you taken the thousand guineas, he lodged in my name, out of the banker's hand?

Var. No-where was the necessity? Oliv. The greatest in the world. Do not confide too much in his generosity: I am well informed a much smaller sum would be acceptable to him at present; and, no doubt, his necessity

will make him ready enough to take money, wherever he can claim any thing like a property. Var. I believe you are in the right, and I will take care to remove them to-morrow.

Oliv. To-morrow! for Heaven's sake stay not till then; he may receive them before to-morrow. Go this night-immediately.

Var. You advise well, and I will only stay to rest myself a little.

Oliv. Rest yourself, when you come back. Pray, dear Varnish, don't trifle upon such an important occasion. Go this very instant!

Var. Well, well, I'll go now directly—a hackney coach will take me to Fleet-street, and back again, in an hour.

Oliv. If you stay till midnight, no matter. Make haste, dearest! I am impatient till you are out of the house. [Exit VAR.

I shan't recover myself a good while, this unexpected visit has so flurried me! Who could have thought of his coming-a beast!--And at so critical a juncture!-And yet, if he had stayed a few moments longer, he might have taken me still more at a disadvantage-My conduct is mysterious, and requires explanation! Sure he intends to give himself the airs of being jealousI wish I had never married him! He is of a cruel and dangerous temper; and, had I not luckily thought of the money, as an expedient to send him out again, I know not what might have happened, had he and my young friend met

Ah, heavens!

Enter FIDELIA.

Fide. I hope I don't frighten you, madam. Oliv. Oh, is it you? No, no; but I am the strangest timorous creature!--Well, you can excuse a woman's weakness; indeed I have given you too great proofs of mine—I hope you are not one of those capricious conquerors who despise a victory for being too easily gained! Fide. I hope, madam—

:

Oliv. Nay, I know you will say to the contrary, and I shall believe you though the hurry you were in to leave me, and your unkind behaviour, in hardly speaking to me, might make one of a less jealous temper suspect—

Fide. Upon my word, madam!

Oliv. I am satisfied; you will tell me, no doubt, your letter contained a sufficient apology for that; and, to convince you I desire no other, if you are as sincere as I am, I will, this moment, put into your possession what, in many parts of the world, will be a magnificent fortune. short, I am ready to forsake friends, country, reputation, and fly with you

In

Fide. This offer, madam, does me so great an honour

Oliv. Honour! Why will you make use of that cold expression? But methinks you look grave upon it! must I have the mortification to find that your passion is less violent than mine?

Fide. Indeed, madam, you don't do well to speak so disrespectfully of the captain.

Oliv. Why, you dear, friendly creature, you could not be a greater advocate for him, if you were one of his mistresses stept into breeches!

Fide. His mistresses, madam? I don't know what you mean. To be sure, I have great obligations to the captain, and don't like to hear him abused-but—

Oliv. Come, come, let us talk no more of him, that is the best way-What say you, shall we go sit in the next room? I have prepared a little collation there.

Fide. Are we not better here, madam? Oliv. No, no; I'll conduct you; give me your hand.

Fide. I would rather stay where we are, if you please, madam.

Oliv. Why so?

Fide. How, madam! Where? Oliv. Ask no questions, but get out the back way as fast as you can; my husband's coming! Fide. Your husband, madam!

Oliv. Ay, ay; he came in just before you did; I thought he was gone abroad again, but I saw him this moment cross the hall, and he followed me up stairs-Oh, heavens, here he is!This way. [Exit. Fide. Hold, madam !-She has clapt the door after her, and the bolt is shot! What will become of me?

Enter VARNISH.

Var. So, now I am somewhat of a more decent figure to go abroad; while the fellow has been getting me a coach, I have made a shift to alter my dress a little.-Ha! who have we here! Nay, by the Lord, you shan't slip by me!

Fide. Pray, sir, do not be rude.

Var. Rude, you rascal! Who are you? And what brings you into this house?

Fide. I did not come to do you any harm, sir. Var. You come here to do no good, I am certain. But now I see who it was my wife expected, and what occasioned her extraordinary trepidation. Damn you, sirrah, I have a mind to cut your throat. Come, draw!

Fide. Oh, pray sir, don't draw your swordpray, sir, don't!

Var. How, a coward! yet dare to do a man the greatest injury in the world! but your want of courage shall not save your life.

Fide. Hold, sir, hold! Do not terrify me, and I will satisfy you I could not injure you. Var. Now, quickly, then! What have you to

say?

Fide. I am a woman, sir; a very unfortunate woman! Var. Ha! a very handsome one, I am sure. It is so- -But why in this masquerade?-Well, no matter.

Fide. I hope, sir, you are so much a man of honour as to let me go, now I have satisfied you. Var. Let you go, madam!

Fide. Yes, sir; you may guess my misfortune to be love, by my disguise; and I dare swear, you will not urge me further on secrets, which concern my honour.

Var. Oh, no, madam, by no means-But I thought I saw my wife turn short upon the stairs just now, and run up in a great hurry before me. Has she not been with you?

Fide. Yes, sir,

Var. Well, and where is she gone?
Fide. Out of the house, I believe, sir.
Var. And why so, madam?

Fide. I know not, sir: perhaps, because she would not be forced to discover me to you; or, to guard me from suspicions, that you might not discover me yourself.

Var. Well, madam, at any rate I am obliged