Ay, charioteer does better. Into the dairy he descends, And there his whipping and his driving ends. "There, he's secure from danger of a bilk, "His fare is paid him, and he sets in milk.' For Susan, you know, is Thetis, and so Brisk. Incomparable well and proper, 'egadBut I have one exception to make-Don't you think bilk (I know it is good rhyme) but don't you think bilk and fare too like a hackney coachman? Lady Froth. I swear and vow I am afraid so And yet our Jehu was a hackney coachman, when my lord took him. Brisk. Was he? I am answered, if Jehu was a hackney coachman--You may put that in the marginal notes, though, to prevent criticism-Only, mark it with a small asterism, and say---Jehu was formerly a hackney coachman. Lady Froth. I will; you'll oblige me extremely to write notes to the whole poem. Brisk. With all my heart and soul, and proud of the vast honour, let me perish. Lord Froth. Hee, hee, hee! my dear, have you done?- -Won't you join with us? we were laughing at my lady Whifler and Mr Sneer. Lady Froth.- -Ay, my dearWere you? Oh filthy Mr Sneer! he's a nauseous figure, a most fulsamic fop! foh!-He spent two days together in going about Covent-Garden to suit the lining of his coach with his complexion. Lord Froth. O silly! yet his aunt is as fond of him as if she had brought the ape into the world herself. Brisk. Who, my lady Toothless? O, she's a mortifying spectacle! she's always chewing the cud, like an old ewe. Cyn. Fy, Mr Brisk! eringo is for her cough. Lady Froth. I have seen her take them, halfchewed, out of her mouth to laugh, and then put them in again-Foh! Lord Froth. Foh! Lady Froth. Then she is always ready to laugh when Sneer offers to speak-and sits in expectation of his no jest, with her gums bare, and her mouth open Brisk. Like an oyster at low ebb, 'egad-Ha, ha, ha! Lady Froth. Then, that t'other great strapping lady-I cannot hit of her name; the old fat fool that paints so exorbitantly. Brisk. I know whom you mean-But deuce take me, I cannot hit of her name neitherPaints, d'ye say? Why, she lays it on with a trowel- -Then she has a great beard that bristles through it, and makes her look as if she were plastered with lime and hair, let me perish. Lady Froth. Oh, you made a song upon her, Mr Brisk. Brisk. He! 'egad so I did My lord can sing it. 'Tis not a song neither- -It is a sort of an epigram, or rather an epigrammatic sonnet; I don't know what to call it, but it is satire. LORD FROTH sings. Ancient Phillis has young graces, She herself makes her own faces, Brisk. Short, but there is salt in it; my way of writing, 'egad. Enter Footman, Lady Froth. How now? Foot. Your Ladyship's chair is come. [Exit. Lady Froth. O, the dear creature! let us go see it. Lord Froth. I swear, my dear, you'll spoil that child with sending it to and again so often; this is the seventh time the chair has gone for her to-day. Lady Froth. O la! I swear it's but the sixth-and I han't seen her these two hours-The poor dear creature-I swear, my lord, you don't love poor little Sappho,Come, my dear Cynthia, Mr Brisk, we'll go see Sappho, though my lord won't. Cyn. I'll wait upon your ladyship. Brisk. Pray, madam, how old is lady Sappho ? Lady Froth. Three quarters; but I swear she has a world of wit, and can sing a tune already. My lord, won't you go? Won't you? What, not to see Saph? Pray, my lord, come see little Saph. I knew you could not stay. [Exeunt, SCENE I. A CT IV. Enter CARELESS and LADY PLYANT. Lady Ply. I swear, Mr Careless, you are very alluring-and say so many fine things-and nothing is so moving to me as a fine thing. Well, I must do you this justice, and declare, in the face of the world, never any body gained so far upon me as yourself; with bluches I must own it, you have shaken, as I may say, the very foundation of my honour-Well, sure, if I escape your importunities, I shall value myself as long as I live, I swear. [Sighing. Care. And despise me. Lady Ply. The last of any man in the world, by my purity! now you make me swear-0, gratitude forbid, that I should ever be wanting | in a respectful acknowledgment of an entire resignation of all my best wishes for the person and parts of so accomplished a person, whose merit challenges much more, I am sure, than my illiterate praises can description! Care. [In a whining tone.] Ah, heavens, madam! you ruin me with kindness; your charming tongue pursues the victory of your eyes, while, at your feet, your poor adorer dies. Lady Ply. Ah! very fine. Care. [Still whining.] Ah! why