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Ay, charioteer does better.
Brisk. I know whom you mean-But deuce Into the dairy he descends,
take me, I cannot hit of her name neither* And there his whipping and his driving ends. | Paints, d'ye say? Why, she lays it on with a • There, he's secure from danger of a bilk, trowel— Then she has a great beard that
• His fare is paid him, and he sets in milk bristles through it, and makes her look as if For Susan, you know, is Thetis, and som
she were plastered with lime and hair, let me Brisk. Incomparable well and proper, 'egad perish. But I have one exception to make Don't Lady Froth. Oh, you made a song upon her, you think bilk (I know it is good rhyme) but Mr Brisk. don't you think bilk and fare too like a hackney Brisk. He ! 'egad so I did - My lord can coachman?
sing it. 'Tis not a song neither- It is a sort Lady Froth. I swear and vow I am afraid so of an epigram, or rather an epigrammatic
And yet our Jehu was a hackney coach- sonnet; I don't know what to call it, but it is man, when my lord took him.
satire, Brisk. Was he? I am answered, if Jehu was a hackney coachman--You may put that in the
Lord Froth sings. marginal notes, though, to prevent criticism-Only, mark it with a small asterism, and say--Jehu
Ancient Phillis has young graces, was formerly a hackney coachman.
'Tis a strange thing, but a true one; Lady Froth. I will; you'll oblige me extreme
Shall I tell you how ? ly to write notes to the whole poem.
She herself makes her own faces, Brisk. With all my heart and soul, and proud And each morning wears a new one, of the vast honour, let me perish,
Where's the wonder now? Lord Froth. Hee, hee, hee! my dear, have you done ? - Won't you join with us? we | Brisk. Short, but there is salt in it; my way were laughing at my lady Whifler and Mr Sneer. of writing, 'egad.
Lady Froth. Ay, my dear W ere you? Oh filthy Mr Sneer! he's a nauseous
Enter Footman, figure, a most fulsamic fop! foh!- He spent two days together in going about Covent-Garden Lady Froth. How now? to suit the lining of his coach with his com Foot. Your Ladyship's chair is come. plexion.
Lady Froth. Is nurse and the child in it? Lord Froth. O silly ! yet his aunt is as fond of| Foot. Yes, Madam.
[Erit. him as if she had brought the ape into the world
Lady Froth.0, the dear creature! let us go see it. herself.
Lord Froth, I swear, my dear, you'll spoil Brisk. Who, my lady Toothless ? O, she's a that child with sending it to and again so often; mortifying spectacle ! she's always chewing the this is the seventh time the chair has gone for her cud, like an old ewe.
to-day. Cyn. Fy, Mr Brisk ! eringo is for her cough. Lady Froth. O la! I swear it's but the sixth
Lady Froth. I have seen her take them, half- and I han't seen her these two hours The chewed, out of her mouth to laugh, and then put poor dear creature I swear, my lord, you them in again-Foh!
don't love poor little Sappho,— Come, my dear Lord Froth. Foh!
Cynthia, Mr Brisk, we'll go see Sappho, though Lady Froth. Then she is always ready to my lord won't. laugh when Sneer offers to speak -and sits in Cyn. I'll wait upon your ladyship. expectation of his no jest, with her gums bare, Brisk. Pray, madam, how old is lady Sappho? and her mouth open
Lady Froth. Three quarters; but I swear Brisk. Like an oyster at low ebb, 'egad-Ha, she has a world of wit, and can sing a tune ha, ha!
already. My lord, won't you go? Won't you? Lady Froth. Then, that t'other great strapping What, not to see Saph? Pray, my lord, come lady- I cannot hit of her name; the old fat see little Saph. I knew you could not stay. fool that paints so exorbitantly.
A CT IV.
Lady Ply. O, you have conquered, sweet, Enter CARELESS and LADY PLYANT.
melting, moving sir! you have conquered—What
heart of marble can refrain to weep, and yield to Lady Ply. I swear, Mr Careless, you are very such sad sayings.
Cries. alluring—and say so many fine things—and no- Care. I thank Heaven, they are the saddest thing is so moving to me as a fine thing. Well, that I ever said-Oh!
Aside. I must do you this justice, and declare, in the Lady Ply. Oh, I yield myself all up to your face of the world, never any body gained so far | uncontroulable embraces say, thou dear dying upon me as yourself ; with bluches I must own man, when, where, and how? it, you have shaken, as I may say, the very foun- Care. 'Slife, yonder's sir Paul! but if he were dation of my honour - Well, sure, if I escape not come, I am so transported, I cannot speakyour importunities, I shall value myself as long | This note will inform you. as I live, I swear.