are you so fair, so bewitching fair? Ø, let me grow to the ground here, and feast upon that hand! O, let ne press it to my heart, my trembling heart! the nimble movement shall instruct your pulse, and teach it to alarm desire. Zoons, I am almost at the end of my cant, if she does not yield quickly. [Aside. Lady Ply. O, that is so passionate and fine, I cannot hear it-I am not safe if I stay, and must leave you. Care. And must you leave me! Rather let me languish out a wretched life, and breathe my soul beneath your feet-I must say the same thing over again, and cannot help it. [Aside. Lady Ply. I swear I am ready to languish, too 0 my honour! Whither is it going? I protest you have given me the palpitation of the heart. Care. Can you be so cruel? Lady Ply. O rise! I beseech you, say no more till you rise-Why did you kneel so long? I swear I was so transported I did not see itWell, to shew you how far you have gained upon me, I assure you, if sir Paul should die, of all mankind there is none I would sooner make my second choice. Care. O Heaven! I cannot outlive this night without your favour-I feel my spirits faint; a general dampness overspreads my face; a cold deadly dew already vents through all my pores, and will to-morrow wash me, for ever, from your sight, and drown me in my tomb. Lady Ply. O, you have conquered, sweet, melting, moving sir! you have conquered-What heart of marble can refrain to weep, and yield to such sad sayings. Cries. Care. I thank Heaven, they are the saddest that I ever said-Oh! [Aside. Lady Ply. Oh, I yield myself all up to your uncontroulable embraces!-say, thou dear dying man, when, where, and how? Care. 'Slife, yonder's sir Paul! but if he were not come, I am so transported, I cannot speak— This note will inform you. [Gives her a note. Erit. Enter SIR PAUL and CYNTHIA. Sir Paul. Thou art my tender lambkin, and shalt do what thou wilt-But endeavour to forget this Mellefont. Cyn. I would obey you to my power, sir; but if I have not him, I have sworn never to marry. Sir Paul. Never to marry! Heavens forbid ! Must I neither have sons nor grandsons? Must the family of the Plyants be utterly extinct for want of issue male? Oh, impiety! But did you swear? did that sweet creature swear! ha? How durst you swear without my consent, ah? Gadsbud, who am I? Cyn. Pray don't be angry, sir; when I swore, I had your consent, and therefore I swore. Sir Paul. Why, then, the revoking my consent does annul, or make of none effect, your oath; so you may unswear it again-The law will allow it. Cyn. Ay, but my conscience never will. Sir Paul. Gads-bud, no matter for that; conscience and law never go together; you must not expect that. Lady Ply. Ay, but sir Paul, I conceive, if she has sworn, do ye mark me, if she has once sworn, it is most unchristian, inhuman, and obscene, that she should break it. I'll make up the match again, because Mr Careless said it would oblige him. [Aside. Sir Paul. Does your ladyship conceive so?— Why, I was of that opinion once, too-Nay, if your ladyship conceives so, I am of that opinion again; but I can neither find my lord nor my lady, to know what they intend. Lady Ply. I am satisfied that my cousin Mellefont has been much wronged. Cyn. [Aside.] I am amazed to find her of our side, for I am sure she loved him. Lady Ply. I know my lady Touchwood has no kindness for him; and besides, I have been informed by Mr Careless, that Mellefont had never any thing more than a profound respectThat he has owned himself to be my adinirer, it is true; but he was never so presumptuous to entertain any dishonourable notion of things; so that, if this be made plain-I don't | sir Paul-So now, I can read my own letter unsee how my daughter can, in conscience, or ho- der the cover of his. nour, or any thing in the world Sir Paul. Indeed, if this be made plain, as my lady, your mother says, child Lady Ply. Plain! I was informed of it by Mr Careless And I assure you Mr Careless is a person-that has a most extraordinary respect and honour for you, sir Paul. Cyn. [Aside.] And for your ladyship, too, I believe, or else you had not changed sides so soon; now I begin to find it. Sir Paul. I am much obliged to Mr Careless, really; he is a person that I have a great value for, not only for that, but because he has a great veneration for your ladyship. Lady Ply. Ó la! no, indeed, sir Paul; it is upon your account. Sir Paul. No, I protest and vow, I have no title to his esteem, but in having the honour to appertain, in some measure, to your ladyship; that's all. Lady Ply. O la! now, I swear and declare it shall not be so; you are too modest, sir Paul. Sir Paul. It becomes me, when there is any comparison made between Lady Ply. O fy, fy, sir Paul! you will put me out of countenance- -Your very obedient and affectionate wife, that's all-And highly honoured in that title. Sir Paul. Gads-bud, I am transported! Give me leave to kiss your ladyship's hand. Lady Ply. My lip, indeed, sir Paul, I swear you shall. [Aside. Sir Paul. He! and wilt thou bring me a grandson at nine months end?