[Gives her a note. Erit. Care. And despise me.
(Sighing. Lady Ply. The last of any man in the world,
Enter Sir Paul and CYNTHIA. by my purity! now you make me swear-0, Sir Paul. Thou art my tender lambkin, and gratitude forbid, that I should ever be wanting shalt do what thou wilt-But endeavour to forin a respectful acknowledgment of an entire re- get this Mellefont. signation of all my best wishes for the person Cyn. I would obey you to my power, sir; but and parts of so accomplished a person, whose if I have not him, I have sworn never to marrv. merit challenges much more, I am sure, than my Sir Paul. Never to marry! Heavens forbid ! illiterate praises can description
Must I neither have sons nor grandsons ? Must Care. (In a whining tone. Ah, heavens, ma- the family of the Plyants be utterly extinct for dam! you ruin me with kindness; your charming want of issue male? Oh, impiety! But did you tongue pursues the victory of your eyes, while, at swear? did that sweet creature swear! ha? How your feet, your poor adorer dies.
durst you swear without my consent, ah? GadsLady Ply. Ah! very fine.
bud, who am I? Care. (Still whining.) Ah! why are you so fair, Cyn. Pray don't be angry, sir; when I swore, I so bewitching fair? O, let me grow to the ground had your consent, and therefore I swore. here, and feast upon that hand! 0, let ine press Sir Paul. Why, then, the revoking my consent it to my heart, my treinbling beart! the nimble does annul, or make of none effect, your oath; movement shall instruct your pulse, and teach it so you may vnswear it again-The law will allow to alarm desire. Zoons, I am almost at the end | it. of my cant, if she does not yield quickly. [ Aside. Cyn. Ay, but my conscience never will.
Lady Ply. O, that is so passionate and fine, Il Sir Paul. Gads-bud, no matter for that; concannot hear it-I am not safe if I stay, and must science and law never go together; you must not leave you.
expect that. Care. And must you leave me! Rather let me Lady Ply. Ay, but sir Paul, I conceive, if she languish out a wretched life, and breathe my soul has sworn, do ye mark me, if she has once sworn, beneath your feet- I must say the same thing it is most unchristian, inhuman, and obscene, that over again, and cannot help it.
[ Aside. she should break it. I'll make up the match Lady Ply. I swear I am ready to languish, too again, because Mr Careless said it would oblige O my honour! Whither is it going? I pro- bim.
[Aside. test you have given me the palpitation of the Sir Paul. Does your ladyship conceive so? heart.
Why, I was of that opinion once, too Nay, if Care. Can you be so cruel ?
your ladyship conceives so, I am of that opinion Lady Ply. O rise! I beseech you, say no more again; but I can neither find my lord nor my latill you rise-Why did you kneel so long? I dy, to know what they intend. swear I was so transported I did not see it
Lady Ply. I am satisfied that my cousin MelWell, to shew you how far you have gained upon lefont has been much wronged. me, I assure you, if sir Paul should die, of all Cyn. [Aside.] I am amazed to find her of our mankind there is none I would sooner make my side, for I am sure she loved him. second choice.
Lady Ply. I know my lady Touchwood has no Care. O Heaven! I cannot outlive this night kindness for him; and besides, I have been inwithout your favour- I feel my spirits faint; a formed by Mr Careless, that Mellefont had negeneral dampness overspreads my face; a cold ver any thing more than a profound respectdeadly dew already vents through all my pores, That he has owned hiinself to be my admiand will to-morrow wash me, for ever, from your rer, it is true; but he was never so presumpsight, and drown me in my tomb.
tuous to entertain any dishonourable notion of
things; so that, if this be made plain—I don't sir Paul-So now, I can read my own letter unsee how my daughter can, in conscience, or ho- der the cover of his.
[Aside. nour, or any thing in the world
Sir Paul. He! and wilt thou bring me a grandson Sir Paul. Indeed, if this be made plain, as my at nine months end?-He! A brave chopping boy? lady, your mother says, child
I will settle a thousand pounds a-year upon the Lady Ply. Plain! I was informed of it by Mr rogue as soon as ever he looks me in the face; I Careless-And I assure you Mr Careless is a will, gads-bud. I ain overjoyed to think I have person—that has a most extraordinary respect any of my family that will bring children into the and honour for you, sir Paul.
world. For I would fain have some resemblance Cyn. [Aside.] And for your ladyship, too, I be of myself in my posterity, eh, Thy! heh! Make lieve, or else you had not changed sides so soon; the young rogue as like me as you can. now I begin to find it.