-He! A brave chopping boy? I will settle a thousand pounds a-year upon the rogue as soon as ever he looks me in the face; I will, gads-bud. I am overjoyed to think I have any of my family that will bring children into the world. For I would fain have some resemblance of myself in my posterity, eh, Thy! heh! Make the young rogue as like me as you can. Cyn. I am glad to see you so merry, sir. Sir Paul. Merry! Gads-bud, I am serious! I will give thee five hundred pounds for every inch of him that resembles me. Ah! this eye, this left eye! this has done execution in its time, girl; why, thou hast my leer, hussy, just thy father's leer. Let it be transmitted to the young rogue by the help of imagination-Why, 'tis the mark of our family, Thy; our house is distinguished by a languishing eye, as the house of Austria is by a thick lip. Ah! when I was of your age, hussy, I would have held fifty to one I could have drawn my own picture-Gads-bud, but I could have done-not so much as you neither-butnay, don't blush Cyn. I don't blush, sir, for I vow I don't understand. Sir Paul. Pshaw, pshaw, you fib, you baggage; you do understand, and you shall understand: Come, don't be so nice; Gads-bud, don't learn after your mother-in-law, my lady here-Marry, Heaven forbid that you should follow her example; that would spoil all indeed. Bless us, if [He kisses her, and bows very low. you should take a vagary, and make a rash resoSir Paul. I humbly thank your ladyship-Ilution on your wedding-night, to die a maid, as don't know whether I fly on ground, or walk in air-Gads-bud, she was never thus beforeWell, I must own myself beholden to Mr Careless-As sure as can be, this is all his doingsomething that he has said; well, it is a rare thing to have an ingenious friend. Well, your ladyship is of opinion, that the match may go for ward. Lady Ply. By all means-Mr Careless has satisfied me of the matter. Sir Paul. Well, why then, lamb, you may keep your oath; but have a care of making rash vows; come hither to me, and kiss papa. Lady Ply. I swear and declare, I am in such a twitter to read Mr Careless's letter, that I cannot forbear any longer-But though I may read all letters first by prerogative, yet I will be sure to be unsuspected this time. Sir Paul! Sir Paul. Did your ladyship call? Lady Ply. Nay, not to interrupt you, my dear -Only lend me your letter, which you had from your steward to-day: I would look upon the account again, and may be increase the allowance. Sir Paul. There it is, madam. Do you want a pen and ink? [Bows and gives the letter. Lady Ply. No, no; nothing else, I thank you, she did, all were ruined, all my hopes lost— My heart would break, and my estate would be left to the wide world, eh! I hope you are a better Christian than to think of living a nun, eh! Answer me. Cyn. I am all obedience, sir, to your commands. Lady Ply. [Having read the letter.] O dear Mr Careless! I swear he writes charmingly, and he looks charmingly, and he has charmed me as much as I have charmed him; and so I'll tell him in the wardrobe when 'tis dark. O Crimine! I hope sir Paul has not seen both letters—[ Puts the wrong letter hastily up, and gives him her own.] Sir Paul, here's your letter, to-morrow morning I'll settle accounts to your advantage. Enter BRISK. Brisk. Sir Paul, Gads-bud you are an uncivil person, let me tell you, and all that; and I did not think it had been in you. Sir Paul. O la! what's the matter now? I hope you are not angry, Mr Brisk? Brisk. Deuce take me, I believe you intend to marry your daughter yourself; you are always brooding over her like an old hen, as if she were | thoughts; and I was in a sort of dream, that did not well hatched, 'egad, he! he! in a manner represent a very pleasing object to my imagination; but—but did I, indeed?