Cyn. I am glad to see you so merry, sir. Sir Paul. I am much obliged to Mr Careless, Sir Paul. Merry ! Gads-bud, I am serious! I really; he is a person that I have a great value will give thee five hundred pounds for every inch for, not only for that, but because he has a great of him that resembles me. Ah! this eye, this left veneration for your ladyship.
eye! this has done execution in its time, girl; Lady Ply. O la! no, indeed, sir Paul; it is why, thou hast my leer, hussy, just thy father's upon your account.
leer. Let it be transmitted to the young rogue Sir Paul. No, I protest and vow, I have no title by the help of imagination-Why, 'tis the mark of to his esteem, but in having the honour to apper- our family, Thy; our house is distinguished by a tain, in some measure, to your ladyship; that's languishing eye, as the house of Austria is by a
thick lip. Ah! when I was of your age, hussy, Lady Ply. O la! now, I swear and declare it I would have held fifty to one I could have drawn shall not be so; you are too modest, sir Paul. my own picture—Gads-bud, but I could have
Sir Paul. It becomes me, when there is any done-not so much as you neither- butcomparison made between
nay, don't blushLady Ply. O fy, fy, sir Paul! you will put me Cyn. I don't blush, sir, for I vow I don't unout of countenance Your very obedient and derstand. affectionate wife, that's all-And highly honoured Sir Paul. Pshaw, pshaw, you fib, you baggage; in that title.
you do understand, and you shall understand : Sir Paul. Gads-bud, I am transported! Give Come, don't be so nice; Gads-bud, don't learn me leave to kiss your ladyship's hand.
after your mother-in-law, my lady here-- Marry, Lady Ply. My lip, indeed, sir Paul, I swear Heaven forbid that you should follow her exyou shall.
ample; that would spoil all indeed. Bless us, if [He kisses her, and bows very low. you should take a vagary, and make a rash resoSir Paul. I humbly thank your ladyship-Ilution on your wedding-night, to die a maid, as don't know whether I fly on ground, or walk in she did, all were ruined, all my hopes lost air- Gads-bud, she was never thus before--- My heart would break, and my estate would be Well, I must own myself beholden to Mr Care- | left to the wide world, eh! I hope you are a betless-As sure as can be, this is all his doing- ter Christian than to think of living a nun, eh! something that he has said; well, it is a rare | Answer me. thing to have an ingenious friend. Well, your Cyn. I am all obedience, sir, to your comladyship is of opinion, that the match may go for- mands. ward.
Lady Ply. [Having read the letter.] O dear Lady Ply. By all means-Mr Careless has sa- Mr Careless! I swear he writes charmingly, and tisfied me of the matter.
he looks charmingly, and he has charmed me as Sir Paul. Well, why then, lamb, you may keep much as I have charmed him; and so I'll tell your oath; but have a care of making rash vows; him in the wardrobe when 'tis dark. O Crimine! come hither to me, and kiss papa.
I hope sir Paul has not seen both letters- Puts Lady Ply. I swear and declare, I am in such the wrong letter hastily up, and gives him her a twitter to read Mr Careless's letter, that I can- own. Sir Paul, here's your letter, to-morrow not forbear any longer-But though I may read morning I'll settle accounts to your advantage. all letters first by prerogative, yet I will be sure to be unsuspected this time. Sir Paul!
Enter Brisk. Sir Paul. Did your ladyship call?
Lady Ply. Nay, not to interrupt you, my dear Brisk. Sir Paul, Gads-bud you are an uncivil -Only lend me your letter, which you had from person, let me tell you, and all that; and I did your steward to-day: I would look upon the ac- not think it had been in you. count again, and may be increase the allowance. Sir Paul. O la! what's the matter now? I hope
Sir Paul. There it is, madam. Do you want a you are not angry, Mr Brisk? pen and ink? (Bows and gives the letter. Brisk. Deuce take me, I believe you intend to
Lady Ply. No, no ; nothing else, I thank you, marry your daughter yourself; you are always brooding over her like an old hen, as if she were thoughts; and I was in a sort of dream, that did not well hatched, 'egad, he! he!
in a manner represent a very pleasing object to Sir Paul. Good strange! Mr Brisk is such a my imagination; but-but did I, indeed ?-To see merry facetious person, be, he, he! No, no, I how love and murder will out. But did I really have done with her; I have done with her now. name my lady Froth?
Brisk. The fiddles have stayed this hour in the Lady Froth. Three times aloud, as I love lethall, and my lord Froth wants a partner; we can ters— But did you talk of love? O Parnassus ! never begin without her.
Who would have thought Mr Brisk could have Sir Paul. Go, go, child; go, get you gone and been in love? ha, ha, ha! O Heavens ! I thought dance, and be merry; I will come and look at you could have no mistress but the nine muses. you by and by. Where is my son Mellefont? Brisk. No more I have, 'egad, for I adore
Lady Ply. I'll send him to them; I know where them all in your ladyship- Let me perish, I he is
don't know whether to be splenetic or airy upon Brisk. Sir Paul, will you send Careless into it; the deuce take me if I can tell whether I am the hall, if you meet him.
glad or sorry that your ladyship has made the Sir Paul. I will, I will; I'll go and look for him discovery. on purpose.
[Ereunt all but Brisk. Lady Froth, 0, be merry, by all means Brisk. So, now, they are all gone, and I have Prince Volscius in love! Ha, ha, ha! an opportunity to practise- Ah! my dear lady Brisk. O, barbarous, to turn me into ridicule ! Froth! She's a most engaging creature, if she Yet, ha, ha, ha! The deuce take me, I cannot were not so fond of that damned coxcombly lord help laughing myself, ha, ha, ha! yet, by Heaof hers; and yet I am forced to allow him wit, vens, I have a violent passion for your ladyship, too, to keep in with him- No matter, she's a seriously. woman of parts, and 'egad parts will carry her. Ludy Froth. Seriously! Ha, ha, ha! She said, she would follow me into the gallery-1 Brisk. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! Gad, I have, for Now, to make my approaches-Hem, hem! Ah, | all I laugh. ma—[Bous -dam! - Pox on’t, why should Il Lady Froth. Ha, ha, ha! What d’ye think I disparage my parts by thinking what to say; none laugh at ? Ha, ha, ha! but dull rogues think: witty men, like rich fel- Brisk. Me,'egad, ha, ha! lows, are always ready for all expences, while Lady Froth. No; the deuce take me if I don't your blockheads, like poor needy scoundrels, are laugh at myself; for, hang me if I have not a forced to examine their stock, and forecast the violent passion for Mr Brisk, ha, ha, ha! charges of the day. Here she comes; I'll seem Brisk. Seriously? not to see her, and try to win her with a new airy Lady Froth. Seriously, ha, ha, ha! invention of my own-hem!
Brisk. That's well enough, let me perish, ha,
ha, ha! O miraculous! what a happy discovery! Enter Lady Frotir.
Ah, my dear charming lady Froth! [Brisk sings, walking about.] I'm sick with love, Lady Froth. Oh, my adored Mr Brisk! ha, ha, ha! prithee, come cure me.
[Embrace. I'm sick with, &c. () ye powers ! ( my lady Froth, my lady Froth!
Enter Lond Froth. My lady Froth! Heigho! Break heart; gods, I thank you!
Lord Froth. The company are all ready [Stands musing, with his arms across. How now? Lady Froth. O heavens, Mr Brisk! What's Brisk. Zoons, madam, there's my lord. the matter?
Softly to her. Brisk. My lady Froth! Your ladyship's most Lady Froth. Take no notice; but observe me humble servant- The matter, madam? No--Now, cast off, and meet me at the lower end thing, madam; nothing at all, egad. I was fallen of the room, and then join hands again; I could into the most agreeable amusement in the whole teach my lord this dance purely; but I vow, Mr province of contemplation: That is all— I'll Brisk, I can't tell how to come so near any other seem to conceal my passion, and that will look man. Oh, here's my lord, now you shall see me like respect.
do it with him.
[ Aside. [They pretend to practise part of a country Lady Froth. Bless me! why did you call out
dance. upon me so loud ?
Lord Froth. Oh, I see there's no harm Brisk. O lord ! I, madam! I beseech your la- yet- But I don't like this familiarity. [Aside. dyship- When?
Lady Froth. Shall you and I do our close Lady Froth. Just now, as I came in-bless dance, to shew Mr Brisk? me! why, don't you know it?
Lord Froth. No, my dear, do it with him. Brisk. Not I, let me perish! But did I? Lady Froth, I'll do it with him, my lord, when Strange! I confess your ladyship was in my you are out of the way. VOL. II.
Brisk. That's good, 'egad, that's good; deuce letter-Well, sir Paul, what do you think of your take me, I can hardly hold laughing in his face. friend Careless? Has he been treacherous, or did
Aside. you give his insolence a licence to make trial of Lord Froth. Any other time, my dear, or we'll your wife's suspected virtue? D'ye see here? dance it below.
(Snatches the letter as in anger. Look, read it! Lady Froth. With all my heart.