—To see how love and murder will out. But did I really name my lady Froth? Sir Paul. Good strange! Mr Brisk is such a merry facetious person, he, he, he! No, no, 1 have done with her; I have done with her now. Brisk. The fiddles have stayed this hour in the hall, and my lord Froth wants a partner; we can never begin without her. Sir Paul. Go, go, child; go, get you gone and dance, and be merry; I will come and look at you by and by. Where is my son Mellefont? Lady Ply. I'll send him to them; I know where he is Brisk. Sir Paul, will you send Careless into the hall, if you meet him. Sir Paul. I will, I will; I'll go and look for him on purpose. [Exeunt all but BRISK. Brisk. So, now, they are all gone, and I have an opportunity to practise-Ah! my dear lady Froth! She's a most engaging creature, if she were not so fond of that damned coxcombly lord of hers; and yet I am forced to allow him wit, too, to keep in with him-No matter, she's a woman of parts, and 'egad parts will carry her. She said, she would follow me into the galleryNow, to make my approaches-Hem, hem! Ah, ma-[Bows]-dam !- -Pox on't, why should I disparage my parts by thinking what to say; none but dull rogues think: witty men, like rich fellows, are always ready for all expences, while your blockheads, like poor needy scoundrels, are forced to examine their stock, and forecast the charges of the day. Here she comes; I'll seem not to see her, and try to win her with a new airy invention of my own-hem! O ye powers! O my lady Froth, my lady Froth! My lady Froth! Heigho! Break heart; gods, I thank you! [Stands musing, with his arms across.] Lady Froth. O heavens, Mr Brisk! What's the matter? Lady Froth. Three times aloud, as I love letters -But did you talk of love? O Parnassus! Who would have thought Mr Brisk could have been in love? ha, ha, ha! O Heavens! I thought you could have no mistress but the nine muses. Brisk. No more I have, 'egad, for I adore them all in your ladyship-Let me perish, I don't know whether to be splenetic or airy upon it; the deuce take me if I can tell whether I am glad or sorry that your ladyship has made the discovery. Lady Froth. O, be merry, by all meansPrince Volscius in love! Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. O, barbarous, to turn me into ridicule ! Yet, ha, ha, ha! The deuce take me, I cannot help laughing myself, ha, ha, ha! yet, by Heavens, I have a violent passion for your ladyship, seriously. Lady Froth. Seriously! Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! Gad, I have, for all I laugh. Lady Froth. Ha, ha, ha! What d'ye think I laugh at? Ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Me, 'egad, ha, ha! Lady Froth. No; the deuce take me if I don't laugh at myself; for, hang me if I have not a violent passion for Mr Brisk, ha, ha, ha! Brisk. Seriously? Lady Froth. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! Brisk. That's well enough, let me perish, ha, ha, ha! O miraculous! what a happy discovery! Ah, my dear charming lady Froth! Lady Froth. Oh, my adored Mr Brisk! Enter LORD FROTH. [Embrace. Lord Froth. The company are all readyHow now? Brisk. Zoons, madam, there's my lord. [Softly to her. Brisk. My lady Froth! Your ladyship's most Lady Froth. Take no notice; but observe me humble servant- -The matter, madam? No--Now, cast off, and meet me at the lower end thing, madam; nothing at all, egad. I was fallen of the room, and then join hands again; I could into the most agreeable amusement in the whole teach my lord this dance purely; but I vow, Mr province of contemplation: That is all-I'll Brisk, I can't tell how to come so near any other seem to conceal my passion, and that will look man. Oh, here's my lord, now you shall see me like respect. do it with him. [Aside. Lady Froth. Bless me! why did you call out upon me so loud? Brisk. O lord! I, madam! I beseech your ladyship When? Lady Froth. Just now, as I came in-bless me! why, don't you know it? Brisk. Not I, let me perish!- -But did I? Strange! I confess your ladyship was in my VOL. II. | dance. [They pretend to practise part of a country Lord Froth. Oh, I see there's no harm But I don't like this familiarity. [Aside. Lady Froth. Shall you and I do our close dance, to shew Mr Brisk? yet Lord Froth. No, my dear, do it with him. Lady Froth. I'll do it with him, my lord, when you are out of the way. 2 A [Aside. Lord Froth. Any other time, my dear, or we'll dance it below. Brisk. That's good, 'egad, that's good; deuce | letter-Well, sir Paul, what do you think of your take me, I can hardly hold laughing in his face. friend Careless? Has he been treacherous, or did you give his insolence a licence to make trial of your wife's suspected virtue? D'ye see here?