Gad's my life, if I thought it were so, I would Brisk. Come, my lord, I'll wait on you-My this moment renounce all communication with charming witty angel!
[To her. you. Ungrateful monster! Ha? Is it so ? Ay, I Lady Froth. We shall have whispering time I see it, a plot upon my honour; your guilty cheeks enough, you know, since we are partners. confess it : Oh, where shall wronged virtue fly
[Ereunt. for reparation ! I'll be divorced this instant.
Sir Paul. Gads-bud, what shall I say? This is Enter Lady Plyant and Careless.
the strangest surprize! Why, I don't know any Lady Ply. O Mr Careless, Mr Careless! I'm thing at all; nor I don't know whether there be ruined, I'm undone!
any thing at all in the world, or no. Care. What's the matter, madam?
Lady Ply. I thought I should try you, false Lady Ply. O, the unluckiest accident! I'm man. I, that never dissembled in my life; yet, afraid I shan't live to tell it you.
to make trial of you, pretended to like that monCare. Heaven forbid ! What is it?
ster of iniquity, Careless, and found out that conLady Ply. I'm in such a fright; the strangest trivance, to let you see this letter; which, now, quandary and premunire! I'm all over in an uni- I find, was of your own inditing-—I do, heathen, versal agitation! I dare swear, every circumstance I do; see my face no more; I'll be divorced preof me trembles. Oh, your letter, your letter ! sently. By an unfortunate mistake, I have given sir Paul 1 Sir Paul. O strange, what will become of me! your letter instead of his own.
I am so amazed, and so overjoyed, so afraid, and Care. That was unlucky.
so sorry.- But, did you give me this letter on Lady Ply. O, yonder he comes reading of it! | purpose, eh? Did you? for Heaven's sake step in here, and advise me Ludy Ply. Did I? Do you doubt me, Turk, quickly, before he sees.
[E.reunt. Saracen? i have a cousin that's a proctor in the
Commons, I'll go to him instantly-
Sir Paul. Hold, stay, I beseech your ladyslipSir Paul. O Providence, what a conspiracy have I am so overjoyed, stay, I'll confess all. I discovered !But let me see to make an end Lady Ply. What, will you confess, Jew? on't- Reads.] Hum-/ After supper, in the Sir Paul. Why, now, as I hope to be saved, I • wardrobe, by the gallery. If sir Paul should had no hand in this letter--Nay, hear me, I be
surprize us, I have a commission from him to secch your ladyship: The devil take me, now, if treat with you about the very matter of fact.'- he did not go beyond my commission— If I deMatter of fact ! Very pretty ; it seems, then, I sired him to do any more than speak a good word, am conducing to my cuckoldom; why, this is a only just for me-Gads-bud, only for poor sir very traiterous position of taking up arms by my Paul-I am an Anabaptist, or a Jew, or what authority against my person ! Well, let me see- you please to call me. « 'Till then, I languish in expectation of my ador- Lady Ply. Why, is not here matter of fact?
ed charmer. . Dying Ned Careless.'| Sir Paul. Ay, but, by your own virtue and conGads-bud, would that were matter of fact, too! tinency, the matter of fact is all his own doing. Die and be damned, for a Judas Maccabeus and I confess, I had a great desire to have some boIscariot both! ( friendship, what art thou but nours conferred upon me, which lie all in your a name! Henceforward, let no man make a friend ladyship's breast, and he being a well-spoken man, that would not be a cuckold : for, whomsoever I desired him to intercede for me. he receives into his bosom, will find the way Lady Ply. Did you so ? Presumption! [Exit. to his bed, and there return his caresses, with interest, to his wife. Have I approached the mar
Enter CareLESS. riage-bed with reverence, as to a sacred shrine, | Care. Sir Paul, I am glad I have met with you; and must I now find it polluted by foreign ini- | 'egad, I have said all I could, but cannot prevail quity? ( my lady Plyant, you were chaste as ice; -Then, my friendship to you has carried me a but you are melted now, and false as water. little further in this matter But Providence has been constant to me in dis Sir Paul. Indeed- Well, sir--I'll dissemble covering this conspiracy; still I am beholden to with him a little.
[ Aside. Providence; if it were not for Providence, sure, Care. Why, faith, I have, in my time, known poor sir Paul, thy heart would break.
honest gentlemen abused by a pretended coyness
in their wives, and I had a mind to try my lady's Enter LADY PLYANT.
virtue-And, when I could not prevail for you, Lady Ply. So, sir, I see you have read the l'egad, I pretended to be in love myself—but all