[Snatches the letter as in anger.] Look, read it! Gad's my life, if I thought it were so, I would this moment renounce all communication with you. Ungrateful monster! Ha? Is it so? Ay, I see it, a plot upon my honour; your guilty cheeks confess it: Oh, where shall wronged virtue fly for reparation! I'll be divorced this instant. Lady Froth. With all my heart. Brisk. Come, my lord, I'll wait on you-My charming witty angel! [To her. Lady Froth. We shall have whispering time enough, you know, since we are partners. [Exeunt. Enter LADY PLYANT and CARELESS. Sir Paul. Gads-bud, what shall I say? This is the strangest surprize! Why, I don't know any Lady Ply. O Mr Careless, Mr Careless! I'm thing at all; nor I don't know whether there be ruined, I'm undone ! Care. What's the matter, madam? Lady Ply. O, the unluckiest accident! I'm afraid I shan't live to tell it you. Care. Heaven forbid! What is it? Lady Ply. I'm in such a fright; the strangest quandary and premunire! I'm all over in an universal agitation! I dare swear, every circumstance of me trembles.Oh, your letter, your letter! By an unfortunate mistake, I have given sir Paul your letter instead of his own. Care. That was unlucky. Lady Ply. O, yonder he comes reading of it! for Heaven's sake step in here, and advise me quickly, before he sees. [Exeunt. any thing at all in the world, or no. Lady Ply. I thought I should try you, false man. I, that never dissembled in my life; yet, to make trial of you, pretended to like that monster of iniquity, Careless, and found out that contrivance, to let you see this letter; which, now, I find, was of your own inditing-I do, heathen, I do; see my face no more; I'll be divorced presently. Sir Paul. O strange, what will become of me! I am so amazed, and so overjoyed, so afraid, and so sorry. But, did you give me this letter on purpose, eh? Did you? Lady Ply. Did I? Do you doubt me, Turk, Sir Paul. Hold, stay, I beseech your ladyship— Sir Paul. Why, now, as I hope to be saved, I had no hand in this letter-Nay, hear me, I beseech your ladyship: The devil take me, now, if he did not go beyond my commission—If I desired him to do any more than speak a good word, only just for me-Gads-bud, only for poor sir Paul--I am an Anabaptist, or a Jew, or what you please to call me. Lady Ply. Why, is not here matter of fact? Sir Paul. Ay, but, by your own virtue and continency, the matter of fact is all his own doing. I confess, I had a great desire to have some bonours conferred upon me, which lie all in your ladyship's breast, and he being a well-spoken man, I desired him to intercede for me. Enter SIR PAUL, with the letter. Sir Paul. O Providence, what a conspiracy have I discovered!-But let me see to make an end on't [Reads.] Hum After supper, in the wardrobe, by the gallery. If sir Paul should surprize us, I have a commission from him to treat with you about the very matter of fact. Matter of fact! Very pretty; it seems, then, I am conducing to my cuckoldom; why, this is a very traiterous position of taking up arms by my authority against my person! Well, let me see'Till then, I languish in expectation of my ador'ed charmer. Dying NED CARELESS.' Gads-bud, would that were matter of fact, too! Die and be damned, for a Judas Maccabeus and Iscariot both! O friendship, what art thou but a name! Henceforward, let no man make a friend that would not be a cuckold: for, whomsoever he receives into his bosom, will find the way to his bed, and there return his caresses, with interest, to his wife. Have I approached the marriage-bed with reverence, as to a sacred shrine, and must I now find it polluted by foreign ini-egad, I have said all I could, but cannot prevail quity? O my lady Plyant, you were chaste as ice; but you are melted now, and false as water.But Providence has been constant to me in discovering this conspiracy; still I am beholden to Providence; if it were not for Providence, sure, poor sir Paul, thy heart would break. Enter LADY PLYANT. Lady Ply. Did you so? Presumption! [Exit. Care. Sir Paul, I am glad I have met with you; --Then, my friendship to you has carried me a little further in this matter Sir Paul. Indeed-Well, sir-I'll dissemble with him a little. [Aside. Care. Why, faith, I have, in my time, known honest gentlemen abused by a pretended coyness in their wives, and I had a mind to try my lady's virtue-And, when I could not prevail for you, Lady Ply. So, sir, I see you have read the 'egad, I pretended to be in love myself-but all |